Update and current situation for April (Patreon)

Hello people.

First of all, thanks so much for stoping by to read this post. I know it may be a bit long, you may see this as a way to vent things or not, but I think it's just important to talk about it.

I've been struggling with depression since a few years now. I wasn't aware about it at the begining, but thankfully I've had people around me that has been helpful about it.

In the past few months I've been through a few things and it slowly has drained my emotionally and physically at the point that I'm struggling to handle things properly... I realized that long ago people just took advantage of me, and also I needed to step out of a relationship that was not working (and that I felt I was the responsible of)... My grandfather mind degrading to the point he recently passed away and a few health issues that has put me in a position where I'm not only nervous but also very sad.

When I talk with most people, I try to don't drop my problems on them because I feel that's pretty much using other people's mind as... a trashcan?.

Some of you could have known about it. And I really appreciate your help, but I'm really concerned about lowering my capacities as artist while I'm feeling down. I've constantly had this bad dreams (related to stress) and one of them is me not being able to get enough from my work as artist, losing all the support and end by leaving this wish by starting to work in something I don't like and leaving art. Sadly this dream happens constantly, and it doesn't feel well.

A part of me is kinda scared of being judged as dramatic. But in a way I feel this is being a bit ... Hard to hide to all of you. Because I know that out there there's people who believe in me or admire me. It's because of all of you that I want to become a better artist, because now my biggest dream is being able to inspire and make people happy with what I do.

I want to feel my effor worths it.

Constantly I feel I'm stuck and not improving as I would like. I see a lot of artists getting better, making awesome things and I feel I'm just... slow. And I don't want to bore all of you with that.

I really want to continue my comic, the stuffs with my original characters, make new arts and starting to sell merchandise. But I feel I need to finish my commissions and rewards list. I want to be in peace with my mind, who always keeps me saying that I'm just begining to think I'm better than how I am, and that my effort doesn't worth other people's time, support, or money.

A part of me wants to feel happy with who I am.

If you came to this point, thank you. For reading it and for being there to support me. It means a lot to me. I want to be a better version of myself to all of you. Thank you.

May delete this later.