The Simulacrum - Chapter 67 - Part 2 (Patreon)

"That's why I told Leo that he should use his reality-warping ability to come up with a new thing everyone would want to buy," the princess remarked on my left, slightly leaning forward while sitting on the couch so that she could look Judy in the eye. "Then we would invest in it, wait for the demand to rise, and then monopolize the market. Easy money!"

"Isn't your family rich enough already?" my other girlfriend responded with a hint of exasperation while her soft fingers never stopped poking and massaging my numb hand.

"You sound just like Leo!" Elly complained, and she even puffed up one of her cheeks. Probably for emphasis. "I know you are probably unfamiliar with how things work in the industry, but when you are running a big business, you can never have enough money!"

"Careful Elly, your oujo-archetype is showing," my dear assistant spoke a little half-heartedly, then she gestured for me to get my attention. "Chief, can you feel this?"

Saying so, she pinched the back of my hand, and so I was obliged to immediately twitch my shoulders and tell her, "Yeah, please stop."

She did so, but then her eyes slightly narrowed with a tiny frown and she emphatically stated, "No you can't. I already pinched you once while you were paying attention to Elly, but you haven't reacted at all."

"Erm… you are just really bad at pinching?" I jested, but to say that my audience wasn't receptive would have been an understatement.

"Do you want me to have her pinch you next time?" she asked while pointing at my other girlfriend, and this time I didn't have to play into twitching my shoulders.

"No need, I confess, I really didn't feel anything, I'm sorry," I rattled off in a flat voice, which made Judy let out a satisfied breath through her nose and she poked my hand again.

"Apology accepted."

"… Then why do you look like you're still mad that I got injured?"

"I'm not mad because you got injured," she corrected me with a small huff as she interlinked her fingers with mine. "I'm mad because you tried to hide it instead of getting treated as soon as possible."

"I… can't really argue with that," I muttered a touch dejectedly, and my other girlfriend immediately let out a giggle at my expense. "That said, it's not exactly a life-threatening wound."

"Maybe, but what if there was an unexpected crisis, like the Knights showing up again and you would need to fight them, but you can't hold a weapon because your hand is not working as it should?" Judy retorted and I shrugged my shoulder right away.

"My cover is still intact, so they won't pick a fight with me yet, and even if they did for some crazy reason, I could still Phase circles around them without having to fight them head-on." My reasoning didn't seem to fully convince her, so I also added, "Not to mention, I have one of them marked, and occasionally check on their whereabouts, so I would know if they were in the neighborhood."

"True—" Judy began, but then the rest of whatever she wanted to say was pushed aside by the princess suddenly raising her voice on the other side.

"Hold on, you two! You actually have one of those 'mark' things on one of the knights!?"

"I see you have told her about that as well," my assistant noted a smidgen peevishly, apparently none too happy about being interrupted like that.

"I told her about practically everything, in broad terms," I explained, only for Elly to grab hold of my free hand and yank on it to get my attention back.

"Please answer my original question! Do you really know where they are right now?"

"Well, not all of them," I answered as I carefully shifted my hand in her grasp so that we also had our fingers entwined. It was to balance things and stuff. "Right now the goons are still in hiding out of town, while the named ones are preparing a new base within the city."

"Then what are we doing here instead of taking the fight to them?" the princess inquired in a voice that made it sound like she was expecting a really good reason for such apparently baffling behavior.

"As we just discussed, I'm currently not in combat-ready condition, so what exactly do you expect me to do?"

"I don't need you to do anything!" I might have had an odd expression on my face at this point, as she soon let out a long sigh and covered her face with her free hand. I'm not going to lie, being on the receiving end of a facepalm was quite unpleasant. At last, she let her hand down and looked me in the eyes. "Leo, do you remember the thing we discussed about leadership over at the base?"

"You mean the part about delegation and stuff," I followed up, already seeing where she was going.

"Precisely! You could have the Fauns deal with them! Or if you don't want to get them involved yet, you could just tell us and let dad and Sebastian handle it. Oh, wait, I know! You could even use your very own ninja clan to deal with them… if you had one, that is!" She paused here for a long, triumphant beat, but then soon muttered a dazed "Wow, I didn't think it would come up this soon…" right after that.

