Apocalypse Tamer 87: Man vs Christmas (Patreon)

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By the time Basil finished his tale, his coffee cup had gone cold. Vasi held her hot chocolate in her hand, a worried frown all over her beautiful face. As for Kalki, he had stopped sipping his tea halfway through the conversation and listened patiently since.

“That’s worrying,” he said, finally breaking the silence.

“That’s an understatement,” Vasi replied as he put her half-empty cup on the table. The vampire minions had set a table in the hall for them far from the Christmas tree. The rest of the team rested for the last minutes they had before nightfall. “Dungeons are supposed to be protected from most teleportation and scrying effects. If this demon can manifest inside one while a dimension away…”

Vasi shuddered. She didn’t need to finish her sentence. Everyone understood its implications: that the Maleking might be so powerful that he could violate some of the System’s rules.

After their encounter in the chapel, Basil had immediately gone on to inform his allies. He didn’t believe in keeping secrets, and the best solution to a demon’s attempt to sow discord was open communication.

Trust was like a seed. It needed constant care and watering to grow into a strong tree.

“It could have been an illusion,” Basil pointed out. “Images projected in my mind.”

“The problem remains the same, Basil,” Vasi said. “We have an enemy who can spy on us anywhere.”

“That has been the case since we earned our first godly essence,” Basil replied. Thanks to them, Maxwell and Metal Olympus could track down the Bohens easily across the globe. He suspected the main reason they hadn’t gone after Kalki yet was that they intended to travel to their HQ in Athens; why risk killing the Avatar of Preservation when he would inevitably come to their doorstep? “And we don’t even know what the Unity is capable of. We can’t lower our guard, ever.”

“I agree, but we shouldn’t let fear and distrust rule our hearts,” Kalki said calmly. “If the demon is truly interested in making us join him, then he has a vested interest in appearing more powerful than he actually is.”

It was a possibility, but Basil didn’t believe it. The Maleking had seemed utterly unconcerned about the possibility of them running roughshod through the Apocalypse Force. He had taken Basil’s rejection in stride too.

Looking back, the demon feared someone else entirely.

“He’s not scared of us,” Basil told Kalki. “He’s scared of you. That you may return Earth to normal and deny him his victory.”

Kalki put his cup on the table. He stared at the tea inside thoughtfully without saying a word.

“Can you?” Basil asked. His own throat trembled, much to his surprise.

“I don’t know, my friend,” Kalki admitted with a sigh. “I don’t even understand my purpose. I don’t remember anything, besides the feeling that I must find Padma. I don’t feel whole without her.”

Basil sighed and sank into his chair. He had expected as much. Kalki might have been Vishnu’s avatar, but Maxwell had purposely summoned him with amnesia and a human’s weaknesses. So far, all the Bohens knew was that their friend’s life sustained the System—and thus Earth by extension—and that Dismaker Labs didn’t want him to reunite with Lakshmi’s incarnation.

That was reason enough for Basil to bring the two would-be gods together, but he hadn’t imagined the potential consequences. If the world could indeed return to normal without the System’s influence… Basil would have dreamed of this outcome once, but now he struggled to even imagine it.

“I’m sorry, Basil,” Kalki apologized. “I must look like a pitiful excuse for a god. You come to me seeking answers and leave you with more questions.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not your fault,” Basil replied with a shrug. “We’ll cross that bridge when we reach it.”

The Maleking’s visit didn’t change anything; if anything, it only added to the urgency. If the Level Barrier was growing weak enough to let his influence seep into Earth, then the team couldn’t afford to waste time.

Will you be nothing again?

Basil buried his dark thoughts in coffee. The bitter taste washed over his tongue, but it failed to banish the Maleking’s words from his mind. Basil only truly cared about Plato and honoring Renée’s memory before the apocalypse, but now the list of people he cared for had grown longer than his arm.

People he was afraid to lose.

