Rough patch + health update!! (Patreon)

Hey everyone!

I wanted to update y'all on some life stuff that has been going on.

• Head banger

Recently I had the unfortunate event of getting too close to a traumatic source and it has been messing up with me. In this difficult process of just processing it, I had a strong emotional response that I never had before - I fainted and banged my head against the floor. My head is ok, though I hurt a bit of my lip. When I look at the mirror I'm like - if anyone asks, I got this in a fight! Just a joke of course.

I'm trying to take it slow! But sometimes life can feel so overwhelming...

• Also regarding my multiple sclerosis

I've been almost a year in a treatment with tysabri! it helped as I didn't have any flares during this time, but I'll have to change DMTs. Tysabri is like a russian roulette - John Cunningham virus is a virus with regular ocurrence in the populace, but it's sleeping, just like virus like herpes. The thing is that the more you use tysabri, the more likely you'll wake it up. It causes Progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy, a mosty likely fatal condition.

So I'm changing to mavenclad! This is a very specific and difficult treatment to get access to - I had to sue my health provider for it! it's already in my hands though after another stressful process. It's a treatment that kills most of a specific part of the immune system, and "resets" the aspect of its cells. That means immune cells that would otherwise target my nervous system, are rebooted to act more normal.

I'm a bit scared because even though it is a brief treatment, it IS a chemotherapy drug - so I may have to spend some weeks with effects such as nausea and hair loss. It varies with the person, but I admit I'm a bit scared and am kinda anxious about it. I'll start at the end of this month, so I think I'll update y'all later!

• Art

I have been in a tough spot with art. I don't know it's just that I'm tired of like.... I don't know, it feels like people just plain ignore what I do, and I'm not able to make it connect with anyone. Am I bad at this? I think that must be it. Are my ideas boring or too convoluted... cringe even? If it weren't for you, I really don't know where I'd gather strenght to do it.

Doing projects like Fool's gold can be pretty distressing as even though I work so hard on them, I bet no one would spend more than a few seconds staring at it - if they even look at all. I always believe that if I were good enough, they would.

The sheer lack of connection and to be honest of appreciation and nurturing is kinda fucking me up in the head. I try to not be swayed by this but it's really difficult, specially with everything going on around it.

...And there's the thing with my CSP and Sai2 getting a full clean on all my tools and resources... and my monitor is showing pretty weird colors that make me feel unsafe to work. Sometimes it feels like life is just telling me to just abandon this altogether, that I wasn't really made for this. But I can be a pretty stubborn bitch.