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One Crisis at a Time, Second Draft! (Patreon)

Published:
2023-06-22 14:51:13
Imported:
2023-06

Content

WELL.

It has been a time, and I have completely lost the ability to construct coherent sentences, but there is a second draft of OCaaT, and now you can read it!

Those of you who are thinking of applying to be line/copy editors or typesetters: I will be sending a Microsoft Word version of the draft to everyone who applied, so you can look for that either tomorrow or Monday!

EPUB: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ABIAyv7p5SEd4FRq0a6n2gXS74BjI_GV/view?usp=sharing

PDF: https://drive.google.com/file/d/14FDQOUg3mDVAd5Ro6Acsou4NLxJMTOXM/view?usp=sharing

Files

One Crisis At A Time SECOND DRAFT patrons and channel members.epub

Comments

Anonymous

I'm loving it so far! Caroline's thoughts RE fanfiction and publishing have echoes of my memory of Neil Gaima's blogging about writing and publishing. I expect those feelings are fairly universal in that industry. Having seen most of the video shorts that led to this (and thus having come in in the middle of the piece, so to speak), it's very interesting seeing you putting set pieces into place.

Anonymous

If we're interested in applying to be a line/copy editor, is there a place to sign up? I think I must have missed it!

JillBearup
>>111286008

Drop me a message on this form: https://www.jillbearup.com/p/contact.html?m=1 and I'll send you the docx version of the draft (probably Friday or Monday). And then you can sample edit a bit of it and send it back and I'll look at it and see if we're vibing, basically :)| No idea why that link isn't linking but...it's the jillbearup.com contact form.

Anonymous

Wow! Spent every minute on this yesterday and was thinking about it when I couldn’t be reading. Absolutely loved all the new Caroline story-what else is a character for except to practice our own lives (what would Rosamund do?) You are so clever, SO clever. 😺This draft feels like a publishable novel. At the end, I was left with a longing for some evidence of Rosamund’s relationship with the children, and the kids understanding of the political issues. I also suspect that Edmund might have WANTED to go to war, despite his mother’s objections (a little more tension). And, it continues to nag me that Rosamund starts this journey with no personal attendant! Was the Queen out of maids? Perhaps some fever was sweeping through the court and all hands were required? The lack of attendant really emphasizes Rosamund’s vulnerability, but i absolutely pine for an explanation (however brief) that the Queen would allow it. All of this niggling because your writing has so thoroughly drawn me into this world. Thank you for the pleasure.

Anonymous

This is so good! While I miss parts of the old drafts I love getting to know Caroline better and how her story parallels Rosamund's. And the dance scene is an absolutely perfect ending! Along with Caroline and Henry's date and him accidentally naming the story!

jmundt33a

Odd question. Does Mabry start as the liege lord and then after the elevation Leo is the liege lord? Because the threat to send Rosy’s son to the front lines is new.

Anonymous

p71, the line "supposed to explain all this in with no one for her to deliver exposition to?" I think the work 'in' is extraneous. Love it so far! p93 There's an extraneous 'p' in "Rosamund pgripped his hands more tightly" p94 I miss the bit about different countries laws and marriage contracts from draft #1, it was a great reason to marry before crossing the bridge. p189 You're missing a noun, perhaps "party" in the line "Annie? Remember the you invited me to on Sunday?" All done, love it! Looking forward to seeing the typeset to set off the interludes with Caroline and her characters, as well as Caroline in her so-called real world. Honestly, if you think IT doesn't work late Friday at someone's whim regularly, you're sorely mistaken. >8^)

Anonymous

I'm not really sure what to think of the expansion of Caroline's story. For me it feels like Rosamund should be the main character. How she deals with the challenges in her story. The conflict with baron Mabry, but also the conflict with Caroline. Caroline is of course a more sympathetic antagonist than baron Mabry and it's interesting to see an "enemies to friends" story going between Rosamund and Caroline, given how much this is a theme throughout the story. I'm not sure if we need a story for Caroline where she gets her own antagonist. I did like Caroline's love story with Henry, but the office politics story didn't really work for me. Maybe because the resolution felt a bit rushed. It was fun to read more about Caroline's life, but I'm not sure how much the overall story benefits from Caroline's storyline. And it puts her in the position of protagonist and I feel like that's Rosamund. Personal opinion of course. The story of Rosamund and the banter between her and Caroline and the other characters is still great. And I must admit that it IS interesting to see how Rosamund starts influencing Caroline's real life. All the strong scenes from the previous draft are still here. I like how the court politics is expanded upon and explained in more detail. I also like the change about Robin and Leo's stay in the Rose Room.

Anonymous

Just finished reading it! Thank you! One hole that I did notice was that the story started with Rosamund having an injured shoulder that Leo notices and was never explained or dealt with. I suspect that it's a carry over from the first draft. You may wish to expand on it or remove it.

JillBearup
>>111547939

Ah, I thought I had her injure her shoulder when she fell off the rope after she fell in the river. I'll go have a look.

