The Real Me - Chapter 19 (Patreon)

OTHER PARTS | ALL STORY LIST

Two weeks later, Dannie has settled again. Now she came home and Mum was there, still off work and receiving money from the Criminal Injuries Compensation Board. Rachel and Mum had discussed and argued about moving. To Mum, the house her parents had owned, the place she had been born, possessed so many good memories of her childhood. To Rachel and Dannie, it was a place of nightmares, arguments, violence, brooding bad temper, and sulking. Dannie hated the place. He hated the street.

He hated that the neighbors all knew him of old when he was that peculiar girlish boy at No 36 with the slob of a father, everyone feared. Dannie hated that the place was shabby, the street was shabby. The board fences of several houses had planks missing, kicked out by teens coming back late at night, drunk or half drunk, displaying their machismo to no one in particular except themselves, like immature bulls, head butting a gatepost.

At last, Mum relented. She agreed to move. Rachel and Dannie, neither of whom had decorated a room before, undertook to paint the interior. They cut their teeth on Dannie’s room and then moved through the house. Mr. Nesbitt agreed to clean down the plastic windows outside and paint the front and back doors. He also dug the front garden over and planted it with petunias and lobelias. The rotted gates were removed and the drive was laid out with fresh gravel and edging. They had no news of Dad.

He didn’t ring and they began to relax. ‘I worry about what he may be up to,’ Mum said. ‘I don’t.‘ Rache replied. ‘I hope he’s dead.’ Dannie said. ‘Never wish anyone dead,’ Mum said sternly. ‘he’s your father. Whatever he’s done, you don’t wish him dead.’ ‘I do. Then I’d feel safe.’ There was no reply to that. How can you gainsay a child that can’t trust her father? They worked hard on the house.

Over two months, they decorated every room. The newly painted front door and cleaned window frames, together with a colorful front garden, made a huge difference.

The house was only on the market two weeks before it found a buyer. In the meantime, Rachel had found another house. Rachel paid the deposit and they fell into the vagaries of the conveyancing solicitors, people of law who seem to charge a lot but never make a move unless the customer gives them a nudge. All fell into place eventually, and they moved house in the middle of August, two streets away from where Jenny lived and three streets away from Lisa.

Their new street had been built in the 1980s, The garden was larger at the front and smaller than the old one at the back. In the new house, they had a garage that Rachel determined should be used for a car and not any old effects, they could not make up their minds to part with. Rachel had been ruthless in making decisions on possessions. Anything not in use was either dumped or sold. The mother said Rachel would be sorry later for throwing some items away.

‘We’ll see,’ Rachel replied. She had become head of the household, with a new boyfriend, not a lawyer but a customer, one of the shoe factory sons. Richard and Rachel had won the case against the trustees, and Alexander, the youngest son, invited their lawyers to a celebration dinner. That was how it started. ‘Dannie,’ Rachel said, ‘you don’t mind if I go out more, do you? You’re OK now aren’t you?’

‘Yes Rache, you should. I’m doing well at school now, middle of the class and I hope to be better than that.’ ‘Good. I’ll still check on things, homework and such, and help if you need it.’ ‘Do you really like Alexander then?’ ‘Yes, yes I do, he’s really nice.’ ‘Nice? Rache, he has to make your toes curl and lift your foot when he kisses you.’ ‘How do you know so much or think you do?’ ‘We talk, me and my friends. Anyway, I’m pleased for you. You haven’t had much fun.’ ‘No, well, I was so ashamed of the old house and bringing anyone home, especially when Dad was around.’

‘We haven’t heard have we?’ ‘What where he is? No. I don’t think Mum has either.’ ‘Perhaps he’s dead.’ Dannie says, the wish father to the thought, a phrase his gran used to use. ‘Mum’s told you not to wish that. OK, I understand why, just don’t say it. I don’t want him dead, I’m content for him to stay away.’ ‘It can’t be far enough for me, Rache. Hell would not be far enough.’ Lisa found a boyfriend. He played tennis at the same club she did. All her family were keen tennis fans and players. Consequently, Jenn had more time for Dannie and they became inseparable.

