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OPINIONS DESIRED!! (Patreon)

Published:
2020-07-26 22:32:29
Imported:
2021-06

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Content

Hello my friends :)

I sent this as a demo with a few different lyrics a while ago and the reactions were, as expected, mixed!  It's called "You Ain't It (but you'll do)."

Take a listen and then read the next paragraph.

This is a song about love that isn't really meant to last forever or be an "everything" type of deal.  But I wanted to make sure people understand that that's not flippant- that's a vulnerable statement.  Saying "I'm choosing to love you" despite knowing this incarnation of our relationship will eventually end.  So we changed some lyrics from the previous demo to be what you heard now.  

Did that sense of vulnerable, sweet, joyful love come across as opposed to it sounding dismissive?   We're considering releasing this as a single but I want to make sure we get it right first.

xxMKR

Comments

Anonymous

I really like it. It doesn't sound dismissive. I hear the message you are trying to imply.

Anonymous

I don't think it sounds dismissive, but I also don't think it sounds vulnerable. The vibe I get is "we're friends with benefits, and when it's over I will be okay" which has a slight air of flippancy to it (though I suppose that impression also depends on where a person lands on a FWB situation).

Anonymous

Awesome! It’s not dismissive at all. It reflects pure freedom and joy in the moment. Definitely a keeper!

Anonymous

Personally I prefer this version over the first version. The sweet and joyful side does come through! Brilliant song 😃

Anonymous
>>41054722

I agree. It doesn't sound really vulnerable. To me it seemed more like being in control of your heart (choosing to love instead of falling in love).

NorthMelon

I agree with Rebecca Koslover in the sense that I don't think it sounds dismissive or flippant, but I also don't think it exactly sounds vulnerable. Specifically, I think the chorus lyric choice of "Yeah, I know I'm not you're everything" is fine because that does sound vulnerable, but then the next line that follows, "But I'm not looking for my everything/I don't need everything from you" kinda takes that vulnerability away. The message within those two lines went from how you affect your partner to your own wants and what you look for in a partner (I have no clue if that makes sense to anyone, but the idea is that it went from focussing on your partner, to focussing on yourself). I really like the idea and imagery that comes with "I didn't plan to love you,/ but now I'm choosing to" because that's definitely one of the most vulnerable moments of the song since it's so honest. But I think that idea needs to also be carried through in the chorus a little bit more because it's the part of the song we hear most often. The melody and the beat on the other hand are definitely very pure, sweet, and joyful, so it carries the perfect vibe while listening to it.

Anonymous

I was a bit bothered by the lyrics, so I can validate your concern. I think what makes the difference is the smile and laugh that I heard when you sing "but you'll do." Sung differently, this song could really be problematic. But your presentation hits the right tone, so go for it. And it is a really good song.

Anonymous

To be perfectly honest, I like the first half of this version better (absolutely adore the little laughs) but I preferred the second half of the original version. This version feels a bit like one of those movies where the ending suggests the male and female lead will stay together in a too-conveniently-tied-with-a-bow ending. You know the intent of your own songs better than anyone, of course, but this feels like you created something light and free and then the Suits said you had to make it something more conventional and serious. Also, I prefer the original vocals on the 'feels good to flirt again' section. I still love the song overall, though. :-)

Anonymous

I really like it, I dont think it sounds dismissive. It gives a tone of "I dont need everything from you but I still love the moments we have" I dont think it has a lot of vulnerability that's blatantly obvious. Like when you think about it you can see I'm choosing to love you and that can entail choosing to be vulnerable, where most people see falling in love to be I'm vulnerable but not by choice. I personally like the "you're not everything but I'm choosing to love you", it gives a sense of independency but still has love in it.

DJ Brasier
>>41055903

I agree here. I relistened to the old version and it feels more fun and creative. Pushes pop music tropes in a good way. Both are great and I do love this version too

Anonymous

I like this version! This time I know you’re just playing and flirting. It’s nice!

Anonymous

Not really hearing anything dismissive, just a casual relationship song. I hear "I'm happy, and will be alright if this ends tomorrow, I hope you're happy and will be okay too." I actually really like it, there aren't many takes on this side of it out there, mostly just "Oh I'm so in Love," or "I can't believe they left, we were perfect together, so sad now." But from a writing perspective I guess old hat is the way to big numbers on the charts because most have been there and can relate.

Anonymous

Did that sense of vulnerable, sweet, joyful love come across as opposed to it sounding dismissive? The giggling helped right away to communicate the sweetness, happiness, and even giddiness of that current relationship, while the gravity and importance of the same was quickly underscored by your line "you'll more than do." The delivery and content of this phrase absolutely emphasize that this is a deep and meaningful relationship in which the individuals are engaged. This alone works wonders in clarifying that you are NOT discussing a flippant fling, but that rather an important relationship and part of your growth and progression in life. It is understood that this relationship is not selfish and not just for the singer, but is reciprocated with sincere care, concern, and emotion to the partner/audience. I thought it was a beautiful line that could bear repeating once or twice throughout, perhaps right at the end? The growth and self-improvement you are finding in this relationship are alluded to again by the power once had before that you are finding again with this individual. Choosing to love again, has clearly yielded positive outcomes for you. However, there is in my mind a non-zero chance that this idea could be interpreted as an unhealthy suggestion that romance is needed to establish self-worth and identity to some degree, which is a concept that I and many peers of mine have struggled to cast off from time to time. In my non-expert evaluation, this risk is low. But perhaps it's something to be aware of. The bridge seemed a little rushed (I think I prefer the slower and somewhat more reflective sound of the prior edition), but the addition of the verse "I didn't plan to love you, but now I'm choosing to" seems to drive home the idea that this is a deliberate and responsible relationship. Both parties are cherished and valued for the good they bring to the table and the impact each has had on the other's life while accepting that this does not have to last. This song, then, is sung in appreciation for the love along your journeys together without the pressure of a label or end goal. In the end, I think the undercurrent of I hear from this song is this: I can be happy regardless of my "relationship status," I have the power to choose to share that happiness with somebody -- really, anybody -- special to me. For what it's worth, anecdotally, I used your previous edition of this song to communicate your intended message just two or three weeks ago to a friend of mine who was stressed over the possibility of a potential relationship with a classic gentleman combined with her impending departure to a university across the country. I coupled your song with advice that if she has an opportunity to really be happy in the time that she has left, then she ought to take that. It's not the end that matters so much as the journey you take together. She's about two weeks away from her big move, but she seems to have taken your song to heart. She is currently happy here and now with this young man. And I'm wishing I could take my own advice. I'm not yet certain if this iteration will communicate that same idea any better, but I'm sure it's not worse than the previous.

