how can I not be changing the way I think (Patreon)

September 26 2022

you know how many times I change my mind?
a-fucking-lot.
every day.
and how can we not?

every single day is a brand new day,
every single day brings brand new thoughts,
ideas,
conversations,
interactions.
how can I not be changing the way I think?
or that completely sound decision I made yesterday
that I swore would be for life.

how can I think so strongly about one thing,
just to have it be wisped away the next day,
because of the conversation with my mechanic,
or with a friend I haven’t seen in 5 years.
or because of the way I walked outside and felt the chill…

sometimes embarrassment comes,
when I make a proclamation,
like saying “I’m deleting instagram for life”
and I get all your addresses to mail you letters and photos.

and then,
I think about it,
and I re-read my journal.
where I write about how scared I am of technology,
and then say,
it is a TOOL.

I forgot,
that in my fear,
I can not think clearly.

I forgot,
that in my fear,
I have beautiful unique ideas,
and I don’t want to be all in, in those decisions.
I need quiet contemplation.
and I know this, but I forget.