I glanced over at Judy, and once we wordlessly communicated for a second or two, I turned back to Elly and told her, "You see, princess, it's not that simple. While they are definitely a threat and a thorn in our side, we can't really get rid of the Knights just yet."

"And why's that?" she asked back, and this time it was Judy who answered her.

"Remember what just happened the other day, with both Doctor Robatto, the Knights, and Rinne causing a scene at the same time?" Elly nodded in response, and Judy continued with, "According to our current theory, it was caused by the Chief's actions causing the narrative to rush things, thus piling multiple arc climaxes on top of each other."

"Theoretical arc climaxes, to be precise," I added.

"Don't you mean 'to be semantic'?" Judy countered back, so I flashed an irreverent grin at her for a second before resuming the conversation.

"Either way, we are afraid that if we struck them down, then it could potentially lead to the narrative compensating by pulling even more factions into the fray, and we can't really deal with that while we are still reeling from the fallout of the latest battle."

"Wait, let me see if I get this straight," Elly cut in with a frown that was bordering on an outright glare. "So you refused the chance to get your very own, personal army of sneaky ninjas at your beck and call only because the circumstances led you to believe the narrative wanted you to do it, but you do not want to take down the accursed Knights because it would inconvenience the narrative? No offense, but that sounds really inconsistent to me."

"Not really," Judy came to my rescue in the company of a frown of her own. "The knights are a dangerous element, but one that we are already aware of, so even if they schemed against us again, whether on their own or by the influence of the narrative, we would be prepared. However, if we take them out of the equation, it would lead to the narrative to involve some other opponent, which could potentially pose more danger."

"In other words, keeping them around so that they would serve as convenient bad guys for the narrative to use in the future is actually beneficial to us. As they say, better the devil you know than the devil you don't."

"I get it, but… It just feels so wrong," Elly grumbled but didn't press the topic any further. Instead, she threw us a curve-ball by going in a different direction. "But why do you think this narrative thing wanted to give Leo his own ninja clan?"

"We don't know, and that's the problem," Judy answered with a shrug. "Also, you seem very attached to the idea."

"I mean, they are ninjas?" the princess responded a little uncertainly, but then doubled down with a determined, "Who wouldn't want to have ninjas? They are cool."

"Are they?" I teased her with a purposefully provocatively raised eyebrow. "They dress in black pajamas and get beaten up all the time in action movies."

"I'm not talking about those kinds of ninjas, obviously," she told me with her mouth already set in the embryonic form of a pout.

"To be fair, Chief, ninjas can be fairly impressive," Judy rose to my other girlfriend's defense this time, much to my surprise.

"Are you talking about the historical variety or the highly visible magical ones?"

"The latter," she responded with a nod. "Our native ninjas seem to be that variety, and that Rinne woman proved to be very destructive."

"Right?" Elly joined in with multiple nods of her own. "Imagine having an entire army of them!"

"That would be terrible," my dear assistant suddenly switched gears. "Have you never heard about the inverse conservation ninjutsu?"

"The what now?" I blurted out. "That sounds familiar, but I don't remember the details."

"It's what happens when multiple ninjas are in the same vicinity," Judy patiently explained while using her fingers to illustrate. "One ninja is a dangerous enemy, three ninjas are a slightly less dangerous team, five ninjas are goons, any more than that are just cannon fodder."

"Oh, so it's kind of like how one Faun is a dangerous combatant, but five of them are pretty easy to handle. Now I think I remember the trope," I commented, but for some reason I was receiving flat looks from both of my girlfriends in return.

"Chief, I think you are the only person who could ever say that."

"That's right. I wouldn't want to fight two of them at once, let alone all five like you do during training," Elly stressed, sounding generally worried about by standards.

"Well, okay, maybe it's not so straightforward, but the principle is—"

Before I could finish that thought, the sound of a car stopping in my driveway made me stop on my tracks, and the three of us shared a long glance between each other.

