Vol. 3 Chapter 46: Find A Friend (Patreon)

I was sick for three days, three fucking days. I have never been that sick! Sickness rarely infects me back in my old world, after all the needles they stuck me with. I heard they were vaccines to numerous kinds of diseases, mostly the common ones, even the rare ones.

More than that, they also injected us with medicines that allow our bodies to fight off fatal viruses, even AIDS. They even have medicines that strengthen our immune systems, modify them to fight off cancer. And thus, we were safer from cancer than any normal humans. True, I may get a little sick, but that would only last for at most a day, and I wouldn’t feel too bad like to the point where I’m trembling in the cold despite being covered with a couple layers of sheets already.

They also possessed cures if we may need it. We were valuable, but then again, they were willing to dispose of us if we were no longer useful. I guess that just went to say how wealthy the organization was. How willing they were to just throw away any valuables.

Of course, I didn’t carry the strength of my immune systems here in this new world. However, my fever this time didn’t seem normal given that it suddenly appeared after I fell into a seizure and got knocked out. My body’s weird.

But hey~ at least I’m alive!

All’s good!

By the time I joined my family for breakfast, they couldn’t have felt more relieved. And the food was back to their good old flavor, they didn’t taste well while I was sick. As for who were the ones that helped me and fed me while I was bedridden, well it was my sweet mother.

I quite enjoyed her company. The way her soothing voice comforted me while I was shaking in the unreasonable coldness, the easy she caressed my head, and the way she fed me. Aaaah, almost felt like the first time someone did something so sweet to me.

Right now, I was in one of the guest rooms. We couldn’t use my study room after I just wrecked the place — the repairs were already underway and it would take some time before I could use it again. Second time I destroyed a room… oops. What a cute troublemaker I am!

That aside, I was with my servants as usual, but there was an addition of Lucious who wished to speak with me. Nothing too serious, just casual stuff.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to visit the funeral… or any of the royal family,” I said to him.

“We were baffled as to why the royal family did not come to my uncle’s burial. But then we heard of what happened in the city, and we understood that it would be dangerous for the royals to leave the safety of the palace.”

“Yes, it would be too dangerous for us all, considering the apparent power our enemies could unleash.”

He lowered his gaze. “Do you think they have something to do with the death of my uncle? They killed him, didn’t they?”

“... Maybe… But it could be likely.”

“I see…”

I internally sighed. What am I to do with you, Lucious? What I said that time, after our… date… if only I could take it back. But, thinking and imagining it was hard to do. I’m hesitant to say anything… we will never be destined together… never, after what I had done…

What a headache. Since when have I been so troubled by how someone else feels about it? It’s so bothersome. I didn’t know what I should do. I wanted to get out of here… but I couldn’t.

“Are you faring better, Lucious?”

“Yes… At least I think so. I will never be able to remove my uncle’s death from my mind anytime soon. But I’m doing better.”

“Good, I’m relieved to hear that.”

“Thank you for your concern…” he smiled. “... How about you, Estelia? I heard about what happened to your study room.”

I wryly smiled. “It was just an accident, there’s no need to think too hard about that.”

“Is that so? Very well… What are you planning on doing from now on? I mean, it should be safer now. Any plans?”

“Oh, I think I may be socializing very soon.”

“Woah, that’s amazing! It will be your first time, isn’t it? I’m sure it will be a bit hard, but I’m sure you can handle it.”

“I am a bit nervous,” I smiled slightly. “But I’m also a bit excited. I never met many people, so I hope I can acquaint myself with other aristocrats.”

“I assume that you will be socializing first with the ladies?”

“Yes. That may be what my parents are intending first. All in all, I think I may be meeting with people around my age.”

“Mm… Indeed…” then he murmured. “Also other men…”

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.” he chuckled. “Be careful, okay? Just don’t get overwhelmed.”

“Y-Yes, of course. I can do that… I think. Besides, I think Mizia will be there with me at all times.”

“Mizia, huh. Then I’m sure it’s all going to be alright.”

“...”

Then there was silence. We looked at each other’s eyes and I first averted. It’s a little awkward. Anyone, help!

Lucious audibly cleared his throat. “There have been papers piling up in Eleden’s office. Apparently, we are to run an analysis. Do you know what that is for?”

“Oh that… Well, it’s very important. You may need to expect a tremendous amount of work in the coming days.”

I’m sure you will start grinding your head as you read all those records, and some others coming as well.

“Now that’s a frightening thought. I can only hope there’s no deadline.”

“I imagine you’ll have a week.”

‘Cause that’s the maximum I’m gonna give you guys. So good luck! Kidding! I have not made a final decision on that part yet.

“Oh… Well, depending on the job, I may get some confidence that I can do an excellent job.”

He stared into my eyes, full of smiles, and they gazed brightly with adoration and love.

“Your help will be greatly appreciated.”

How am I gonna tell him to stop this kind of thing, to tell him to just remove that feeling he had for me? This truly was one of the most difficult things I have to think about, which was quite baffling. He had loved me ever since we were young, and telling him that there will be no hope, that there just can’t be anything between us, because of what I have done, would be devastating for him.

