You Didn't Come To Church So The Church Is Coming To You. Also, You're Welcome Smurfs. (Grimdark WIP) (Patreon)

Hello!

Grimdark month has started and what better way to kick it off than with the God Machines of Mars!  You know them, you love them, Titans are one of the most absurdly over the top and iconic aspects of the 40K setting (and probably what you get when a dick measuring contest gets out of control).  

In the lore, Titans are the most sacred war machines of the Adeptus Mechanicus and they are thought by the Cult Mechanicus to be the greatest physical embodiment of the (Omnissiah) Machine God in the material universe.  Since they technically consider the Omnissiah to be the machine aspect of the Emperor, titans are therefore manifestations of His might on the battlefield (i.e. "god-machines" and "god-engines" in Tech-priest terms).  I say technically because it seems a lot of Tech-priests actually consider this to be total BS and just say it to stop the Inquisition from annoying them.  Although, in current 40K, there is a much more spiritual emphasis on Titans so they're more like giant walking cathedrals now.

Titans were first built after the Age of Strife when the Cult Mechanicus was formed.  The whole planet was filled with feral mutants and insane AI so the Tech Priests needed something really over the top to even the playing field.  Cue insanely large walking fortresses.  After Mars was secured, the Titans accompanied the early Mechanicum colonial fleets to establish the first Forge Worlds, leading to the creation of the Titan Legions.  There are quite few varieties of Titans ranging from cute to insane and you can find more here if you care to. 

From what I can tell, the Warmaster Titan is second largest next to the Emperor Class Titan (couldn't find any actual measurements for this thing).  Although it's name has traitor connotations, it appears the Warmaster Titan was actually used by both sides during the Horus Heresy .  Like all titans, it has an eye watering array of weaponry but the most iconic are the two arm mounted Suzerain-class Plasma Destructors.

If you field titans then prepare to lose all your friends because all variants are super cheese.  I once saw an online tabletop game with these things that was so one sided, I wonder how they're legal to play at all.  But if you do field titans, be sure to play this song before each match.  Your opponent will cower in fear and likely forfeit.  It doesn't get much easier than that. 😄

Also, I'm almost sure my advisers will tell me to modify this current design to avoid the angry company's wrath so don't be surprised if something significant changes.  Sorry, that's beyond my control.  

Okay, next up is Yvraine who is the newest named character for the Eldar and famous for all the wrong reasons.  She is the emissary for the newly created Eldar God Ynnead and the new Ynnari faction (I really hate using their cynically trademarked names but in this case there is no alternative.  Basically, Eldrad Ulthran was trying to create a new god with Eldar soulstones to fight Slaanesh but the Deathwatch ruined the party and Ynnead was only partially awakened.  The new god chose Yvraine to be its new emissary because she had walked all the Eldar Paths and that was a criteria for some reason.  Long story short, Yvraine is now trying to fully awaken Ynnead so they can save the Eldar race from extinction.  

The main reason why Yvraine is so (in)famous is due to her involvement with Roboute Guilliman.  As an emissary of the God of the Dead, Yvraine has the power of resurrection and death (which she trolled Ahriman with once).  During the 13th Black Crusade, she used this power with some tech magic from Belisarius Cawl to bring Guilliman out of stasis.  And even though all their interactions in the lore are completely platonic and suspicious, the fanbase took it way too far as usual and spawned all sorts of unspeakable heresy.  By the Emperor, I cannot unsee any of this. 😲

Anyways, from a visual standpoint, whenever I look at Yvraine's design, my first thought is always "Wow, that is the most impractical costume to do anything." I mean, what's going on here, did a Victorian Englishwoman crash into a peacock?  At least when the Necrons do cosplay it doesn't restrict their range of motion.  How does Yvraine actually fight in that dress?  Her fan better be a multi pronged digi weapon or something.

Ah whatever, might as well get in on the fun.  Yvraine: "You're welcome smurfs.  By the way, you all love elves now.  The book says so." 😄 Fair warning, there is a lot of profanity in this song but it's absolutely hilarious if you're familiar with the Ultramarine's reputation.

Garviel Loken and Blue Cheese Gundam is next.  Stay tuned and if you know any titan fanatics, please let them know what's coming.  Thanks!