Vasi took her boyfriend’s hand into her own. Her fingers were warm to the touch, and so deeply comforting.

“Basil, take it from someone with a wicked hag for a mother,” she said. “Demons love offering limited options to put pressure on you. That’s the classic ‘either sell your soul or someone dies.’ They present themselves as the only solution so you don’t look for any other.”

“Do I look so troubled?” Basil asked. He was ashamed of himself. He had fought the likes of Apollyon without flinching, so why should a demon’s threats affect him?

“You do,” Vasi replied with a smile. “But don’t worry too much. If the worst comes to pass, I’ll take you and the others to my world. I’ll adopt you.”

Basil couldn’t help but chuckle and almost spilled coffee over the table. “You think the kids will fit in?” he asked while glancing at Rosemarine and the others. “A whole new world might be too much for them to adjust to.”

“Oh, believe me, they’ll fit right in.” Vasi’s smile turned enigmatic. “Maybe even better than in this world.”

Basil thought back to Vasi’s debate with Hagen over dragons, and he suddenly wondered how Rosemarine would fit into her world. Somehow he had the feeling its denizens might be less fazed by a giant tropidrake than Earth’s.

“Well, I’ll still try to save my planet first and foremost,” Basil replied. “But thanks for the offer.”

“I hope I can see your world one day,” Kalki said with a bright smile. “You make it sound like a joyful place.”

“Our System is less gloomy than yours, that’s for sure.” Vasi observed Kalki warily. “A shame we cannot bring you to Walter. I’m sure you would have much to talk about.”

At one point, Basil had tried to introduce Kalki to Walter Tye in the hope of helping him regain his memories. It had failed almost immediately. The otherworldly merchant couldn’t leave his shop due to the Level Barrier protecting Earth, and Kalki turned out to be locked to the planet’s dimension. He simply couldn’t cross portals of any kind nor be transported into Walter’s pocket realm. Basil’s hope that they could safely put their friend in a safehouse until they reached Athens had died there and then.

“Wait a second,” Basil said, an idea crossing his mind. “If the Level Barrier has degraded enough that the Maleking can communicate from outside this reality–”

“Then perhaps Walter can do the same,” Vasi guessed. “Mmm… that could work.”

Kalki didn’t look overjoyed. “I am curious about meeting this man, but from what I heard from you… his heart is as cold as ice.”

“It is,” Basil conceded. “But he’s the one who knows the most about how Systems work, so perhaps–”

Speaking of the devil, a notification flashed before Basil’s eyes.

The [Christmas] event will start in 10 minutes. Naughty ones beware!

Ugh, right at the wrong time. Basil glanced at his allies, who had all received the same notification, before answering the call to arms. He rose from his seat, summoned his halberd, and rallied the troops. “Guys, it’s time!”

“I’ve seen,” Plato complained as he stretched his back. The notification had woken him up from his nap. “Right when I was dreaming about dreaming.”

“Finally!” Of all the people present, only Shellgirl looked happy with the news. “It’s looting time!”

“I thought you disliked violence?” Basil asked with a raised eyebrow. “We could die, you know?”

“Oh come on, the last event was a breeze! I even gained legs from it!” Shellgirl started dancing in place. “Legs! Maybe I’ll get wings this time! Or an essence!”

Basil wouldn’t have called learning the planet was inside a god’s palm a ‘breeze,’ but he understood where Shellgirl was coming from. The party still reaped the benefits from Halloween and defeated the event’s monsters relatively easily; she expected Christmas to end the same.

And it could. Basil would expect a Christmas-themed event to be easier than the Halloween one, but months of bad surprises made him wary anyway.

“Master, I wish you good luck in the battle to come,” Eddie the Vampire said while attempting to kiss Basil’s feet, who swiftly recoiled in disgust. “If anyone asks, your humble servant will be in the basement!”

“Craven! Coward!” Bugsy glared at the vampire Boss with contempt. “You’re halfway to Overgod and you won’t defend your own home?”

