Roy & Max: Vol. 2 - Part 2: Brung (Patreon)

ROY

EZRA: ‘Brung’. 5 letters. Triple word score.

ROY: ‘Brung’ isn’t a word.

EZRA: Yeah, but it could be.

ROY: ...

Okay, but that’s not - that’s not how Scrabble works.

EZRA: Aw, go on.

SEB: Yeah, go on, Roy. Let him have it.

(Max? Are you with me on this one? Ah, who am I kidding - he’s way too nice to go against a houseguest)

EZRA (leaning forward): Yeah, Roy... Let me have it...

(Oh God, Seb’s cousin’s about as subtle as a bulldozer. I don’t know why we agreed to let him stay here and come to the wedding. I guess Seb made such a hoo-ha over it, since that guy he broke up with dropped out, but still… Another case of Max being too kind. Ugh, how can I fault him for that?)

MAX: Sweetheart, could you pass me the chips?

ROY: You got it, hot stuff. You want dip?

MAX: Does a bear shit in the woods? Yes please.

(I’m gonna marry the shit out of this man)

EZRA: Seb, you should get yourself a guy who looks at you the way Max looks at chips, haha!

MAX: Huh?

EZRA: Max, you can have the snacks, I’ll take Roy, hehe.

(Jesus...)

SEB: Ez!

EZRA: Oh chill out, I’m just kidding. He knows I’m just kidding, don’t you, Max?

MAX: I just wanted to... dip my chips...

(He’s so polite, sat there all huge and handsome. This little twerp is pushing his luck. It’s been non-stop since he got here. I swear, if he says anything at the rehearsal dinner...)

SEB: So ‘Brung’? Yay or nay? Or should we move on? It’s my turn next, so-

EZRA: It was so good of Seb to bring his family, don’t you think, Roy? Wouldn’t you say family is so important?

ROY: Hmmm.

SEB: I’ve got a Z and I don’t know what to do with it, haha!

MAX: I don’t think you’re supposed to say what letters you got, Seb...

(I know what that little shit’s up to...)

EZRA: Roy, I heard you’re not inviting your brother to the wedding. Why’s that, big guy? If he’s half as huge and muscled as you, I wanna meet him, heh.

ROY: That’s a private personal matter.

EZRA: Max, doesn’t it bother you that you’re not even gonna meet your fiancé’s brother at the wedding?

MAX: No.

Say, why don’t we all just skip the game and get dessert?

SEB: I’ll get drinks! What does everybody want?

(Bless you for trying to defuse things, Max, but Seb’s cousin is really pushing my buttons now...)

EZRA: Okay, but, like, what’s the deal with that, anyway? Cos if it was my brother, and my wedding-

ROY: I told you it’s personal! Jesus, just fucking drop it!

And No, you cannot “have” me, fucking obviously! The man I love - who I’m going to marry - is sat right there! And you owe him a goddamn apology!

EZRA: ...

SEB: ...

MAX: ... Roy, it’s... it’s okay, sweetheart...

(Oh God-fuckin-dammit, me and my stupid temper. Now they’re all looking at me)

ROY: I’m sorry, Max... I just - I’m gonna go...

SEB: Roy, he didn’t mean anything.

MAX: Babe...

EZRA: Sheesh, what’s his problem?

(THAT NIGHT, OUTSIDE)

(Hoooo boy. Great job, Baker. Great job...

Still, I always feel better coming out here on the porch. Clears my head.

I think this is my favorite spot in the house. Okay, not technically in the house. But this is where I proposed to Max. It has a special meaning for me now. So quiet and still. I like the sound of the water. The whispering of the trees at night.

God, why am I such a big klutz? Can’t just be polite and normal like Max. Always gotta bottle it all up and then it comes tearing out.

My brother Teddie can’t come to the wedding, I don’t care what anyone says. He’d ruin everything. I know he would-)

MAX: Hey big fella, whatcha doing out here? You okay?

ROY: Hey gorgeous. I’m just... out here with my thoughts, I guess. What flavor’s that?

MAX: Pecan and chocolate. Would you feed it to me?

ROY: Of course. C’mere, you.

(We don’t need a big wedding with all these guests and their plus-ones.

Just being out here with Max, feeding him his favorite ice cream. What more could a guy want? I don’t need anything fancy or extravagant. Not for our wedding and not in life. I just want this man, right here. This huge, heavy, round, utterly beautiful man. My everything)

MAX: Mmm, it always tastes better when you spoon it into me.

You know you gave Ezra quite a scare earlier.

ROY: Ugh, I know. I didn’t handle it so great. Sorry I spooked the guests. He just pisses me off, is all.

MAX: I know. More please - Mmthankyou - He’s only 19. He’s young and horny and goofy, like we all were at that age.

(Why does he have to make so much sense? I really hit the jackpot with Max. There is literally not a better man on this earth)

ROY: He just gets me all riled up, trying to drive a wedge between us like that. I hate seeing him be so rude to you, after you invited him to our wedding!

MAX: You’re giving him too much credit. He couldn’t drive jack through shit.

ROY: Haha! Don’t make me laugh, I was being all brooding and crap.

MAX: Haha, sorry, Batman. More ice cream, please...

ROY: You got it, handsome.

I’m just... worried I’m gonna murder him before we even sign the nuptials.

MAX: Haha! Well, as hot as it is to imagine you in prison garb, you just worry about feeding and rubbing this big ol’ gut, okay?

(I will never in my life take this stunning, enormous belly for granted. He’s like a walking ball these days, just sheer perfection. And he grew it for me! And he wants to get even bigger for me... Sometimes I think I’m gonna wake up back in my old apartment, alone again)

MAX: Mmm, you know I love that. Hey, you wanna play some Mario Kart? Let off some steam?

ROY: Nah, you’re getting far too good at it. It’s actually a little scary how good.

MAX: Heh, that’s what CEO-ing from home does.

(And he’s been nothing but supportive of me starting up my photography business. Always offering to help. Always cheering me on. God, how could anyone not love this man?)

MAX: I’m not gonna say Tweedle-Dee back there has a point, but... since your folks aren’t in the picture, you know, your brother Teddie’s the only family you can invite. It does seem a shame to leave him out.

ROY: I know - I know how it seems.

(Oh, Max)

ROY: It’s not that I don’t love him. I do. He’s my brother. But... he’s... Teddie likes to run his mouth off.

(That’s putting it lightly)

MAX: Hey, how shocking can he be? Remember, my family are gonna show up and see me several hundred pounds heavier than the last time they saw me. Nothing is gonna beat the shock of that, I can guarantee you. Whatever Teddie’s like, I can handle it, handsome. I’m a big boy, and I’ve been around the block more than a few times, believe me.

(Why do you have to be so sweet, Max? It’s not so much what Teddie’s like that worries me.

It’s what he might say. Especially once the liquor’s flowing through him.

I can’t let that happen)

ROY: You can’t know how much I love you, Mr Morgan.

MAX: I think I got a pretty good idea, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever get tired of hearing it. And I love you too, you big sexy beast.

(Just holding him, feeling the warmth radiate from all of his fat, his roundness, some soft, some firm. There’s just so much of him. Every day I feel like a kid in a candy store)

MAX: At the end of the day, whatever you decide is what we’ll go with. There’s absolutely no pressure. No need to stress. Daddy Max has got you covered.

ROY: You know that name drives me wild.

MAX: Yessir I do. More ice cream, please.

ROY: With pleasure. And I think we should break out the next tub after this.

MAX: You’re the boss. Mmthankyou.

And I’ll tell you what - After we’re married, you can throw Ezra into the lake.

ROY: I’m gonna hold you to that.