Chapter 229: Let Me Think About It (Patreon)

Perry was reading through the Compendium of Demonic entities, organized by Portfolio and hierarchy, absolutely delighted at the number of true names he was collecting. It was Christmas in Hell up in here. Not only that, the Compendium when married with Laws of the Beyond, provided actionable information. Specific trades that various demons would or would not honor.

Even ways to bend the rules.

Perry had already identified a few trades he might be interested in making with various demons. Who wouldn’t trade their immortal soul for a few extra inches, or sweet-ass retractable claws? They accepted other currency, but most people didn’t have anything they really wanted.

Perry was willing to be that he and Tyrannus could come up with alternatives.

Ex’bergazzat was an exception, with his love of music.

Wait, hold on…

Perry was reading through a description of various identifiable characteristics, when the text mentioned different flame colors of various demons offhand. Perry flipped forward and back, but didn’t find anything other than ‘different demons have different hues to their magic, imparting a distinctive color on many of their supernatural effects.”

It went into more detail, but the old book only denoted six basic colors denoting subspecies of demon…when Perry was absolutely sure there was more nuance to it.

The one time I need more info, it gets vague on me.

Perry grabbed his phone and opened up a color wheel app, recreating the color of flame he’d seen in the dragon’s empty eye socket.

Hey Gramma, do you know if there’s a specific demon with this exact shade of fire? Perry asked, sending it.

Perry kept reading and got a message back in a few minutes.

I do not know the specifics, but it looks like the shade a War demon might have.

-Marigold Zauberer

Hmm…darn. Dead end. Perry was sure that if you were able to analyze the color accurately enough, you could use it like a fingerprint to identify specific demons.

If he knew exactly which demon was providing support to Tyrannus, he could arrange an accident for them, cutting the dragon’s immortality off at the source.

The problem is, I have the fingerprint, but it’s not in the database.

Well, we could summon an Ordenn and see if it’ll tattle on who Tyrannus is in bed with.

Perry did just that.

After a few minutes setting up the summoning ritual, The Ordenn lunged through the dimensional barrier, snatching up the offering of gold and snarling at Perry from where it clutched the glittering offering.

“You have summoned Calobon, of the domain of Greed, Slaver of Secrets.” He said, raising to his full height, his emaciated form towering over Perry’s. “What Forbidden Knowledge does your puny mortal mind crave in exchange for your mortal soul?”

“First of all, that’s a no-go on the soul. I know that’s not the only thing you’ll trade for. How about a nice juicy camel heart?” Perry asked.

“Insulting. Camel hearts are hundreds of years out of date, and only sufficient payment for the lowest grade of forbidden knowledge: The kind that other mortals know but the summoner is too lazy to learn on their own. Since the inclusion of Earth, I accept credit cards.”

“Huh.” Perry said, thinking. “Here’s the thing, I don’t know the exact value of this information, Therefore I refuse to settle on a price before I’ve asked, and I refuse to agree to pay before the question is broached and terms decided.”

“I doubt you could ask a question worth more than the air I breathe, mortal,” Calobon said, rolling its eyes. “Go ahead, ask your petty question about petty mortal concerns. What is it? Stock market futures? Company secrets? Enemy country’s weapons?”

“What demon has a flame this color?” Perry asked, holding up his phone.

The skeletal immortal demon of greed paled, Backing away from Perry.

“I-I have to go!” it said before touching its own forehead with a burning finger, erupting into golden-tinged flame and disintegrating into ash on the floor of Perry’s lair.

Huh. Well, that tells me something.

He was going to have to summon something a little bigger than an Ordenn Information broker working out of his mother’s basement.

I’m gonna have to move this above-ground.

Perry had dinner with the twins and their moms, then brought them out for the next summoning.

Because summoning demons is good clean family fun. And the one Perry had in mind was quite amenable to being summoned under the right circumstances.

Slak’vreth Deathseeker tore through the weakened dimensional barrier, sword blazing.

“Whooo!” Seraphine shouted, fists raised as the towering giant arrived, unfurling wings that blotted out the sky. Heather lifted her up on her shoulders for a better view, while Gareth hid behind Natalie.

“Paradox Zauberer.” The winged demoness said, kneeling down so she was only the size of a two-story house. “I sense no urgency in this situation. What thrilling combat do you offer me as recompense for wasting my time?”

“I’m going to fight a dragon eventually, and you’re totally invited to that, but first I need to do prep work.” Perry said.

“Say no more. The logistics of warfare are known to me. Although I detest them, I understand their necessity. What do you require?”

“My enemy, a dragon named William Kline, is functionally immortal, and I believe he’s made a deal with a war demon to achieve this. Do you happen to know who that might be, offhand?”