And… He just lost his uncle, one he appeared to have loved dearly. Breaking his heart, and adding to it the grief, he would fall into depression. I was his bright sun that lit his dark days. In the past, I wouldn’t have minded destroying one’s heart, but to Lucious…

Idiot Estelia…

Knocks rang out from the door… Wew, I was saved from my turmoil. Vernon went and checked who it was.

“Your highness, it’s Marquis Teristro.”

Just in time. Although it was bitter to think that I was saved by him, I just have to take it.

“It seems your visitor has arrived, Estelia,” said Lucious as he stood up. “I enjoyed our time together. Until next time.”

“See you, Lucious,” I gave him a smile as I watched him leave, and when my uncle entered, the corner of my lips drooped.

“Hello, niece.”

“Uncle.”

He sat down opposite me, smiling, ignorant of my unwelcoming demeanor. Or perhaps he just deliberately ignored it. “I have come to make my report.”

“Yes. And how was it? Let’s start with the market.”

He subtly chuckled. “Your orders on that part is not easy. Three years of transactional and logistic records? Hard to come by. Good thing our main targets, the largest merchant companies, keep tabs on things.”

“Of course, have to prevent sudden loss of inventory. Without it, well, you won’t even realize your business is already dying. In any case, uncle, let’s please get straight to the point.”

If the case would have been otherwise, I might have resorted to other means.

“The merchants were, of course, reluctant. But as per the decree of the crown, we got to borrow their papers without much resistance. But the amount to obtain and in keeping them protected will prove quite the challenge. Still, we’ll manage.”

“When will you finish with all of it?”

“I expect we’ll have all we need in three days and have it delivered here in the palace.”

“Splendid, and the people that will process all those records?”

“I think the king’s scribes will suffice.”

“I suppose. Make sure to use charts, okay? Don’t give me pure numbers, present it in a good and presentable display. Good visualizations.”

“.... Hmph… Very well. But you ought to tell that to those that will actually be working with those records.”

“Of course. And, the research about the merchants?”

“I think we have enough.”

“Alright, send me the full reports as soon as you can. I would like to read them.”

“I’ll compile them.”

“Thank you… And oh, we have a slight change of plans.”

“Which part?”

“Don’t do anything to the merchants until we have checked the records. We won’t be robbing them of their power if we discover something unwanted.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“I’m still cooking, but once it’s ready to be served, it will nourish and fill our bellies once we need to eat.”

“Please stop speaking in metaphors, Estelia.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “What about the matter of the nobles, is everything ready?”

“I just finished picking the men we can trust. We’re waiting for your go.”

“Good, good. I suppose that is all for now. Ah, maybe you have found spies of the empire in our soil?”

“Unfortunately, no. But we’re still trying, the struggle is the number of men we have and can allocate on that task. With the plans you have us do, we’re running thin. Please consider our resources in the future.”

Shit, fucking resources. Don’t you just wish you could have unlimited everything?

“Alright, I will bear that in mind more in the future. I suppose training agents take a lot of time.”

“I’m glad you understand.”

“If you need more resources, feel free to ask my father. He’ll be more than willing to provide you with what you need.”

He nodded and stared deeply into my eyes. “... You’re a bit different from before.”

“W-What…?”

“Ever since the time you destroyed your study room, it’s almost as if something hidden has unveiled itself ever so slightly.”

“Please stop talking nonsense, uncle.”

I didn’t destroy it, by the way.

“You fell into a fit of rage… It was a shame that I didn’t get to see you unrestrained. I would have had a glimpse of who you truly are.”

Well fuck you too, uncle!

“You are overthinking things, uncle. People act differently when they are angry. There is no such thing as who I truly am.”

He chuckled. “Of course… But how were you so enraged to that degree?”

“...”

“You are bottling your feelings, aren’t you?”

“...”

“As your uncle, I can give you some advice. I’m pretty good at helping people with mental distress. Or so I would like to believe.”

“There’s no need for that.”

“You can trust me. You know that, don’t you?”

“I’m fine.”

“You like to keep things to yourself, hiding all your true feelings, sentiments deep inside you. Preventing people to take a glimpse of what is inside your heart.”

What the fuck? Are you my therapist or something?

He then continued, “You can always express your feelings to your family. Even little things.”

“There’s no need for that.”

“I know it is embarrassing to be open to one’s parents.”

W-Why would I tell my feelings to my parents? Do I just approach them and say ‘hey, I have something to share’? Be open? N-No way… no… that thought… It's too awkward!

I looked away.

But my uncle smiled and shook his head. “Heh… If that’s the case… find a friend.”

“A friend…?”

“Yes, a friend that you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with. Do you have friends like that?”

“... I have friends…”

“Oh?”

“Mizia…”

“She’s your cousin, that does not count.”

What?!

“... Then… Lucious…”

“In the past I would have counted that… but now, are you even friends in the truest sense now? He’s courting you, and would you be open to sharing your sentiments with him?”

No… Now that I think about it… I don’t even consider him as a friend… Just a friend of the past, pure Estelia. I mean, friends?

Why would I be friends with outsiders?

“You cannot think of anyone else?”

“...” I lowered my gaze.

“I see… Then, my advice for you, Estelia… find a friend.”

I furrowed my brows. “You are free to leave, uncle.”

He grinned, but not before chuckling. “Hehe. I’ll be taking my leave then. Goodbye, my niece.”