The Simulacrum - Chapter 111 - Part 3 (Patreon)

"Dormouse, please stop," I pleaded, yet my girlfriend remained steadfast.

"You deserve this," she fumed and lightly tugged on my ear. "I keep telling you to think twice before you get involved with anything, and yet every time I take my eyes off you, you get into trouble."

"This time, I agree with Judy," the princess followed her up with a solemn expression made unconvincing by her red nose and puffy eyes. She was also sitting on my lap, ostensibly to stop me from running away, but since we all knew I wasn't going to do that, I figured it was mostly for just comfort and skinship.

"Are you paying attention?" Judy raised her voice and pulled on my ear again, but since the act had no force behind it, it barely even tickled.

While I was willing to indulge her until this point, at this rate this whole discussion was going nowhere fast, so carefully cupped her hand in my own.

"I know that you're still mad at me, but can we move on? Please?"

My dear assistant looked at me with flat eyes, but before long, she let out a long breath in acquiescence.

"Fine. I'll postpone your punishment for now." With that over and done with, she moved her hand so that her fingers were clasped onto mine, and then waited for Elly to grab my other hand before speaking up again. "So, just to summarize, you had the memories of an ancient Celestial leader forcefully transplanted into you, managed to avoid it, but there was still some bleeding in, and you want us to give you an outside perspective on whether or not it changed your personality. Did I miss anything?"

"No, that's the gist of it," I answered, and the girl in my lap let out a thoughtful hum.

"So far Leo sounds like Leo to me, so there's probably nothing to worry about."

"Let's make sure," Judy stressed and put a finger on her own lips while mulling things over. "I think the quickest way would be to just ask rapid-fire questions."

"Do you mean, like the psychologists in movies?" the princess asked back, and Judy nodded.

"Yes. I've read that asking for immediate answers, without thinking, helps to bypass the mind's natural inhibitions."

"I don't know… it sounds kind of sketchy to me."

My mumbling made Judy turn another flat gaze my way and ask, "Do you have a better idea?"

"Well… no," I admitted, and she let out a satisfied hum.

"Oh, oh, let me start!" the princess cut in with undue excitement. "For example… what is your favorite food?"

"Favorite? I don't know. Grilled cheese sandwiches, maybe?"

"… Is that the right answer?"

Elly's question made Judy let out a sigh and say, "We should only ask questions we know the answers to, otherwise this is meaningless."

"Right, right. So… I think it's your turn now."

My dear assistant fell silent and then squeezed my hand to get my attention.

"Let's test your long-term memory first. When did we first meet?"

"You and I? It was on the roof of the school on the second… No, scratch that. It was on the first day of school, wasn't it?"

"That's right. Elly?"

"Oh, it's my turn already?" The princess shook her head and flashed a daring smile at me. "Answer this! When did I fall in love with you?"

"… Do you seriously expect him to know the answer to that one?" my dear assistant inquired in an eminently deadpan voice, but my draconic girlfriend's eyes remained locked on me, so I did my best to figure out the answer.

"I guess… Probably when you fell off the stairs and I caught you?"

"Hm? Did your crush start with the suspension bridge effect?" Judy interjected, but the princess didn't pay her any attention and nuzzled up to me instead.

"That's right! There were a lot of other things too, but that's what started it all!"

"My turn. Do you have a maid fetish?"

"No," I answered by reflex, and my dear assistant clicked her tongue in return.

"I'm sorry Chief, but that was the wrong answer. Maybe it's because French maids didn't exist in his time yet, but it's evident that this ancient Archon's preferences overrode yours."

"… I see that you two are having fun, but can we please take this seriously?"

"Fine. Let's try this again." Letting go of my hand, Judy took out her phone. "Let's do it this way. I'm going to say a name, and you respond with the first thing that comes to mind."

"That… sounds like what we should've started with."

Ignoring my comment, Judy tapped her phone a few times and took a deep breath.

"Elly?"

"Princess," I uttered the first word that popped into my head.

"Sebastian?"

"Tea."

"Neige?"

"Cute."

"Penelope?"

"Kiddo."

"Joshua?"

"Protagonist."

"Rinne?"

"Pizza-cutter."

"Noire?"

"Asshole."

"Lord Endymonion?"

"Also asshole."

"Agrawain?"

"Still asshole."

"Brang?"

"Bartender."

" Deus?"

"Cult leader."

"Sir Percival?"

