mother’s day (Patreon)

it’s mother’s day and i am insanely sad. i just woke up and am so tired from working a double yesterday and today i’ll go into work and won’t see nalcoah today. but let’s feel it right? let’s let the tears come, let’s let the throat choke. let’s feel sunk into the mattress.

iam so sad and let’s feel it.

two years ago gid nalcoah and i - he made me the most marvelous breakfast. then we biked to the beach and the donut shop and got donuts. then we hiked and got the picnic meal from tribute pizza and took photos and got naked and sunburnt and did acid.

last year, i have no memory of what the day was like.

this year, with neither of them. and i’ll work. no picnic and i’ll work. it’s okay, i do love working. i am so sad. i miss her so much.

but then i choose to be away longer, i choose to not see her today. i choose to ask gid to bring her monday morning instead of sunday night because i want to have fun. because i want to be able to have fun as well as work my fucking ass off… i choose this and i cry more because i always want so many things and never know what to choose. is there a right choice? is there what i want more? well, crying because i miss nalcoah now, but i probably wouldn’t be crying if i wasn’t able to go out tonight…

now my tears are cold instead of warm, they’re pooled along the corners of my eyes on the verge of falling and flowing into my pillow. the coolness there, i don’t think i like.

i prefer my tears fresh and warm, rather than minutes old and cold.