The Simulacrum - Chapter 130 - Part 2 (Patreon)

Life had a way to dissipate tension. Just the other day, I was freaking out over being bitten by a space-whatever, and yet once the initial shock passed, I quickly found myself drowning in other issues demanding my attention. Yet, even with all of that going on, I would occasionally find myself spacing out and just going with the flow. Like right at this moment.

"Chief? Can you pass me the red paint?"

I turned to Judy, and her hand held out to me and raised a single brow.

"… Why? It's a blue vase."

"I'm trying something," my dear assistant responded, shaking her open palm.

I still had no idea what she was trying to do, but I didn't argue and handed her a red paint tube from my kit. She thanked me and returned to her canvas, leaving me none the wiser about how she was planning to use a red pigment to paint a completely blue model.

But speaking of plans; I'm not going to lie, just learning about the fact that there was something like that in play took quite a bit of weight off my shoulders.

Not all of it though, as I still had no idea just what said 'plan' was, but it was something other me vouched for. Even if he was a bit of a douche, I figured he was still me, so he wouldn't be okay with something that would negatively affect me or the people around me. Probably. Hopefully.

In any case, with my shoulder weights temporarily alleviated, I could focus on other endeavours in earnest. Such as the blue vase in front of me.

"Ah, very good! You are such a free spirit, aren't you?"

"Tee-hee!"

I glanced over to the desk on our right, where Josh, Angie, and Ammy were sketching an apple. After being praised by our new art teacher, better known as Lord Taika, our friendly neighbourhood messianic archetype let out a silly laugh. She got along with everyone, as usual, and the illusionist arch-mage wasn't hard to gel with, to begin with. Out of all the incognito Assembly members, she took to her cover job as a teacher the easiest, and even though this was her first lesson with us, her interactions felt natural.

She was also pretty good at the whole 'art' thing as well. Apparently, a good illusionist needed quite a bit of artistic talent to craft believable magical mirages, and the advice she handed out sounded legit. She even managed to impress the princess, and while that doesn't sound like much, my lovely draconic girlfriend was still prone to pouting whenever the quality of her handiwork was brought into question, as I have learned on my own skin for daring to add salt to her homemade lunchbox the other day.

Anyhow, just like the three childhood friends, we were also sitting in a group, with a couple of desks pushed together between us and the already mentioned blue jug sitting in the middle of it, serving as our model for the day. The girls were happy with this arrangement, and threw themselves at the task with passion, while I… well, let's just say that after making up the leeway for two math tests at once during the last period, I was a bit more economical with my gusto.

I also had many other things on my mind. While my meeting with other me made me feel at least marginally less worried about the future, my inner pessimist kept reminding me that complacency was for children, fools, and tenured university professors. As such, even while I was doing my best not to embarrass myself with my lack of artistic skills, I also had a notebook open next to the canvas, where I was jotting down my own, not-at-all nefarious schemes.

"What are you writing?"

Of course, it wouldn’t escape my girlfriends' notice, and it was the princess who breached the question first.

"Multitasking," I told her with a cheeky smile.

"That's Judybot's job," my other girlfriend commented while doing that thing where she held out her brush and closed one eye to… measure… something? I guessed? I never really understood what that was about.

"It's not a proprietary feature, so there's no problem," I jested and pulled the notebook out of the curios princess's sight.

"Is it a secret? Is it another scheme?" she asked while craning her neck.

"No, it's just a run-of-the-mill priority list. Nothing more, nothing less." She still wasn't satisfied by the looks of it, so I added, "Pay attention to your painting, princess. There's only twenty minutes left until the break, and if you smudge it now, you won't have the time to start over."

Pouting, she finally relented, and returned to her work, meaning I could also take the notebook out again. Truth be told, while I wasn't lying to her, I wasn't entirely sincere either. This was, in the strict sense of the word, a priority list for sure, but it also happened to list all my currently ongoing plans, designs, and machinations. And oh boy, it was much longer than I thought it would end up when I started.