"I'll go and let him in," Judy finally proposed and stood up, just around the same time Snowy showed up at the top of the stairs.

"I think I've heard a car. Is someone coming over?" she asked while making her way down, and my dear assistant quickly explained the gist of it to her. "I see. Should I prepare something to drink?"

"Calm down, sis. You don't have to serve food and drinks to literally everyone just because they come over," I told her before suddenly being reminded of something, so I asked, "How's Ichiko?"

"She's fine," Snowy responded with an unusually amused smile. "She is still in the corner, reflecting on what she had done."

"Good. Tell her that she is to stay there until dinner."

Snowy nodded and headed back upstairs, no doubt to keep the little fox company. As for why she was in the time-out-corner, it mainly had to do with her affinity for accidentally knocking furniture over, and let's leave the description of the incident at that. It's better that way.

Meanwhile, my dear assistant let in our guest and the two of them entered the living room without further ado. To my utter shock, surprise, and borderline bamboozlement, the old man wasn't wearing his usual butler's uniform. Now, what he was wearing wasn't any less dapper either, an outfit composed of a spotless white double-breasted jacket with gold buttons, a white pair of trousers, and black shoes and tie for contrast. He even had a fancy carved walking stick with a dragon head, for crying out loud, and worst of all, he made the whole thing come together and look good! How inconsiderate!

My gripes with making me feel underdressed aside, Sebastian glanced around my living room with a curious look, and once his eyes finally settled on me, he simply stated, "How unexpectedly austere."

"Well, hello old man. I'm happy to see you are as delightfully snobbish as ever."

"And I'm glad to see that your injury hasn't affected your ability to spew insufferable witticisms at all."

With our friendly greetings done and over with, he casually walked over to my side, closely followed by the returning Judy, and once he was standing right in front of me, he carefully looked me over from head to toe.

"The pleasantries aside, you seem to be in considerably better health than when we met yesterday."

"Let's just say I had a good night's sleep."

"I see," he said less than half-heartedly (so, maybe quarter-heartedly?) before letting out an overdramatic sigh. "Since I was practically forced to attend to you during my precious off day, I would appreciate if you didn't take up more of my time than strictly necessary and present the injury I must examine."

"Wait, you have days off?" I blurted out in surprise as I stood up and extended my numb right hand. "I thought you were married to your job."

"Isn't it only natural that even I would have my own life aside of being the family's 'steward'?"

He naturally added those annoying air quotes of his to the last word, then he handed his walking cane over to Elly and grabbed hold of my outstretched hand.

"And since when are you a medical expert anyway?" came my next question, and Sebastian responded with an annoyed glance.

"For your interest, over the centuries, I have seen and treated more injuries than you could feasibly imagine. Why, I have even earned a doctorate in medicine as a past-time!"

"Was this back then when those fancy beaked plague doctor masks were still in vogue?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." There was a long beat after he said that, and I was just about to ask him if he was serious when the old man let out a muffled chuckled and added, "I'm kidding, of course. That was only my first doctorate. My most recent one is only a decade old."

"You have multiple doctorates, huh? That's surprising. I would have expected you couldn't find time for such things between your busy schedule, polishing your various collections, and pretending to be a butler."

"I'm not pretending, and such occasional endeavors are indeed important," the old man countered a tad morosely. "Once you lived as long as I, you would find that refreshing your memories every few decades works wonders for breaking up the gray monotony of one's daily routines."

"Speaking of which, I'm surprised you could ditch your alleged job for today. I figured you'd be up to your neck in busywork after the recent attack," I rolled the conversation along as casually as I could, but the old dragon still responded with a derisive snort.

"Don't be daft, my boy. We don't yet know the current whereabouts of the accursed knights, and as for the damage done to the mansion, we have contractors for these kinds of things." He paused here for a moment, also halting his rough examination of my hand for the time being, and asked, "Could it be that you thought I would personally oversee such trifling matters myself? Have you never heard of the practice of delegation?"

Here is that word again. At this point I couldn't help but wonder if it was their family motto or something.

"So, in that case, what were you actually doing in your free time?" I moved on, and after compressing my hand at a couple of places, he readily answered my inquiry.

