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Toph Heavy Part 3 - Page 24 - Final (Patreon)

Published:
2023-02-01 04:56:46
Imported:
2023-02

Content

So, I've been altering the dialogue quite a bit from the dialogue preview. The basic story is written all the way until the end, but there's wiggle room to make things clearer. Towards that end, I've been going over it with a friend who is acting as a kind of editor and taking suggestions from him on things that will help get my point across better. This one was interesting because we had a discussion on whether or not I should use the word "god." It's great as an exclamation like "God that was crazy!" but we're not sure they'd say that word in this universe. Then I used other modern earth vernacular like "fuck" but that seems less jarring somehow. I left it in because I like it and it fits the lustful tone, but I may change it in the future. I don't suppose it matters because it's a parody, but still... What do you think?

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Comments

Malesor

Could argue if it's "lore friendly" or not, but in terms of expressing her tone through the dialogue, it is usually a good word for that purpose.

ForeverAflame

I think the word "god" or "gods" is legitimate. The setting has spirits of places and concepts, and in analogous cultures on Earth, there may be little distinction between a god of a place or concept and a spirit.

Wait

The avatar is probably the closest thing to a 'god'. While there is a lot of religious symbols in the show (temples, shrines, etc) most of that is likely for honoring ancestors, revering the avatars (esp ones from a specific nation), or praising spirits. A lot of our expressions used to be longer phrases that were condensed to singular cursory words instead of longer 'vain oaths'. ATLA still uses comparative phrases that invoked spirits, animals, avatars or ancestors for their expressions... or they make up stuff on the spot, like Soka. Toph probably wouldn't use 'god' or any comparable phrase for emphatic timing, so it would go without it, but scripts aren't always about in-universe dialogue, otherwise it'd be too hard for audiences to follow. So tl;dr, it works for what you want to convey, and how we'd read it.