i create it (Patreon)

i decide.

i create it.

i decide.

i am creating my dream life.

slowly… but slowly!

and that dream life is basically just community,

friendships,

to be with people.

to sit IN life with them.

it’s taking time,

years.

and really,

really what it took, what it takes,

is asking for what i want.

going up to someone even with my hands shaking and asking them if they want to do a book club with me.

i am so happy i did it today.

i wasn’t going to,

but then they were hanging out on the street and i just had to.

and it was easier out of the restaurant to invite them than it would have been if i did it inside.

my home will be a place of solitude, of escape.

i think about buddhism and how if i didn’t have nalcoah i would probably become a nun/monk right away.

but i do have her,

and because of that i am thankful

thankful for not being able to up and run away.

and then -

engaged buddhism.

to try and make my life that.

to make my home and this place be a place for people to come and go as they like.

an offering for them.

i’ll create everything i want.