Chapter 156: Nesting (Patreon)

Soul Anchor (Difficulty: Expert)

Ingredients: Bone of Saint Morath, Death Crystal, Spirit Forge, Acid of Nathelon Fly. Scripture of a Mendevian Ascetic.

In the interest of not leaving everything to chance, Perry was researching ways to keep little Stacy Watt-Powers (A.K.A. Professor Replica) from simply bailing on her life and moving to new body.

Powder the bone of Saint Morath, along with the Death crystal. Mix together in a 1:3 (Bone to crystal) ratio by weight. Mix in Acid until the mixture resembles a thick paste, as homogeneous as possible. Compress into bricks no thicker than a spiggle, then bake them at seraph-blossom orange temperature in the spirit Forge for three hours, using the forge’s reflection ability to keep the Essences bundled tightly.

At the end of three hours, remove the bricks and place them in a cooling oven.

Once they are cool, grind them down and mix with water into an ink. Use a brush to apply the Scripture of the Mendevian Ascetic to the subject, written in the ink.

This spell was most often used by monster hunters tracking soul-devouring entities, but it secures the soul inside the body so well that it has rarely been used as an extra layer of protection when restraining creatures capable of body-hopping, such as Liches and Ancestor Demons.

Naturally, it is difficult to get them to remain still for this.

I’m going to have to look up the color of a seraph blossom and figure out what the hell’s a spiggle, Perry thought, flipping through the notes written by his predecessors.

Works much better offensively as a Mage spell. Tamed a Nixie with this thing.

Can be modified to be used as protection from external soul-damage, rather than locking it in place, by changing the ratio to 2:3. May prevent personal growth, as it functions by making the soul more rigid, works even better for soul-targeting monsters than the original though. Side effects unknown.

And on the notes went, providing helpful insight into how he could go about using it against Professor Replica.

“Book up,” a voice called, and Perry reacted with trained speed, raising the book while a stretched-out arm with a washcloth swept under it, wiping clean the already immaculate wooden table.

Perry glanced up at where Heather and her ghost were fervently cleaning every surface. Heather had manifested two pairs of extra limbs and was using them to great effect, stretching them around the house to clean every surface a second or third time while humming to herself with a beatific smile.

Anya the Wraith had temporarily manifested one extra pair of limbs and was on the other side of the house, taking care of the living room and folding a massive mound of freshly laundered clothes.

“Should we talk about this?” Perry asked, sipping his energy drink and glancing over at Natalie, who was reading her tablet with the morning news in her nightgown.

The raven-haired Tinker blinked her puffy eyes and sipped her coffee, glancing over at Heather’s rounded belly.

“It’s fairly normal,” she said. “Heather’s always had hyperfeminine expression of hormones on her phenotype, so it stands to reason she would get hit hard by the nesting instinct.”

Heather’s ‘hyperfeminine phenotype’, or what others might call her ‘rockin’ bod’ was exactly what had led to the current situation.

After the vomiting incident, they had spent a couple days feverishly trying to unravel exactly how this had happened, when Perry had stumbled across the answer by accident while trying to figure out why he hadn’t been zipped across the Bloodskip spell to safety like the other two.

The answer was…complicated.

In essence, Perry’s soul was a bowling ball trying to fit down a garden hose. The spell would’ve normally stretched to accommodate, but Natalie had been pregnant at the time (though she didn’t know it.)

In the process of moving the two women, the zygote was mistaken for him, (A side effect of running the spell on a machine with no conscious awareness nor programming prohibiting that extremely specific glitch) and as a result the spell tried to teleport it instead of him.

When it tried to deposit the zygote into the open air, the spell registered the environment as ‘hostile’ since it would result in death within seconds.

So it chose the best environment to drop it in safely. Heather was bigger, healthier, and pretty much physically superior in every way compare to Nat, so the spell designated her as the ‘safest’ place to drop it.

Which was how Nat and Perry accidentally knocked up Heather.

When Heather found out the baby was Natalie’s, she decided to keep it, and the rest, as they say, is history. Specifically, Perry’s note at the end of the Bloodskip spell:

Avoid using Bloodskip while pregnant. If you are pregnant, consult your doctor before using Bloodskip. Side effects may include impregnating innocent bystanders – Paradox Zauberer.

So, Perry, Nat, and Heather were all going to be parents in a couple months…

Still doesn’t feel real. Life is weird.

“Nesting instinct?” Perry asked with a frown. He didn’t remember them fighting anyone with giant bird powers or anything of the like.

“In the third trimester when some women feel a strong urge to clean and prepare a space for their baby? Haven’t you been doing research?”

