The Simulacrum - Chapter 37 (Patreon)

Part 1

"Ooow! Fuck!" Josh let out what could be generously called a rather 'undignified' yelp as he rolled on the ground while cradling his left shin, his horn repeatedly clanking against the concrete floor with an oddly metallic noise.

"Oh please! I didn't even hit you that hard this time!" I grumbled as I set my training spear against the ground and offered him a hand. "Come on, next round."

"I don't want to train anymore!" my friend whined as I dragged him to his feet with one mighty tug. "No, this is not even training anymore! It's just an excuse for you to beat me up! What have I ever done to you to deserve this?"

"Don't be a baby," I scoffed while dusting his shoulder. "I told you, it's for your own good."

"And now you are sounding like an abusive father! How do I get out of here!?" Josh exclaimed in (what I hoped was) mock despair before he abruptly froze in his tracks and turned to our left.

"I think time's up," he called out to my assistant. At the moment she was sitting on a makeshift bench in the company of Angie, and she was documenting their own little experiments using the class rep's golem as a glorified training dummy. She quickly entered something into her phone with the grace of the virtuoso touch-screen typist she was, probably related to the giant freaking icicle sticking out of Petra's chest, before she gestured for Josh to repeat himself

"I said, I think time's up!" he reiterated, and less than a second later his body began to visibly deflate. His solid muscles slowly shrank back into more human proportions while simultaneously his curly horn swiftly retreated into his head, or at the very least that's what it looked like. If someone put a gun to my head and demanded to come up with an analogy for the sight, I would have probably said it gave me the same impression as watching one of those sped-up footages of plants growing, except in reverse. Then I would have grabbed the gun and kicked their butt, but that might be just the adrenaline-high talking.

Anyways, after Josh stopped being horny, Judy walked over to us and stated, "Fourteen minutes and thirty seconds on the fifth transformation."

"So that means each transformation lasts about ten percent longer than the one before, right?"

"Precisely," Judy confirmed with a nod. 

"If so, the next one should be around… let me see… Sixteen minutes, I think?" I ventured a guess after flexing my genius mind with some highly complex arithmetic.

"Roughly, yes," she agreed, but then just as I was about to call Snowy over, she quickly added, "You should take a short break."

"Why? I'm not tired."

"Maybe, but Joshua looks exhausted after all the bullying you put him through."

"Hey! Don't you get started too! I'm not bullying him, this is training!"

My assistant looked entirely unconvinced by my protests.

"Ammy also needs to resummon Petra after our last test, so it should be a good opportunity for everyone to rest for a bit before we continue."

To be fair, I wasn't entirely against the idea, but on the other hand, I was kinda riding on an adrenaline-high at the moment, and I wanted to capitalize on it to test my limits… though again, Josh wasn't exactly the best opponent for that.

Okay, let us be fair and objective for a moment. In his Abyssal form, Josh was granted a tremendous power boost, and he somehow had an instinctive understanding of magic that allowed him to pull off some neat tricks, yet he had little to no control.

Now, if this sounds familiar, I guess it's because that is pretty much the starting point for most battle shounen protagonists. If I was forced to speculate (which I wasn't, since I had sources on the net to tell me, but I am going to do so anyway), it's so that there is a clear sense that they possess great potential, yet at the same time they have room to grow by mastering their powers and learning how to use them more skillfully. That description actually fit Josh like a glove, as he had access to a lot of raw strength, both physical and magical, but the only combat experience he had was from a few judo classes from middle school, if you can call them that.

If I made these observations a couple of days ago, I would have brushed them off with a disinterested, 'Well, that's a given', but with my recent revelations about this world being closer to a genuine battle harem universe, they created a little bit of anachronism.

Unlike battle shounen protagonists, one of the most common characteristics of battle harem protagonists (aside of being ungodly chick-magnets) was that they were usually weak, but very skilled. They also typically had unique abilities that seemed unassuming and weak at first glance, often getting them constantly underestimated, but those same abilities would end up game-breaking in the long run. While Josh's capability to adopt the powered up forms of other races was certainly unique, it lacked the finesse expected from a battle harem protagonist's power set. In short, shounen battle protagonists usually tended to be unskilled, but strong, while battle harem protagonists tended to be weak, but skilled, and for some reason Josh didn't fit the new world-hypothesis I was developing.

But then again, maybe I was overthinking this. After all, this world was plenty complex, and I was in no position to declare it only adhered to the tropes of one genre or the other. Maybe it didn't even adhere to any. Or maybe all of them. 

Anyhow, let's put my meta-level ponderings aside and return to the previous topic: me kicking Josh's butt. To be perfectly transparent here, I was really, really tense before our first sparring match. I had no idea how powerful he would be, so I felt no shame when I faced him with my full attention and a weapon in my hands. That quickly changed when it turned out Josh was… how should I put this gently? Let's go with 'a total simpleton'. At least when it came to combat.

Now, I am not saying I am some kind of heaven-sent melee genius or anything, but even without memories and only a single night's worth of intensive Dominance training with Brang, I was dancing circles around the guy. Granted, I couldn't actually cause him any lasting harm (even though he was acting like a prima donna every time I smacked him with my training spear) because of his higher specs and barrier, I never even felt in danger from his advances. On one hand, this made me seem like a bully, but on the other hand, it vindicated my decision to have him spar with me instead of Elly or one of the Faun, as they would have completely destroyed him in seconds, and then I would have had to spend who knows how long nursing his wounded pride, not to mention possible actual injuries.

Ah, speaking of Elly and the Fauns…

"Hya!" the princess let out a high-pitched cry as she lunged towards Brang. She was in her Draconic form, and I would have expected that she would utilize her claws in a fight, but instead she was using an actual martial art stance and techniques. As far as I could gather from her stray comments, it was some kind of Chinese martial art designed to cause 'internal damage', whatever that actually meant in this context, and she told me she had been practicing for years. She said she was still at a novice level, but based on her movements, I would say she looked just like a bona fide expert to me. In fact, I kinda wanted to see her perform those moves in a traditional Chinese dress, just to further crank the anachronism up a notch.

But back to the duel at hand: Elly dashed forward and her right arm lashed out in a straight line, her fingers curled inwards, presumably to deliver a strike with the heel of her hand. Brang held his trademark spear in both hands and waited until the last moment before he moved, pulling the shaft of his weapon into the trajectory of the incoming strike with practiced ease. The princess's palm and the spear met with a thunderous sound and an honest to goodness shockwave that tousled our hair even though we were standing a good ten meters away from them. That… was cool, but kinda silly.

A split second later, even before the first wave died down, Elly shifted her weight onto her other leg while simultaneously grabbing onto the spear. If the fierce grin on her face was any indication, she thought the Faun had fallen into her trap and she immediately hooked a punch with her left hand under the immobilized weapon. At least that was the plan, I presumed, but before the strike could connect, Brang twisted the spear around. Since the princess still had an iron grip on the shaft, this actually made her twist her arm with it, which subsequently pulled her off-balance.

With her stance broken, her left hook missed its mark by a mile, and before she had the time to regain her footing, Brang twisted his spear in the other direction, pulling her right along. At this moment she finally had the good sense to let go of the spear, but before she could pull back, Brang closed the distance into what looked like a shoulder-tackle. I think if it was anyone else, I would have been worried for their safety because of the size difference alone, but considering it was the toughest girl of the gang we were talking about, I was only very slightly pensive. 