“I will,” Eddie protested. “I’ll be the last line of defense! The final hope when all else has failed!”

Basil wondered how a worm like him could have reached level 50, before remembering dungeon bosses grew in power with each Incursion. Ronald, the Boss of Château Muloup, had gained over twenty levels from the last one. Eddie had reaped the benefits of everyone else’s work like a good parasite and done his best to prove utterly unworthy of it.

This infuriated Basil, who had bled to earn every single of his levels. He would have probably staked the vampire on the spot if he still had his Berserker class, but he couldn’t afford to do so in the middle of an event.

“Fine, whatever, go secure the server room,” Basil said with a sneer of contempt. As much as he wanted to throw that worm to the wolves, Eddie’s demise would leave the Neurotower undefended and thus cost the team their control over the dungeon. Him running away in the middle of a battle might prove more disastrous than simply not showing up to it. “Everyone else, go occupy the choke points we set for you.”

“If I see you slacking off from your post, I’ll kill you myself!” Bugsy threatened Eddie, who swiftly fled to the basement through hidden stairs. The other monster recruits sighed and spread around the castle to better defend it.

“Can I hide too?” Renfield pleaded. “I just got the nine lives feature!”

“You’ll survive,” Plato replied with an annoyed tone. “I lost half of mine over two seasons, no way you can beat up my record in a single night. I predict you’ll lose three tonight, give it or take it.”

“That’s three lives too many!”

Ignoring the debate, Basil checked the world outside through the hall’s windows. The sunlight had almost entirely vanished beyond the horizon and a powerful blizzard had risen. Dark clouds encroached upon the sky. Snow rained like a downpour, burying the castle’s walls under a dense white layer.

“I don’t think I can fly under these conditions, handsome,” Vasi warned.

“No kidding,” Basil grumbled. The weather had shut down some of his plans for the dungeon’s defense. Fighting outside was now a doomed proposition. Only Shellgirl, who had resistance to Frost, and Bugsy with his Heatriser Perk on could credibly venture in the blizzard.

“I can go outside if you want, Mister,” Rosemarine proposed. “I don’t mind the cold anymore.”

“No Rosemarine, you’ll stay in the hall,” Basil decided. “It’s the only room big enough for you alongside the stables. You’re weak to Frost so the blizzard will weaken you, and you can’t use your sunlight abilities anyway.”

Rosemarine took it in stride. “I’ll make garlands with entrails, Mister!”

After a moment’s consideration, Basil started giving orders. “Alright, we’ll alter the plan a little. I’ll stay here with Rosemarine, Bugsy, Vasi, and Shellgirl. Plato, you go with Kalki and the others to the Steamobile.”

“So no changes on my side, general?” Kalki mused, his flute materializing in his hand. “I put on the loudspeakers and play a tune?”

“I know I ask this of you each battle,” Basil admitted with a smile. “But you’ve got to admit it works very well.”

“If inspiring others with music wasn’t my thing, I wouldn’t have become a Bard,” Kalki replied warmly. “With your cat’s illusions shielding our location, we should have no trouble holding up… but the hall makes for an inviting target.”

“We’ll call you through the logs if we get overwhelmed,” Basil promised him. “Now go.”

Kalki left with a short bow, followed by Plato and his escort. Basil found himself alone in the vast hall with the rest of his team. Vasi was smiling at him ear to ear.

“What?” Basil asked.

“You’ve gone a long way, handsome,” she said with amusement. “From cultivating vegetables in your garden to ordering a god around.”

“I still cultivate vegetables,” Basil replied. He had a pretty nice greenhouse in the Steamobile and expected a rutabaga harvest anytime soon. “Anyway girls, you know the drill.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shellgirl replied before buffing him with her Motivate Perk. Vasi did the same with Hasten, their magic spreading from Basil to the rest of his Guild. An aggressive tune echoed through the castle as Kalki played half a wing away.

