The Human From a Dungeon 24 (Patreon)

Chapter 24

High Chief Ulurmak

Adventurer Level: N/A

Orc - Kirkenian

"Ulurmak, you old fucker! I feel like it's been years! How've you been?"

A dwarf, dressed head to toe in the finest fashions and walking with an exaggerated swagger that he knew annoyed those around him, strolled into my office. If I hadn't known who it was by his voice, I'd have known who it was by his ability to slip past Rayzun. Liath Haln, a mer of business and a self-proclaimed double agent.

A real double agent would never admit to being one, even under hours of torture. The reason for that is pretty simple, admitting to being a spy is a surefire way to make certain that you die painfully and your family no longer has a place to live. In some nations your family will actually face the same punishment that you do.

Thankfully for Liath, he's not actually a spy. Simply an information broker and a secret messenger between the High Chiefdom of Kirkena and the Empire of Calkuti. On occasion he'll stumble upon a juicy bit of information while on his drunken benders and pass the word along, but he doesn't seem to favor one nation over the other.

He takes some getting used to, but once you do he's a good friend to have. Able to switch gears from serious to silly in mere moments, great to unwind with, and despite his annoying demeaner he's somehow pleasant to be around. An enigma, to be sure.

"It's only been months, Liath, but I've been in good health. How about yourself?," I replied with a grin.

"Ha! I see you've been counting the days, then! I couldn't be better," he said, grabbing a seat. "Met myself a sexy little elfie who's been keeping me entertained the last few days. 'Bout fuckin' time too, I'd been on a desert-level dry spell. She..."

"How's business?" I interrupted, not wanting to hear about his debauchery.

"Ah, straight to it, then," he said with a measure of disappointment. "Well, business has been right fuckin' dark as of late. Good, but dark. The drow are definitely planning an attack, and there's something shitty about it."

"Shitty?" I asked.

"Yes. Absolutely shitty. Stinks to high Haven, it does. The last few times they've attacked, it's been unorganized and just generally amateurish. Their entire fuckin' strategy was to give a bunch of bastards sharpened sticks and shove them at the enemy."

"Yes, I recall," I said. "The ill-conceived strategies of the Inbred Bastard-King. What's different this time?"

"They've got gods-damned formations."

I narrowed my eyes at the dwarf, "Has something happened to the Inbred Bastard?"

The death of Yim Lofin would be disastrous for everyone neighboring the drow. His incompetence and habitual political executions had kept the bloodthirsty culture of the Night Kingdom in check for half a century. The only things he's really good at is staying in power and killing those smart enough to help him be an effective king. He's uncannily good at the latter, almost as if he's deliberately trying.

His family shrub was confusing to the point of being legendary. He is a third generation royal, and I use that term loosely, whose grandparents were two sets of identical twins that had two children who then brought Lofin into this world, committing adultery in the process. Each and every one of these individuals had inbreeding in their direct lineage as well. Thankfully, Lofin was an only child so the inbreeding stopped with him.

"Not that I've heard of, and that kind of news would leave a pretty big splash. Hell, there's bets on whether or not Lofin's immortal. How he's avoided what must be an entire fuckin' army of assassins at this point is beyond the kin of mortals. Regardless, someone else is definitely in charge this time around. Someone the shithead can't bully into being stupid."

"Any ideas on who that could possibly be?"

"Nope. But whoever it is definitely has a pair, so that eliminates the princes."

Lofin's three sons were smarter than their father, but deathly afraid of him. That's only natural, considering that he's had a total of seven children. Nothing will make you scared of your father more than watching him publicly execute your older brothers and sisters. Their upbringing by the Inbred Bastard King had turned them into cowards. Unfortunately, intelligent cowards turn into very dangerous rulers, so only the drow were hoping for Lofin to die.

"Damn. Sounds like this fight with the drow is going to have to be taken seriously," I said, leaning back in my seat.

"Sure as shit," Liath said with a sympathetic smile. "Want a drink to take your mind off it?"

He pulled out a flask and shook it. This particular flask was enchanted with a spell that caused it to refill itself with a very strong alcohol called Tak. A cursed thing, responsible for many forgotten nights and awkward mornings in my youth.

"I'm not about to go on a drunken bender when it's just after noon, Liath," I laughed. "Plus, I've got an appointment soon."

"Oh? An appointment that you don't want to blow off? Do tell."

"Well, have you heard any rumors about a... human?"

"You're pullin' my sack, the thing they pulled out of a fuckin' dungeon in Nuleva?"

"That's the one," I grinned. "It's registered as an adventurer and everything, so I've got an extra special job for it. It's on its way here right now."

"Well fuck me runnin'. Don't suppose you'd let an old pal sit in all quiet like?"

"Hmm..."

"C'mon, don't be like that. This might be my only chance to see it. Be a fuckin' pal, Ulurmak."

"I guess I could be convinced to let you stay," I rubbed my chin theatrically. "If you help convince Emperor Jak to accept my proposal."

"Eh? You tryna get married to Jak?"

"Gods-damn it, no. My proposal regarding that thrice cursed mine. He wants to send his boys to mine it out for a steep cut of the ore. I want him to teach my boys how to mine more efficiently while giving him a more reasonable cut of the ore."

"Ah, shit, had me all excited there for a second. Of course it's about that fuckin' mine, though," Liath deflated. "You know he's just about obsessed with the fuckin' thing. It'll be a hard sell, but he owes me some pretty big favors. I'll give it my best shot."