Instead of trying to tank the hit, Elly thankfully decided to evade by moving just under the incoming tackle. Unfortunately for her, since her stance was still a mess, she overshot the dodge and had to soften her landing by a classic forward roll that should be familiar to anyone who ever played one of those games about souls. She was back on her feet in the blink of an eye, but in these kinds of close-combat scenarios, that kind of downtime was absolutely fatal.

Well, okay, I might have been just a teensy bit overly dramatic there. It wasn't 'actually' fatal, only a huge damn opening any self-respecting fighter would immediately rush to exploit. Brang didn't fail to capitalize on the moment either, as by the time Elly got ready to counter-attack, he swung the butt of his spear with a smooth arc and hit her on her calf, just under the back of her knee. She let out a yelp that sounded more surprised than pained, and then she rapidly lost her balance as the spear continued onwards and completely swept her leg out of under her, followed by another squeak as she landed on her butt.

My description of the events might have made it sound complicated, but the whole exchange lasted for less than five seconds flat. So yeah. Elly might have looked like a martial arts expert in my eyes, but Brang appeared as one of those grandmasters schooling the younger generation with their superior kung fu. Or in this case, spear fu. Is that even a term?

My martial arts illiteracy aside, my draconic girlfriend let out a dissatisfied grunt as she reached down and gently massaged her calf, only stopping when Brang leaned forward and reached out a hand towards her.

" Effort. Was Good," he stated with an amicable smile, and after only a second of hesitation, Elly took his hand and rose to her feet.

"Thanks, you too," she told him with an intense look that smelled like the first sparks of a fiery rivalry. 

We didn't have time for that though, so I cleared my throat to get their attention and called out, in a raised voice, "All right everyone, we are going to have a short break. If you need to use the toilet, it's over there."

"Got it!" Angie replied with an urgent expression before she and the class rep both headed in the direction I indicated with my thumb. 

In the meantime, Judy put away her phone for the first time in a while and declared, "I've got snacks."

"Wait, you do?" I couldn't help but ask as I glanced over, only to raise a surprised brow at what I saw. "Where did you get that lunchbox?"

"It was in my backpack," she stated while opening said box.

"Okay, let me rephrase the question: where did you get the backpack?"

"It was on me all along," Judy answered as she handed me a sandwich.

"Seriously? I'm about 95% sure that you didn't have one when we came over."

"And that five percent is where the magic happens," she told me coyly before adding, in a more deadpan voice fitting her countenance, "Or you are just bad at paying attention to the small details, as usual."

"Maybe," I answered noncommittally, but then she pushed another sandwich into my hand. 

I sent her a questioning look in return, and she explained, "You should treat Joshua."

"To a sandwich?"

"Among other things," she stated, and my expression must have looked at least half as dumb as I felt, as she let out a small sight and elaborated, "You have been bullying him for the past half an hour, and he looks really down. You should advise him, encourage him, or at the very least act like you do something along those lines so that Neige and Angie would stop pestering me about your behavior."

"I'm not bullying…" I began, but I ultimately swallowed back my futile protests when Elly wedged herself between us.

"Hey, Leo? Did you see my battle with the big guy?"

"I sure did," I answered her with a nod. "It was very impressive."

"Even though you lost," Judy added a completely unnecessary jab, but the princess didn't seem to mind it.

"Well, someone has to lose during sparring, right? I also wasn't using my full power."

"Neither was he," my assistant jabbed again, but my other girlfriend once again ignored her.

"I noticed you have snacks," Elly finally revealed her reason of approaching us while eyeing the sandwiches in my hand.

"Are you a little peckish, by any chance?" I asked the obvious question, resulting in a huge grin on her part.

"I little bit, yes," she confirmed. "It's important to eat when you exercise, otherwise you won't build any muscles. Let's eat together!"

"Not now," Judy pulled on the princess's shirt at the waist and gestured for her to lean closer. She was confused at first, but in the end she complied, at which point Judy whispered, loud enough for me to hear, "The Chief is going to talk with Joshua now."

"Really?" she glanced over her shoulder towards my friend sitting morosely on one of the makeshift benches, then she also joined in the conspiratorial whispering by asking, "About what?"

Judy glanced at me for some inexplicable reason, so I shrugged my shoulders. She apparently interpreted that as 'I leave it completely up to you how you deal with this situation', which might have been a mistake, but the die was cast, so I held my breath and waited for her to speak.

"The Chief and Joshua are going to have a manly talk among men," Judy stated with her usual deadpan conviction that made her hard to read.

"A manly… talk? About what?"

"About manly things."

"I don't get it…" Elly finally admitted and looked at me for help, but she was once again diverted by my assistant grabbing hold of her.

"I'll explain while we eat. Let's invite Neige too."

"Oh? Okay then," she agreed while sending me a small smile, followed by Judy giving me a clumsy wink (which still didn't fill me with confidence), leaving me alone with two neatly wrapped sandwiches. I had a feeling this situation had some kind of profound meaning applicable to my life as a whole, but I couldn't be arsed to ponder that at the moment, so instead I turned on my heel and headed towards the place where Josh was sitting. The guy looked just as downcast from up close up as he seemed from a distance, and his disheveled hair (and only wearing his inexplicably intact pants and his jacket) gave him a wild look.

"Hey pal," I called out to him as I sat down beside him, only sparing one last glance at Judy, who was calling Angie and the Class rep over to their little group as well. I decided to continue to ignore them, and instead I extended my hand towards my friend with an amicable, "You hungry?"

"A bit," he answered after a moment of hesitation, then he took the packet from my grasp. He wordlessly unwrapped his sandwich, and after taking a few whiffs, he took a large bite out of it and began to chew silently, with a distant look in his eyes.

"So… what's eating you?" I initiated our alleged 'manly talk' while unwrapping my own snack.

"It's a chicken breast sandwich, I think. It's good," he answered absentmindedly, prompting me to sharply jab him in the side with my elbow.

"I didn't ask what you are eating, but what's eating you!"

Josh gave me an annoyed look, but after looking each other in the eye for a second, he swallowed the rest of the first bite left in his mouth and let out a tired sight.

"Do you really want to know?"

"That's why I'm here," I answered with a shrug while taking a small bite from my own sandwich, only to add in a mumble, "Wow, you weren't kidding. This is surprisingly good."

Josh didn't seem to mind my abrupt praise of my girlfriend's coo-… well, 'cooking' might be an overstatement here, so let's go with 'expert sandwich craftswomanship'. Instead, my friend let out another small sight and spoke with the kind of tone you would expect from a weary, burned-out middle-aged salaryman.

"You know, I actually thought this would be fun," he began while lightly gesturing towards the roughly outlined area where we sparred. "I mean, you already know how this whole 'supernatural' and 'close combat' stuff didn't sit well with me, but at the end of the day I thought, 'Hey, getting superpowers might be fun!'" At this point Joshua paused, only to let out yet another sigh while dropping his shoulders even further down. "The first time we sparred… it was sudden, and all my clothes beside my underwear exploding was awkward and… you know, you could have really warned me about that part."

"We spent like twenty minutes discussing what barriers do to clothes. I wash my hands," I replied between two bites.

"Still a dick move," he grumbled before looking away from me and continuing with, "So, as I was saying, I was actually considering that there might be some upside to all of this supernatural balderdash."