She shook her head.

“The realm of War is one of the largest and most varied. Entire worlds could arrive and disappear into the abyss without attracting the notice of our Lord, for we have few to practice the art of War with save each other, and the slaughter is constant.”

“Hmm.” Perry frowned. Anonymity through sheer numbers. That couldn’t’ve been the only reason Tyrannus chose a war demon to bargain with for immortality.

“I saw a flame in his skull when his body regenerated,” Perry said, fishing out his phone and turning it to face Slak’vreth. “Do you know anyone whose magic looks like this?” Perry asked.

“Ahahaha!” Slak’vreth Deathseeker bellowed with laughter, her voice echoing across the land like thunder.

“Yes, I know the originator of your ‘friend’s bargain.”

“Really, that’s-“

“However, a promise of combat in the future against a dragon is a paltry offer. I will not tell you who you seek without a better offer.”

“He’s a really highly educated dragon with an entire empire at his disposal?”

“Unusual, but still not immediate enough. Best me in combat, give me the thrill of defeat, and I’ll give you the name you seek.”

“Umm…no.” Perry said, looking up at her. She made Tyrannus seem small by comparison. “Why would I do that?” Perry wasn’t a battle maniac…when he was Stable.

Maybe there’s someone else I can get the info out of. Though I don’t know any other greater War demons. maybe Ex’gerbazzat

The demoness pouted. Her lips the only visible part of her face, covered as it was in steel.

“Please?”

“Fight, fight fight!”  Seraphine shouted, pumping her fists from Heather’s shoulders.

“You guys really think I should do that?” Perry said, glancing over his shoulder at his family.

“If you think you can…” Natalie said with a shrug. “Honestly I really don’t know what your limits are anymore.”

“I would love to see you get your butt kicked,” Heather chimed in.

“Daddy, she’s sad,” Gareth said, peeking around from behind Nat.

It was Gareth that tipped the scales for Perry. Slak’vreth Deathseeker was sad, and it didn’t really cost Perry anything to help her feel better. Through violence.

Plus he would get the information he was looking for.

And…there was a thought beginning to take shape in the back of his head. A half-baked plan that wasn’t quite there yet. Knowing how he stacked up against a greater War demon would turn up the temperature.

Metaphorically speaking.

“I don’t suppose you could shrink down to human size for this?” Perry asked.

“Of course not!” Slak’vreth said, rising to her full, mountainous height. “I desire combat, not a farce!”

Of course you do.

“One moment,” Perry said, turning his attention inward, sliding the powerful batteries stored inside his soul past each other, rearranging the modular bits of magical plumbing to recreate a spell he didn’t normally keep on tap.

Holbert’s Embiggener (Difficulty: Advanced)

Ingredients: Marchis Clay, hair of the target, transposition eye of a Na’zar, power stone.

Form the clay into a perfect replica of the intended target. This is the most difficult portion of the spell, as failures here will lead to weakened, or worse, uneven growth, which may result in unsightly tumors, or death.

Once the clay had been formed, place the cornea of the eye in the center of mass of the doll, with the rest of the eye behind it.

The eye will disappear and open a small dimensional pocket in the front of the doll that is deeper than it appears.

Tie the hair around the power stone and dip it into the pocket. The target, along with anything they’re wearing, will begin to grow as the power stone dissolves in the depths of the fourth dimension, energizing the doll.

The spell will last until the power stone’s essence runs dry, and the target reverts to normal size.

The size increase is highly variable and can range from 1.2 to 2.6 times in size.

2.6 times in size wasn’t quite enough for Perry’s purposes, but it was also a spell that hadn’t been refined and standardized by Paradox.

Perry could do better.

A lot better.

“You guys are gonna wanna take a seat over there,” Perry said, pointing at a nearby mountain and opening a portal to it.

“Have fun, be careful!” Nat said, waving as she guided Gareth ahead of her.

“Good luck,” Heather said, tousling his hair. “Kick his ass!” She said up at Slak’vreth.

“You get twenty times smarter than someone and they get all threatened -ow!”

Heather punched him in the shoulder, her stretchy arm retracting through the portal a moment later.

With a moment’s thought, Perry’s armor descended from its holding pattern in the sky. The Mark Twelve closed around Perry a moment before he triggered the spell.

Holbert’sEmbiggener.exe

Perry began growing. First up to Slak’vreth’s ankle, then her knee. The surrounding scenery seemed to shrink rapidly, becoming little more than tiny figurines one might see in an old man’s hobby train set.

Once he was eye level with the ancient demon, Perry drew his sword.