"Why, I was on my way to the bowling alley for my weekly practice."

"You are bowling?" the question slipped out, and for some reason both of my girlfriends looked at me funny for a second.

"Of course," Judy noted with a solemn nod, and Elly also agreed quite vehemently.

"You didn't know?"

"I can't say it came up in conversation, so no, I didn't."

"Speaking of subjects that never came up in previous discussions," the old butler mused aloud while handling my hand a tad more roughly than before, "I can't remember ever allowing you to take any item from my local collection. As a matter of fact, I can distinctly recall explicitly denying any such requests."

"Oh? Nice segue, old man."

"Thank you. So, where is my spear?"

The question wasn't an unexpected one by any means, and after a few seconds of feigned consideration, I replied with, "Inside a volcano," only to then hastily amend, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Also, my fingers don't bend that way!"

"You would be surprised how flexible the human hand can be." That dry reply earned him a fiery glare from the princess, so he stopped trying to tie my fingers into a knot and continued in a slightly more amicable voice. "But putting such trivia aside, when can I expect the expedient return of my property?"

Now, as I said, knowing the old man and his insistence on keeping his stupid, temperamental magic pointy stick in his collection even against basic common sense, it was only a matter of time before he would 'politely' insist on retrieving it from me. Because of this, I naturally already had the whole discussion mapped out in my head and ready to be deployed at this moment.

"It's really not as simple as that. First off, the Knights invaded your home with the express purpose of recovering the spear. That means they must have learned about not only its existence, but its precise location."

"Are you trying to tell me someone has infiltrated our ranks?" the incognito dragon guessed, and I nodded in the affirmative.

"Precisely. As such, even if I return it to you, there is no guarantee that its location won't be leaked again. More importantly though, at the moment they are under the impression that the spear was stolen by a certain Bel of the Abyss before they even arrived at the mansion."

"Bel of the Abyss? Who is that?"

"That's me. I mean, my disguise at the time. Don't think too much about it, I didn't do so either back then."

"How come I'm not even a little surprised," the old man snarked back at me, but I graciously let the words pass by me.

"So, as I was saying, currently the existence of the unknown element called 'Bel' is causing them to be cautious, but if the spear suddenly returned to your collection, and the Knights caught wind of it, they might start getting funny ideas, like orchestrating another attack before we are ready to crack down on them."

That comment finally made a crack in the old man's stern expression and elicited a small, intrigued rise in his brows.

"Can I presume that you already have plans for such an occasion?"

"You most certainly can!"

I mean, to be perfectly honest, I only had an incredibly vague idea at the moment, but who was I to dare and stop him from presuming things! That would have been just plain rude.

"And I also presume you want to hold onto the spear until such a time comes."

"That's the plan, yes."

Sebastian looked me in the eye for a good while, probably gaging just how serious I was. At last, and to my utter, if somewhat pleasant, surprise, he let the topic slide with a simple "I'll keep you to your word."

To say that I wasn't expecting him to agree so readily would be an understatement, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to tell him, "You do that."

On one hand, I was glad that things proceeded smoother than expected, but on the other, I was a little peeved that I never got the chance to use all the other arguments I prepared in advice. I was actually looking forward to how he would react to my version of the Chewbacca defense, but apparently it was never meant to be. Such shame, much sad.

"I can't help but feel that we have veered wildly off the original goal of this meeting," Judy broke the ensuing silence, her voice so dryer than a powder house. "How is the Chief's hand?"

"Oh, do you mean this, young lady?" the old fart asked while he grabbed me by the wrist and used my own hand to wave at her. "Almost entirely ruined by some kind of internal injury. What exactly were you doing that resulted in… this?"

"It's a long story involving a gluttonous ninja, an undead Chimera, a magic sword, and a naked little girl," I told him with the absolute, solemn sincerity such a description deserved, and after spending a short while trying to figure out whether I was pulling his leg, the old dragon apparently decided to stop trying to make sense of what I just said and he unceremoniously let go of my hand.

