Workplaces and optimism (Patreon)

One vital thing in relationships is to keep in mind that where views and opinions differ, the two are equal in weight. If you believe one thing and your partner another, that just means that there are two views between you, not that one is wrong and one is right.

I am a stoic and an adamant optimist - I would not have survived to adulthood if I did not have a stalwart faith that things can be better than this. I was raised to never complain, you either endure the problem in silence or fix the problem on your own, being visibly and vocally miserable was not acceptable.

My partner's family culture is completely different, they tend to complain as a form of conversation. Life is never perfect, and implying that yours is without complaint would be dishonest or bragging. Lamenting about how miserable you feel about something eases the burden, and the humble, modest way to let other people know that you are doing well is by how small your complaints about your life are.

Living with people hones you as a person, if you let it, and I have learned to remind myself that the way I was raised, and the things I believe to be the right way to live, are not the only correct and appropriate way. One time during a family gathering, my partner's aunt and uncle started telling the family about his cousin's cool and interesting, creative hobby by casually complaining about it - how the chemicals he uses to bleach bone are expensive and reek, and how much time and space his passion takes up in the garage.

Back then I bit my tongue not to stand up and scold this entire room of people, are they not ashamed to complain about the petty details of something they should be proud of? My family would have boasted on how clever, driven and creative he is, how dare they whine about how good they have it when some people have children his age in psych wards, detention centres, drug addictions and graveyards?

Back then I was ashamed of not speaking up and ripping into them. Now I'm grateful I resisted my instinct to presumptiously lecture them as if the way I was raised to present was the one and only correct way to act.