Per aspera ad astra | June (Patreon)

The bright, white lights from the lab burn the boy’s eyes as he slowly wakes up. A metallic taste overpowers his tongue and he wonders, idly, if he’d thrown up blood again, before brushing the thought off carelessly. It didn’t matter, anyway.

His feet tingle as he curls his toes, testing the range of movement he has this time. Every motion takes everything in him; his muscles feel weak, as if they hadn’t been used in days -- which begs the question, how long had he been out for?

Letting his head roll to the side, he checks the digital clock on the far wall, struggling to recall what day it is he could last remember.

Three days ago.

He’d been out for three days, yet he’d woken up. Again.

A mix of sorrow and relief flood his chest; sorrow, for all he wants is to end this miserable excuse of a life. Relief, for he could never bring himself to end it and leave his brother alone.

The boy sighs, pushing himself up and ignoring how much of a strain the simple action requires. A low, lifeless chuckle escapes him as he looks down at his legs and notices he hadn’t been restrained this time.

“They didn’t even bother…” his voice trails off, its sound raw and throaty. When was the last time he had bothered speaking out loud? He can’t remember. 

Taking a deep, shaky breath, the boy closes his eyes, running a mental check to see what state he’s in after the last round of tests. He used to do it with his eyes open and on the move, but his senses have been sharpening considerably over the past weeks, about as much as his body has been weakening.

It’s easier to ignore the brutal assault on his senses if he’s in the dark.

All systems functional. Muscle mass decreased considerably, bone density lower than average, nutrients level... acceptable. His lips tighten, it looks like they hadn’t entirely given up on him yet, else they wouldn’t bother feeding him IV fluids. Brain functions intact, processing capabilities increased by roughly 5% since last check. Mild fever, no physical injuries. I am test subject J-XV, formerly known as test subject Alpha 3-- no, he doesn’t like it when I call myself that. 

I am sixteen years old, and my name is Jules Nyux.

A small smile tugs at his lips when he finishes, the memory of his twin’s grumpy face whenever he noticed the boy was calling himself by their file denominations bringing a warm feeling to his chest. One he has long since associated with his brother. 

June.

He’s exhausted, his health might be fine and his brain functions as heightened as ever, but his body is weak. Weak and tired. All he wants is to lay back down and succumb to the darkness creeping in on the edge of his mind.

But when he hears a sharp intake of breath from the bed across the room, he knows he needs to check on his brother before the lab techs realize that, as unlikely as it sounds, he has woken up once more.

A shiver runs through his body when his bare feet hit the ice cold floor. Have they increased the air conditioning or is his body more sensible to the temperature? His fever isn’t nearly high enough to be the cause.

His teeth clatter as he leans his hand on the wall to support his body on the way to June’s bed. Everything in this room is so cold. And bright.

He hates it. He hates the cold tiles, the uncomfortable beds, the white lights, the sterile smell. He hates it, but it’s all he’s ever known. Would he even survive in another environment? He buries the thought. It’s not like he’ll ever find out.

Every day he wakes up comes as an honest surprise to him, his life expectation has long surpassed everyone’s guesses. Part of him hopes next time is the time it all ends, while the other loathes the mere thought. Jules dreads to think what would become of his twin brother were he to pass.

June needs him.

Maybe that’s what holds him to this life. Maybe it’ll be enough to keep him around for as long as it takes to free his brother.

After what seems to be an eternity of dragging his feet across the room, he reaches June’s bed, all but dropping his body on the stool next to it as he takes a seat, eyes taking in his twin’s, strapped tight enough to keep him from sitting up, but loose enough so he could move his arms freely when he woke up.

June has grown. He’s taller now, and so, so much stronger. If they didn’t share the same face, it’d be hard even for Jules to believe they’re related, much less twins. Still… the bond between them could never be denied.

Jules sighs as he brushes his brother’s hair back from his forehead, checking for a fever. And, as usual, he has one.

No matter how well he responded to the different strands of Orionite they gave his body, the side effects still showed up for a while, like clockwork. 

He runs his hand over his brother’s hair, pointlessly trying to smooth it down, gently holding his hand with the other.

It’s almost pathetic how small and frail his hands look next to June’s, and he can’t help but let out a bitter laugh at the sight.

