Sorry (Personal, Maybe Buzkiller To Some) (Patreon)

TLDR: I'm depressed & there will be stuff other than a simple bl*wjob, in the Old Thank You Scene Remake.



First of all, I'm sorry if this is a buzzkiller to some... But I felt I had to lay it all out for honesty.


I know I was too late with Night Ride and now it's also taking too much time to release the remake for the Old Thank You Scene with Ellie.


I don't want to drag this out so... I will directly say that I'm at a point in life that I have no reason to wake up in the morning for the last 6-7 years. I just... I have nothing to wake up to. And I will quickly say that it's not because I'm an asocial "incel," with 23418954331547 kgs of weight and I'm not wearing a fedora... I had to say this because of memes. Since most of you noticed I'm pretty "based," and a chill guy. And irl I think I got good social skills. I'm not weird, please believe me :D



Anyways, I went to a physiatrist 3 months ago... Or a psychologist? I don't know, the one who can prescribe medicine... And I got diagnosed with major depression, which I knew already.


I honestly didn't care about it before, I just knew that I had to survive and at one point I was going to be fine... Those were my thoughts. My background is kinda similiar to Guts, in terms of sexual stuff :D And the effects of it was so bad irl when you combine it with all the other problems of a teenager... You know, parents, money, school, ex gf etc. Finally I just ended up like this and learned to live like this.


You guys and gals changed my life. Even if it's p*rn I managed to do something interesting, I managed to show my creativity and my passion. I was getting money for doing something I genuinely cared for.



But life is brutal sometimes. With this support & money, I felt hope... Which then got crushed with reality. I no longer feel anything cheerful. I'm just pretending, coping... I always have this thick, heavy, dark coc- feeling on me :D


Ehm... On my chest, it's getting unbearable and when I see some of my friends happy... I want the best for them but I also feel sad, I want to feel like that again... The past events no longer have an active impact on me but... It just broke my subconscious apparently, due to what my doctor says. I just can't feel other than sadness. I want to be happy but I have no control over it anymore... I just can't. It's just sadness all over me no matter what I think.


So yeah... That's what I'm going through. I did my best to upgrade the quality of my life by stop smoking, I'm currently trying to help a friend of mine who is a cancer-survivor to gain money from VaM, I'm going out & trying to find the ultimate nice girl who can also handle my hornyness at the same time....


But I'm feeling very suicidal. Which is also complicated. I don't want to live like this anymore but this is my only chance in life so I have to keep going no matter how bad it feels. I want to believe that in the end I will be happy and su*cide means I will miss that chance.



I'm sorry guys & gals. I don't want to spoil your fun but I really, really had to lay it out. I don't want to look like I'm milking money.


And be sure that I'm doing my best with the remake of the Old Thank You Scene. There will be stuff other than a simple bl*wjob.