"That sounds like quite a tale, but maybe for another time. Back to young miss Sennoma's question: his injury is serious, but not impossible to heal. I will tell the patriarch to contact one of the internal injury specialists we contracted in the past to examine the matriarch's wound. He is not on the island at the moment, but given the right incentives, he should most likely be made available in but a few days' time. Until then, I recommend that you take care not to aggravate your hand's condition by channeling any form of energy through it."

"I… don't even know how to do that," I admitted with a hint of confusion, which was then mirrored by the old butler's reaction.

"Then how did you receive this internal injury?"

"I already told you. Also, is it just me, or is our definition of 'internal injury' different?"

"Possible, in case you are unaware of how the term is generally used," he responded off-handedly, and when he didn't elaborate, Elly came to the rescue.

"Internal injuries happen when you are trying to channel mana or other energies, and your body cannot handle them. To us, it usually happens when failing to properly transform to our Draconic form."

"I see, so our definitions are indeed different…"

"That might be, but it does not change my advice. Make sure you do not exacerbate your injury." At first I thought he would leave it at that, but then he abruptly added, "In the worst-case scenario, we might have to ask my eastern brethren to reconstruct your hand from the inside. Their focus on harnessing the internal energies granted by our blood naturally grants them a deeper understanding of the injuries caused by such practice, but the price of their help might be higher than you would want to pay."

"Why did you bring that up?" Elly asked with a hint of alarm in her voice, followed up by, "Wait, are you implying theyare coming to the island?"

"Who?" Judy asked the obvious question, and when Sebastian nodded with a schadenfreude-laden smile that didn't touch his eyes, my draconic girlfriend let out an enormous groan, with her shoulders slouching to an almost comical degree in the process.

"The Feilong clan," she uttered like the words themselves tasted sour, and when she realized we were none the wiser, she hastily elaborated. "They are a big Draconian clan in eastern Asia."

"They contacted the patriarch very recently, with the intention of expressing their sympathy over the damages caused by the accursed knights, and they offered to visit us here on the island. They plan on holding a conference in regards to more effective countermeasures against their attacks, with the unspoken agenda being the formation of a united front by bringing our families closer."

"Oooooh… I see where this is going," I muttered in a state of tropey enlightenment. "Let me guess: they want to have a political marriage to cement this alliance."

Based on the way Elly angrily averted her eyes, I was spot on, and when I glanced at Judy in turn, her eyes told me 'That is totally a plot hook, and that means that the next arc is starting with the arrival of these Chinese dragon people guy clan men', or at least something along those lines.

"The current scion of the Feilong Clan, Feilong Naoren, is quite taken with the young heiress," Sebastian pointed out. He didn't even bother to hide the way he was looking for a reaction on my end, but to be honest, I didn't really feel bothered.

"I see. What did you say, when are these Asian Draconians supposed to arrive here?"

"They also have their own problems to deal with, and while there have been no agreed-upon schedule, in my estimation they could only mount a visit in late November at the earliest."

"So we have almost an entire month until the next arc. Very generous," I whispered, but did so loud enough to make sure Judy could hear it. That, of course also meant that Sebastian could pick it up as well.

"My boy, is it just me, or you don't seem too bothered by the appearance of a rival?"

I gave the old butler a flat glance, followed by an equally level, "What? Do you expect me to start feeling sorry for this guy whom I never even met? I'm a nice guy, but I'm not that nice."

"I'm… afraid I can't follow. Why would you feel sorry for him?"

"That's my question," I echoed him with a purposefully exaggerated sigh. "For example, would you feel sorry for a man who tried to get across a wall by repeatedly walking into it? People who are attempting the impossible out of bull-headed idiocy deserve no pity in my book."

"I see…" Sebastian whispered under his breath, though his tone said that no, he didn't. Either way, he didn't seem to want to press the issue, and instead he reached out and took his fancy walking cane from the princess and pointedly tapped it against my floor. "I believe I have fulfilled my obligations towards the patriarch in this instance, so if there is nothing else to discuss, I believe it is time for me to bid you farewell and head towards my destination."

