The Human From a Dungeon 35 (Patreon)

Chapter 35

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Adventurer Level: N/A

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Glimpses of memory poured through me. Structures of glass, stone, and steel that rose to the clouds, a testament to extreme levels of effort and coordination. Children laughing and playing among carefully cultivated nature without a care in the world. Video games, homework, martial arts lessons. Stretches of ground covered with a sticky black substance that gets really hot in the summertime. Burnt feet, skinned knees, dirty pants.

The mingled smells of freshly cooked carcass and various vegetables crafted into a... hamburger. Poor, kind plants skinned, sliced, and shredded, but turned into delightful snacks. The feeling of entering a warm home on a cold winter's day. A world devoid of magic or my kind, but still beautiful in a haunting way.

There were other memories too. A beautiful girl with golden hair, wasting away from illness. A stern but kind father and a loving mother. Childhood friends and enemies, maturing over time.

A cold darkness with the dulled sensation of flesh being carved and stitched back together. Pain. Healing. A dissonant whisper within the dark, urging something incomprehensible. More pain. Much more pain, only bearable because the mind doesn't notice it. A long stretch of sleep. More whispers, but intelligible. More healing. Orcs.

An unbidden tear rolled down my cheek as I realized the thing before me is Nicodemus Liam Smith. A human, far from home with a false mind entangled within his own, who dearly wishes to return. The orcs in the cart are his adopted brothers, who are trying to help him get back. A marvelous tragedy, no wonder he's being closely watched by...

"That will be all, Nick," I said, trying not to finish that thought.

"Y-yeah," Nick replied, releasing my hand. Tears openly rolled down his cheeks as well.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that would happen."

"I know. Don't worry, I forgive you. You have a beautiful home," he smiled at me, wiping his eyes.

"As do you."

"What now?"

"You mean now that you know..." I trailed off.

"That the blood-pact is bullshit?" he chuckled. "Yeah."

"Well, I've seen your memories. I know that you won't betray your promise without good reason. I only ask that you explain that reason if the time comes."

"So we're doing this?" my friend asked, strolling up next to me.

"Nick has my consent," I said, finally wiping my tear. "Yours?"

"Of course. You're the one who cares about your precious freedom. I don't care about whether or not it bosses me around for a few decades. I just want to keep being me."

I nodded at Nick, who returned the gesture and began to think. I waited nervously, wondering what name would become mine, and if he would even be powerful enough to pull it off. He's got a lot of magic, but I don't actually know how much is needed.

"Hurry up, will you?" my friend demanded.

"Sorry, it's hard to come up with names on the spot like this," Nick said. "Do you have any... I don't know, preferences?"

"I'm fine with anything that isn't Tinkerbell, Titania, Puck, or Oberon," I laughed.

Nick chuckled as my friend tapped their chin, "What's the mortal word for breasts that I like?"

"Boobs?" Nick asked.

"Nope."

"Jugs?"

"No, those hold water."

"Bust?"

"Not even close."

"Tits," I interjected with an exaggerated sigh.

"YES!" my friend shouted, jumping with glee. "That's what I want my name to be, Nick!"

The human's smile faded to a look of shock. He looked at me as if to ask if my friend was joking. I slowly shook my head and shrugged. He looked back toward my friend and gathered himself.

"Really?" he asked. "You're serious?"

"Never a day in my life, but I do want to be called Tits," my friend said with an impish grin. "It's representative of a mother's love and nurturing nature, while also being lewd and inappropriate! What's not to love?"

"Alright, well, I name you Tits I gue..." he said as the air was forced from his lungs.

My friend began to glow and I immediately recognized them as Tits, a fae from the Deepwyld Forest. But something was wrong. Tits' aura was glowing brighter than it should. Playfulness, glee, joy, guile, and all the other emissions were joined by another. Authority.

Tits was no longer simply a fae. They were now an arch-fae, and my eyes bulged at the realization. I glanced back at Nick, who was holding his knees, trying to get his breath back. Tits grabbed my hand and jumped up and down.

"IT WORKED!" they shouted with glee. "I'm Tits now!"

"You're an arch-fae now," I said coldly. "An arch-fae named Tits. Mumuldobran is going to have a conniption."

"Are you alright, Nick?" The orc with the braids, Nash, called from the cart.

"Y-yeah!" Nick shouted back. "Just took the wind out of me."