Last time he’d seen June, he had fresh bandages on his body, covering the places they’d cut open to poke around and add who knows what to his system. Now, they’re gone. Reddish scars mixed with the faded, old ones.

It’s always been a relief to Jules knowing that his brother heals well, quite quickly even, with the aid of Orionite. The scars are nothing more than a physical reminder of what they’ve done to him, they don’t hurt, they don’t itch like Jules’ do.

They both go through the same procedures, but while June shows positive results on a physical level, Jules’ has only ever shown progress on a mental level -- and that’s not their goal. The side effects on Jules have always been extreme; the scars on his body take forever to heal, and even when they do, they hurt and itch in ways that drive him up the walls.

Recently, June started to show increased eyesight capabilities. Jules almost keeled with worry over the possible effects it might have on his body, but thankfully his worries were in vain, as June has never been stronger.

He takes note of the dents covering his brother’s bed frame. There are more than last time he checked, and he worries for a moment if June had lost control again while he’d been asleep. It doesn’t seem like it, given how intact the rest of the room seems to be, yet a shiver that isn’t caused by the cold he’s feeling runs through him.

If they didn’t find a way to control his outbursts soon, June could end up hurting someone, or worse, himself.

Why must we be cursed with such hardships?

He grimaces when his eyes lay on the light reflecting on a metal tray nearby, tightening his hold on his brother’s hand in reflex.

Truly, what a horrible move.

June’s eyes snap open, a bright green haze clouding the usual gray in them, and he grabs Jules’ hand with an iron hold -- so tight that Jules has to bite his own tongue to keep from whimpering when he feels a bone on his thumb break in a snap.

The pain is numbing for a second, but it’s nothing Jules hasn’t felt before, and certainly not the worst.

He forces himself to smile, enduring June’s vice grip on his hand as he speaks in a soothing voice. “It’s me. Nobody is here to hurt you, Juniper.”

June blinks a couple of times at the sound of his voice, the green in his eyes fading as he calms down, a sharp exhale leaving him as he smiles brightly at Jules.

“Don’t you ever get tired of calling me Juniper? I told you, June is fine.”

His hold finally loosens, and Jules has to fight the instinct of pulling back his hand. He doesn’t want June to know he’s hurt him. It’s not like he did it on purpose, there’s no point in guilting him over it.

“Sorry, I forgot.”

“Liar, you never forget anything,” June chuckles, stretching his neck slightly. “You just did it to mess with me.”

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t,” he shrugs, hearing the distant sound of a door opening. It seems they got notified June woke up, so Jules decides to make the best of the next few minutes they’ll have together.

“Maybe I just missed my little brother.”

June glares mockingly at him, eyes bright with a life force Jules never could quite figure out where it came from. “How do you know you’re older? We’re twins.”

“Easy,” Jules smiles. “I’m XV, and you’re--”

“We’re not numbers, Jules.”

His voice is serious as he interrupts. Being called a bunch of letters and numbers had always bothered June, so ever since Jules came up with a name for him, he’d strongly opposed being referred to by it, regardless of how often the techs rebranded them. He’d also been happier since, so Jules can’t really complain.

Jules doesn’t see the point in acting like he’s anything more than a test subject, but there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for his brother.

“Still, it proves I’m older,” he says, poking June’s forehead with his free hand. “I see you still have your bracelet.”

“Of course!” June exclaims, with all the energy Jules could never show. Both boys stare at their entwined hands, June with a beaming smile as he takes in the matching bracelets on their wrists, Jules with a grimace at the sharp pain that rushes up his arm when his broken thumb moves. “I told them that if they took it off, I’d wreck that fancy new MRI they had. It worked.”

A laugh escapes Jules at the mental image. Only June would go through all that trouble over something so simple.

And yet… hearing that warms Jules’ heart.

Jules had never felt strongly about anything. He’d always been protective of his brother, but he always assumed it was instinct, an unconscious desire to protect the younger twin. He’d always been warm and kind towards his brother, but it had always been an emulation of what he sensed June needed. It was only recently that he started to understand, albeit poorly, the concept of love. 

June didn’t need protection, yet Jules wanted to protect him.

He loved his brother.

And it had been during that realization that Jules crafted those bracelets. They’re so simple, but they were made with love, and he’s glad June likes it so much.

