Getting Started with Bondage (Patreon)

Today we’re getting started with the B in BDSM. Bondage! In this article, I’ll deep dive into a few toys and techniques to get you started on spicing up the bedroom!

Safe Words
The very first thing that everyone needs to establish before ever getting into the sexy stuff is trust. Talk to your partner about hard limits and expectations during sensual play before getting started. The “Red, Yellow, Green Method” is my favorite and a very popular method for safe words. When you are in the middle of an intense bondage session, saying “Red Light” is an immediate stop, “Yellow Light” is a slow down or a pause, and “Green Light” means full steam ahead! I find that this is easiest to remember rather than arbitrary words during play and easy to understand with partners new to bondage. Dominants should ask frequently about the comfort of their submissive, and submissives should check in with their dominants as well. Communication is key!

Blindfolds/Plugs
The main point of bondage is sensory play, which is why blindfolds and butt plugs are one of the easiest ways to start with bondage. Blindfolds help block out your sense of vision, allowing you better concentration on the touch feelings that your partner is performing on you. Plugs and vibrating plugs help stimulate you while being hands free and are a very popular toy for any sexual orientation. Finding the correct sized plug can be a challenge, which is why I always suggest getting a beginner’s kit. Kits will offer a variety of sizes and shapes to help a beginner find what makes them feel the best. Tips: The more lube the better, so be sure to get a nice water based lube for silicone toys. Be sure to look for a plug with a flared handle for easy removal after play, and wash with soap and water.

Restraints/Handcuffs/Gags
There are many different options for restraints. Handcuffs are a popular choice with many fabrics to choose from for comfort, and many even use what they have lying around like a necktie or a scarf to tie up their lovers. I personally like having bed restraints, the straps fit easily under your bed and the cuffs are soft and comfortable. They’re easy to tuck away and out of sight, while also easy to access whenever the mood to tie someone down hits you. Hogtie cuffs/restraints connect the wrists to the ankles behind the back for maximum hold in a small package and gags can help turn on a submissive with an oral fixation. Sizing and comfort is important when it comes to gags, so be sure to try out a few sizes and shapes to find the right fit for you and your partner.

Whips/Flails/Paddles/Feathers
When imagining a dominant, most people picture someone with at least a riding crop or whip or paddle, but feathers, silk ribbons, soft makeup brushes, all fall into this category as “sensory toys.” Coupled with a blindfold and a restraint, nothing is more sensual than using one or more of these types of toys. Pain receptors can also be quite erotic when done correctly, and you’ll find that whips, flails, and paddles don’t hurt as much as you think they would. I like to alternate pain and pleasure, meaning a nice spank with a paddle followed by the soft caress of feathers or velvet to ease the pain before another good spank.

Ropes/Shibari
One can do quite a lot with ropes! The Japanese art of rope bondage is called “shibari”, specifically “kinbaku” if you’re a stickler for history. There are a ton of great tutorials on YouTube showing every level of shibari from beginners knots to expert level suspension shibari (very dangerous and hard to do without years of expertise) Not only sexy and erotic, but beautiful to behold, shibari is a definite must try for those who really like being restrained. Safe words are very important when using ropes and checking in frequently with the submissive is key to making shibari a comfortable sex staple.

Pinwheels
Pinwheels are by far the “scariest” looking toy in the beginner’s kit. But you’ll find that the “pins” are actually quite dull and do not hurt whatsoever. They add a fun tingling feeling across your skin and can be a fun added sensory tool to get you turned on and ready for a steamy sex session!

This is just the tip of the bondage iceberg. If you find these erotic practices sexy and want to explore, check out your local sex shop for available toys or visit an online retailer for beginners bondage kits! 

Listen to subliminal “Restrained” and watch “HypnoVideo - Restrained” to get into the bondage mood!

Read this post for a full list of Getting Started Articles! 

xoxo,
thelibrarian