Tits grabbed Nick's hands next, jumping up and down in excitement. I noticed that they put some extra jiggle into their fleshy bits, too.

"Thank you, Nick! Thank you so much! If you ever need anything from me, feel free to ask! And I mean anything," Tits said with a wink.

"Might as well give up on that offer," I interrupted. "Nick won't bend to temptation."

"How do YOU know?" Tits asked. "I can be very persuasive."

"I'll tell you later."

"Pff. Fine. Your turn! What's a good name for you?"

A creeping realization hit me. If Nick names me, there's a chance that I may become an arch-fae as well. The fae will flock around me while laughing and playing, but the forest will demand my guidance. Will it come naturally? Will I have to work at it? Will I be a kind and just leader who is much beloved? Will I be an abusive tyrant twisted by power into something unrecognizable by my current self? Or, worst of all, will I be the incompetent buffoon who destroys our home?

"I don't know," I said after a few moments.

"I don't know either," Nick said. "I couldn't understand the speech in most of your memories. The sounds were pretty, but when I try to say them they won't come out."

"Of course, sweety," Tits said. "Mortals cannot speak fae."

"Wait, Nick comes from another world, but I was able to understand what the people in his memories were saying," I added. "Even the ones who weren't... people."

"Careful. There are some things that are best left unaddressed," Tits sighed. "The reason you could understand the words in Nick's memories is because of the Gift of Gab. Granted to us by one of those things that are best left unaddressed. The only words we can't understand are those that aren't supposed to be understood."

Nick and I were taken aback by Tits' sudden change in demeanor. They'd gone from nearly sprite-like to serious and intellectual in the blink of an eye. Our stares caused Tits to grin widely, though.

"You'll know what I know once Nick names you. You got another one in you, right Nick?" Tits asked.

"Yeah, that took less than half of my magic," Nick smiled. "I'm good to give another name. Question is, what should it be?"

"Well, definitely not a name based on sexualized mortal appendages, if you don't mind," I shook my head. "Something intelligent would be nice."

"Shouldn't be a commonly used proper name, though," Tits added. "Something as unique as possible."

"Smart and unique," Nick rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe something to do with math? Algebra, calculus, calculator, abacus... OH! Abacon?"

"Sounds a bit... Wait, how's that spelled?" I asked.

"A-B-A-C-O-N, I think."

"A bacon? Really?"

"Uh oh," Tits interrupted. "I think you've made them aba-cross!"

"Go suck off a wargen," I replied, incensed by the pun.

"Hey now, don't be aba-crass."

"You see," I said to Nick. "You can't name me that! You'll be dooming me to an eternity of torture via wordplay!"

"Okay, okay," Nick held up his hands defensively. "What about Algebrun?"

Tits and I looked at each other. I could tell that they were desperately trying to think of a pun, and I grinned evilly when their face revealed an expression of utter disappointment.

"Yes, I think that will do nicely," I nodded.

"Alright, I hereby name you Algebrun..."

His voice faded as my eyes were clouded by the glow coming from my form. Pure, raw power coursed through me like lightning, striking over and over again. Time halted, and I was suddenly free from my form entirely. It was now little more than a puppet, and I was now its puppeteer.

I could feel the forest in ways I had never dreamed possible. I instinctively knew that I was now charged with maintaining it, and doing everything I could to properly raise the fae and fair-folk who thrived within it. I now knew all of their little plans, pranks, and plots, and laughed at how futile they were.

Along with this duty came knowledge. I knew that if I had somehow obtained this knowledge without the power that came with it, I would have been made insane. A blabbering fool doomed to wander the lands, desperately trying to warn others of what's to come. But with this power, I had become more than a pawn in the game. I was now a player, and I could prevent what's to come. I can save everyone and everything that I hold dear.

I gazed at Nick, still frozen in the act of doubling over from the recoil of the spell he didn't even realize he cast. Magic that exists outside of the Curaguard. I saw the chains of debt connecting Tits and I to him, but even so, his existence was still a mystery to me. It shouldn't be, but the high ones were guarding him like a child guards a precious toy. They hid him away from prying eyes that would use him to further their own devices.

When one considers the fallibility of mortal memory, I likely know this boy better than he knows himself. I know that he considers his favorite food to be the spaghetti his mother makes every other Saturday, but it's actually the hashbrowns and eggs his father crafts daily. I know that he loves lizards and is irrationally afraid of the bugs that look like leaves. I know that his most embarrassing moment is when he didn't make it to the toilet in time in first grade and had to be sent home after soiling himself.

