On the seemingly endless delays: (Patreon)

Hello everyone,

Important point first: 

My partner Emma is recovering from highly invasive surgery this week (she's doing very well, especially with regards to the "average" timeline of things) and needs a lot of help and support from me. Writing this post and interacting with some of you via DM/discord/etc is basically all the work I've been able to do this week so far. Though things are improving rapidly and she is doing great.

Further thoughts on delays in general:

I'm always really mindful of "oversharing" when it comes to my personal life when it doesn't impact on my work, but that can lead to things that do or will obviously impact my work taking a bit too long to reach you all. Even though I knew this would have a big impact as it was coming up, I'm very sick of writing these kinds of posts and was naively hoping to get away with it if I just "work harder". This is simply not possible or realistic.

I'm sick of writing these posts because while obviously you are all great, and patient, and understanding, I feel like with each one comes a tax on your good faith. On your patience. On your understanding. Even though as myself, living my life, I understand my problems and setbacks are reasonable, it is very difficult to communicate these to you all without feeling like I am beginning to present as a pile of endless excuses, or an extortionist liar who is just lazy. As people that do not know me,  you would be within your rights and totally reasonable to begin to feel this way. And if you do I am deeply sorry, all I can do is promise you that I really am doing my best and hope that you continue to just... believe me without evidence for reasons I don't really understand.

I am dying to create work, to finish PokeyPoke, to make tutorials and to feel like I don't keep dropping off the radar of YouTube and the net in general.

I know what you will all likely say, which is that you understand, and that my life comes first, that I am more than my work, that you support me, and I am humbled always by your support, patience and kindness. But it still wounds me to have to keep writing these posts. It's an endless trend and while many of these issues are "not my fault" (though some certainly *are*), at some point it is hard to not feel like the common variable. I don't say all this in order to seek reassurance, to provoke concern, or to make excuses, or anything like that. I just say it because it is true and how I feel. I am ok. in many ways I am doing better this year than I have ever done before.

Likely it is just a wonky perspective, I have made a lot of great work this year, and I know that I can never really satisfy my own bar of "enough". But I just *know* I am capable of more than *now*, and it is frustrating to be set back time and time again by things inside *and* outside of my control. I would like to do something, anything really, that makes all this dead time up to you. Would that I had things to give. Some one-off patron only thing. I don't know what it could be. But something.

Thank you all as always for your support.

-S