Chapter 257: Short Respite (Patreon)

Brendon took his earplugs out, shutting off the buffer machine he liked to ride around the blue halls.

“-for your cooperation and have a fantastic day!”

“Eh?” Brendon asked, glancing around for a moment before he shrugged and put his earplugs back in and kicked the ride-on buffing machine back into gear.

If it was important, there would be flashing lights and the message would probably repeat a bunch, right?

Yeah, probably.

Man I love this thing, Brendon thought, glancing back at the streak of shiny, clean floor trailing behind him. There was something so intensely satisfying about driving the rumbling machine through the empty halls at night.

A few passes later, his phone started beeping at him, telling him his day was over, and he’d earned another ten thousand dollars worth of hazard pay.

Not really sure what’s so hazardous. It’s just cleaning some hallways.

Brendan’s lawyer had said: ‘At this point in your career, you no longer needed to take that job. You could even retire if you wanted’. But it was relaxing, and they kept paying him to clean the blue zone, so why not?

Brendon parked his buffing machine and carried his cleaning supplies topside, stretching his legs with a satisfied sigh as he passed the guards at the front desk.

The two guards stared at him a little longer than usual and spoke into their walky-talkies while maintaining eye contact, but it wasn’t WAY out of the usual. That happened sometimes.

Brendon waved at them, and they waved back. Bridge and Adam. Why some mother would name their son Bridge? Brendon had no clue.

Although, it’s a nice, solid name. Holds weight.

“’Night Bridge, ‘night Adam!” Brendon called over his shoulder as he exited the facility, stepping out into the crisp Franklin City night air, already thinking about dinner.

For dinner, the chicken-sticks I grilled up over the weekend, along with some broccoli. Three cups. 739 calories total for chicken plus broccoli. Oh, I should probably make some for Steph too.

Brendon was dating.

Brendon stepped up to his fleet truck with the picture of his own smiling face on the side of it and began hauling the two buckets full of specialized cleaning tools up into the back.

“Hey, umm, sir?” A timid voice called out, and Brendon turned to discover an emaciated woman approaching from behind the Nexus-tagged sedan.

“Yep?” Brendon asked, turning away to shut the big double doors on the back of his truck before returning his attention to the lady.

She was a lot closer when he turned back.

“Umm…you’re the first person I’ve run into since the announcement.” She said, picking at her frayed coat nervously. “I guess we better stick together.”

“What announcement?” Brendon asked with a frown. “Oh, I didn’t catch all of it,” Brendon said, gesturing to the earplug/headphones hanging around his neck. “What did it say?”

“Oh!” her eyes widened in surprise. “Umm, it was to shelter in place with the first people you meet. So I guess I’m having you for dinner?”

“Huh,” Brendon grunted, then checked his phone, seeing that there had indeed been an announcement to that effect.

“Okay, your place or mine?” Brendon asked.

“Oh, my place, please. I’ve got two kids I need to check on. I can’t be away-”

“Say no more,” Brendon said, holding up a hand. “I cook a mean grilled chicken and broccoli.”

“Okay, this way,” she said, motioning for Brendon to follow her.

“We don’t need the car?” Brendon asked, thumbing over his shoulder at the truck.

“No, my apartment is right over here,” She said, beckoning him into the depths of shadow that pooled and writhed outside the meager light of the parking lot.

Something about this felt off…

“Oh right!”

Brendon opened up the back of the truck again and grabbed the bag of broccoli before hustling to catch up with the lady, trotting out into the darkness.

A minute later, he found himself in a tight alleyway with nearly no visibility to the main street.

“This is odd,” Brendon said, sneaking a head of broccoli and crunching down on it as he scanned the surroundings. He didn’t see what looked like an apartment door, that was for sure.

“You sure you got the right place?” he asked.

“Oh yes,” The woman said, her form seemingly to shift and elongate in the shadows. “I’m sure.”

“Cool, because things look way different in the dark, and Sometimes its hard to– ACK!” Something wrapped around Brendon’s ankle and dragged his feet out from under him, toppling him to the ground and nearly spilling his broccoli everywhere.

“My broccoli!” Brendon squawked, desperately trying to keep his bag right-side up as tentacles began to wind around him from out of the darkness.

Fifteen minutes later, Brendon walked out of the alley, shaking his head.

