VO for next video (Patreon)

While I'm working on the next SIAIPI, I wanted to see if you guys wanted to give me some feedback on a VO I just did for my next video. I know that some of you don't want to hear previews of new stuff, because it spoils you, but for those of who don't mind that kind of thing, I would love to hear some feedback on this script.

This video I planned to be a shorter, far more concise script than most others, and I know that could make it suffer. Shorter scripts actually need more work in the editing phase, so any feedback you can give at this point would be awesome.