"Dude… did you just unironically use the word 'balderdash' in a sentence?" 

"Shut up, it's a proper word," Josh pouted at me, and I couldn't help but chuckle even harder. "Are you finished?"

"Yeah, sorry," I gave an apology I didn't really mean, then said, "So, we were at the part where you were getting excited about getting superpowers. What happened next?"

My friend gave me a critical look, then flatly stated, "You hit me over the head with a stick."

"A spear," I corrected him, but he only grunted dismissively.

"Same difference. The point is, I felt I had all of this power at my fingertips, and then I was smacked right down just as I was getting into it."

"Well, sorry for raining on your parade, but it is kind of the point of a sparring match."

"I know, I know," Josh relented; his words accompanied with yet another sigh. "Still, it was a bummer. So, I asked Lili for help."

"Oh, right… you were talking with Snowy a bit before we started round two. What did you learn?"

Josh paused again, the corners of his lips slowly lifting in a foolish little smirk before he caught himself and began to tell me, "Since I got that transformation from her, I figured she could give me a few tips on how to use… it's magic, right?"

"Somatic magic, to be precise, but yes," I explained to him after swallowing the last bite of my sandwich. 

"That," he agreed. "So, she was really helpful and taught me a lot of things in a short time. Like, she showed me how to do these simple hand gestures…" While saying so, Josh made a clumsy motion with his fingers. Of course, since he was not transformed at the moment, it didn't do anything, but he still repeated it a couple of times, as if fascinated with it. "I can't do them so well now," he admitted, "but when I was transformed, things just… clicked, I suppose."

"So you learned that wind blast thing from Snowy? In just a couple of seconds?"

"Yeah," Joshua nodded, his face once again softening for a moment before it suddenly shifted into a frown and he looked me in the eyes yet again. "Hey, Leo? Now that you adopted Lili, are you going to live together?"

"That's the plan, yes," I answered while trying not to question the reason behind the sudden right turn in the otherwise pretty straightforward conversation.

"Lili is a very nice girl," Josh suddenly made the conversation take another hairpin turn, and before I could react, he added, "She used to be a little weird at the beginning, but at heart she is a really innocent, earnest girl."

"Um… yes, she is. I'm well aware."

"If so," Josh's previous frown slowly morphed into a determined glade, and he said, "If so, then you better not lay your hands on her just because you are living together."

It was at this point that I realized where he was going with this, and for a moment I vacillated between facepalming or palming him upside his head. I ultimately decided on the former and let out an exasperated groan as I covered my eyes with my hand.

"Dude, you can say the dumbest things sometimes," I mumbled through my teeth.

"I'm serious," he emphasized, but it only earned him another groan from yours truly. 

"Listen, Josh," I began once I let my hand down and collected my thoughts. "Just why the hell do you even think I would 'lay my hands' on her in the first place!?"

"Hey, you are the guy who couldn't be satisfied with just one girlfriend! I'm just being cautious," he told me with one hundred percent honestly, which kind of threw me on a loop again.

"You cannot be serious…" I muttered as I stifled the urge to palm my face again. "First off, don't pin my threesome relationship on me alone. Secondly, I haven't even 'laid my hands' on my girlfriends, let alone Snowy. Finally, and most importantly, she is my sister now, so if anyone should be worried about some guy 'laying hands' on her, it should be me!"

"You never touched Judy and Elly?" Josh suddenly asked with a baffled expression, masterfully skimming over the thinly-veiled intent behind my third point. 

"I have touched them, of course. We even have sanctioned daily cuddling time, but we haven't gone any further yet."

"Seriously?" my friend asked with a face that somehow looked more shocked than when I revealed that he was the subject of a full gamut of prophecies.

"Why are you looking at me like that? We have only been going out for a few days, for god's sake!"

"Well, yes, but… you always struck me as the kind of guy who would go… places."

"Do I even want to know what you mean by that?"

"I guess you… don't?" Josh replied with a steadily reddening face, his previous frown already a thing of the past.

"Why do you care anyway? Are you interested in Snowy?" I threw out my most obvious conversation-derailing bait up to date, and as per my expectation, my dear friend took it; hook, line, and sinker.

"That's not why I was asking!" he denied on the spot, but then I guess he realized he was too definite and that I might tell about it to Snowy, so he hastily added, "I mean, I am 'not' not interested, but… it's just complicated, okay?"

"That was a double negative. In other words, you are interested."

By this point he was red to the tip of his ears, which I found strangely cute, probably because it reminded me of the princess. Anyhow, he ultimately averted his eyes and muttered something along the lines of, "She is really nice and pretty and earnest."

"So is Angie," I threw out another bait just for the heck of it, but this time he didn't bite.

"Maybe, but she feels more like… I don't know… an annoying sister or cousin?"

"Why are you asking me? It's your preferences."

"I told you, it's complicated. Leave me alone."

"That's funny," I let out a nostalgic chuckle at my embarrassed friend's expense. "I can distinctly remember me saying the same thing when a certain friend of mine was pestering me about baseless accusations of two-timing. What a coincidence."

Josh remained silent for a while, either unwilling or unable to counter me, and in the end he quietly asked, "If I told you I'm sorry for doubting your character, can we drop this awful topic?"

"Sure," I shrugged my shoulder in agreement, then after a brief pause I wondered, "What were we talking about before this tangent? Something about you learning some magic tricks from my sister?"

"Yeah, that," Josh started weakly, but then his voice gradually got firmer as he explained, "As I said, it's this move that lets me shoot a blast compressed air. It's… kinda hard to explain how it feels, but each time I do it, it gives me a rush, so I thought, 'Hey, that's pretty awesome! Maybe this whole supernatural crap isn't so bad.'"

"I know the feeling," I agreed with a knowing smile, remembering the first time I used my 'Phasing' ability during my Dominance with Brang. Calling it a 'rush' was a bit of an understatement.

"I figured," he told me flatly, then in a similar tone he added, "Then someone popped my wind blast spell thingie like it was a cheap party balloon and then whacked over the head with a stick. Again."

"… Weren't we already over this? Also, I am pretty sure you were there when we discussed my ability to disrupt magic, so you can only blame yourself for not paying attention and putting all your eggs into a single basket."

"Well, excuse me for failing to do something cool because I wasn't paying attention!" Josh huffed indignantly at my retort.

"Whoa, easy there buddy!" I told him as I put my hand on his shoulder. "No one said it wasn't cool! I mean, it was actual magic, right? I wish I could do that!"

"You can do that phasing thing, can't you?"

"It's not the same," I coaxed him with a slightly insincere smile I hoped he wouldn't notice. "Offensive magic is much cooler, you just need to practice how to use it. In fact, we all need practice. That's why we are here."

"Not all of us," Josh continued to sulk unabated. "You don't seem to need any. In fact, to me it looks like you have it easy."

"Do I?"

"Yeah," he nodded with conviction, completely oblivious to the troubled scowl I was directing his way. "You have two girlfriends who don't mind sharing you, you are rich, you have a secret base with minions, and you can kick people's ass, including mine. I, on the other hand, have to deal with all of this supernatural nonsense coming out of nowhere, being some kind of prophesized hero or messiah or whatever, put up with these silly transformations… and then when I finally start to feel like I am getting a grip, someone hits me on the head with a stick."

