The Wedgie Ninja (Commission) (Patreon)

A paid commission by an anonymous person who wished to see Sasuke recieve a wedgie so brutal you needed surgery to remove it! Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------

The double doors to the Hidden Leaf Hospital smashed open as several doctors pushed a trolley through it, ordering people to move out of the way as a patient was hurried to the operating room. The patient was covered with a white cloth from head to toe, groaning quietly. From first viewing it appeared to be a blanket, but closer inspection revealed the patient was actually mummified in cotton. On a stretch of elastic emerging from the cocoon was a small label, indicating that the patient was gift-wrapped in a pair of extremely durable cotton briefs.

The doctors murmured to themselves as they arrived at the operating theater. Once inside, the surgeons huddled together debating what to do, as well as marveling at the sheer durability of the fabric.

“I’ve never seen underwear stretch this far…” One surgeon said, looking over the patient's twitching body.

“I didn’t think it was possible. And without a single tear! What should we do?” Another replied, keeping an eye on the patient’s vitals.

“We should just cut through the fabric, obviously.” The first suggested, pointing to the scissors and scalpels on the table.

“We can’t just cut in, we don’t know what else the patient is dealing with! Releasing all that pressure at once could prove dangerous.” Another shook his head. The patient seemed to groan in response, his mouth too wedged shut to respond properly under those layers.

“Well what do you suggest then? The patient is clearly in a lot of pain and we need to get him out of that mega-wedgie now!”

“We’ll have to do it slowly. Unwrap him one layer at a time, and keep track of his vitals.” The surgeon explained, “Like we’re unwrapping a bandage. It’ll take time, but it's the best shot this guy has at surviving.”


As the surgeons came up with a plan of action, the patient squirmed helplessly. He was trapped in a cocoon of tighty whities, in quite possibly the most brutal wedgie he’d ever received. His buttcrack burned with every wiggle and shift of his body, his balls were flattened to pancakes, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to sit comfortably again. Sasuke was never going to forget this indignity.

Was it a vicious Wedgiesaurus that had done such a thing? A gang of bullies who wanted to take him down a peg or two? No. It was a single ninja, with a brutal ninjutsu.


Five Hours Earlier…


Sasuke grunted as he kicked and slashed at the training dummy. The young Uchiha clan member had been practicing since the early morning, and the afternoon sun was now bearing down on him. He hadn’t been on a mission for weeks and was starting to become restless. Naruto was binging himself on ramen and being lazy, and Sakura was focused on studying. Training was better than either of those options.

“KYAH!” He shouted out as he sliced the training dummy in half, the straw and wood collapsing to the ground in a heap. Panting, he straightened up and adjusted his headband. Behind him he suddenly heard applause. Spinning around in surprise, he saw a young boy leaning against a tree, clapping at Sasuke.

“Wow, nice one! You really showed that pile of sticks who's boss.” The kid grinned.

Sasuke glared in response, looking the kid up and down. He was wearing a shiny Hidden Leaf Headband, as well as black shorts and a white vest. A newly graduated ninja, perhaps.

“It’s called training. Who are you?” Sasuke asked bluntly as the kid approached, noting his lack of weapons. A martial arts expert like Rock Lee, perhaps.

“Names Ijime. I became a Genin just last week!” He replied cheerfully.

“Congratulations. Why are you here bothering me?”

“Because I wanted to train. I heard you training and wanted to ask you if you wanted a sparring match.” Ijime explained, “You’re Sasuke, right? I’ve heard you’re strong! I want to see just how strong a Chunin like you is!”

“I don’t want to play around with a kid.” Sasuke replied, shaking his head.

The boy pouted, “Come ooon, who do you think is going to be a better training partner? Me, or the training dummy?”

Sasuke sighed. On the one hand, he’d rather not deal with the kid. On the other hand, it was boring not having a moving target… “Fine. But I’m not going to go easy on you.”

“Woo!” Ijime cheered, stepping back and quickly getting into a fighting stance. He was poised, still, and waiting. The only thing that wasn’t serious was his smiling face, grinning like Naruto always did. “Lets have fun!”

Sasuke sighed and crouched down into position, his knives in front of him. For a moment, neither of them moved. Then they both leapt towards each other with incredible speed, ready to fight! That’s when it all went wrong.

Sasuke was expecting a normal sparring match. Fists, kicks, knives. What he wasn’t expecting was to receive a brutal kick to his groin in the first few seconds of the match. His eyes widened and his voice let out a sharp squeak as the pain resonated throughout his body, causing him to collapse onto his knees, bending over and groaning. He dropped his knives and grasped his sore nads, unable to believe what had just happened.