“Did you want a fair fight?” Perry asked, hefting his enchanted blade contemplatively.

“Of course not,” Slak’vreth said with a sharp-toothed grin. Due to their relative size, she actually sounded like a normal person to his outrageously big ears.

Perry pumped up the spell and grew a little more, rendering the ancient demon just a bit shorter than himself.

“Feels like I’m standing in mud,” Perry said as the forest squished beneath his feet. thankfully he was wearing his armor so he wouldn’t get tree-splinters.

He adopted a fencing stance, holding his newest sword enchanted with Paradox’s Hexadecablade.

“I never got to try this sword against my uncle,” Perry said. “I’m interested to see what it can do.”

“Excellent.” Slak’vreth  said, bending her knees a moment before charging forward, drawing her massive two-handed blade forward with a powerful grunt of effort.

Perry met her blade with his own enchanted one.

Sixteen identical blades of crimson energy appeared, each of them blocking a small part of Slak’vreth’s flaming two hander, interposing themselves between himself and the demon’s swing, such that Perry felt almost no pressure on his wrist.

Perry slid her blade aside and lunged forward, aiming to skewer the demon. Slak’vreth managed to draw her guard in, interposing the handle of her blade between them.

The other sixteen thrusts caught her from every angle, shattering a magical shell she constructed around herself and leaving the greater war demon perforated, smoking from sixteen glowing red holes in her body.

A wisp of smoke drifted from the mountainous demon’s mouth before Slak’vreth Deathseeker collapsed to the ground, dead.

****One re-summoning later****

“The demon you’re looking for is a Greater War Demon by the name of Alkush,” Slak’vreth said, scowling as she poked her finger through the scorched hole in her helmet. Without the helmet, she was quite pretty for a suicidal creature of pure bloodlust.

“Should’ve Swarmed,” she muttered to herself, wiggling the finger poking through the top of her helmet. “But I thought I could block it. I never expected your magic to be that strong, young man, or for you to move that quick.”

“Strong magic is my specialty,” Perry said, acknowledging the complement with a small bow.

“Being too quick is also his specialty,” Heather said.

Perry cocked a brow and glanced at Heather. She knew for a fact that wasn’t true.

“You can’t expect me not to take a slam dunk when someone lays it up perfectly.” Heather said with a shrug.

“…Would you be interested in supplying arms and armor for me and my horde?” Slak’vreth Deathseeker asked. “You put holes in my sword.” She lifted her flaming two-hander, highlighting the seventeen gouges that’d been cut into the edge.

“I’ll consider it.” Perry said. He really didn’t care if he supplied demons weapons that they used to kill each other, but it was always wise to put some serious though into what he wanted out of it before he jumping into an arrangement.

“Very well, I hope to hear good news from you in the future.” She said before stepping back through the dimensional barrier.

“Okay, we’ve got a name!” Perry said, clapping his hands together before summoning the compendium to his hand. Little did he know it was going to take all night.

This Alkush fellow was more bureaucratic in nature than Slak’vreth Deathseeker, and it took Perry several hours of tracking down leads before he finally managed to catch one of the demon’s desk-jockeys, who passed his call ever-so-slowly up the chain until Perry was face-to-face with the big guy himself.

Well, face-to-magical-projection, anyway.

Alkush wore a sharp suit studded with medals and insignia of rank. He embodied the craft of war in a completely different way than Slak’vreth Deathseeker.

Perry had sort of expected them to be similar, but he should’ve figured.

“Paradox Zauberer, eh? What do you want?” the projection asked, hands clasped over each other as the demon sat perfectly straight behind the desk.

“You have a deal to insure the immortality of a soul by the name of William Kline.” Perry said. “I’d like to purchase that agreement from you.”

“As long as William Kline is in good standing and continues to pay according to the terms of his immortality subscription, I am incapable of selling the contract to a lower being. ”

Alkush seemed to pause a moment in consideration.

“Zauberer?”

“Yes.”

The demon leaned back and opened a file cabinet before leafing through a few files before pulling out a particularly thick one, his eyebrows rising as he scanned through the contents.

“I’ll tell you what, maybe we can still help each other. I can cancel the arrangement with Mr. Kline at any time with sufficient recompense. It’s a price I’d be willing to pay in exchange for something even more valuable from you.”

“And that is?”

“The soul of your grandmother, Marigold Zauberer.”

…

She’s worth that much? How many enemies has the old witch made in her lifetime? Does everyone want her dead, or is she just that powerful? Would it really be a loss for humanity if she were gone?

After an inordinately long time, the demon pressed him for an answer.

“Well…what’ll it be, son?”

“…I’m thinking,” Perry said.