"And by that you mean the bowling alley," I noted, and he unabashedly confirmed it with a nod. "Fair enough then, have fun."

And just like that, Sebastian left without any further ado or pleasantries, much to my relief. After he did so, the three of us once again sat on the sofa, so that my two girlfriends could each monopolize one of my arms. Once we felt comfortable, Judy went ahead and summed up the situation, with her trusty note-taking phone in hand.

"In conclusion, our best bet for fixing the Chief's hand is the healer Abram can contact for us, while the second-best being the newly introduced eastern Draconians."

"Also don't forget about Angie; she promised to look into an alternative too," I pointed out, and she diligently made it part of her notes.

"Either way, until a proper professional gets to look at your hand, you shouldn't use it recklessly."

"I don't plan to. Didn't you hear what Sebastian said? We are apparently getting over three weeks of breathing room at minimum until the next plot-hook arrives."

That immediately flared Judy's interest and her fingers began dancing on her phone's screen once again.

"So you also think they are shaping to be the focus of the next arc. Along with the knights, I presume?"

"More than likely, though Lord Grandpa and the Assembly isn't completely off the table either. But on the bright side, these Chinese Draconians at least don't seem overtly hostile, so I figure the main source of the conflict related to them should be about the whole political marriage thing."

"If that is the case, then their sudden arrival might be aimed at you in particular. It is possible that the narrative is going to divide its attention just like last time, and you would end up with your own plot."

"Or my own problems to keep me busy and away from Josh's main plot, but the effect is the same," I pondered before finally nodding. "If that is the case, then Josh might get entangled in the plot-threads related to the Assembly delegation sent to the island, or with the knight of the unnecessarily long name, while I would only have to deal with Elly's Hopeless Suitor archetype and the resulting drama."

"Just make sure it's not too melodramatic. Also, be on the lookout for possible Romantic False Leads among them creating misunderstandings by slipping through the planetoid-sized holes in your anti-harem defenses."

"Oh, ha-ha.  I'll have you know, my anti-harem defenses barely have any holes larger than a pick-up-truck, thank you very much." I was about to continue, but it was around this time that I noticed that Elly looked like a fish out of water, so I attempted to draw her in with a subtle, "Yes, princess? Did you want to say something?"

"No… I mean…" There was a long pause here while she collected her thoughts, and in the end she timidly asked me, "Do the two of you always talk like this when you discuss things?"

"Only when the narrative is involved. Or theoretical harems trying to come into existence."

"Mostly the former," I emphasized.

"I see… And does it really not bother you? Naoren, I mean?"

"What's a Naoren?" My mouth moved before my brain once again, but Judy quickly came to the rescue.

"He is the aforementioned Hopeless Suitor."

"Oooooh, that guy? Should it bother me? I mean, it's not like he has a bat's chance in hell at coming between us, so I don't see why I should stress over it."

"That's true, but what if the Feilong clan tries to use their influence, or pressure you, or—"

"Princess, please," I cut my increasingly frantic girlfriend off with a broad, reassuring smile. "Do I strike you as the kind of guy who would let himself be pressured or intimidated into anything I don't want?"

"Um… No?"

"And there is your answer. You have absolutely nothing to worry about; even if they try to pick a fight with me, I have many, many ways to make them reconsider their plans. As my other lovely girlfriend has put in the past, I'm a man of many talents, and making the bad guys regret they ever crossed paths with me is just one of them. If you don't believe me, just ask Crowey!"

I finished my speech with another reassuring smile, and once Elly calmed down a bit, I quickly turned to the other side and whispered, "Hey, Judy?"

"Yes?" my dear assistant responded just a touch suspiciously, but I ignored her tone and quickly continued.

"I just remembered this, so please remind me in case it slips my mind again: the itching powder I bought a while back is about to expire."

"And where exactly do you want to use that?"

This time she didn't even try to hide her suspicions, so I figured I might as well tell her the truth.

"Weeell… Let's just say that a certain Abyssal Lord has finally recovered enough to move around in his room on his own, so I believe it is only appropriate that I would visit him to deliver a gift on this occasion. Without his knowledge, of course…"