At school, there was still petty bullying but nowhere near what it had been. Daniella was a marked pupil and teachers and prefects kept their eyes open for any victimization of their first trans student. Lee one of the chief tormentors had left. It seemed to make a difference. Mum went back to work. The mortgage on the new house wasn’t large but substantial on Rachel’s salary. Mum paid the running costs. Dannie found work as a waitress at the large Chinese restaurant in the town center and Mum would pick her up on her way home from work.

Dannie loved waitressing and working with the Chinese who knew the business backward. The Chinese boy and girl she worked with were lightning-quick and efficient. Dannie learned from them. She got the job through Ming, a girl in her class, the daughter of one of the owners. There seemed to be several in a partnership and mention was made of a Triad. Ming’s Uncle was supposed to be a ‘big man, according to Ming, but Ming’s mother said it was all nonsense and then a stream of Chinese invective at Ming, who turned red.

Afterward, out of earshot of anyone, Ming said, ‘It’s true.’ Dannie couldn’t have cared less. She got paid and she wasn’t being white-slaved like the girls in that film, ‘Thoroughly Modern Millie.’ The customers were a lot different from the pub, more respectful, and wanted conversation. The men were mostly with female companions, so there was little touching up.

‘How are things?’ Rachel asked. ‘Great.’ Dannie said and she meant it, for it was mostly true.

Yes, some at school, even some teachers regarded her as a misfit, she felt and there were still snide and hurtful remarks but mainly, it was better than when she had been Daniel. It was as though people now understood her. ‘Look, you’re fifteen now. Dannie, would you mind if I went away for the weekend?’ She watched Dannie’s face and saw the look of fear. Bravely, Dannie replied, ‘With Alexander? Of course not. It’s really serious then?’ Dannie did her best to hide her dismay and fear. ‘Yes Dannie, I really like him.’ ‘Do you think he’s the one Rache?’

She attempted a giggle, making a show of teasing. ‘I think he might be. That doesn’t mean I’ll desert you, but you have your friends now and you’re happy. Just I will go to things with Alex and sometimes he’ll be here too. I promise I will look after you, see you through Uni. I’ll always make a home for you if need be and we will always be close and love each other.’ ‘Rache, I’m fine. I love you big Sis and I want you to be happy.

Alex better looks after you or I’ll be after him.’ ‘Brilliant. Thanks, lovey.’

‘When?’ ‘Next weekend after this. His cousin is getting married, down in Gloucester, so we would go down Friday, stay at a hotel Friday and Saturday and be back Sunday afternoon, early evening. ‘Sure, I’ll be OK. I’m a big girl now.’ ‘You’re a little shrimp, all five feet four of you. Thanks, Dannie.’ ‘Rache, you gotta get a life. I love you Rache and want you to be happy.’ As she said that she smiled but her heart beat faster. The last time she was alone, it ended in disaster.

Rachel could tell she was putting on a brave front. She knew of Dannie’s perpetual fear that their father would reappear and wreak havoc. ‘You could come, I’d pay for an extra room.’ She said. ‘I’m not playing gooseberry around you two. I’d be sick, seeing you kissing and cuddling. Yuck.’ ‘You’re sure?’ ‘Rache! I’ve got Jenn and work, Friday, and Saturday. It’s not like it was six months ago. Perhaps Jenn and I will do something.

Don’t be such a worry guts, I’m a young lady, not a kid any longer.’ It was settled. In a fortnight Rache would have her weekend away. She and Dannie and Jenn went to the Mall for a dress, shoes, and bag for the wedding. They managed to find all three. At Dannie’s suggestion, they looked for a hat too. That hunt led them to nearly every shop. Finally, she found a rental one, large brimmed in deep pink that would match the flowers on the dress and the shop produced artificial flowers to match the main color. They dropped Jenn off and returned home triumphantly.

