Self-Portraits with Watermelon (Patreon)

Lately I've been rethinking my entire art career and life. Everything that has happened over the past few months, that has made me question everything, is saturating my mind with undefined space and time. I feel the collective stress of overstimulation, over-production, a sense of infinite tasks and business and busy-ness. As I try to take care of my body by focusing on creating a sense of safety and security in my everyday existence, I am simultaneously inspired by so many things. I feel like I'm having visions than every before. My mind is exploding with creations and finished art pieces. Perhaps this is a sign from the universe that I must keep going. The show must go on. I've bee doing so much soul searching. Listening. As I was talking with my friend on the summer solstice, recounting my astrological makeup, dissecting my jupiter in leo conjunct my south node in leo in the fifth house, I realized that I don't need to necessarily perform on a stage to satisfy this part of me, I can and do perform on my online platforms. Making videos and sharing nude images, some shocking to some people, is a part of me. This can be my way of honoring this part of my astrological makeup. It is ok to put myself out there. It is just who I am. I need to honor and respect this. 

I visited Yale a few days ago to check out their campus as I'm thinking of applying to their MFA program. I walked through the empty halls of the arts building as it was summer time, and of course saw posters featuring Ryan McGinley as their fellowship recipient. I ended up going to the yale art museum and becoming so inspired. As I was there I received texts from a new friend offering that I create a nude women's retreat on his land in mexico to help women become more comfortable with their bodies. Finally it feels like the time is right and ripe for this, especially receiving this personal invitation from this special human I met during the most magical sweatlodge experience I had at his house this past week. As I was receiving this information, I was looking at art over the millenia at the museum and getting so many visions and ideas for my work and different ways that I want to continue to create and play. I want to produce my colorful people series, and focus on fruits, colors and paint. I want to incorporate all of this into my retreat and daily life. I want to have fun again and make things that just bring me joy. i want to create time and space. I want to embrace and realize that space and time are infinite. We are all here now, with so much time. I'm not in a hurry. It is ok my visions are in my mind. I know I will make them a reality. I have to. Its the only reason I'm here. To love and create. I can't keep listening to the ghosts and voices of the past. If these past months have taught me anything, it is to find my voice, my vision, and hold it high, and to be strong.