Ijime, still grinning, wasted no time in getting the upper hand, running behind Sasuke and reaching down behind him. “Pantsu-No-Jutsu!” The boy shouted out, running his hands across Sasuke’s exposed white waistband. Sasuke’s instincts kicked in as he heard the jutsu being used and rolled away swiftly, stumbling to his feet to escape to a safe distance.

“Y-You cheat!” Sasuke groaned out as he nursed his wounded pride.

Ijime shrugged, “We never set any ground rules, so anything goes to get the upper hand, right?”

Sasuke glared at the boy, “If that’s the case, I’m not going to hold back on you anymore!”

Ijime laughed and shook his head, “Sorry Sasuke, I’ve already won.” He held his hand out, and clenched it into a fist.

Sasuke’s eyes widened as he felt his underwear tightening behind him, as if a tight hand had grasped the waistband, “What did you…”

“Wedgie-Jutsu!” The boy replied, his hand flying up towards the sky. For a moment, Sasuke felt nothing. Then, he felt unimaginable pain as his underwear shot up into the sky in a split second, giving him the most agonising wedgie he had ever experienced!

“AAAAAAAIEEEEEEEE!” Sasuke couldn’t help but scream out as the wedgie split his large bubble butt apart, the cotton stretching up his back with ease as the fabric was swallowed by his cheeks. He helplessly reached back behind himself to try and pull the underwear back down, but it refused to budge, holding him on his tip-toes from the sheer force of the wedgie. He looked over at Ijime with wide eyes, the boy simply standing there with a grin.

“Need an explanation? Think of it like puppetry! I touched an article of your clothing, and I can now manipulate it however I want! And in this case, I’m going to manipulate your underwear into the most brutal wedgie I can muster!” He explained, raising his hand up and down to cause Sasuke to bounce up and down, making the Chunin gasp and wince as the wedgie dug deeper.

Whilst Sasuke had received wedgies from Naruto every now and again, this was on a whole new level. Ijime’s mastery of manipulating underwear clearly was well practiced, and his Jutsu meant his underwear was at his mercy no matter where he went. He was clearly beaten. “W-Wait, I yield!” Sasuke called out, “You win! Let me go!”

Ijime thought for a moment, before shaking his head and putting his second hand out. Sasuke’s face drained of colour as he felt the front of his underwear suddenly grasped by invisible hands, as Ijime grinned, “Nah.”

With another brutal pull, Sasuke squealed at the feeling of the front of his briefs shooting up to his nipples. The white cotton crushing his balls once more as the fabric held tight behind him too, resulting in a painful all-around wedgie.

Grinning, Ijime slowly began lowering and raising his hands alternately, forcing Sasuke’s underwear up and down. The squeaky clean was slow, which almost made it worse as each tug forced cotton through his backside for what felt like an eternity, before changing direction and crushing his balls.

“You see, I’ve seen you wandering around. The cool, quiet guy who thinks he’s sooo much better than everyone else,” Ijime explained, continuing to wedgie Sasuke’s large bouncing bottom, “But I know you’re just a real loser deep down. The tighty whities are evidence of that. And I’m going to use this opportunity to show everyone what a loser you are.”

“D-Don’t, please!” Sasuke pleaded, before giving another yelp as he bounced up and down by Ijime’s, silencing his begging.

“Now let's see, first I think we need to do something about those clothes of yours…” Ijime grinned. Unclenching his hands, he bent down and picked up Sasuke’s knives, left on the ground. Sasuke was left, stuck in the wedgie. It was as if Ijime had created invisible hooks that were holding the tighty whities in place, keeping the wedgie brutally tight, despite Sasuke’s best efforts to lift himself out of the wedgie.

Whilst Sasuke was distracted trying to de-wedgie himself, he didn’t notice the sudden flash of steel across his body until it was too late, his own knives slicing through his clothes as they fell down to the ground. The Chunin’s face burned a deep red as he felt himself suddenly become very exposed, only his tighty whities remaining un-touched.

“H-Heyy!” Sasuke protested. His attempt to stand his ground and be defiant towards the younger bully was very much ruined by his large wedgie, the white briefs stretched up in a painful all-round wedgie, comically stretched to twice what they were before.

“Oh quit whining, dork.” Ijime grinned maliciously, using his Jutsu to take a firm grip of Sasuke’s underwear, “We’re just getting started.”


Sasuke wasn’t sure how long his torment went on, mainly due to his waistband quickly being stretched over his face and snapping down under his chin, rendering his eyes worthless and his voice more than a muffled whimper. Not that the atomic wedgie stopped Ijime’s attack, however.