"That's all I can ask," I said. "Fine. You are permitted to stay."

As my old friend grinned in response to my decision, Rayzun entered the room.

"Ah, perfect timing," I smiled. "What is it?"

"Your appointment has arrived," he said, eyeing Liath warily.

"He's going to be sitting in."

"Of course," Rayzun sighed. "The human has arrived along with his adoptive brothers and the over-twenties. The over-twenties have been paid out, and Yhisith awaits debriefing. Nuleva has also sent a messenger for another matter."

Liath's eyebrow raised and I smiled slyly. Of course he wouldn't have heard anything about that. A living thing coming out of a dungeon is national news that travels like wildfire, but a strong monster within a dungeon is business as usual.

"Send them in," I ordered. "I'll meet with the messenger afterwards."

"Yes, High Chief," Rayzun said and left the room.

Liath didn't even get the chance to interrogate me before Rayzun returned accompanied by Yhisith, two other orcs, and a strange pale looking creature with dark hair and round ears. I quickly surmised that this must be the human. They stood next to each other in front of my desk and Rayzun adopted a very formal pose. I braced myself for what was coming.

"High Chief Ulurmak, Son of Grashgnaw the Giant, Savior of Kirkena, Slayer of Dragons, Decimator of Drow, Conqueror of the Dragon's Jaw Giants, Blood Ally of Bolisir, Dear Friend of the Empire of Calkuti, and High Commander of the Kirkena Adventurer's Guild, I present to you Yhisith Mulock, Champion of Melrune, Nash and Yulk Alta of Clan Alta, and Nick Smith of Clan Alta."

"And so you have," I replied. "You may continue your duties."

"Thank you, High Chief," Rayzun said with a bow and left the room.

I gazed at my visitors. The three orcs were very well behaved, standing straight and keeping their eyes trained just above my head. Their parents taught them well. I turned my gaze to the human, who was also standing straight but staring directly into my eyes as if it were my equal. This surprised me for a moment.

"You must be Nick Smith, adopted into Clan Alta," I said.

"Yes, sir."

"Well, Nick Smith, you must not have High Chiefs where you're from. I say this because it is remarkably rude to look one in the eye," I smiled slightly. "Unless, of course you've known them for quite a long time. Have we met before?"

"No, sir," its eyes left mine. "Apologies, sir."

"No apologies necessary as long as corrections are made. Thank you for observing our customs," I said. "Now, Yhisith, go ahead with your report."

"Yes, High Chief," Yhisith said.

She began explaining the events of their mission, and I struggled to keep a stoic expression. A lost language, artificially intelligent machines fused with flesh, the human fighting the monster while the over-twenties struggled, the fact that it wasn't actually the human fighting, the threats made by Clan Alta in regards to the human's wellbeing, and finally the fact that the monster in the dungeon was a horrifically altered human.

"By Bibby's balls," Liath muttered under his breath once the report concluded.

"Indeed," I replied. "Thank you, Yhisith. You may go."

Yhisith nodded, turned, and left the room. I looked at my remaining guests. Nick's face had the appearance of someone who had just received startling information but was trying to hide their concern. Yulk and Nash looked completely unperturbed.

"Nash, Yulk," I began. "You really shouldn't be throwing your clan's weight around like that. You and I both know that the decision to avenge you would have been a controversial one, to say the least."

"Yes, High Chief," Yulk said. "But if I may say something in our defense?"

I tried not to grin, "Go right ahead."

"We weren't left with much choice. On our honor, we would have had to defend the boy against four over-twenties. At least that's what we thought at the time," Yulk's cheeks twitched as he tried not to grin. "If they had killed us, which they likely would have, our mother would have called for their blood. I'm led to believe you personally know Yilda Alta?"

I couldn't help but wince at the mention of Flesh-Carver Yilda. Her spite is that of legends, and resisting her will is tantamount to trying to tell a waterfall to stop pouring. It was incredibly like her to randomly adopt a completely unknown creature that was discovered in a dungeon.

"Yes, of course. She's done a lot for this chiefdom," I said. "Well then, it's a good thing you warned the adventurers off, I suppose."

"Yilda Alta! Haven't seen her in years! How's she been, boys?" Liath asked.

"She's been well," Nash answered. "Though she wanted me to tell you, High Chief, that she is displeased about the sudden summons of her sons and she feels that she should get some time to spend with her boys in her golden years."

"Oh, please," I laughed. "She's probably thrilled to be having you follow in your father's footsteps. Though I suppose I should make sparing use of you, just in case she comes at me with a slipper."

The two orcs were close to breaking down with laughter, and the human actually smiled.

"Find a place to sit, I've got a mission for you," I said, pointing at the pile of cushions.

The three of them grabbed a cushion, sat down, and looked at me expectantly. I couldn't help but smile when I noticed that Nick was still avoiding eye contact. It's a subtle shift from formal to informal, to be sure.

"You can look at me now, Nick. When I offer you a seat things become a lot less formal," I explained.

"Oh, r-right," the boy stammered.

"High Chief, I don't mean to be rude, but we do have our own mission to think of," Yulk said.

"Oh?" I asked. "What would that be?"

"We need to discover as much about Nick as possible. The language on the altar that Yhisith mentioned is likely Drakon. If we're to know what it says, we need to find a scholar who can read it."

"Well, what a coincidence," I grinned.