Juliana Riegel

I didn't encounter the previous iteration, but really like this one. It seems to convey everything you wanted - in with the above commentator - the "more than do" line really hits.

Anonymous

Didn't hear the previous version, but this is good, I get the impression you've got a big grin while singing this, and you have full agency.

Anonymous

I like this new version better as well. Still: maybe it's because I'm not a native english speaker, I just can't find the praised line "you'll more than do". After I read the comments, I listend to both versions of the song again but could not find it. I would agree though that this line would give the song a perfect (and in my view needed) twist as a last line.

Anonymous

I thought I had some insight, but now I feel like I’m trying to argue the soufflé isn’t heavy enough. I suspect I’m not quite picking the subtlety up. So I can only say of the two versions I felt the first version was ‘better’. But that’s mostly because it felt more consistent in tone to me. But again, I feel like I’m missing the subtlety and want it to be something it isn’t.

Anonymous

The two versions feel completely different. This sounds sweet, positive, and... healthy? I'm not too sure about the repeated "You Ain't It" at the end, it feels like she's shoving it in her partner's face. I guess that's just part of the appeal of the song, the many ways the listener can choose to interpret "You aint it, but you'll do."

Anonymous

I really liked this song. It definitely conveys all the joy and happiness of starting a relationship, even knowing that it's one that won't last forever.

Anonymous

I really like it this way, I think it communicates something much closer to your intent than the first one. It does so subtly, a casual listen might make this sound like a meaningless fling or putting down her lover. If the "more than do" line were more prominent or repeated, this might come through better to me. The vulnerability aspect is still hard to see, though. It's one thing you could infer from the combination of all of the circumstances and complicated feelings that would be present here. But I think you could as easily infer that you're still guarded in some parts to be able to make this relationship work.

Anonymous
>>41058679

Well said. I agree on the "more than do" part... that definitely adds a deeper dimension.

Anonymous

Yeah . . . It's better (and it's catchy and I do genuinely like it, if I don't think too much about what it's saying), but something about it still upsets my elephant as they say. Something about it just feels sub-textually unhealthy. Like if this was the life of someone you really cared about you'd want to talk to them about it and understand it better, maybe even talk them out of it even though they're caught up in the happy of the now (if that makes sense). I don't think there's much that can be done to fix that really.

Anonymous

I don’t remember the first version, but I agree with lots of people here I don’t feel the vulnerability. I feel this song might be trying to show the singer’s answer the question: is is worth it to love when you know it will end? I think vulnerable answer is the heartbreak is worth the love, but here it seems that the singer gives the impression just not really attaching to the other person. The line “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you [but I did]” feels like I could have more punch. It seems unclear to me right now if she will be even a bit upset when it’s over. I’m not even sure any of this is what you’re going for, but it’s the best I can do to help! I can’t wait to hear everyone’s comments incorporated into the next iteration.

Anonymous

I really like this song, I often listen to the previous version. I agree with other commenters that it doesn't sound vulnerable, maybe the jealousy bit? This is, for me, a much better love song than one about how the loved one IS your everything. It's not a healthy relationship to have one person mean everything to you and for your life not to have meaning without them. Having a great friend whom you can relax with, who makes you feel good about yourself, who you are happy to be with but you won't be destroyed when you eventually lose them, however that happens, is a good thing. I look forward to the single.

Anonymous

I have to agree with just about everyone here. It sounds fun. You can feel the smile on one’s face during the first verse. It’s catchy and it warms my heart. It just...hmmmm...it’s like there’s just that small something just barely out of reach though. That I can’t put my finger on, that would switch it from a flippant to meaningful relationship. Obviously I know you want it to be meaningful, so I want to force that ideal into the song as is, but it doesn’t fit quiet yet. Like, you aren’t my soul mate, but you make me okay with that type phrase.

Anonymous

Thumbs up!

Anonymous

I like this version a lot as well as the previous version. This one to me is also more clear about the sweet joyful love in the relationship. To me, the song is describing a fun healthy relationship where you are choosing to love this person, knowing that it is not perfect but you are okay with that. You know that the relationship will end at some point, but you will look back with fond memories and wish the other person well. It takes the pressure off to be "perfect" and have a whole list of expectations or "have a perfect relationship". Some relationships last and some don't, but that doesn't mean they are bad. I think that is okay and to me, it does not come across as dismissive. I also like the laugh in the song, it just shows the fun and joy the relationship has.

Anonymous

THAT BRIDGE!!!!!!! oh my god