Currently, the top spot was reserved by the words 'Valentine's Day Dates'. It might have looked silly, compared to everything else on the list, but it was the only one with a hard deadline, so come hell or high water, I had to finalize everything by Saturday, or I would… Well, honestly, I wouldn't lose anything per se, but I went into our polyfidelous relationship saying I would give my one hundred and ten percent to make it work, and if I slouched on this, I was afraid I would create a bad precedent.

As such, taking the girls out was priority number one, and I intended to keep it that way, unless the world was literally collapsing on the very same day. But let's not tempt fate, shall we?

The second entry was slightly more abstract, as it read 'Train My Arms'. Long story short, as my slightly traumatic encounter revealed, my immaterial tentacular appendages could be injured by factors outside of the Simulacrum. Conversely, this meant they were something that existed outside of this world, and while it opened up a lot of metaphysical questions, for the time being, all of those had to be sacrificed on the altar of practicality.

Put simply, since they could be damaged by the bone person, it meant he could interact with them. This logically meant the phantom limbs had to exist on the same plane of existence as him. Therefore, if it ever came to a confrontation with him, or any of the other star-people from the not-dark not-room, these ethereal tendrils were my first and last line of defence, meaning the best course of action was to strengthen them in preparation. Of course, that was easier said than done, but I still had lots of free time at night, and I was anything if not persistent, so I was sure I would figure out something. Rather sooner than later. Preferably before it was too late.

The next line (or rather, the line that had an arrow point there, after many rewrites) said 'Clean House and Reorganize', referring to the Directorate. It was kind of a big thing, admittedly, but I had already laid down some groundwork by interrogating and marking the entire Celestial leadership, as well as recruiting Moose to open up a second front. It was this high on the priority list because as much as I enjoyed the momentary lull, I knew for sure that Savir was doing her best to consolidate her power in preparation for Angie's proper ascension as Deus, and it obviously wasn't to help her. Mensah was also doing some shady stuff in the background, though I couldn't quite catch him red-handed yet, and as for Tsephanyah, as much as he was the least of three evils, I wouldn't trust him as far I could throw him.

Leaving them in power was just asking for more harebrained schemes and potential betrayals, and while those were very exciting and dynamic and whatnot from a narrative perspective, being on the receiving end of them was both dangerous and annoying. Though the first part mostly applied to Josh and Angie, not me, it was still something to be avoided. That alone should have warranted an obvious high spot on the list, so why did I erase it and then arrow it back later?

It all had to do with other me's warning. Without it, the logic is pretty straightforward: The Directorate is dangerous to Josh and Angie, dangerous things are bad, bad things have to be rid of, therefore removing the Directorate is a good thing, and everyone's happy. However, I was explicitly told not to mess up the plot, and whatever big, dramatic flustercuck would serve as the 'climax' of the 'Angie Route' was guaranteed to involve them. If I decided to pull the plug and just get rid of them tomorrow by, say, employing a certain enigmatic and erratic alleged Abyssal Lord, picking up all the undesirable elements and dumping them in an underground prison somewhere or something, it would definitely count as 'messing up the plot', meaning it was a no-no.

As such, for the time being, I decided to limit myself to simply laying the groundwork and setting the stage, so that the moment the aforementioned 'plot' reared its ugly head, I could smack it down, and the Directorate with it, getting them out of my hair once and for all. Of course, that required a lot of time and effort, so it was still high on my priority list.

"Oh my, Leonard."

My thought processes were suddenly interrupted by Lord Taika appearing beside me. By the look on her face, I could tell that she was enjoying herself, and her modest smile, combined with her outfit and her (fake) glasses gave her a distinct 'mature, intellectual beauty' kind of look. More importantly, he leaned closer to take a better look at my canvas, and her brows rose with a mixture of wonder and astonishment.

"Are you… trying to depict the three-dimensional surface of the vase from every direction at once, but in two dimensions?"

I… had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, but I was never shy to take undeserved credit for inconsequential things like this, so I gave her an unabashed nod.

"Ah, I expected at least this much from you!"

She sounded genuinely impressed, but to be honest, I had no idea what she was seeing in my half-finished sketch. As I have alluded to, I was multitasking, and wasn't taking the assignment seriously at all. Hence the notepad and the slapdash painting that only resembled a vase in the most basic and generous) terms. I didn't think she was pulling my leg though, so I was either so clueless about art that I didn't even recognize my own genius, or this was one of those 'misunderstanding comedy' situations. My money was on the latter.