"A thermonuclear warhead shaped like an extra-large buttplug."

My last answer elicited a confused 'Ew?' from the princess, but as far as my dear assistant was concerned, she looked rather relieved.

"While this is far from a full psychological evaluation, you appear to think along the same lines as usual. At most, you seem to be more on edge, but that might just be because of the stress caused by making your girlfriends worried."

"Really? He doesn't sound different to me," Elly noted a touch absently, but by then, Judy deemed the topic closed and moved on.

"We'll do a more thorough examination in the base later. I'm certain Friedrich or one of his coworkers will have a device seemingly custom-made for precisely this purpose, but first, let's hear how you got into a situation where the integrity of your personality could be theoretically compromised."

Before I would do any of that, I carefully shifted the princess off my lap and stood up. Taking a few seconds to limber up my legs, I took a step forward and faced the girls on the bed at a perfect pacing distance.

"Okay, let's start with the timeline. Here's what happened yesterday in a nutshell: Sir Percival and I set out in the morning to meet some alleged Magi collaborators. Instead, he led me into a Celestial ambush."

"And you let them capture you so that they would take you to their leaders and you could mark them for Far Sight?" Elly cut in, receiving a shake of my head in return.

"You're jumping the gun. It went down like this: it was the Unorthodox Celestials who set this up, but then the Reformist Celestials showed up, led by the healer who fixed my hand, and captured the first group."

"A moment, please," Judy raised a hand to stall me before returning to her notes on her phone. "What are the Unorthodox and the Reformists?"

"It's complicated, and I'll explain it later. For now, it's enough that you know that they are two different factions within the Elysium. Anyhow, it was at this point that I let them take me to their leaders so that I could mark them for Far Sight. After that, I was presented with this guy here." For reference, I pulled the Celestial short sword from its makeshift holster and showed it to the girls. "I call it Teeny."

"Uh-huh. And what's its real name?"

Before answering Judy's question, I hung the sword from my side again and then uttered, "The Spear of Destiny."

"Oh. I see why you changed the name."

"Why?" Elly cut in, sounding genuinely perplexed. "It's a good name. Sounds really powerful."

"It's also generic and clichéd," Judy pointed out, yet my draconic girlfriend didn't budge an inch.

"You're doing it again! Just because something isn't very unique or clever, it doesn't mean it's bad! If someone told me they were wielding the 'Spear of Destiny', I would immediately assume that it's a powerful weapon and that they are powerful too! It gets the point across."

"True, but you have to look at it from my perspective," I cut in. "Would you not feel embarrassed if you had to introduce yourself with the words 'I carry the Spear of Destiny'?"

"No, of course not. It sounds really imposing."

Elly's straightforward answer made me wonder if she was easily impressed, or if I was being too jaded about the topic. In the end, I decided to stop wondering and moved on.

"It's a moot point, since its name is Teeny now. The really important part is that it's a plot device that housed the memories of Archon Polemos, and it was designed to transfer them to a new host. Namely, me."

"Oh. So, it's like Onikiri?"

Elly's next question threw me on a loop, and I could only answer with an ambivalent, "Sorta?"

In technical terms, there were some major parallels; both were overpowered weapons with insanely complex enchantments on them, both were plot devices, and both housed souls, but that's where the similarities ended. Onikiri was designed to permanently house a complete soul, inside its own little virtual reality bubble, while Teeny was closer to a device holding a negative imprint of a soul which it could stamp onto an unfortunate victim that met its criteria. Unfortunately (for it, not for me), the attempt ended in major failure, if the girls were to be believed, but in any case, the actual soul-related mechanics of the two weapons were entirely different.

"What happened after that?" Judy asked with a finger posed over her phone.

"After that, it took me nearly a day and a half to shut down the transfer procedure, after which I needed to take a break, interrogate Jaakobah about the Celestial situation, and then as soon as I was able, I came to meet you two."

Judy nodded without looking up, lost in her note-taking efforts, so I glanced over to Elly next. We locked eyes, and then she gave me a knowing look and cleared her throat.

"You must be curious about what happened on our side, right?" When I tentatively nodded, her lips bent into a smile and she pointed at me. "I'll tell you everything I know!"

I caught a glance from Judy that said 'It isn't much', which I reprimanded with a raised brow saying, 'Hey. Don't be rude', at which point she shrugged and returned to her phone. Meanwhile, the princess collected her thoughts and began weaving her tale.