“Well! That was weird,” He said, before shrugging it off and taking a satisfying crunch from the dwindling remains of his broccoli bag. “Still gotta make dinner for Steph. Or…wait, she’s probably not coming, because of the whole buddy system quarantine…”

It looked like Brendon’s plans for the night were free, but there wasn’t a lot you could do when the entire city was shut down…

“Hmm…”

There was a contactless movie theater with no staff specifically designed for quarantines and such, where you could take your family and rent a little room that dispensed candy and popcorn on command, and the entire wall was a movie screen.

Sure, Brendon could rent a movie on his TV, but there was just something alluring about the idea of having an entire big-screen to himself.

Mind made up, Brendon drove to the movie theater.

In the lobby was a paunchy man with a comb-over, wearing denim and work boots. He seemed to be taking a break, smoking in the non-smoking lobby.

“Hey, name’s Brendon,” Brendon said, offering his hand.

“Gale,” The man said, clasping it with a firm shake.

“Hi Gale, I guess we’re quarantine buddies.” Brendon said, leaning around the man to check what was showing tonight. “Movie?”

“Sure.”

Oooh, robocop 16. Yes please.

“Nah,” Gale tapped his calloused fingers on Gentle Springs.

“Awww, man…a period piece romance?” Brendon complained. “I never get those.”

“I’ll explain it to you,” Gale said, motioning for him to follow.

Brendon shrugged and followed, gnawing on some broccoli to soothe his stomach as he did.

Shouldn’t have skipped dinner.

He was hungry.

***Paradox***

“How long has it been since you slept?” Natalie asked, putting a blanket over his shoulders.

Unnecessary but appreciated.

“Since the wedding,” Perry replied, his gaze scanning the readout, making a matching curse in his head on the fly.

“The wedding was three months ago,” Nat said incredulously.

“Yep.” Perry said.

“And you’re…okay?”

“Well, at this point I don’t really need sleep,” Perry muttered, writing down the ingredients and feeding it to another computer. “And when someone with godlike power tells you everyone is gonna die in six months, sleep becomes secondary priority until the end of the year.”

“And you’re sure that staying awake for six months isn’t going to make you go off the deep end and become the thing that kills everyone?” Natalie asked.

Perry paused mid-note and glanced up at Natalie. “No. No I am not.”

“Then doctor Natalie prescribes a solid eight hours of sleep.”

“Two.”

“Eight.”

“Six?”

“Eight.”

“Fiiine.” Perry groaned, stepping away from his computer, ignoring the takeout boxes that cascaded down as he tried to find a spot to put his mouse and keyboard.

“I suppose I should probably clean, too,” Perry mused.

“Sleep first.” Nat said, pushing him away from the desk.

As he was marched to bed, Perry paused to take in the sight of Natalie’s soul. It had expanded to the point that he could see it even when she was behind him, and it was like being inside a snow globe filled with shining echoes of their most intimate moments.

Natalie didn’t know he could see the acts that the smudges were a result of, and honestly didn’t see any reason to tell her.

How the hell are we going to deal with the mimic? It copied people’s everything, soul included. And since it copied machines, any stationary, large-scale network designed to detect them could potentially be compromised.

Imagine relying on an offshoot of the mimic to identify who was assimilated? That would be a problem.

The entire problem was a ship of Theseus debate for the ages. Were the people still in there, or were they simply a highly accurate simulation and the actual people had already passed on?

Perry leaned toward the second because the first was too horrible to contemplate.

“Wake me up in eight hours,” Perry muttered as Nat tucked him in. “I need to visit Dave in the morning.”

“Okay,” Nat said, kissing his forehead.

Perry closed his eyes and allowed himself to let go, his mind wandering off into the dark waters outside their reality.

In what seemed like the space of a single breath, the sun crept over the horizon and stabbed him in the eye.

Perry inhaled and peeked at the clock.

Only six hours, but she can’t get mad at me for waking up by myself. Probably.

Perry got dressed and danced past Heather, who was eating a bowl of cereal in the hallway, watching Annette wake up the Twins for breakfast. Natalie was eating eggs and sausage on the kitchen counter, leaning her head against her palm as she studied the daily report from Chicago.

Sera sprinted past Perry at full speed and headbutted the edge of a hot pan of sausage on the stove, making a line of soot across her forehead.

Once she was done crying, Perry fixed it.

Paradox’s Seraphine Ouchie Corrector.exe

He could’ve done it immediately but it was a great opportunity for Sera to learn how to calm herself down after something bad happened.

“Mornin’” Natalie said as Gareth climbed up on the stool and sat next to his mom, idly smacking the table while he waited for his food.

“Mornin’,” Perry said, dishing up the twins before himself and Annete. He wiggled some sausage at Heather but she didn’t seem interested.