I waited for his outburst of complaints to end, and after letting him cool down a little, I simply asked, "Is that how things look like to you?"

"Yeah?" he answered with a shrug, though his voice sounded a bit more uncertain than before.

I gave him a long, hard look, then for a change I let out a tired sigh of my own and said, "Josh, would you mind if I used you to vent a little?"

"Um… no, I guess?"

"Good," I slouched down, and after a moment I began, "Imagine that we are on a boat."

"Like, right now?" Josh asked in surprise.

"It's an analogy," I told him wearily. "Now imagine this: One day, you just wake up on a boat. It's a nice boat, and while you don't know any of the passengers, they also seem nice enough. Unfortunately, you have absolutely no idea where it is heading. So, in order to figure out where you are and where you are going, you carefully ask the other passengers, but when you do, they all act like you are supposed to already know everything. So, just to get the conversations going, when they ask you about boaty-things, you just nod and go, 'Sure, I knew that!', even though you have no clue whatsoever. Still, you pretend to know what they are talking about so that the passengers would tell you about the boat you are on and maybe help figure out where it is going. Then, before you know it, people start presuming that you are a famous boat expert and know everything even while in reality you have to do your best just to stay on board and avoid accidentally falling off. Then, just when you would start feeling like you know what kind of boat you are on and its destination, shit hits the fan, and since everyone thinks that you are the boat expert, they expect you to deal with it. So, even after you manage to beat the odds, you find yourself saddled with being the captain of a boat you still don't know how to helm, without knowing where it is supposed to go, surrounded by people you barely know and who barely know you, and yet everyone expects you to keep them safe. So, since you have no choice, you try your damned best to learn about boats as much as you can, try to help the passengers learn how to survive in case of another crisis, try to make everything work out for the best and avoid any icebergs coming our way… and then one of the only people who actually knows your situation tells you that you have it easy." I paused here for a moment, only to face Josh, and then I asked, "Do I?"

I waited for his response for several seconds, but when he remained silent I couldn't help but let out a self-derisive chuckle. I empathized with Josh, I really did. He had it really tough with his entire world getting turned on its head overnight, but if wanted to be honest with myself, I had to admit that I was also being worn thin, and if we were at being frank, it was probably my own damn fault. Yes, not having to 'waste' a third of every day by sleeping allowed me to stay on top of things for the time being, but I was juggling too many things at once. Two girlfriends, the Hub, the secret base and its supplying, training, experimenting and theorycrafting with Judy, my business proposal to Papa Dracis (which was at a standstill for the same reason), and then on top of that the uncertainty regarding the leads provided by Lord Amadeus. 

Speaking of leads, just what the hell was the deal with the creepy huntress lady from this afternoon? Granted, I admittedly botched the encounter pretty hard, but considering how suddenly she came out of nowhere, I believe I could cut myself some slack. I was fairly confident that the next time we met, I could do considerably better, or at the very least I won't be a flustered mess. 

Still, her appearance was too much of a coincidence, wasn't it? If I asked Judy, she would probably use this to further promote her pet theory by saying that it was the ubiquitous yet intangible 'narrative' that led her there, but I was still not convinced that every single damn thing that we or anyone else do would be influenced by some unseen script. I mean, if everyone's free will is compromised, then how can I justify hating Crowey, or huntress lady? Wouldn't that be the same as hating an actor for playing a role? 

…

Damn, this is the reason why I hated thinking about the meta-implications of free will. It made my already complicated life and relationship with this world even more needlessly convoluted. 

Anyhow, while I was lost in my thoughts, Josh was getting visibly more fidgety over time.

"Damn," he ultimately broke the silence in a low voice tinged by remorse. "I mean… damn. I'm not sure I got your entire analogy but… I didn't know you were under so much pressure."

"Well, now you know," I answered with a smile. To be perfectly honest though, after talking about it, even if in a roundabout way, I was actually feeling considerably better.

"I mean, I knew about the amnesia and…" Josh started again, then stopped, and it seemed to take him several tries to put his thoughts into words. "I didn't know you felt like that. You just seemed to have so much fun all the time."

"Oh, I am having fun all right," I told him honestly while stretching my arms over my head. "It's called a 'coping mechanism'. If I wasn't playing around, I would be a giant bundle of nerves right now. Hell, maybe I am? I'm so good at hiding it, sometimes I feel like I'm even deceiving myself." I let down my arms and, after circling my head, I added, "Actually, this segues surprisingly well into the advice I originally wanted to give you."

"You wanted to give me advice?"

Josh sounded genuinely baffled for some reason.

"Sure." I didn't want to tell him Judy set me up, so I explained, "You know, I think we are in a similar situation, you and I. We are both in over our heads in a boa-, I mean, in a world we don't really understand, with people having unreasonable expectations piled on us."

"I would just like to point out that the person who did most of the piling in my case was you," Josh grumbled, but I disregarded him with a chuckle.

"Never mind that. Instead, you should follow my example. Train, learn, and prepare for the inevitable iceberg, but not at the expense of having some fun in the process. Take this training session for example. It's for experimenting and learning about our capabilities so that we would be better prepared for the future, but can you deny that turning into a half-not-demon and throwing magic spells around is fun?"

"Well, I can't really. I told you I think it's cool," Josh admitted with a sheepish smile, as if doing so was embarrassing him.

"You see? And that's just one transformation! You may get to fly, or breathe fire, or… do whatever mages do!" At this point I patted him on the back and told him, "You can learn all sorts of awesome stuff like that. Just keep that in mind, and all the hard work and crazy shit flying around will feel much more bearable."

"To be fair, I would really love to learn all that without getting smacked in the head with a stick."

I gave my friend a flat look and then promptly grabbed his noggin in a very friendly and in no way painful headlock.

"Would you stop complaining about it already?!"

"O-Ow! I get it, I'm sorry!" Josh cried out in obvious fake distress, as there was no way my entirely friendly wrestling move, in which I didn't put any strength, I swear, could possibly cause him any intentional pain. Still, since he said he was sorry, I decided to let him go… after about five more seconds.

Afterwards I straightened my clothes and told him, "Just for the record, I am not hitting you because I hate you, but because it's the only way you will learn how to do better."

"And now you are back to being an abusive father again!" my friend complained while massaging the back of his neck. "Is it too later to get another sparring partner?"

"Well…" I conspicuously glanced over the rest of the group, then faced Josh again and said, "Snowy and Angie have more of a ranged focus, so they are out of the question. Ammy only has her golem, and it's not exactly a martial artist, so… do you want to get wrecked by the princess or by Brang?"

"… Why do you have to ask it like that?"

"Hey, you wanted a different sparring partner," I answered with a shrug.

Josh let out some barely audible grumbles at first, but ultimately he said, "I'll take my chances with Elly, thank you very much."

"Your funeral," I jested as I jumped to my feet. "Come on, there's training to do."

My friend continued to grumble under his breath, but he still took off his jacket and followed after me. When she noticed our approach, Elly stood up and awaited our arrival with a suspiciously curious expression.

"Hey, Leo? Did you really talk about manly things?"

"Um… kinda, I suppose," I answered, a little taken aback by the way she was looking at me.

"Really?" For a few seconds she scrutinized my face, then she let out a low grunt and told me, with a familiar finger pointed at my nose, "You shouldn't talk about girls' b-breasts behind their backs! It's rude, and it's lewd!"

