Chapter 32: The Door. (Patreon)

This is... new.

I had woken up in the undead asylum. Normally I would be having a heart attack by now but I was absurdly conscious considering where I was standing.

This isn't one of my nightmares I'm sure of it. But at the same time, I know this isn't reality as I can't open my status. But the most confusing part was the fact that this wasn't the asylum I knew.

But...

This didn't feel like a dream either.

I felt, smelt, and everything in between. I was far, far too lucid for this to be a simple dream. But then...

Why was I shorter?

I looked at my half-naked body bar a loincloth and it was one I was and wasn't used to at the same time.

Unlike my muscular and trained body filled with scars. This one was just slightly athletic with a bit of fat hanging off it. My hair was shorter as well only reaching my neck.

This was John Moore.

My old body. One I hadn't seen in a long time.

It felt unusual, to say the least. I wasn't used to feeling so... weak. But regardless, being in this body made me feel some things that I couldn't really describe.

But enough of that, it was time to address the elephant in the room. That being the huge fucking door that usually led up to the Asylum Demons arena being chained up.

But that wasn't all. This door was completely different. The material was seemingly weaved from the night itself. Engraved on it were hundreds of faces wailing in anguish and agony as they shed tears of blood. The most defining feature of it however was the giant darksign in the middle, painted with blood and some black substance. The gaps in the door emitted some black and white smoke.

Just even looking at the gate gave me a sense of existential dread. A feeling even the mightiest foes in Lordran hadn't given. The sense of danger wasn't physical. The threat to me...

It was to my sense of self.

I feel like I would lose a very essential part of me if I ever were to ever open that door.

I didn't know why I didn't know _how_ I knew this but...

The moment I open that door...

I don't think I will be a human anymore.

Just what the hell is that door? And why did it feel so familiar yet dangerous? Where was I? Why was I here? All I can remember is Solaire's phantom perishing and myself getting irrationally angry even though I knew Solaire would be virtually unharmed thanks to being undead.

I can only vaguely remember myself killing the last gargoyle. And even that is blurry.

Just what is happening...?

Then I ''woke up''.

With a splitting headache mind you.

I groggily dragged myself up the rubble and looked around.  The church roof was completely, for the lack of a better word, _Fucked_. It was burnt, bashed, crushed, and slashed with everything in between. But even worse than that were the corpses of the gargoyles.

'_Fuck_ that's disgusting.'

Even for a man as jaded as me, that is disgusting as all hell. One of them was missing both arms and had a black knight sword in its chest. And that was the one who had it the best.

Another one's head was just straight-up popped like a fucking balloon. Or like putting rubber bands around a watermelon. Brain matter and skull shards everywhere.

The one next to him looked like a used condom with all of his bones broken. And his beheaded head next to my foot didn't make it any prettier.

And the last one...

_Fucking hell_

Just... wow.

I don't even want to know.

It was just... gone. Barely any trace left.

The only thing left behind were a few scraps of discarded flesh and bone along with its equipment. And the taste in my mo-

STOP RIGHT THERE.

Whelp. I refuse to continue that line of thought.

So... the million-dollar question: What in the actual fuck happened?

All I know is that I got on rage autopilot but I shouldn't physically be capable of this. I literally did not have the stats to do so. And my only hope for an answer was my notifications that were... less than helpful.

< Warning! ##### has #$%$%%## >

< { Deadman's blow }has evolved into { Deadman Style lv1} >

< You have acquired the skill { Form Shift lv.1 >

< You have acquired the skills $&#%%#%%$$@%@%$$%@@%%$%%#%#?%?$??#?*??%?#^]€]€]?&&@:@!#!#!? >

<&#&%@'$:;$&#;!#;::#!!"!$!?"?$!!#;&"!$??");#;;!"?#!;;;!"??"?'??";#-#-#-&#&#--$!$!:@&&@-"!?$?¢==¢^¢™©{¶£]? have been sealed behind #####>

So yeah. That.

Very descriptive, thank you system.

Maybe my status will shed some light on my situation.

But as I opened my stats I was greeted by a way too unusual sight.

------------------------

[Stats]

[Souls: 0] [Humanity: 0]

[Soul level : 133]

{Vitality : 26 }

{Attunement : 24}

{Endurance : 25 }

{Strength : 34 }

{Dexterity : 27 }

{Resistance : 28 }

{Intelligence : 21 }

{Faith : 30}

----------------------------

All of my stats had risen by 10. Somehow. I am not complaining the least but how, the, actual, heck.

I feel all of my brain cells committing suicide at an express rate from the absurdity of this situation. Thinking anymore about this may just render me brain-dead.

Guess this calls for what I'm best at.

It is time to unleash my special move. My trump card.

Denial.

If you ignore your problems hard enough then they don't exist. Probably.

Yup, ignore all that rage thing mumbo jumbo. Don't think about the ominous lines of notifications your system seems to spit out every other hour.

All you need to know is your stats have gone up and your skill has evolved. Nothing else.

Because now there was a real issue.

It was my goddam hair.

My already greyish hair had become a light gray color with white strands. I already had problems with my grayish hair making me feel like an old man and now this!?

I swear this world will not give up until I look 70 by the time I'm 25.

And the other one was my armor.

Or the lack thereof.

My armor was tattered and charred beyond recognition. To the point where repair powder wouldn't do shit for it. Which meant I had to spend hours fixing it manually.

>:(

After storing away the gargoyle corpses(hoarder mindset) I started making the long climb up. A long, long climb up. But at least the scenery was divine. You could see most of the relevant parts of lordran from up here.

I'd say the scenery is the one and only thing good about Lordran.

After climbing the frankly absurd amount of ladders(seriously the floor below here has an elevator so why not here!?) I got up to the bell and rang it using the lever.

*Ding dong ding dong*

The sound of the bell traveled all across lordran yet he felt nothing. No accomplishment, no glory just emptiness.

He just felt like he had checked a task off a to-do list and nothing more.

After admiring the scenery for a bit I went down to the main church building and opened the shortcut to fire link and took the elevator back to the firelink shrine.

I greeted everybody(Including Solaire who had recovered from death quite well) and sat down to think.

I need help.

Not mentally, of course, I am as sane as one could be in Lordran.

But what happened at the gargoyle fight shed some light on my situation. Although I may not remember much about I can distinctly remember the feeling of helplessness and desperation.

If I keep going alone I am sure I will crumble before I reach the finish line.

Even now I have to rely on absurd methods just to keep up. And if the same thing that happened when I fought the gargoyles happened again I don't think I could handle it.

I need friends.

People I can rely on.

After all, that's how I took down the drake no?

/Do we really?/

I felt the air around me get colder as something sat in front of me.

'Huh, last time I checked you were a centipede no? Inconsistent much? And what do you mean by that.'

It grinned, mouth stretching beyond its cheeks.

/ We are much stronger than we think. After all, how could we brutalize the gargoyles like that and raise our stats independently without souls if we weren't?/

'...What do you mean by that?'

/It doesn't make sense to me. Why do you shackle yourself with your humanity? If you just let loose, stopped restricting yourself, purposefully hindering it. We could contend with the lords. No, surpass them even./

'...I don't understand what you are talking about...'

/Do not act like a fool. We both know I'm you, I can't be aware of what you aren't, and vice versa. Tell me, do you enjoy the feeling of helplessness?/

It got up from its seated position and loomed over me.

/Why do you persist on this?/

...

/Fine/

/It is inevitable anyway. Even with help, a mere human cannot reach the first flame./

And then it disappeared, along with the suffocating pressure.

*Sigh.*

Remember

'It's always the darkest before the soul.'