When Basil watched the countdown hit zero, he was ready.

The [Christmas] event has started! Monsters will attack the naughty all night long and those who survive shall receive rewards! Additionally, an optional Boss will roam dungeons at random all over the world! Any Guild or Faction fending him off will be automatically put off the naughty list!

Optional boss?

“That doesn’t sound good,” Basil admitted.

“It says it appears in dungeons at random, Boss,” Bugsy pointed out. “What are the odds that it spawns in this one?”

“One hundred percent,” Vasi deadpanned. “How can you even ask, Bugsy? Haven’t the last six months been enough of a lesson?”

Bugsy lowered his head in shame. “I’m not that old…”

“I want a gun for my first year birthday, Mister!” Rosemarine chirped joyfully.

Aww, she was talking like an American lass! Adorable! Still, Basil agreed with Vasi. Considering how the Trimurti System’s creator hated them, they should expect the worst. “Bugsy, do you sense anyone?”

“I do, Boss,” Bugsy replied. “It’s hard to pinpoint them with the snowstorm outside, but I think monsters have spawned north of our position.”

Basil looked through the windows pointing in that direction. He had to use a fire orb to heat the glass just enough to shake off the snow covering it. The storm made it difficult to see much, but he noticed horned figures appearing in the distance.

At first, Basil mistook them for deer; except deer walked on four legs instead of two. The creatures appeared quite large with strong arms and white fur merging with the icy landscape. They were too far away for Monster Insight to glean much information from them, but it caught the names and levels.

Wendigo

Level 55 [Beast/Plant]

Faction: Yule Night

“Here comes Rudolf and his cousins,” Basil warned. “And I count a good dozen of them.”

“What level?” Shellgirl asked.

“Fifty-five,” Basil replied with a frown. They had the dungeon more booby-trapped than a Home Alone movie, but the monsters were close to their levels. It might be a close call. “Is anybody familiar with wendigos? I think I’ve heard the name somewhere, but I can’t put my finger on it…”

Vasi’s smile instantly faltered. “Wendigos?”

“You’ve heard of them?” Basil asked.

“Yes, I have. They eat people.”

“Like us?” Rosemarine asked innocently.

“Meh, we can take them,” Shellgirl replied. “Sense anybody else, Bugsy?”

“I… I think I hear…” Bugsy squinted as he looked up at the roof. “Above…”

Basil’s eyes widened. He immediately turned to the hall’s chimney and the burning hearth at its center. Bugsy, always the kind heart, had put a bottle of milk and cookies next to it for Santa, but Basil doubted whatever horror would spawn could be mollified so easily.

“Bugsy, fire it up!” Basil ordered. “More fire to the chimne–”

Too late.

The monster descended through the chimney in a catastrophic noise, as all the traps the Bohens had set across the shaft’s length activated at once. Explosions rocked the hall as a cloud of dust smoked out the hearth and filled the room. Basil heard something hit the ground with a growl of pain and rage.

“You naughty bastards!” A screeching voice came out of the smoke cloud, as a towering shape emerged from it. “To the sack with you! I’ll put you all in the naughty sack!”

The creature that appeared before the Bohens was too large to possibly go through a chimney shaft, but somehow it managed to sneak in that way. The monster was a hairy humanoid over twice the dragonknight’s size, with the legs of a demonic goat and horns to match; its face was half covered by a white beard. A lurid tongue stuck out of its fanged teeth and blistered red eyes glared at Basil. The beast wore a damaged crimson cloak with a hood, which burned in places where the chimney bombs hit. A big bag of straw hung from his back by a leather belt and his clawed hands wielded a vicious whip.

Basil immediately recognized the creature, even before the System confirmed his identity.

Krampus, Roaming Yule Boss

Level 60 [Fairy/Demon]

Faction: Yule Night

“Basil!” The monster cracked his whip in anger. “You have been very naughty this year!”

Oh thank God, Basil wouldn’t have to beat up Santa.

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