It only took me half a moment to figure out what was going on, so I asked, "Was that Judy's explanation of what a 'manly talk' was about?" Elly gave me an odd look, but she nodded all the same. "Go figure."

Saying so, I quickly extended my hand, and before she could react, I flicked my assistant's forehead with extreme prejudice.

"Ow," she stated in a voice that didn't seem surprised the slightest. I didn't feel like humoring her this time, so I ignored her and faced the princess again.

"Let's put your misinformation aside for later. Josh wants to train with you for a change. So, I was thinking; could you maybe teach him some basic techniques first? Footwork, the proper way to break a fall and roll, that kind of stuff."

"Sure!" she suddenly beamed at me. I figured she was happy to be relied on.

"If Joshua trains with Eleanor, what are you going to do," Judy inquired, one hand still on her forehead while she used the other to fish her phone out of her coat pocket.

"I was actually thinking about testing my limits a little, so…" I turned around and sent a challenging look towards the Faun standing a dozen or so meters away from our group, probably as a courtesy (and to put Judy at ease), and I told him, "[I appeal for the cooperation of you and your warrior kin, general. I have certain… group tactic drills in mind.]"

Part 2

"All right everyone, it's round four!" I declared aloud as I raised my spear.

"[I will catch you this time!]" Hrul lunged forwards with an excited battle cry without any hesitation whatsoever. He had a slightly lighter build than his comrades, which resulted in slightly faster movements as well, though they were predictable as always. His weapon, a training long sword I bought in the same package my spear arrived in, looked small in his hand, but I knew very well that trying to block it was a bad idea, as he had all of his considerable weight behind it. However, dodging to the side was also out of the question, as I could already see another Faun, Rabom by the looks of it, moving to intercept me.

As such, I stepped forth and right into the trajectory of my first opponent's assault. I used the superior reach of my weapon to strike at his exposed shoulder with a swift jab. Hrul naturally flinched at my aggressive counter and tried to evade, creating a gap that allowed me to slip just under his raised arms. From the blind spot behind his bulk emerged another Faun in the form of the wolf-headed Pip, wielding two swords and twirling them in an unnecessarily flashy motion, granting me ample time to use my previous momentum and evade them by simply shifting my center of mass to the left. Right after I slipped under his wooden blades, I used the flat of the head of my spear to lightly slap him on the thigh, and then declared, "Tag!"

Pip's eyes opened wide as saucers, and I could see his mouth moving to say something, but by the time any words could have left his mouth, I already rushed past him. As I did so, my dodging instincts screamed out in warning, so I immediately changed my trajectory by planting the butt of my weapon against the ground, just in time to avoid a dangerous body-blow from Gram. Unlike the rest of the Faun, he was unarmed, and his entire strategy revolved around trying to grapple me. Considering the guy had tree trunks for arms, getting in their reach was obviously a bad idea.

Because of my sudden change in direction, he barreled past the spot where I was supposed to be. He was trying his best to come to a halt, but by the time he did so, I raised my weapon once again and, using the blunt end, I delivered three quick stabs at his abdomen. He used his vambraces to block one, but since he was off-balance after the sudden stop, he didn't quite manage to stop the second, and the third one landed cleanly, resulting in me declaring, "Tag!" once again, but not before I stared moving once more. Two down, three to go. 

In the meantime the remaining Fauns, Rabom, Hrul, and Vurrok, finally attempted to encircle me. Unfortunately, while they might have had a chance when there were five of them, a circle with just three members simply wasn't viable. That said, while I had other ways to break through, I decided to go with the path of least resistance by using my fake 'Phasing' ability to move right behind Vurrok. 

He must have expected I would try something like that, as the moment I arrived, I immediately had duck under a heavy slash he delivered by hastily spinning around. It actually looked pretty impressive… but that didn't mean I didn't immediately capitalize on his stance being completely screwed by lightly tapping my spear at his shin and exclaiming, "Tag!"

After the first surprise, the Faun warrior let out a deep growl, followed by a long string of colorful expletives I shall omit for now. Anyhow, after whittling down their numbers like that, it only took a couple of seconds to mop up the remainders. I caught Rabom off-guard by parrying his stab with his own spear, and then using the same momentum to hit him on his head, then I humored Hrul by engaging in a little back-and-forth dueling against him before I exploited him overreaching with one of his swings, allowing me to step in and tap his neck, resulting in the last shout of "Tag!" for the day.

By the time I finished, I was surrounded by five morose Fauns with wounded pride. To be fair though, the rules of our little training exercise were in my favor, but the fact they couldn't manage to touch me in four rounds seemed to weigh heavily on them. Be that as it may, they agreed to those rules at the beginning, so they couldn't complain aloud, yet their eyes were telling volumes about their newfound grudge towards me.

Now, one might ask what I was doing fighting Snowy's retinue all by myself in the first place, but as always, there was a method to my madness. Footwork and other forms of basic training were infinitely more efficient in Dominance, as demonstrated by the last-minute practice I did with Brang the night before, yet it had two major flaws. 

The first one was the obvious fact that only I could do it in our group. No, not even Josh could enter into Dominance with the Fauns during his Abyssal transformation, which meant this was probably related to one of my weird secondary abilities. 

The second problem was the fact that it was a contest between two Fauns (or in this case, one Faun and one irregular). This was great for dueling practice, but it precluded any kind of training related to acting as a group, or in my case, dealing with multiple opponents at once. In order to remedy this, I devised this improvised little contest, where I would face off against all the Fauns (save for Brang and Karukk, for obvious reasons). This method, unfortunately, involved a high chance of injury, but since I figured it might help me develop both my dodging and my awareness in battle, I decided it was worth the risk, with the added rule that if I managed to land a clean hit on any of my opponents, they would be 'out' for the remainder of the round, as a way to give me a little advantage.

In retrospect, I didn't really need it. While individually each of the Faun were formidable, and I often needed to utilize my supernatural dodging and other abilities to deal with them, as far as group combat was concerned… How should I put this gently? Let's just say that Brang's subordinates were really, really bad at teamwork, and leave it at that. Now, I had two separate hypotheses as to why this was the case; an in-universe one and a meta-explanation.

The first one relied on the same idea as to why we were having this asymmetrical group battle to begin with. If I presumed that they were only training via Dominance, it would mean they were naturally really experienced with dueling an opponent of similar stature and strength, but since the same limitation of one-on-one fighting applied there, it meant they had way less experience when it came to acting as a unit in battle.

Now, this hypothesis of mine had only one glaring flaw: the fact that they were well-trained professionals capable of executing complex actions based on hand-signals alone, so it didn't make sense that they would lose all cohesion the moment they entered into actual combat. This was a discrepancy that was unfortunately explained, if a little crudely, by a single meta-observation: the Faun were 'mooks'.

What are mooks? It is the informal term for the standard-issue, disposable minions of the bad guys, specifically designed to appear threatening yet be incompetent enough to be easily dispatched by the heroes when the need arises. Sounds familiar?

This interpretation would also perfectly explain why, despite outnumbering and outgunning the girls (at least as far as sheer size and strength were concerned), they managed to completely fail to hinder them from roaming the school building and eventually reaching the rooftop during the incident a week ago. They certainly looked really imposing on the surface, and I had to admit that they were a little scary when they all rushed at me during the first round, but at the end of the day, their skill levels were just a notch above Josh's and not even in the same ballpark as, say, Brang.

