[TB] STARLIGHT -- Chapter 21 (Patreon)

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“Let all cats old enough to run the moors’ length come beneath the Tallstone for a Clan meeting!”

Crowflight opened his eyes. Somehow, he was inside the rain dens – he hadn’t put much thought into where he was sleeping the night before, and half-expected to be out in the middle of camp. He wasn’t sure how he’d managed to wander into the den, but he was grateful; it was far too cold out at night to attempt sleeping in the open.

He pulled himself out of the den, shaking his pelt of the last remnants of his dreams. He recalled dreaming of he and Mudclaw out on the old moors, in the shadow of Longsight Rock. He remembered the chastising, the threat of never becoming a warrior. After that recollection, though, Crowflight wasn't sure what he’d dreamed of. Perhaps StarClan had shown him a mercy, and let him sleep in darkness for the rest of the night.

He spotted Mudclaw now, trotting away from the ruined camp barrier. Poppyfoot had Thistlepaw and Weaselpaw at work already, pausing only to follow the former deputy to the center of the clearing.

Crowflight’s gaze was on Mudclaw, however.

Did you really think that you were making me stronger? He wondered. Did you think you were a good mentor?

Do you finally, finally see that I am not my father?

He wasn’t sure about that. Crowflight padded up to the rest of the Clan, sitting down between Duskwhisker and Whitetail. He gave them both a nod before he curled his tail tightly around his paws.

Onewhisker was standing atop the Tallstone, his tail curled up high. He looked nervous – Crowflight realized that this was the first time Onewhisker had deigned to use the Tallstone to talk to the Clan as a whole.

Maybe he felt it wasn’t his place, without his leader name, Crowflight thought.

Onewhisker glanced down below. Ashfoot sat there, her shoulder caked with cobwebs and poultices, flanked by Barkface and Ryewhisper. Barkface certainly didn’t look pleased, and Crowflight guessed it was because his mother had stubbornly decided to listen in on the meeting, rather than rest in the medicine cat’s den like she probably ought to.

Ashfoot gave him a nod, and Onewhisker cleared his throat:

“Cats of WindClan, last night was almost a tragedy,” he announced. “We were lucky that the foxes were lean and hungry, and most importantly few in number; but something like this cannot happen again.”

Onewhisker’s gaze passed over the crowd. “Something we’ve sorely lacked since arriving is an equivalent to Longsight Rock, a place where we can hone our eyes and watch over our territory. Mudclaw has made me aware of the large boulder that sits atop the rowan’s hill – from there, one can view almost the entire moorland. I’ve decided to call his boulder Lakeview, and from now on, there will be a guard posted atop it every night.”

The Clan murmured.

“A good idea,” Smokewillow agreed, nodding his head. “We can’t afford anything sneaking up on us!”

“Agreed,” Emberstep mewed. “With more warning, those foxes wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

“Enemy Clans won’t, either,” Mudclaw meowed gruffly, his eyes burning. He sported several new scabs from the night before beneath his ruffled coat. “From Lakeview, you can see just about everything in our territory.”

Softbreeze sighed. “I wish we’d thought of it sooner!”

Crowflight glanced up at Onewhisker. The brown tom was listening, and Softbreeze’s words made his ear twitch.

“I would also like to commend all of you,” Onewhisker went on. “If not for your efforts and your skill, last night might have ended quite differently. I would especially like to thank Crowflight – without the risk he took, Ashfoot’s fate would’ve been in the paws of StarClan.”

Crowflight’s breath caught in his throat as the entire Clan turned to him and cheered: “Crowflight! Crowflight!”

Pride bloomed in his chest. He had done it all just to save his mother, but hearing the Clan recognize him, thank him – something they hadn’t even done for his efforts in finding them a home – made his pelt prickle with happiness. He ducked his head bashfully and did not raise his chin until they ceased cheering.

“While Ashfoot recovers, I will be setting up patrols,” Onewhisker stated. “Whitetail, you will be sitting first watch on Lakeview tonight. Go on and get some rest.”

“Yes, Onewhisker,” Whitetail mewed, dipping her muzzle.

“Smokewillow will take your place at moonhigh. That is all, for now,” Onewhisker announced. “The rest of you, come to me for your duties...”

The Clan broke up as Onewhisker crept down off of the Tallrock. A few, Bramblefur and Emberstep, moved to give Crowflight more congratulations. Poppyfoot took Weaselpaw and Thistlepaw back off to the barrier. The others went to get their assignments.

“Don’t let it get to your head, fluff-brain,” Duskwhisker chuckled, flicking her tail against Crowflight’s ear as she padded by.

Crowflight scoffed, brushing his fur back down with a paw. He wanted to say something back, but the gray shape of his mother limping over to him kept Crowflight’s jaws shut.

“I told Onewhisker to let you rest until sunhigh,” she rasped. “Mind sharing some breakfast with me?”

“Not at all,” Crowflight responded.

He let Ashfoot choose the spot, leaving her to rest as he went to fetch them some fresh-kill. Surprisingly, the foxes had left their prey alone – Crowflight imagined that they would’ve ravaged the pile had they not been defeated so quickly, or been so single-minded. He took a rabbit for them to share and returned to his mother, and Crowflight began to shred it into equal portions.

“You don’t have to do that,” Ashfoot sighed. “I’m not a kit...”

Crowflight, mouth tasting of rabbit’s blood, shook his head. “You shouldn’t be out here in the first place, Ma. Just let me help...”

He gave her a bit of meat, and Ashfoot tucked in. “So much better than those dusty herbs!” she breathed, licking her muzzle.

Crowflight watched her carefully tear at her share, trying not to use her shoulder. Guilt touched his belly at the sight of those wounds. “I should’ve been quicker,” he muttered. “You might not have been hurt at all.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ashfoot insisted. “I’ll be back to normal within the moon, Barkface’s promise!” She nudged him. “Things like this happen, Crowflight. It’s not always someone’s fault.”