"It all started around noon, yesterday. I was called on the phone by Neige, and she told me that Sir Percival was injured while escaping from Abyssal assassins… which was obviously a lie, and…" Elly's words trailed off into silence as an angry scowl conquered her face, and after a long breath, she exclaimed, "He's still recuperating in the mansion! Let's go and beat him up!"

"Easy, princess. Let's leave the best for last and finish what we started first."

"Oh, fine," she grumbled and blew a tuft of hair off her face before starting the whole story from the beginning. "So, Neige called me, right? After that, I told what happened to dad, and the Ordo Draconis was mobilized. Percival led them back to where he said you had fought, and Sir Roland confirmed the traces of battle left behind."

That made me raise a brow, considering that last I recalled, we left the warehouse in mint condition, so unless she meant the Purple Zone, I wasn't sure what she was talking about.

"Where was this site?"

"Inside an old underground parking lot near the seaside district."

In conclusion, Sir Percival and his Celestial allies set up a separate fake battlefield to give his story more credence. I had to give it to them, they were thorough.

"Hm. What happened after that?"

Before answering, Elly raised a hand and began counting her fingers.

"Let's see. Dad, Naoren, and Lady Yseult investigated the area, Rinne took the Kage ninjas, Ichiko, and the Fauns to track the kidnappers, while the Knights took Neige and Judy into protective custody." All of a sudden, Elly froze up and then pointed a finger at me. "You should teleport to Rinne and tell her that you're okay. I think they are still out there, looking for you."

"I'll add that to the to-do list. What happened after that?"

"Lots of things," Judy interjected, finally rising from the phone screen. "There was an emergency meeting, where Sir Percival gave an impassioned speech about how it was necessary to stay calm and not let this sudden attack by the Abyssals undermine the unity of the Draconic Federation. After that, he swore that he would find you, or failing that, avenge you, and then he declared that he came out of retirement and that the Ordo Draconis would need to elect a new leader until you return."

"… Seriously?"

"Yes, he did that," Elly confirmed, and I promptly buried my face in my palm.

"Please tell me he didn't receive full applause and got appointed on the spot."

"He didn't." Elly's answer made me exhale a sigh of relief, but then it got caught short when she explained, "Ho only got elected when Sir Roland refused the proposition and handed it over to him."

"Why would he…?" the words slipped through my lips on their own, but as my brain caught up with the situation, I bit back the rest and considered the situation a bit more closely.

I already told him about my misgivings in regard to Uncle Percy, so after what happened, he might've been suspicious about what happened to me. He also knew both that I was Bel and that I could teleport, so I'm sure he must've realized that kidnapping me was virtually impossible. Considering all of that, why would he still nominate Percival to be my substitute?

The first possibility that came to mind was that he was following my example and was trying to keep the old bastard where he could see him. After what happened, he would be under extra scrutiny, making it all the harder for him to get in touch with his Celestial contacts, and if he tried to abuse his position, it could be used against him later. In a sense, by making him the provisional leader, Roland just handed more rope to Percival to hang himself with.

Of course, this was just my conjecture, but if I was right…

"Please remind me to give Roland a bonus."

"Noted," my dear assistant commented on the side, and then put her phone aside. "Anything else you'd like to know?"

"Is there anything else I would need to know?" I asked back, and after a long beat, Elly raised her hand.

"Actually, there was one more thing. The Assembly contacted the Draconic Federation about your disappearance. It said they had nothing to do with it, and don't know anything, but they're willing to join the search and rescue operation. Dad wanted to turn them down. He said they were just trying to get involved to use it as a bargaining chip later during the negotiations, but Naoren convinced him to take the offer."

"So now even the Magi will be looking for me…"

"Providing lots of opportunities for them to butt heads with the Knights and the Draconians in the process," Judy noted, and I couldn't help but agree with her.

"I was only gone for a little more than a day, and yet the whole island is spiraling out of control…"

"Chief, it's the other way around."

"Maybe, but unfortunately, I don't think I can casually return to Critias any time soon. This whole Archon business is kind of tying me to the Elysium at the moment, and that place is a veritable powder keg, and if I left it alone, it would all spill over our already overcomplicated situation."

"Is this the part where you explain what's going on with the Celestials and justify why you can't stay?" Judy asked in an uncharacteristically biting tone.

"Yes, it is," I answered in a level voice and began to slowly pace in front of the bed. "Buckle in, girls. This is going to take a while…"