Speaking of which, if I concluded that the Fauns were the 'mooks' to the Abyssals' 'antagonists', then what did that make Brang? I mean, he was obviously on a completely different level than the rest, so… was he an 'elite mook'? Or maybe a mid-boss? We discussed this topic with Judy in the past, and if our ad-hoc theory about the school incident being an arc-ending climax was correct, would Brang have been the 'dragon' to Crowey? I don't mean the literal kind but the literary kind; the powerful second in command in service of the villain. It would fit him, but… No, scratch that. It was probably supposed to be Snowy, so… maybe he was supposed to be an 'elite mook'. But if so…

I glanced over at the other side of the training hall, where Brang stood with his spear against the ground, his face set in a profound frown and his eyes seemingly gazing into the infinite distance. He was the perfect image of a lonely expert standing at the peak of attainment. It was a great image, slightly tarnished by a certain friend of mine rolling on the ground beside him while cradling his shin.

"Why! Why do they both keep going for the goddamn legs!?" he protested quite loudly, so I decided to leave the petulant atmosphere surrounding the defeated Fauns behind and instead bask in the petulant atmosphere surrounding the victorious Faun.

Just as I did group training, I asked Brang to be the opponent for the rest of the gang. I hoped he could impart some of his experience onto them so that they could, with some luck, learn how to work as a team against a single, powerful opponent. The results were as follows: Josh, currently in a draconic transformation, was still rolling on the floor. Elly was sitting while leaning against the nearest wall, with an exhausted Angie healing some scratches on her legs. Ammy was dismally staring at the pile of rubble on the floor, no doubt the remains of the late Petra. Meanwhile Snowy was… awkwardly standing in front of Brang, obviously not knowing what to do. Since she was his liege, he obviously didn't want to hurt her, and since he was her 'Uncle Brang', she also obviously didn't want to chuck any ice-spears at him, so Snowy instead tried to support the others, and once they were defeated, she apparently didn't know what else to do. 

Because I couldn't bear to watch her fidget any longer, I walked over to her side and patted her on the head with now-practiced motions .

"So, are you finished too?"

"Yes," Brang responded curtly in our language, probably realizing along the way that talking in Faunish in front of the rest of the gang was kind of rude. Anyhow, he looked over the sulking group of Fauns on the other side of the hall and let out an ominous chuckle. "Lost? Need more training."

"They sure do," I agreed as my eyes skimmed over my equally dejected friends. "So do they, now that I think about it. We should make these training sessions a regular thing."

"Agreed," Brang nodded after a moment of thinking. "Good experience."

"Also fun," I egged him on.

"Also agreed," he, well, agreed with a toothy grin, eliciting a cry from Josh on the ground.

"No wonder these two are getting along! They are both combat maniacs!"

I rolled my eyes at him and offered him a hand, "You are being a baby again. Get up already."

Josh continued to grouch, but to his credit, he actually took my hand and rose to his feet, though not without a lot of theatrical groaning and hissing. I am not going to lie though; after he took some basic footwork lessons from the princess, and assumed a draconic form, I expected him to do better. After all, he did manage to hold his own against Crowey, if only briefly. 

Maybe he couldn't tap into his full potential unless it was a serious life-or-death situation? Or, considering he was the 'hero', maybe he had to work himself up into a hot-blooded state for his powers to shine? Or hell, it might just be the power of friendship he was missing. I mean, Judy had been pestering me about narrative influence this and narrative influence that ever since I woke up, so who knew? Maybe the narrative did power him up as the situation demanded?

Speaking of which, these kinds of situational powerups were the reason why, after considering it for a moment, I decided against trying to come up with an unofficial power-ranking where I could slot people into ranks or whatnot. I mean, Brang here already showed that there was a difference of earth and sky between one Faun and another. Not to mention, power-levels are just a silly concept to begin with.

"Hey, Chief?" Judy jolted me out of my momentary stupor by grabbing my sleeve.

"Yes?" I responded and was momentarily taken aback by the eager light in her eyes.

"I have finished compiling all my observations about your training today, and I think I have everyone's power-levels figured out."

"… Dormouse. You are killing me."

"No, I'm not," she replied, either completely oblivious to my exasperation or uninterested in it.

"I still don't care," I told her wearily. "Send it to me in an e-mail later."

For the next five seconds, my assistant gave me a look that said I would pay for ruining her fun like that, but in the end she just let out a small (and at this point quite familiar) 'spoilsport' under her breath.

"Did someone say 'power levels'?" Angie suddenly poked her head between us with a curious expression, followed by the disheveled princess. On a side note, she completely nailed the whole 'unkempt beauty' aesthetic.

"No, nobody said anything like that," I told her in no uncertain terms before turning to the blonde girl. "Are you okay? I think I saw you being thrown across the room from the corner of my eye at one point."

"I'm fine," she responded with a scowl and an unsurprisingly sulky voice, then she quickly added, "I will get him next time!"

I saw Brang's ears swivel in response to her declaration, then he let out a mirthful little chuckle that didn't help my girlfriend's mood one bit.

In the meantime, Josh let out a loud breath as his transformation came to an end, and as it did, his whole body visibly shuddered for a second.

"Can we go home already? I'm tired, I'm cold, and I'm really, really hungry."

"Oh, that's probably because of your transformation," Snowy explained to him with a demure smile. "I also get hungry after it."

It was the perfect moment for someone's stomach to growl, and to my sincerest surprise, it was my own body that complied with the trope as my abdomen let out a short, gurgling noise.

"Well, I suppose that means I'm hungry too," I stated, though to be perfectly honest, I only felt a little peckish at the moment. 

"Does that mean we are calling it a day," Josh asked in a hopeful voice, and when I nodded, he almost did a fist-pump. "Finally, I can put some clothes on!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I mumbled as I stretched my back and then paused for a moment as I looked around. In retrospect, invoking the Purple Zone was a bit of an overkill as, contrary to my expectations, the sparring matches didn't cause much collateral damage. It was still better to be safe than sorry, and I don't think anyone can blame me after seeing what Snowy and Elly did to the school grounds the first time I saw them transform.

Anyhow, since there was absolutely no need for it anymore, I turned to Brang and asked him, "[If it is within your means to end the existence of this Area of Violet Colors, may I request you do so?]"

The ex-general gave me an odd look at first, but then he finally seemed to figure out what I was talking about, and he raised his spear off the ground, only to hit its butt against the floor so hard I was afraid the concrete would fracture under the impact. Then it did; or at least that's what it looked like as hundreds of hairline cracks spread across the hall with Brang in their center, following which the entire space shook, then a few short seconds later we were back in normal space. 

I did my best to ignore how overly elaborate our exit from the Purple Zone was, and instead I picked up my coat. I had a whole speech prepared for the occasion, waxing lyrical about how we all explored our strengths and weaknesses and whatever, but I decided to leave it all for after we were back home. Speaking of which, it was high time I did a quick check on Karukk. I have done so every once in a while during our training, and each time he was either snacking or watching my TV in the living room, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to see what he was doing one last time before I started ferrying the others over. As it turned out, it was very, very fortunate I did that.