Crowflight grimaced, unsatisfied with that answer. He tore at his fresh-kill, but tasted little of it. His mind was whirling as he watched his Clanmates go about their day. Barkface had called over Thistlepaw for some help, while Ryewhisper took Emberstep out of the camp with him, likely to help fetch more herbs before the frost killed them entirely. Smokewillow was leading away a hunting patrol, but not before stopping by the nursery to say good-bye to Robinwing.

“It all flows well, doesn’t it?” Ashfoot mewed. “When it works.”

Crowflight flinched, embarrassed that he’d been caught staring. He coughed. “You’ve done a good job, Ma.”

Ashfoot’s ear flicked. “Have I?” she wondered, her tail twisting. She sighed. “I’m sure I could do better in some spots...”

Crowflight gnawed on a rabbit bone. “I don’t think there’s a cat in the Clan that wouldn’t listen to you,” he admitted. He lapped at a bit of exposed marrow. “Whatever else might be going on.”

Ashfoot’s eyes narrowed, just a touch. “It’s that ‘whatever else’ that I worry about, son,” she confessed, her tone darkening. “I’m proud to be a good deputy, but that’s all I am – a deputy. A Clan cannot survive with just a deputy...”

Crowflight lifted his head. Worry shot through him. She doubts Onewhisker, too! His paws trembled.

“Don’t look at me like that!” Ashfoot hissed, quickly. She slapped Crowflight’s flank with her tail. “Onewhisker is a good leader, he has what he needs to do a good job, a great job, inside of him! Just...”

“Just what?”

“I’m not sure I was the right cat to help bring it out,” Ashfoot confessed. Crowflight followed her gaze – Onewhisker was talking with Poppyfoot by the broken barrier, though about what Crowflight could only guess. The lean warrior nodded and said something that made Poppyfoot look disappointed as she turned back to her work.

“You’re a great deputy,” Crowflight repeated, looking at his mother. Her gaze was full of worry, and that in turn amplified Crowflight’s worries.

“I wasn’t chosen to be WindClan’s leader, though,” Ashfoot pointed out. “Onewhisker was. I’m doing my best, that’s all I can do, but sometimes...” Her eyes darkened. “I wish that Mudclaw had taken my place.”

Crowflight looked at his mother, eyes wide with shock. “You can’t possibly think that!”

Ashfoot soothed him with a paw. “Mudclaw is aggressive, yes, but he was always tempered by Tallstar’s wisdom and experience. I think he and Onewhisker could’ve had a similar relationship, whether Mudclaw was allowed to become leader or not. They could have – should have – been able to learn from one another, and grow. Now, though...”

She trailed off. Crowflight swallowed. Now, Mudclaw is spurned and Onewhisker is leader. You’re trying to keep the peace between them, even if it means you’re doing Onewhisker’s job for him most of the time...

Seeing his mother so worried tore Crowflight up inside. He leaned against her, lapping at her coat, trying to pull out the stray bits of gorse that had caught in her fur from her nest in the medicine cat’s den. She smelled earthy and warm, and her purr reminded him of his days in the nursery, tucked in tightly by her side, when none of this was ever a problem.

“I’m sorry,” Ashfoot murmured. “I’ve always been too overprotective of you.”

Crowflight muttered, “Don’t worry about that. I’m not mad about it anymore. I get it, now.”

“I made it difficult for you to have friends,” Ashfoot fretted on. “I was always so worried about whether or not you were happy...”

“I am happy.”

“Are you?” Ashfoot asked. “Truly?”

Was he happy?

Crowflight lifted his head. How was he supposed to answer that? If he said no, his mother would be crushed – her eyes were glazed with pain, now, and Crowflight wondered if it was because of the conversation, or her shoulder.

“I’m happy right now,” Crowflight decided. “That’s fine enough.”

Ashfoot sighed. He could tell that it was not the answer she had sought – but Crowflight knew he couldn’t dare lie to his mother.

“I’m glad you seem to be friendly with Duskwhisker, at least,” Ashfoot mewed. She laid her head on her paws. “You two would always bicker as apprentices...”

“I bickered with everyone,” Crowflight reminded her. “I wasn’t a very good apprentice, remember?”

Ashfoot chuckled. “Now, now! Don’t start that – you were a fabulous apprentice. I remember when Duskwhisker would challenge you to a hunt and you’d be so cross if you lost...” She glanced sidelong at Crowflight. “Should we make up another nest in the nursery, or...?”

The fur along Crowflight’s spine tingled. “Augh!” he complained. “No, of course not! We’re only friends, Ma!”

Ashfoot only chuckled. She shut her eyes, looking content despite Crowflight’s reaction. “Alright, then...”

Crowflight lapped at her flank as the humor died down. Sunhigh was approaching, he knew. His time here with his mother, just the two of them, was running out. He had one more question that was burning a hole in his mind.

“Did... Did Deadfoot ever fight with his Clanmates?” he asked, quietly. “Was he anything like me?”

Ashfoot was silent for some time.

“No, son,” she said, finally, a sigh escaping her breath. “He was nothing like you... and I am sorry for making you think that was ever a bad thing.”

Crowflight, stunned, met his mother’s eye. She was looking at him with a gaze full up with apology, seasons and seasons worth of it, her whiskers trembling to their ends. When she moved closer, Crowflight didn’t pull away – they pressed their foreheads together, and Crowflight felt like a kit again, warm and safe.

“You are you, my dear son,” Ashfoot breathed. “And I am so proud of you...”

Her words made Crowflight tremble. They were all he had ever wanted to hear, from her, from anyone, and it made his heart crack and ache, in the best way possible.