The Wedgie-Jutsu was brutal, and Ijime was an expert with it. He was able to make Sasuke believe there were dozens of hands yanking on his underwear at once, forcing the tighty whities even deeper into his large butt, and up his front. His small, wimpy balls were crushed by the melvins and squeaky cleans, making him cry out in pain as they were flattened. His round, soft buttcheeks bounced up and down with each jerk of the fabric, and then they bounced harder when Ijime began to firmly strike them with an open palm. The poor nerdy Sasuke yelped as his bottom was soundly spanked for Ijime’s amusement, until they were a nice rosy red, like two large round apples.

Sasuke wanted to fight back, to demand Ijime to stop, and to show the Genin that he can’t get away with this! But it was hopeless. Having to sniff your own butt brings down your confidence somewhat. All he could do was flail his arms around weakly. And even that didn’t last long.

Eventually, Sasuke felt the grip on his underwear relax, allowing the nerd to drop down to his hands and knees, whimpering pathetically to himself. For a moment, he thought the torment was over with. But no, Ijime had one final secret up his sleeve.


“Ahh, this has been fun!” Ijime grinned, pinching Sasuke’s booty firmly, eliciting a squeal from the wedgied Chunin, “But I’ve got to go soon, my mum’s making Ramen!”

Sasuke groaned. Of course he was another ramen enjoyer. All the pranksters were.

“But I feel like I’m going to show you my big finishing move first! It’s awesome, and I’m gonna tell you how it works! So my Wedgie Jutsu is done by controlling your underwear, yeah? When I use my move, those dorky little underpants are going to be given a mind of their own. I won’t get to decide what happens to them after I give the order. I tested it out a lot, turns out it’s really dependent on what the underwear is! Boxers tend to just rip themselves apart, boxer-briefs just hang themselves up on the nearest hook or tree and let the wearer dangle. But tighty whities? Ooooh, those are special. My abilities are the most powerful against dorky little tighty whitey wearers like you!”

Ijime grinned and leaned close to Sasuke’s ear, making the poor nerd shiver and tremble as he listened, “Your tighty whities are going to go haywire. They’re gonna pull, and yank, and stretch in every direction around you, spinning you around and wrapping you up until every inch of you is covered in your own underpants. Your butt is going to be split apart in a wedgie that makes everything I’ve done up until now feel like a walk in the park. And you’ll be unable to escape or wriggle yourself free. Wrapped up in your own tighty whities. You won’t be able to think, feel, see, taste, or smell anything but your own sweaty briefs. Trust me, you’ll be stuck like that until someone finds you and helps you out. And I’m gonna be watching you the whoooole time~.”

Sasuke’s face grew hot and flushed underneath his atomic wedgie, whimpering and shaking his head. “Mmmmmffrfffphh!” He tried to plead, as Ijime stepped back and prepared his jutsu.

“Sorry, can’t hear you. I’ll take that as you admitting my victory though~. GIFT WRAP JUTSU!!!”


The scream from Sasuke was fast and loud, causing birds to flee from every corner of the forest, as well as alert a few villagers. The hidden leaf ninjas hurried to the source of the scream, expecting to find someone had been stabbed, or wounded by a wild animal.

What they found, writhing around on the ground, was a cocoon’d little Chunin. The shredded clothes on the ground let the onlookers know exactly who it was. And the waistband, now plastered to the boy’s feet, also had ‘Sasuke’ helpfully written across it.

Half of the group who found him burst out laughing at such an absurd scene. Half of the remainder were shocked that such a wedgie was even possible. And the last few actually had the common sense to start helping him, picking the wrapped up nerd and beginning the long run to the hospital. Each jump and each landing eliciting a quiet, muffled groan from the boy, but he was in no position to resist. All he could do was wait for help, and to get free.


Ten Hours Later…

It took many hours, but Sasuke was close to being fully freed from the horrific Gift Wrap Jutsu. The Doctors grunted and groaned as they attempted to pull the last remaining piece of fabric out of Sasuke’s sore, abused bottom. They had tried tweezers, pliers,and a bit of lubrication, but nothing was working yet. They now resorted to brute force, attempting to simply yank the wedged cotton out of his large bouncing cheeks, which made the poor Chunin scream louder than ever.

He was fairly confident he’d never sit down comfortably again. Even the thought of receiving another wedgie in the future made him tremble. And yet, as he laid there on hands and knees, letting doctors pry apart his buttcheeks to de-wedgie him, there was two main thoughts in his head.

One: “I hope I never see Ijime again…”
And two: “I hope Naruto doesn’t hear about this…”

END