Dadbod, part 7 (Patreon)

Thumpthumpthump!

I was in a dream about Dunston, my hometown. Mom and Dad were there, Bobby too, exactly as I remembered him. Angel was in there somewhere, also. 

Then it started to merge with memories of yesterday; had that been a dream too? Laying on the beach with Yoichi, his chunky hands all over my swollen belly -

Thumpthumpthump!

Mmm?

My eyes took a moment to open. There was a noise somewhere. The front door. The thumping continued as I slowly rose, threw on an old t-shirt that was inside-out and too small, and answered the door: It was Mrs Cassidy looking somewhere between nonplussed and a little manic. 

‘Where have you been?’ she demanded.

A small volt of panic woke me up. 

‘You gave me the weekend off... didn’t you?’ I tried not to sound confrontational in my sleepy state. 

‘Oh. Hmm.’ Her face softened a tad. 

‘Is something wrong, Mrs Cassidy?’ I asked, rubbing crust from my eyes. She must have been able to see my round ginger belly poking out beneath my tee, but I was too tired to care. 

‘It’s that damned bear!’ she exclaimed. 

‘Wait, what... Oh, my carving? I’m sorry. I’ll remove it-‘

‘Don’t you dare,’ she interjected. ‘I must’ve had 30 customers ask about that thing!’

‘Oh…! Really?’

The idea that 30 people had even walked into the store yesterday seemed unlikely at best, but I kept that to myself. 

She thrust a sheet of paper into my hands; on it was a list of names and phone numbers. 

‘They wanna know where they can get one.’

‘I... just... Oh.’

‘Now, if you need more firewood, there’s a stack down in the basement.’ She managed to make this offer sound authoritarian, somehow. Then she added, begrudgingly, ‘That’s if you wanna make any more, I suppose.’

‘Okay,’ I answered thickly. ‘Thanks.’

She made a noise that might have been approval, and clipped off down the hall to the spiral staircase. 

I rubbed my belly absently, thinking. 

People really wanted my little carvings? Huh. It seemed strange to me but.. I guess I could do that. I had no idea how much to charge, though. Would Mrs C want a cut? Maybe... maybe... I could head into town for paint supplies. 

I made some coffee and sat in my favorite spot by the window. 

Maybe Yoichi might wanna come, too. He’d walked me home last night. Was it too soon to message him again?

When I looked at my phone, there was a missed call from Paula, and a text saying Dicky call me back when ur free.

I called but no-one picked up. I guess she was busy with Lance. Then I saw another message under hers.

Yoichi: Thank you for a wonderful night last night x

We agreed to meet on the corner of the high street, and while I waited for him to arrive I watched the sky turn progressively angrier. Pallid, moist clouds were gathering over Cresthaven. 

‘Hi.’ He popped out of nowhere, somehow for a man his size. 

My heart shook with surprise and simply for being in his company again, even if it was less than 24 hours since I’d last seen him. He was carrying another white box. 

‘These are for you,’ he said. ‘I made you some cookies. I hope that’s okay.’

‘Of course! Thank you.’ I looked inside and was greeting by these thick dense biscuits, huge hunks of chocolate just sticking right out of ‘em. ‘Thanks so much.’

It was weird, and it was stupid, but some kind of itch in the back of my brain was beginning to take hold. Some nagging thing preventing me from enjoying this moment fully. But there was little time to investigate it. 

‘We could try Madeline’s, it’s just down the street from here. They got all kinds of crafts stuff there,’ Yoichi said. ‘And it looks like it might rain.’

I agreed we should probably haul ass, so we went to the first store and I started perusing the gouaches they had. But my mind wasn’t in the moment with me. I couldn’t tell you what it was. But there was just... something. I found myself picking out paint colors at random. 

‘Hey, I was thinking, you wanna go get something to eat after we’re done?’ he asked. 

And I should have jumped at the chance, and my stomach should have flooded with fits of butterflies. 

But, ‘Okay, sounds great,’ was all I could say. 

He was kinda close to me, and I could feel his eyes more openly on my belly this time. It should have been hot. It was hot, dammit. 

Wasn’t it...?

Back outside, slithers of rain were spitting down the street. Yoichi knew another art supply store not too far from here so I followed his massive bulk as he lumbered along, so huge that his arms actually stuck out by his sides. Once again his jacket could barely contain his enormous biceps, and bulging pecs and belly, all of it so firm.