The footsteps down the hall come closer, and Jules decides to test his brother’s memory at least once before the next set of tests they put him through. They want to turn him into a killing machine, but Jules will be damned if he doesn’t use the last breath in his body to keep his brother sane.

“Do you remember what’s written on the inside of the bracelet?”

“Sort of,” June frowns, struggling to bring the memory to the forefront of his mind. “I know it was in a weird, dead language. I still don’t understand your obsession with it, isn’t it dead and gone?”

“It’s Latin, you fool,” he chides his brother, clicking his tongue. “And so what if it’s dead? We’re all going to die sooner or later, little brother.” Definitely sooner on my part.

He doesn’t utter the last words out loud, he has long learned his brother doesn’t respond well to the notion of his death.

“Why did you have to write it on the inside of the pendant? I can’t even see it.”

You can’t see it because it’s not there. He thinks, but says something else. “I wanted to hide it from them.”

“Fair enough. But still, I don’t speak Latin.”

“Then do you remember the meaning?”

There’s nothing written in the pendant. It’s not easy to write in metal, but what June doesn’t know won’t hurt him, and Jules wanted his brother to be impressed. He said there was something written as a means to an end -- it’s easier to check on June’s brain functions with something he can’t cheat on, and a short sentence is perfect for the job.

“Through hardship to the sky,” June shakes his head quickly. “No, to the stars.”

The smile on Jules’ face is genuine at his response. He remembers. “Yes, per aspera ad astra.”

The door behind them slides open before June can reply, and he snaps his head towards it, eyes wide as the footsteps of the lab techs enter the room. Jules places a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look back at him. “Never forget it, June. And even if you forget the words, never forget their meaning.”

“Oh, I see you’re up as well XV,” the first tech says, taking the chart on the end of the bed. “Just in time for the next test. We were starting to think we’d have to run them all on XVI.”

“His name is Jules,” June says, voice low and sharp. “And mine is Juniper.”

“I don’t know about that, but I do know it’s past time we update your numbers anyway. We might just do that after today’s tests.”

A growl rumbles out of June, its menacing sound echoing through the room.

Both techs snap their eyes at him at that, and Jules can’t hold back a hiss when June’s hold on his hand tightens again. One broken bone he can easily handle, two might be a bit too much to ask of him.

“June, it’s okay,” Jules tries to calm his brother down, his voice almost desperate as he tries to hold back the pain he feels.

“You might want to let go of your brother’s hands, tough guy. I can hear his bones cracking from here.”

The second tech says with a crooked eyebrow. They’d learned how to control June: through Jules. And they’ve all gladly made use of that whenever they needed to.

Because it works.

June immediately calms down, releasing his hand with a panicked look on his face. “I- I’m sorry, Jules. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I--”

You’re not a monster, June. It’s what he wants to tell his brother. But the air is knocked out of him when one of the techs pulls him up, taking his hand to check for injuries, while the other blocks his view from his brother, a tranquilizer in hand ready to be used.

“No! Go help my brother,” June exclaims from his bed, thrashing around, pushing his restraints to their limit as he watches the other tech take Jules back to his bed. “Jules! JULES, TALK TO ME!”

Jules can hear the bed cracking under his brother’s violent motions, and he wishes he could run back to help him. But he’s not strong enough. He never was.

He never will be.

He barely notices he’s back on his bed, he doesn’t feel the pain in his hand anymore, he doesn’t feel the prickle of the needle of whatever substance the tech is injecting in his arm. The bright lights on the ceiling start to fade, a blissful darkness creeping in, numbing his senses at long last.

Through hardship to the stars.

Jules had told June it meant that all the pain he went through, all the hurt and discomfort they put him through would be worth it in the end. He said June would become strong and bright, enough that he’d leave this place behind and visit all sorts of planets, see all of the stars they’ve longingly admired over the years.

But it has always meant something else to Jules.

To Jules, it meant that all this pain, all this suffering he’s endured over sixteen long years, would allow him to join the stars when he left this awful existence.

As he closes his eyes, drowning out his brother’s protests from across the room, he wonders yet again if this is the last time he’ll go to sleep. He hopes it isn’t, he hopes he can come back to help guide his brother for a while longer.

He begs the stars to listen to his plea. Just a little while longer. I’ll join you when he’s ready, please...

Per aspera ad astra.