thank you. (Patreon)

i want to make a post and just say thank you to everyone who has been sticking around through these months of me basically not existing on this platform. the support is noticed, constantly. especially now.

i’m not sure what i want to say or share about how the last few months have been for me. but i’ve been writing constantly and i am hoping to turn it into a book of some sort soon. whenever i have the time and space to organize it all.

there is nothing in the world like grief. it is the heaviest thing i have ever carried, and the ways my body feels like a million pieces of me is missing is an every moment feeling. even in the moments of trying to flood myself with adrenaline or oxytocin or alcohol, that missing feeling is there. i want to itch it all away. i want to feel home again. i want to feel safe again.

i wonder if i have ever felt home or safe just in myself. and now this next year is to find a way to make my own body my home and my safety. it feels like the most daunting and sometimes impossible feat. and i believe i will find her.