A Max & Roy Christmas Story (Patreon)

ROY: Hoo Mama, it is cold out there! Brrrr! (Stamping feet)

MAX (from the kitchen): Were they out there?

ROY: Yeah, you left ‘em on the breakfast table in front of the lake. Here ya go, handsome.

MAX: I keep leaving these dammed glasses out there. Thank you, sweetheart. I promise I won’t forget again.

(These stupid things. I feel bad that he volunteered to go out in the freezing cold to get them.)

ROY: Ah, it’s okay. But I’m gonna need a kiss and a huge Max hug to warm up, haha.

MAX: Comin’ right up. (Hugging) Jesus, your nose is like ice!

ROY: Told ya! It’s already started snowing out there. I think this is our first snow since we moved here, right?

MAX: Hey, you know I think that’s right. How about I get a fire started up and you and I curl up on the couch with a movie? You can snuggle into my big ol’ belly.

(Perfect winter’s night with my perfect husband.)

ROY: Mmm, fuck yes, big guy. We good for snacks? Cos I know once we get cozy neither one of us is gonna want to get up, haha.

MAX: Well, you work so hard, sweetheart, you deserve to be a little lazy in your downtime. My excuse is I’m just too fat these days, haha.

(Ain’t that the truth? Getting up off the couch is like a whole multi-stage process! Damned hot it is too, bein’ this danged heavy…)

MAX: You leave the snacks to Daddy Max. Lemme see what we got in the pantry. Maybe time to break open the Christmas cookies and eggnog.

ROY: I can do that.

MAX: Just sit yourself down, you. I’ll get the fire going, you thaw yourself out while I get us all set up.

(God, I love taking care of him.)

ROY: Okay, okay, just… more kisses first.

(Never gets old. Never. It’s amazing we get anything done, honestly. I could kiss this man all day.)

MAX: (kissing) Mmm, I think there’re still snowflakes in your beard, haha.

ROY: Okay, I really do need to thaw out, haha.

(AND SO)

MAX: Theeeere we go, all toasty.

This kinda reminds me of that first night we spent here, you remember? We had the chez over there by the window and you stuffed me with-

ROY: Chinese takeout, I remember it perfectly, hehe. And the role reversal.

(Two years in this house and we’ve already made so many memories together. Just gotta forget about the ones involving unwanted visitors.)

ROY: You know you kinda got a Santa vibe going on right now, stood in front of the fireplace like that, all huge and sexy, warming that massive juicy tush of yours.

MAX: Oh yeah? You like that?

ROY: Are you kidding? Damned right I do. Santa Claus is practically a gainer icon, haha.

MAX: Well I got the big ol’ belly, and I have been known to be jolly on occasion…

(You know, this is giving me an idea, as a matter of fact…)

ROY:… Maaaax…? You’ve got that look on your face… What are you up to?

MAX: Stay right there, gorgeous. I’ll be back in a second.

ROY: Huh?

MAX (leaving): You’ll see!

(I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before!)

(5 MINUTES LATER)

MAX (dressed as Santa): Ho Ho Ho!

ROY:… Oh…

MAX: Well, hello there, young man!

ROY:… My…

MAX: A Very Merry Christmas to you!

ROY:… God…!

MAX: Now tell me, young powerlifting hunk, have you been naughty or nice this year, hmm?

ROY: I have… no words, haha.

MAX: Pretty good, right? Huh?

ROY: How…? Where on earth did you get that outfit?

MAX: We did a whole ‘Santa’s Grotto’ thing for the Christmas party at Morgancorp this one time. This was going back ages ago, like years. I’d forgotten I kept the costume!

I improvised a little bit with the bracers. No way I’d fit into the original coat anymore!

ROY: This is, uh… This is doing things for me, hehe.

MAX: Ohhhh Ho Ho, is that so, young beefcake?

ROY: Oh my God, your Santa voice, I can’t, haha.

MAX: Santa’s in the mood for cookies and eggnog!

ROY: And Santa’s referring to himself in the third person, I see.

Well then… I’d better do as I’m told, hadn’t I?

MAX: You wouldn’t want to get put on the naughty list, would you…?

ROY: I think you should bite down on this cookie while I think about it.

MAX: Mmmm.

ROY: And wash it down with this ‘nog.

MAX: Oh Ho Ho, that’s the stuff.

(Okay, this is officially hot.)

ROY (feeding more): So tell me, Santa… Have I been a good bear this year?

MAX: Maybe… Santa needs more belly rubs and eggnog… to make his decision…

ROY: Like this?

(Oh, sweet Jesus…)

MAX: Just like that. Ho Ho Ho. Please keep… pushing more cookies… into Santa’s mouth…

ROY: I wanna grow your belly like a bowlful of jelly…

MAX: Santa… wants that… too…

(Oh God, this is bliss.)

ROY: I think we need to make this a yearly tradition.

MAX: Oh fuck yes. I mean - Santa agrees…

ROY: Even though it’s fake, you look hot with the beard. And the bracers over your massive belly? Why didn’t we think of that before?

(I’ll do this every night if he wants me to!)

MAX: Santa… loves you… very much…

ROY: I love you too, Santa. Keep eating.

MAX: Yes Boss… Ho Ho… Ho…

ROY: You know? I think I need to open the next couple boxes of cookies. And then crack open a few more pints of eggnog…

MAX: Oh God…

(It’s going to be a Very Merry Christmas indeed…)