At least my girlfriends were taking art class seriously. Judy's painting, despite using some, so to say, unconventional palette, was starting to look more and more like a photograph by the second, while the princess was going for a more freeform kind of style. Was 'impressionism' the word, I wondered? In any case, while less realistic, her work wasn't any less striking.

Compared to them, my sorry excuse of an 'artwork' was laughable at best, but to be fair, I wasn't especially trying. There was a reason why 'Schoolwork' ended up pretty low on my priority list, and while I imagined Elly would end up bummed if I didn't end up on the honour roll again at the end of the year, I didn't have as much free time to study as I did during last autumn. Even without my long absence, it was inevitable.

In any case, once she finished inspecting my 'painting', our 'Mrs. Talvipäivänseisaus' smiled at me. Speaking of which, was that her real name, or a fake identity? And in either case, was she married for real? Better yet, did I even care? Well, at least I could answer that last question with a 'No', so I ignored the rest and raised a brow at her.

"Artistic talent does seem to run in your family," she told me in a soft voice, and it took me a moment to realize what she meant.

"Right, already taught my sisters' class, didn't you?"

"Has she told you about it?" She hid her mouth behind the back of her hand and let out a dignified chuckle. "Why, yes. Neige is immensely talented in the visual arts, and as for Penelope, she's… enthusiastic."

"That was very diplomatic of you. Thank you." She let out another chuckle, and I thought that would be the end of it, but she remained with me. "Is there something else?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. Could I have some of your time after classes?" She leaned closer, and whispered, "I would like to ask you for advice."

While her words were completely innocuous, I could practically feel a quartet of burning gazes on the back of my skull, and when I glanced over, the four creepy amigos, naturally forming their own study group (and using a posable PVC anime figurine as a model, but that's beside the point) didn't even bother to hide their animosity. If this was a manga, I imagined they would be depicted with their faces in shadows and their eyes replaced by glowing dots, with the background being nothing more than unnerving, squiggly lines.

Stifling a groan, I turned back to the incognito arch-mage and shook my head.

"Sorry, but I already have plans with the girls after class, so I can't stay?"

"We do?" the princess perked up at once, and I just noticed that she somehow got a paint splotch on her cheek.

"Yes, we most certainly do," Judy came to back me up, without even looking up from her canvas, which told me she was paying full attention to our conversation. In the meantime, I took out a paper tissue from my bag and wiped my other girlfriend's face clean.

"You heard them. That's the long and short of it," I told Taika, and then threw the bunched-up tissue into the nearby wastebasket. It landed right in the middle of it, without even touching the sides. "Heh. Three points."

"Showoff," Josh commented on autopilot from the desk next to us, causing Angie to giggle uncontrollably.

For a moment, I had to slow down and take in the scene. As much as a hassle it was to keep up with schoolwork, it was exactly this kind of thing why I still insisted on attending Blue Cherry High. It was, for lack of better words, cosy.

"Oh. If it can't be helped, then it's fine…" Taika whispered with audible disappointment, and realizing that I wasn't paying attention to her anymore, she grudgingly moved to the next study group.

Now that she was gone, I could finally return to my painting… except it was apparently already perfect and impossible to improve, so I reached for my notebook instead. Where were we, where were we…? Ah, right. Dismantling the Directorate. It ranked high because, but not at the top, because while it was something important, I was planning to delegate much of its foundation to Moose, Kane, and any other semi-trustworthy individuals they could find. As such, it was a high-impact, low-effort thing.

In this regard, the next priority on the list was mirroring this one: 'Plan F'. Also known as the 'Homunculus Plan'. In contrast to the previous one, this required great material and time investment on my end, and whether it would be useful or not in the future was still up in the air, but it was one of those contingency plans I didn't dare to skimp out on. It also had an arrow pointing at it, with 'Getting rid of B?' at the end of it. The letter 'B' was referring to 'Bel', and it had a question mark because it was more of a backup plan, to recuperate some of the investment in case I never had to use Plan F after all.