What I saw through Far Sight made by blood run cold for a moment. It took all my presence of mind not to teleport over right away, but I remembered that I had a pretense to uphold, so I hastily threw my coat onto my back as I exclaimed, "Training's over!" towards everyone, and then added a curt, "[Stay alert!] for Brang in particular before I dashed into the adjacent room housing the local magic closet while ignoring the baffled looks directed my way. I hastily slammed the door shut behind me with a loud bang, and by the time the sound would have died down, I was already in my living room.

What I saw was, in short, complete and utter chaos. My sofa was turned over, and it had a large gash on its side, through which I could even see the springs. My coffee table was broken right in half, and my carpets were scattered around the floor and stained by a spray of blood. There, right in the middle of this whole horrible spectacle, was an injured Faun holding up a half-broken dining chair in defense, kind of like how an animal trainer would do so in a circus show, while opposite to him stood a very familiar and dangerous woman.

Miss creepy huntress had her patented slasher grin plastered on her face and she was standing in a low stance. She held her weapon high, her hands holding onto the hilt were drawn back next to her right ear, and her whole body was tense like a bowstring as she was preparing for a lunging stab. Said weapon, by the way, was one of those Japanese swords. I wanted to say 'katana' but it seemed too long and straight for that. Maybe some kind of fantasy variant?

More importantly, the whole blade of her sword was purple in color, with only its edge being a slightly lighter shade, closer to pink. Furthermore, the entire sword was giving off a dark, magenta mist that swirled quite eerily around the blade, plus the purple cloth in which it was originally wrapped was attached to the end of the handle and was for some reason billowing behind her as if she was in a tornado or something. The way it moved was also just a wee bit unnatural, like poor CGI.

Now, while I would have loved to discuss real special effect failures in detail, and if Judy was around, it was guaranteed to turn into a skit, at the moment I had to ignore the topic in favor of the obvious question that I asked without any further delay.

"What the bloody hell is going on here!?"

My sudden cry finally made the two combatants aware of my presence, and while Karukk only twitched as he glanced at me in surprise, miss huntress shuddered so hard that her stance practically collapsed.

I was still in the dark about what happened here, but my brain, probably because it was still in a higher gear after the sparring matches, immediately categorized the situation as an 'opportunity', and so I instinctively moved to capitalize on it by looking over the carnage with my best theatrical show of dismay.

I exclaimed, "What have you done to my living room!?" closely followed by a dramatic groan, the latter of which I used as a handy way to disguise my Faunish directed at the frozen Karukk. 

"[Cease standing around akin to an imbecile of the highest order and vacate my domicile while I enact a distraction!]"

The stupid look on the Faun's face thankfully only lasted for a split second and he let out a gut-shaking battle cry that actually translated to, "[Go-Got it boss! I'll go and hide!]"

Declaring so, Karukk jumped away from the crazy huntress and towards me, and in order to keep in line with the hasty script I threw together in my head, I helpfully grabbed hold of his uninjured shoulder and used his momentum to throw him towards the open door leading to the street. After a series of panicked noises the big guy rolled to break his fall, and then he sprang to his feet and rushed right through the door which, as I just noticed, was also broken. The moment he was through, he activated what I, in retrospect, realized was his cloaking sigil and dashed into the early evening twilight. I made sure he was out of sight before I turned my attention towards the only remaining person in the house... who was looking at me like a little kid whose toy was taken away. 

"It's gone," she muttered with a dejected expression, completely defenseless and missing all the menace she possessed just ten seconds ago, and tried as I might, I failed a suppress the mother of all exasperated groans escaping my mouth. 

That said, this time I wasn't flustered. Now granted, this situation was unexpected and pretty outrageous, but unlike the time I met this creepy hunter lady in the amusement park, I no longer felt like I was on the back foot. As a prelude of my verbal assault, I once again observed the sorry state of the living room, and then I leveled my first question at my unwanted guest. 

"What exactly are you doing here?" 

Miss huntress gave me one of her trademarked 'What a dumb question to ask,' looks before simply stating, "I came to pay you a visit."

"Why?" 

"Because I was patrolling the neighborhood," she answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

"So you decided to break down my door."

"There was a creature of the underworld in your home," she explained as if I didn't know. "When I found it, I couldn't restrain the unquenchable hunger of my blade, so I...!" 

"I don't care!" I cut her off and then pointed at her weapon. "Also, stop waving your sword around already. It's dangerous."

She gave me an irritated frown, then she extended the hand holding her weapon towards me, as if to show it off, and she told me, "Look. Onikiri still thirsts for blood."

"I told you I don't care."

She looked at me, then down at the sword, then back at me, her expression slowly growing more and more puzzled.

"But it's the rule that I must drench her blade in blood before I can sheathe her."

"This is my house. Here, I set the rules, and one of the rules is that you are not allowed to wave an unsheathed weapon around in my bloody living room."

"Really? Let me see what Onikiri says." After saying that, she closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them again, her previous confusion seemed to have completely evaporated. "Onikiri says it's important for an effective hunter to observe the inferior and silly customs of the natives when on a hunt abroad."

A talking sword? How come I wasn't even surprised anymore?

"Natives, huh?" I muttered seemingly under my breath, but in truth, it was just the kind of segue I was waiting for to prod her further. "I already figured you weren't from around here, but where did you actually come from?"

Before she answered, my oblivious home invader held her sword vertically, with the blade pointing at the floor. When she did that, the unnaturally billowing shroud trailing from its end came to a halt, only to suddenly come alive again and tightly wrap itself around the whole sword like some kind of textile constrictor snake. It was all done in a matter of seconds, and by the end of it, even the familiar bead chain reappeared from somewhere.

Only after her weapon was hidden in plain sight again did the huntress let out a sigh and answer, "I came from the East."

"Anything more specific?"

"... Japan," she stated dourly, apparently annoyed by my insistent inquiry. Oh boy, if only she knew it was just the beginning...

"I see," I whispered softly, though 'I figured' would have been more fitting. The not-katana was kind of a giveaway. "You came a long way just to trash my living room."

"Preposterous," she huffed and puffed at my accusation, then she slung her bundled up sword across her shoulder and declared, "My intervention just revealed a cowardly ambush the despicable creatures of the world's darkest corners schemed against you. I demand appreciation."

"Oh, yes, I greatly appreciate what you have done to my house. I love the new décor, especially the bloodstains on the floor. Very art deco." 

"No, you are supposed to appreciate my intervention," she told me like she was explaining dinner etiquette to a kindergartener, prompting me to let out a groan of frustration. 

"It's called sarcasm, woman! Learn to recognize it!" I paused here for a second, and then decided to throw in a few technical truths to get the conversation rolling again by saying, "I've been fighting a small horde of Fauns for the past hour, and I already knew one was here. There was no reason to 'intervene' and break my stuff."

"You have been hunting as well?" my unwanted guest's eyes opened wide and the corners of her lips began to drift apart into a familiar grin, then suddenly she exclaimed, "I understand it now!"

"Pray tell, what do you understand?" I asked her wearily, which unfortunately promoted her smile to completely shift into slasher mode.

"I didn't understand why you appeared so aloof and weak the last time, but now I have a full understanding of your strategy. Instead of searching the land for worthy prey, you created a trap with yourself as the bait! You made the creatures of the underworld think you were vulnerable, only to close the iron jaws of your cruel trap around them from the inside! A truly unique way to hunt!"

Now it was my turn to award her a 'What the bloody hell is this person blabbering about?' look, but eventually I decided that I might as well run with her wild delusions and tell her, "I'm glad you finally realized why breaking into my house was unnecessary."