Dannie got down to homework before getting ready to go to the restaurant. She dressed in her restaurant clothes, a black mini and white blouse, black tights, and her mock-suede black stilettos. She carried her apron in her handbag and wore her little black quilted jacket. Her hair was blonder and reached down over her shoulders. It wasn’t yet as she wanted it but it was getting there.

She made her face and smiled with pleasure as she did so. She inspected herself in the long mirror, turned this way and that. Smiled as she did with customers. She remembered her day in the Belle of Soho Square. Customers liked a smiley waitress and smile-made tips. It wasn’t hard for her to smile at customers, she loved the work and it was somewhat like being on stage. Waiting was an act, of feigning pleasure, showing willingness and interest, giving the customer what they were entitled to, paying for. Unlike some, she had no feeling of inferiority. It was a job and fun and paid. She was good at it. The customers saw a sweet, pretty girl, the epitome of young womanhood.

Who can resist a pretty girl who smiles and is willing? The tips showered upon such a girl and were sometimes more than her wages. At nine-thirty, Ming’s father drove her home as he always did if they finished early, otherwise, she would wait for Mum. Mum came in a few minutes afterward. Saturday had passed and Daniella hadn’t had time to miss Rachel. Sunday and the morning were occupied on her homework and her wardrobe, making sure all her clothes were clean and in order.

Then she cooked Sunday lunch and she and mum ate before her mother went to work. In the afternoon, she cycled round to Jenny’s. She stayed until eight when Jenny’s Dad drove her home, her bicycle in the back of his SUV. Such were her weekends, a routine of paid work and school work. Saturday afternoons in the Mall with the gang, Lisa and her boy, Jenn, and sometimes Liz, Ming, Sarah, and Jan. Two weeks later, she said goodbye to Rachel Friday afternoon, as soon as Rache had returned from work. Alex picked her up in a flash tourer, a Merc, hood down. She waved goodbye before going up to change for work. The rest of the weekend was routine.

Sunday morning, she did homework and then went to lunch with Jenny. They ran her home at eight o’clock. ‘Are you OK to go in alone?’ Jenny asked. ‘Sure, there’s a light on, so Rache is home. See you tomorrow Jenny.’ She had missed big Sis. She couldn’t wait to see her.

The car drew away down the road, as Dannie was turning the key in the lock and entering the house. The TV was on in the lounge and she presumed Rache was watching her Sunday serial. Expecting to find Rachel, she pushed into the lounge. She found her father there watching football. ‘What are you doing here?’ She said, instantly terrified. ‘Just paying a quick visit, daughter.’ He said smiling. ‘Well, give us a twirl. Where’ve you been?’ ‘Seeing my friend Jenny.’ ‘Oh, good. You have friends now you’re a girl, then?’ She didn’t twirl. She stood rooted, fearful, confused by his acceptance of her. She didn’t answer, ignoring the mocking tone.

‘Sit down and talk then. I’m sorry about last time. I come home to make amends.’ He said, disarmingly. ‘Thought you might need money, now I got plenty. Is Mum working?’ ‘Yes, she’ll be home any minute.’ ‘And Rachel?’ ‘Out with her boyfriend.’ ‘Oh, I see I have a lot of catching up to do. You all seem to have moved on. So, tell me about Rache then? Who’s the boy?’ ‘Alex. He’s a director of a shoe company.’ ‘And you? Doing OK at school?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘You don’t go like that, do you?’ ‘Of course. I’m trans.’ Fear gripped her heart.

She wanted to run, barricade herself in her room, but last time, that hadn’t worked, had it. She watched as he refilled his glass with brown liquor. ‘Where did you get that from?’ She asked, knowing they had no liquor in the house other than white wine. ‘What this?’ he said raising the glass. ‘Brought with me, bought it on the boat.’ ‘How did you get in?’ ‘Key, under the flower pot, same trick we always used.’ ‘How did you find us.’ ‘Don’t be naïve girly boy.’ She hears the door open and thinks thank God. She really wants to collapse, cry, and hide, and yet somehow, she can’t.