Some thoughts and a long ramble on where I'm at (TLDR included) (Patreon)
Content
Not really expecting many of you to read all of that shii.. I mean you're probably here just for higher quality naughty stuff right?
Up to you, TLDR: Too much perfectionism and overthinking, my skills get better yet my output decreased. Thinking how to reach an acceptable compromise of my vision and a timely manner. I love what I do and have too many ideas and regret that it feels I only bring a few of them to life.
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The reason the Furina animation and "style" specifically has taken so long is due to my rather not great obsession with doing things as proper as possible, I guess you can call it perfectionism, I don't necessarily feel it's apt because I'm hyper-aware of all the things I let slide that I feel could be done better but would take even more time.
And it's not even like it was my magnum opus or anything, in fact I spent significantly more time just studying and learning the techniques for this style, compared to how long the animation took, which in the end while I do hope it was worth it, I can't help but wonder if quality wise, is it even all that noticeable from just your plain old standard stylized shader setup you can learn to do in blender in a single day?
I've got all these thoughts I've been pondering over, and I just never figure it out completely. I always have the takeaway something's gotta change and I gotta improve but.. it's like I never really know for sure what I should do and change specifically. I think maybe I can change my approach or just settle and animate only the fast bits (the in N outs) but I find it hard to give up all the inbetweens, the.. foreplay, that I feel just adds to it and makes it far more enticing. I think something would be lost if I cut out things, again like the foreplay, just in favor of pumping out stuff more often.
I hate that I just don't manage to post more frequently, I'm honestly always surprised and extremely grateful by how many of you stick around, especially with my rather messy schedule, I used to think I couldn't give myself the luxury to take so long to work on something but thanks to your support, I have been able to.
Maybe this is just a bunch of silly overthinking on my part, after all, from your perspective I assume most of you just liked my stuff enough you thought it was worth supporting, and that's that, I mean, it's just silly naughty animations, what's with me philosophizing and overthinking so much over it? All the while, what's possibly just a meager amount for you, yet can aid me so significantly when it's all of you together.
I don't even know where I'm going with all of this, I just had a lot of thoughts I had to let out I suppose, owed you all my perspective for what I feel is a failure on my part on not delivering as often as I'd like. It sucks, that it seems the more I learned, it had the opposite effect where my output was instead decreased. And trust me when I say I really do enjoy making this, I have so many ideas all the time, yet at my pace I get to work on so little of them, usually only one at a time. Ah... if there was something I wished I had it's a hyperbolic time chamber, then I could go stay holed up until I worked and finished everything I wanted and barely a day would pass.
So how do I even conclude all of this? I guess my issue is always trying to live up to the impossible standard I set for myself, me, not anyone else, no one else has really imposed it on me. And I don't really know how to fix it either, again, I already feel that I give up on so much to be "timely" yet I feel my rate of output is anything but, and I keep thinking I'll manage to simplify it further and not compromise the vision, manage to animate it fast, quick, but it just never is quite that simple or easy.
I'm still working on my pace and figuring it all out, despite the few years I've worked on this now.
So yeah that's how I feel. If you read all of that rambling.. thanks. Or even if you didn't and skipped to the end. I'm just grateful you're here, even if it is just for the lewds.