"I should have been more perceptive. My apologies," she suddenly bowed to me, but before I could respond, she immediately straightened herself and gave me a brilliant, yet just as unnerving smile. "I am glad you take our contest so seriously."

"Contest?" I whispered to myself in surprise, but then I remembered that she did get me one-sidedly involved in one. Speaking of which, since she seemed to have a better impression of me this time around, I figured this was the best time for me to draw some further information out of her regarding her target… but then she suddenly began walking towards the front door. "Wha..? Where are you going?"

"My pride as a hunter cannot allow me to stay idle while my rival is one step ahead! I shall…!"

"Hold on for a moment! Don't just leave a conversation whenever you please!"

Miss creepy huntress gave me an odd look and asked, "I don't think there is anything else for us to discuss."

"Yes, there is!" I countered, getting steadily fed up with her. "You haven't even told me your name, for example."

"I have not?"

"No, you haven't."

She paused for a few seconds, as if searching her memories, then she crossed her hands in front of her chest, conspicuously averted her eyes, and then muttered something along the lines of, "The rules of my clan forbid me to share my name with anyone but my lord… but we are fellow hunters of the darkness… and you are my rival…" 

She kept on muttering, and while I really wanted to point out that I was not, under any traditional or sane definition, her 'rival', I was afraid it would throw her thoughts into another tangent and we wouldn't get anywhere. At last, after a few more seconds of hesitation, she let out a sharp breath through her nostrils and looked me in the eye again.

"I decided to grant you the knowledge of my name!"

"Um… thanks?" I responded a little weakly, but she didn't seem to mind.

"You may address me as Onikiri no Tsukaite Rinne."

"… That's obviously not your name but some kind of title, isn't it?"

"It is my name," she emphasized with a frown. "It is how I am addressed by my clan and family! I demand that you be grateful for allowing you to use it."

"Oh, I am sooo grateful right now," I told her with a subtle roll of the eyes, but considering that she seemed satisfied by that, my first impression of her being completely unable to detect sarcasm seemed to be on the mark. "It's long though. Can I just call you Rinne?"

All of a sudden my unwanted home invader's face flushed crimson in anger and she hastily declared, while grabbing onto the wrapped up sword on her back, "Most certainly not! Even if we are fellows in the hunt, such informality is beyond shameless!"

"Fine, forget I asked!" I told her with my hands raised.

"I shall leave now! The hunt awaits, and Onikiri still thirst for blood! I shall—"

"Before you go," I quickly called out to her again, partially to interrupt her once again before she could gather steam, but also because I still had one thing I absolutely had to do before she left. I took a step closer to her, my palms open and showing no foul play, and once I was in arm's reach, I slowly raised my right hand up to her cheek. "You have—" I tried to speak, but before I could get the words out, my instincts told me to dodge to the side, and I immediately complied. A split-second later, her sword, still in its cloth wrap, cut through the space where my torso used to be.

"What are you doing!?" I exclaimed in alarm.

"That is my question to ask!" she exclaimed back with a scary expression on her face.

"You had a bit of blood, on your cheek, so I thought I would be nice and wipe it off for you," I told her while poking at my own face for reference. Of course there was no blood on her, but as I recently discovered, I needed actual skin contact in order to tag someone for Far Sight, and since she was wearing gloves, her face was the only exposed surface I could use.

She kept looking at me with a furious scowl, but when I didn't make any further moves, she hastily raised her arm to her face and rubbed both her cheeks with her suit's sleeve.

"It's gone now," she stated while still gripping her bundled blade.

"Actually, you still have a bit over there. Just let me help you and…" I attempted to step closer, but she jumped back and simultaneously swung at me once more, forcing me to dodge again. "Hey, stop that! It's dangerous!" I reprimanded her, but in the blink of an eye she was already under the doorframe of the entrance.

"I know what you are doing!" she yelled at me while gripping her weapon with both hands. "You are once again trying to use your devious ways to hinder my hunt! I shall not fall into your trap! No matter how you attempt to approach me, you will not distract me away from my calling any longer!"

"I have no idea what you…" I tried to persuade her, but the moment she finished talking, she turned around and dashed out of my house. I briefly entertained the thought of chasing after her with my teleportation ability just so that I could tag her, but the moment she reached the sidewalk, she suddenly jumped at least ten meters high into the air and disappeared behind the next row of houses. I guess she didn't skip leg day, huh?

In the end, I couldn't help but sigh in frustration. It was our second meeting, and I still didn't manage to tag her. Furthermore, she was now on guard against me, so any further attempts would just lead to even more resistance. Why did all the women I knew have to be so difficult? 

Speaking of which, what was up with her behavior at the end there? Did she have androphobia? No, she was starting to act weird even before that. I mean, 'weird' compared to her previous conduct. Was it around the time I called her by her name that she…?

"Oh, fuck me," I uttered under my breath when the realization finally dawned on me. She was from Japan. There is a Japanese trope about 'first name basis', when the only people who are supposed to call people by their first name were family, very close friends, and lovers. I inadvertently did just that, and she seemed furious, but… what if she was embarrassed instead? And then I tried to touch her, and she had an overt reaction, but while she swung her sword at me, it was still wrapped up and lacked any clear intent to injure me. Q.E.D.:

"… I really need to ask Judy to let me in on those anti-harem countermeasures before things would get out of hand."

I let out another sigh and decided to look on the bright side of things. If I somehow managed to accidentally make her develop some form of affection towards me, then at least it meant she would be less of a possible threat towards me and my friends. Unless she was a yandere, in which case I was screwed either way.

While I was pondering about these things, I noticed that there were some shuffling sounds coming from outside my door. I walked up to the ruined doorframe and looked outside, and it didn't take me long to notice Karukk hiding behind the tree in the front yard. His hazy outlines told me that he was still cloaked while pressing a hand against his left shoulder, so I gestured for him to come in. 

He did just that, and since my door was off its hinges, I set it against the frame the best I could before turning towards him and asking, "[Is your injury a threat to your continued existence?]"

"[It's just a flesh wound,]" Karukk replied with a wince. "[It could still use some field dressing.]"

"[If so, I shall request my Celestial companion to treat your wound later. For now, please enlighten me of the highly improbable excrement that transpired within these walls.]"

"[It's a short story,]" he answered after a short hiss of pain. "[I was minding the place when the doorbell rang. I went up to the door to see who it was, when this crazy broad stabbed me right through the door, then she kicked it down and tried to cut me to ribbons.]"

"[She obviously failed in her endeavor.]"

"[Not for lack of trying,]" the faun told me with a strained smile, then added, "[If you didn't show up when you did, I would be dead right now. I barely managed to hold my own for ten seconds.]

"[Restrain your equines. This thorough desecration of my abode occurred in ten breaths' time?]"

"[Roughly,]" he confirmed with a nod. "[Sorry boss. She caught me off guard.]"

"You weren't the only one," I muttered to myself, then gestured for him to sit down and said, "[Rest, lest you aggravate your wounds. I shall bring aid within the minute.]"

"[Thanks, boss,]" Karukk lightly bowed to me with a strained smile before sitting down. 

This time I didn't bother with going to the magical closet, and instead I immediately teleported over to the secret base. As my vision blurred, I couldn't help but feel that, contrary to my previous words, this day was far from over.