Anonymous

That does flow much more smoothly than the previous drafts, to the point where I think you do in fact need a proper editor, rather than an internet mob picking out random inconsistencies, so I'm not going to pick at tidbits... I do miss the Rosamund-meets-Hugo scene being in-line (though it's rather long), and the prior version of the Hawkhurst chapel scene, specifically the Caroline/Rosamund argument where it becomes really explicit just how much Rosamund's unresolved duty/pride/guilt issues are crushing her and that Caroline's worries were in fact astute. In the newer draft it sometimes seemed that Rosamund was just blocked by Caroline's anxiety rather than going through her own (rather more dramatic) character growth. It's all parallel, but making a full Caroline tale the outer story felt to me like it took some of the heft out of Rosamund's journey. Maybe? I might feel differently on a reread...

JillBearup
>>111586371

I do miss the chapel scene. I think some of it will make it back into draft three :)

Anonymous

I did enjoy this - once I'd got my head around the fact that lots was CHANGING!!! The beginning flowed much better for me than previous versions and when I got to the point where I (almost) wanted a Rosamund section to be over because I wanted to know what was happening next with Caroline I knew I was invested all over again! I have now missed some important points in a work meeting as I seemed to be reading something else on a second screen....... Comments on the text (I'm reading the pdf) p94. What's a bird match? That analogy didn't hit for me p125 - I snickered childishly at the 'faked pubic displays' :-D p 130 - Lady Hawkhurst's doesn't need an apostrophe p 189 - 'Remember the you invited me to' The what, the WHAT??

JillBearup
>>111619915

I SWEAR that public displays of affection typo is HAUNTING me, I've fixed it twice now and it keeps coming back! Tennis, it turns out, was extremely popular during the Renaissance, so I don't need to use a Renaissance-appropriate-but-unknown-to-modern-readers sport after all, huzzah! I have fixed the other two as well. Thanks! (I felt like the beginning works better too. Caroline just wants to get into the tropes, and frankly so do all the people reading. I thought I should give them what they want :D)

Robin

Really enjoyed this! Not super invested in the workplace plot line, but it wasn't bad. I loved Rosamund and Leo's relationship. I did notice that on page 59 it says the litany minimum is 1 month, but page 97 it says minimum is 3 months.

Anonymous

Ok, I don't know that you specifically invited feedback, but you seem to be happy that people are giving it. On the top of page 60, we're in a combat scene where each sentence presumably describes a second of action. But then "Catherine was directing operations to find the assassin, praising her sister’s bravery and proclaiming the need to commend her publicly." with no transition at all is quite jarring. I think just a half-sentence could fix it, something like "after checking on Cat, Rosamond returned to the bedroom, finding....".

Anonymous

I am *loving* all the slits in the dresses to conceal weapons references to your other YouTube work. :-D

Anonymous

"‘And how on earth am I supposed to explain all this in with no one for her to deliver exposition to?’" Ok, *that's* hilarious!

Anonymous

Jill, I presume that this, more than anything else in this story, is your own voice? :-D. "‘Caroline Lindley,’ said Robin, not unsympathetically, ‘you are talking to a character you made up in your own head. If there are terrible euphemisms going on, you only have yourself to blame.’

Anonymous
>>111791624

I'm *really* liking Robin. I haven't determined if he's just a common fictional character archetype that I resonate with, or if that's a personality type that I get along with in real life. Possibly both.

Anonymous

As guests are rolling into the house, the text is generally good at tagging titles and relationships. But top of page 55 is the second time that "Roland" has been mentioned and I had to search my memory to dig up who he was. Not too long before you'd mentioned "Uncle Roland", but I think it would help to occasionally tag that he's the king. With Rosamond and Robin running around as two main characters, "Roland" without context is not quite immediate recall.

Anonymous

I'm on page 187. Jill, I would just like you to know that I should be working, and I'm absolutely glued to this manuscript and absolutely invested in both of these characters and I cannot wait to find out what happens. It's been--years since I was this drawn into a book. Maybe a decade. This is really really good.

Anonymous

Word missing in the last sentence of the section before "The Dance" on page 189.

JillBearup
>>111796729

Thank you for all the comments, including the continuity catches 😁 I really appreciate the encouragement!

Anonymous

I'm finished. Back to work. Lord that was good. I love the way you finished it up.

Anonymous

Okay, really liked that, read it at one sitting! A few tiny glitches, not sure of the page numbers but I'll put the % from my e-book reader as a guide ... (6%) "He saw unsuccessfully attempt to smother a smile" - think there's a "her" missing in that sentence. (30%) "...made him want to reconsider most of his life choices" , might be me, but "considering life choices" sounds very modern. (34%) Just after the awesome Grand Theft Equine - "explain all this in with", might be a surplus "in" there. (44%) typo "pgripped" (83%) Killing or otherwise getting blood from a phoenix seems kinda icky, but maybe I've read too much Harry Potter? (88%) "Annie? Remember the you invited..." ... word missing? I loved the "Leave her alone, Caroline" callbacks :D And my fave - "Are all your minor characters lifted straight from children's books?" was jaw dropping :) Wonderful reveal!!

Anonymous

Hello. Very sorry to come to the comments late, but I had a question that I couldn't find the answer to. Who is the 'liege lord' that Rosamund mentions in the first chapter, at the beginning of the second page?

JillBearup
>>113406236

That is Baron Mabry (but also, that is not well explained, so I hope in the next draft it will be clearer!) 🙂 Thank you so much for reading!