Once he’d eaten, Perry heaved a long breath, just enjoying the chaos of Home, watching Annette expertly finesse the children while the morning light rendered Heather’s oversized bedtime T-shirt see-through.

Heather glanced up from her bowl of cereal at Nat and Perry.

“What are you guys staring at?”

Perry cleared his throat and Nat turned back to the report, her ears turning pink.

“Okay, gotta go save the world,” Perry said stretching his legs as he stood. “Who wants to go save the world!?”

Sera was uncharacteristically quiet.

“The way you save the world is boring, Daddy.”

“That’s a good thing,” Perry defended himself. “If you’re fighting, then something has gone wrong.”

“I wanna stay with mommy!” Sera shouted.

“You know she’s just gonna do admin work all day right?” Perry asked.

“No, cool mommy!” Sera said, glomping onto Heather’s waist.

“Hey!” Nat said scowling at Sera’s unintentional burn.

Perry glanced at Gareth, who quietly nodded agreement.

“Traitors, all of you.” Perry said with a faux scowl.

“I can’t help being the center of attention,” Heather said, preening. “I’m just that awesome.”

“Take Annette with you at least,” Perry said before opening a portal.

Portal.exe

“If I die before I get back, I love all of you to varying degrees.”

“Later,” Nat said, waving while Heather blew him a kiss. The twins waved.

Now for something much less pleasant…Dave.

Perry stepped through and arrived on the doorstep of the unicorn’s shop:

Dave’s Magical Emporium.

Ah, memories.

“Hey Perry, how’s my favorite human in the entire world?” Dave asked as Perry walked in the shop, ignoring the cloying incense.

“You still smell awful though.” Dave added wrinkling his nose. The unicorn had a thing about sniffing virgins, and Perry was most assuredly not one.

He was wearing his typical rocker look with huge sideburns and black leather vest, but he also sported a…nearly impractically big black horn jutting above his head.

“I’m surprised you can smell anything with the incense.” Perry muttered, digging through his pocket for his list. “I thought you could make the horn fade into the human disguise.”

“I sure can,” Dave said, taking the list from Perry.

“So you’re just… deliberately showing everyone how big your horn is…all the time?” Perry asked, already knowing the answer.

“Obviously. It would be a crime to waste such a magnificent…” Dave frowned, trailing off as he read Perry’s list.

“You remember a few years ago how I couldn’t sell you those ingredients that one time because they were illegal in those combinations?”

“Yeah.” Perry shrugged.

“Well that was like a kid playing around with firecrackers. This is like a kid playing around with Ebola. These materials could only be for making a particularly nasty curse, and I don’t even have all of them.”

“I’m aware.”

“You using it for a good reason?”

“Trying to, yes.”

“Alright,” Dave said, shoving the list back across his countertop. “If you can do this,” he said, tapping his fancy weapons-grade horn. “Then this curse should be no sweat.”

Hopefully.Perry thought.

“Hey, have you ever heard of a mimic being able to copy the function of complex machinery?” Perry asked.

“No, they can only copy contiguous objects. You can’t have something like a spinning axle, since it spins completely around thousands of times per second, by necessity it’s a completely separate part.”

Dave pulled out Jinth wyrm jawbone and set it on the counter, tightly wrapped in wax paper.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. How do you typically spot one?”

“Oh there’s a lot of ways. Life detection works well. Just look for life signs on something that shouldn’t be alive, and BAM, you got ‘em.”

Well that doesn’t work, because the MRI machine looked pretty dead to me. it didn’t even have a soul until it started moving. And then it did. And the souls of the offshoots looked like genuine people.

How did it do that?

“What about when they copy people?” Perry asked.

“Mimics are too dumb to copy people,” Dave said with a shrug. “There hasn’t been a Mimic that potent since…”

He glanced over his shoulder at Perry, his demeanor shifting as he put two and two together.

“Why are you asking, Perry?”

Dave’s eyes widened just a bit as Perry decided how to broach the subject.

“Let’s just say…We might need your help sometime over the next couple months. In the meantime, stay cautious of…everyone.”

Dave the Unicorn was one of the most powerful people in Funkytown, even before Perry had fixed his horn. Now, he could probably rival Perry’s grandmother in terms of pure magical power.

He was on the short list of people who could be safely assumed to not be turned, because the battle would leave a crater in the middle of the city.

“Shit, that was what the quarantine announcement was about,” Dave muttered, doubling his speed as he set the packages on the countertop.

Everything Perry needed save for a couple of ingredients.

Alright, guess I need to visit Billy for the rest of it.