I wanted to feel what I felt yesterday, or even this morning - that irresistible pull towards him - but... there was something in the way. I was peeved I’d not thought to bring an umbrella, but that wasn’t it. 

Then what was it?

Safer Supplies was next, and it was close to ‘This great burrito place’ according to Yoichi. He kept bringing up food. It was making me hungry, and it was making me crabby. 

This store was one of those cramped places wedged between two other buildings, meaning only a couple of customers could fit at any one time. Yoichi expertly maneuvered his great heft around, clearly having done this a million times in small spaces. I wanted to find it so hot. His shoulders even grazed the doorframe when he entered, for Pete’s sake. 

So why couldn’t I appreciate that? 

... What was wrong with me?

Outside I could hear the drizzle growing stronger. 

‘So all those people want you to make a carving for them?’ he asked while I stared at palette knives without really looking. ‘That’s so cool.’

‘Yeah, uh-uh.’ I was being curt with him. In truth, I was being an asshole. I’d been fine when I woke up this morning, so... What gives, Dicky?

After Safer Supplies we did a half-jog to get out of the rain (I’d gotten a little unfit, I made a mental note), down to this burrito place that was supposedly so great, my mood showing no signs of improving. Whatever was gnawing at me, it wasn’t going anywhere. I just wished I coulda put my finger on it. 

Once inside, we sat down by the window and unwrapped our food.

‘There’s no, like feudal - medieval, sorry - theme here, I promise!’ And he smiled that smile that could’ve sunk ships and should have sunk my heart, were it not turning slowly to stone with each bite of my delicious burrito. 

Tomato, chicken, spicy rice, beans, cilantro and cheese all sang inside my mouth, and Yoichi watched me wolf it down, clearly braced to ask if I wanted more, but this thing in my head, this - I didn’t know what it was - it had other ideas. It was determined to keep me from enjoying anything. 

‘Are you... Are you okay?’ he asked softly while the rain pattered against the window. 

‘Sure,’ I lied with my cheeks stuffed, tastebuds exploding. I couldn’t be sure I wasn’t starting to figure this mood out, what was causing it. 

The part of me that wanted to just keep eating and eating, ordering another burrito, then another, then wash it all down with a goddamn bucket of coke, then work my way through every dessert on the menu, every pie, cake, brownie, tartlet and scoop of icecream they had, that voice was turning dumb. The gnawing-feeling, however, that was starting to solidify. I could almost grasp it. 

We finished up. Yoichi asked a few times if I was certain I didn’t want any more, but I was certain. So we stepped back out into the grey. 

‘Hey, I know the weather isn’t perfect but I wanted to show you something, if you were up for it,’ he said, wrapping his jacket back around his titanic frame, bulging and flexing every muscle as he did. 

I let out a sigh, wiping raindrops from my face. ‘I don’t know, Yoichi....’ Keeping the tedium from my voice proved more difficult than I realized. 

‘It’s - I’d just like to show you, is all,’ he tried again. 

I couldn’t be sure, but I had an inclination. Still, I went along with him, because that’s what I do. 

He seemed happy with my reluctant assent, and lumbered ahead once again, off in a direction I’d never been to before. I was pretty sure it was one of the routes out of town, in fact. As we trudged, the weather did not improve and nor did my mood. I had no idea where we were going, but my general feeling was that I just wanted to get this over with. 

Eventually buildings got sparse. The street we were on seemed abandoned. Nature was reclaiming this area, it appeared, probably loving the shower, unlike me. 

‘Yoichi, where are we going?’

‘It’s just a bit farther ahead,’ he called back. ‘We’re not far now, honestly.’

I rolled my eyes, done with this. This whole day. I knew the nagging feeling in my head now, I knew what it meant, what it had been trying to say all afternoon. 

But then there it was, in the distance: A huge, squat ovular building...

... A stadium. 

‘I didn’t know Cresthaven had a stadium...,’ I said. 

‘It doesn’t,’ he replied. ‘Not anymore. This place has been abandoned for... coming up on six years now.’

Okay, granted, this was interesting. I’d have to give him that, much as my mood didn’t want to. When we got closer, it all came into focus: Rusted turnstiles, ticket booths filled with plantlife, to the side a vast, cracked parking lot. And the sides of the stadium looming up into the slate sky, fallen paneling revealing its metal guts. 

‘Richard, come on.’ He was already at the turnstiles. 