The next couple of lines were erased and switched around a couple of times, and they all had to do with various topics regarding the Draconic Federation, the Ordo Draconis, and others. Official stuff. In other words, boring things that had to be taken care of, no matter how much I loathed wasting my precious time on them.

But speaking of taking care of things, the next line was something that also had to happen sooner or later. Namely, doing something about the Faun escorts of Tajana. Oh, for the record, she was near the very bottom of the priority list, because Snowy was taking care of her, but the Fauns were another issue entirely. Now that I had Rinne back on the island, I had all the chess pieces necessary to capture them, but it wasn't a pressing issue.

Mountain Girl was also busy nowadays, mediating between the Ordo Draconis and the Praetorian Guards, on top of keeping up appearances as a PE teacher here at Blue Cherry High, so I was willing to wait for her to sort out her affairs first. Speaking of her, she had been spending a lot more time around Naoren as of late, ostensibly to discuss security. While I was curious if that's all they were doing, I also respected my associates' privacy (ha!), so I left them to their own devices.

Then, at the very bottom of the page, slightly away from the main body of the list, there was another entry marked with a question mark. It read 'Visit Elderly Relatives?', and as the punctuation had already implied, I didn't know what to do with him.

Sooner or later, I had to do something about Sir Percival, but to be honest, the current arrangement was working for me. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say. Honestly speaking, I didn't want to directly confront him, because once I did so, I would have to decide his fate for good. Releasing him was out of the picture, killing him still didn't quite sit right with me, and as for keeping him locked up indefinitely… wasn't that what I was already doing, anyway?

In conclusion, while he was a liability, I figured I should let sleeping lions lie until I sorted out everything else, and leave the moral quandary for last.

Was I missing anything from the list, I wondered? I was about to start reading from the top, but then I saw that Judy was signalling to me, so I put it aside… and nearly burst out laughing.

"Chief, please review my painting," she said with a straight face, though there were two things definitely out of place.

First off, the tip of her nose was covered with blue paint, and as deadpan as she appeared on the surface, I could see that the tips of her ears were turning red. Did she… do that to herself, because she wanted me to clean her face too? All evidence pointed in that direction, so I did my best to stifle the laugh tickling the back of my throat.

"Before that, there's something on your face," I said as I fished out another paper tissue from my bag.

"Where. Where."

Her acting wasn't exactly convincing, but I did my best to accommodate her by reaching over and carefully wiping off her nose. My dear Dormouse rarely showed them, but she definitely had her cute sides, didn't she?

However, while I was happily musing about that, someone tapped on my shoulder, and when I turned over, I found Lord Taika standing next to me again, this time with a handful of white pages covered in glowing black blotches in her hands.

"Since you said you'll be busy after class, can I bother you for a moment now?" She didn't even bother to wait for my response and showed the first page to me. "What do you see here?"

"… A Rorschach Test?" I answered, sounding just a tiny bit miffed after she ruined our wholesome moment with Judy.

"No, I mean me, what do you see?" she emphasized and kept pushing.

"A bunch of ink blobs."

"But what's in the blobs?"

Rolling my eyes, I took a closer look, and when I squinted, I could make out a pattern in the soft magical glow of the indistinct ink stains. It didn't take long to realize they were the outlines of letters, and after straining my eyes a bit, they read 'Are you free after school?'.

"… Are you serious?"

Instead of answering me, she showed me another ink blob picture, and the illusion embedded in it said, 'Pretty please?'. Not only that, she even punctuated it with a clumsy wink, which completely ruined her 'cool, intellectual beauty' image. Worse yet, it caused not only the creepy quartet, but even my girlfriends to give me sideways looks.

In the end, I settled it with an ambivalent, "Maybe."

"Thank you!"

Apparently, so long as it wasn't a hard 'No,' it was good enough for her. With that she walked away with springy steps, followed by everyone's eyes. Including Elly's.

"What was that about?"

"Extracurricular activity," I answered in a low voice, and with a careless toss, I scored another three-pointer in the thrash basket.

In conclusion, school was necessary, mostly cosy, and occasionally exasperating. Nothing new, by any stretch of the imagination.