Deeply sorry to be this kind of writer y'all lol (Patreon)

Thank you for hanging in there and supporting me anyway! I have about 5 essays that are halfway or more than halfway done, and several ones I have a little start on, and several older drafts that are probably just never going to see the light of day. I am doing my best to get something out this week but if I'm being realistic it will likely take until Monday.

I have had a string of pain days like you wouldn't fucking believe. Embodiment is a struggle. So When I have scrounged up scraps of capacity for writing this week I've been focusing on an essay about pain, transition, and body modification. It's a deeply personal subject (not that DV isn't. DV just is something I experienced in that past, whereas pain is an every single day occurrence) and it has occurred to me as I've been writing it that I have actually never written and published an essay on pain or disability. I was surprised by this, and honestly felt a little guilty. After all I am a Disabled Writer. I talk about disability in more informal writing at least on occasion, but even that often feels extremely hard to do. I posted about that on twitter and a follower of mine on there had something very kind and very right on to say, which touched me deeply enough I'd like to share it here.

Twitter user @/EmilyMadhu:

"Chronic pain isn't a thing you get to get an "after it's ended/passed" perspective on. If you can't get the benefit of hindsight on it, your understanding is always an evolving one as you progress more deeply into the experience over time. And clarity can be fleeting when you live in the thick of daily pain. To write ethically and without presumption, as you do without fail, requires some certainty and clarity. Perhaps you're just now to a place where you have enough of both about your experience thus far to begin to process and share about it."