‘What happened here?’ I asked. 

‘Uh, there was a huge storm. It just... tore through this part of town. This place was one of the worst hit. A lot of people were lost, actually. The Prowlers - that’s the baseball team - they couldn’t afford to fix the damage, so...’

We were inside now, out of the rain, at least. I looked through the ruined halls, concession stands strangled by creepers, just a bunch of wiring where the ceiling should’ve been. Yoichi had pressed on ahead, through the huge double doors that led out onto the field. As I pushed my way through them, I could feel my patience wearing down to its last legs. As impressive as all this was, I had to know. 

‘Okay, where are they?’ I asked, looking around the sodden baseball field. I’d had enough. 

He turned to me, face screwed up in confusion. Or a facsimile of it. 

‘What?’ he said. 

I wasn’t buying it. 

‘Where are your friends?’ I checked each darkened nook I could see. ‘Or whoever is out there, ready to pop out.’

He removed his glasses to wipe them, blinked at me. 

‘What do you mean?’

What did I mean? Give me a break.

‘This is a prank, right?’ I asked, letting the gnawing voice take full control now. I knew, I just knew. ‘You’re pranking me, Yoichi, yeah?’

He gave a nervous laugh, and came back towards me a little. ‘What...? No...’

I stepped back. I wasn’t falling for this anymore. I’d figured it out. Not just this stadium, but the whole damned thing. 

‘Come on, man.’ I threw my arms up in the air, letting the rain openly soak me. ‘Just - Just put me out of my misery.’

He just kept up the little lost act. 

‘Richard, what... ? I don’t understand...?’

I let out a laugh entirely devoid of humor.

‘Yoichi, look at you, and look at me.’ Apparently I was going to have to spell it out. ‘You’re like this - this perfect human being, right? You’re the size of a tank, you’ve got muscles on your muscles, you’re unbelievably handsome, and you bake for Christsake!’

He said nothing, so I continued,

‘And look at me. I’m big, I’m fat, I’m old-fashioned, I like watching horror movies on VHS, I haven’t stepped foot in a gym a day in my life. The only -‘ My throat got stuck for a second. 

‘- The only reason a guy as hot as you would hang around with a guy like me, is if it were a trick, let’s face it. Cos that’s what people do to me, Yoichi. They act like they’re interested in me, it always starts off great, you know, and I’m thinking ‘Wow, this could really be something.’’

‘Richard, that’s not...,’ he started. ‘The beach...’

But you know when people talk about a red mist that comes over them? I was pretty sure I was getting that. The only saving grace being that the rain was washing away the tears escaping down my cheeks.

‘Then they hurt me,’ I carried on. ‘I’m too fat or, I don’t know, I’m like someone’s dad or - or - or they’ve got a bunch of friggin... random-ass friends waiting to kick me down and get their laughs in. Well, I’m not just some big dumb bear here for people’s amusement. I’m not disposable, alright? I’ve got feelings of my own.’ I was fully crying now, body convulsing, voice constricting, the whole bit. Too late to put it back in the box. ‘So, just, whatever it is you’re gonna do, can you please just get it over with?’

And I guess I’d said everything I needed to get out of me, cos then I just stood there sobbing in the rain, staring down in to the wet grass and the mud. It felt like things just stayed that way for quite a while. 

But then I saw his shadow merge with mine, and felt his big wet hands cup my big wet face. I hadn’t the energy to pull back.

‘I’m not like that,’ he said quietly. 

And his warm lips pressed into mine, and I felt my whole body leaning into it, despite myself, still crying. He kissed me for so long. Eventually I let my hands feel his sides, strong and mighty as they were, the both of us soaked. 

‘Richard, I’m not an asshole,’ he said, and pulled me right in. 

Our sopping wet clothes smushed up together, and I let my head rest in the warm nook between his massive trapezoid and shoulder. His arms wrapped around my bulbous middle, and they felt so good, and I felt like such a fool. 

‘Horror movies on VHS sounds pretty cool to me,’ he whispered. And I let out an embarrassing sob-laugh. 

‘I’m sorry,’ I sniffed. ‘I didn’t mean to sound like an ass… I’ve just... I’ve been hurt and...’

He held me tighter. The rain simply poured down on the both of us, stood there in the middle of this abandoned stadium. And he said to me, over the torrent of rainwater,

‘I really, really like you, Richard.’