But I don't know his fate. I looked at the orcs, and couldn't tell theirs either. The three Alta boys had fully intertwined their futures, and because of Nick those futures were now uncertain. The dwarf and the gnome had somewhat uncertain fates, but they were far less intertwined. I was able to divine what could happen to them, at least.

I felt something akin to warmth from Tits, who was in a form similar to mine own. Their happiness contrasted perfectly with my grim concerns. I informed them of how blessed they are to be able to be gleeful in the face of what we now know. They informed me that what we now know doesn't have a face, and I couldn't help but laugh.

We embraced, our energies mingling and tickling and charging each other up. We now have eternity to ourselves. We had been partners from the moment of our rebirth, and now not even the seasons themselves could separate us. Together, we would guide our forest forevermore. I turned my attention back toward Nick, and time resumed its march.

"Are you alright, Nick?" Tits' puppet asked.

"Y-yeah," the boy replied. "I'm gonna need a nap, I think."

"I would nap in the cart, were I you," I made my puppet say. "There are many things in this area that wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of sleeping meat."

"Of course. Did it work, is your name Algebrun?" he asked.

"Yes. I am Algebrun. Arch-fae of the Deepwyld Forest," I answered. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Wait, you're different now?"

"Yes. It's growth, like how you are now different from yourself as a babe."

"Same with you, Tits?"

"Of course! Before you named me, I couldn't do this!" Tits said as their form's breasts grew noticeably larger, stretching the limits of the uniform adorning them.

I chuckled as Nick blushed at the sight, turning his head so that he didn't stare. Even though his heart belonged to another, the incessant urge to procreate is strong in most mortals his age. Knowing him as I do, he'll continue to fight the temptations no matter the form they arrive in. I find this worthy of respect, but I suspect that Tits finds it a bit frustrating.

"So..." he paused to collect himself. "What will you two do now?"

"We'll return to our home. We now have duties to tend to," I explained.

"I'm gonna play SO many pranks," Tits added.

"What kind of duties?" Nick asked.

"We are charged with the growth and maintenance of the Deepwyld forest. We will teach the fae within to care for the plants and animals that make the forest what it is," I said with a smile. "And we will defend the forest if need be."

"So you're like a King and Queen of the fae?"

"Nope. More like a mommy and daddy. And we've got LOTS of babies to take care of," Tits said. "Do you want to be one of my babies? I'll let you nurse from..."

"Enough," I interrupted. "He'll not be swayed, Tits."

Nick gave me a look of gratitude as Tits frowned. Their breasts shrank back to their earlier size, and they crossed their arms to indicate displeasure. I sighed at the sulky display. Eternity is going to be interesting, at least.

"One last question before you go, if you don't mind," Nick said. "Who is that person you mentioned before? Mum-something? Mummy Bran?"

Tits and I looked at each other for a moment before laughing gleefully at Nick's butchering of Mumuldobran's name. His frown did little to ease our laughter. After a few moments, I took a deep breath and composed myself.

"Mumuldobran is a sort of... patron to the fae. Normally, it decides who is and isn't worthy of becoming an arch-fae," I answered, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.

"Will they be mad that I made you two arch-fae?" Nick asked with fear in his tone.

"Probably not," I assured him. "Mumuldobran isn't particularly invested in the growth of the fae. It's more of a judge of character than anything. As a judge of character, it will likely be displeased at Tits' ascension, but it probably won't blame you for that."

"Oh, okay. I'm glad."

"We should go," Tits said. "We need to tend to our home, and they need to return to their journey."

"I agree," I said. "I am grateful for this gift, Nick. If you are ever in need, seek us out. You know where to find us."

"Okay, it was good meeting you two," the boy said with a warm smile.

"Good to meet you as well," Tits and I said simultaneously.

Nick's companions watched us as he went back to the carts. With a wave of my hand I rid the road of our illusory checkpoint. Tits and I stood to the side as the mortals drove past, waving to them as they went. They waved back, with varying levels of enthusiasm.

Yulk gave a strong and glad wave. He had been watching our exchange with the utmost scrutiny, and I couldn't help but wonder what he made of it all. Nash was much more muted in the way that he waved, likely because he wisely didn't trust us. The gnome and the dwarf waved politely, and Nick waved excitedly.

I hope they find a way to take him home.