“Of course! I just always get sucked into the rabbit hole of worst-case scenarios or emergency situations like SIDS and C-sections,” Perry muttered into his drink as Heather swept past the two of them, singing ‘ass n’ titties’ out loud as she scrubbed the floor.

“You need soap, and water, soap, and water,” Heather sang, gliding past the dining room table like a six-armed Tasmanian Devil of cleaning.

Of course, Gramma and Mom were practically giddy with anticipation. He’d actually seen Gramma be nice to Heather over the last few months, showering her with gifts (I.E. bribes) and offers of dresses, servants, bodyguards, magical artifacts…the whole ‘princess’ lifestyle.

None of this actually worked to change Heather’s opinion of her, since all three of them were well aware of Marigold’s true character, but Heather unabashedly accepted the gifts anyway.

‘I’m not going to turn down free servants, Perry. I’m not crazy. I deserve servants.’

They weren’t here now, but in about an hour, the house was going to be crawling with Manitian maids who specialized in everything from cleaning and cooking to magical home defense. The early morning and night were practically the only time they had the house to themselves.

‘The house’ was a modest four bed, two bath place two roads down from Mom & Dad.

Couldn’t exactly raise a kid in a motel/lair, and none of them were strapped for cash, so it was the logical choice…

It just still didn’t seem real. Perry checked himself for brainworms and spider-y thoughts, but nothing…he was as lucid as ever. It would make more sense if he was in a mind-controlled fever-dream.

I wonder if this was what it was like for mom and dad before they got married, just casually co-habitating off and on while disappearing to do their own thing? How are we gonna deal with it? Should we get married? If so, who, in what combination? Does it even matter if we do?

Tax savings? Hah! Propriety? If we cared about that, we probably wouldn’t be in this situation to start with. Family name? Who gives a shit, it’s a soundwave travelling through air.

There’s a huge difference between your typical unwed teen mom, and a multi-millionaire unwed teen mom with a rather large, powerful family invested in keeping her happy and healthy regardless of her state of marriage.

In short, they could afford babysitting. All the babysitting.

Of course, when you’re a super, it’s better to get family to babysit, for kidnapping reasons.

Perry remembered staying with Gramma a lot for babysitting around the time mom and dad were feeling each other out. She was a lot nicer to him when he was small, always showing him magic and telling him about how he was naturally superior to others and going to eventually conquer the planet…

Or maybe that was just some really early brainwashing to get me into the right mindset before I was revealed to be Dull. Damnit, Gramma, I used to remember those visits fondly.

Well, whatever. You can remember something horrible fondly. People are complicated. Perry closed up his book and drained the last of his energy drink.

“Okay, I’mma get to work before the house becomes ground zero of ‘The Manitian Invasion’,” Perry said, motioning to the door.

“Same.” Nat said, folding up her tablet and putting on her work overalls.

“Bye sweetie!” Heather said, waving at Nat and blowing kisses as they headed out the door and piled into the little sedan. When her gaze met Perry’s, she scowled and gave him the finger…blowing him a kiss when she thought he wasn’t looking.

Anya the six-hundred-year-old ghost waved from the window.

“Life is weird.” Nat muttered as they backed out of the driveway.

“You’re telling me,” Perry said as he craned his neck around the seat to see behind them.

Nat grabbed his arm and shook him as he tried to pull out into traffic, losing herself to a burst of disbelief mixed with enthusiasm, as she had dozens of times over the last six months.

“We’re gonna be a dad!”

***

‘Work’ was mostly cracking down on Trigger rampages and saving androids from gang violence and other supers. The second part wasn’t officially compensated, but they were people. It was just going to take the rest of the world some time to catch up with the way Perry saw it.

After ‘work’ was over, the team disbanded to do their own thing, and Perry got a call from Solaris to come in for a brief.

Perry arrived in Solaris’s office a few minutes later, dreading the next few minutes.

“Paradox,” Solaris said. “I’ve worked things out with David. The laws on Androids are going to be much more forgiving in Washington City than Franklin, as well as the general sentiment of the people. That’s the way the wind’s blowing.”

“And?” Perry asked, raising a brow.

“And we’re going to be trading androids for natural-born humans with Washington city. at a three-to-five ratio. Three humans for five Androids,” Solaris said, consulting a datapad.

“So, umm…how are you gonna get ten thousand androids on a train against their will?” Perry asked the obvious.

“Begging, pleading, and bargaining.” Solaris said, “Usually when I show up in person, they agree.”

“I’m sure they do. How do you know you’re not just foisting the problem off on Washington, so they can bury them in a mass grave somewhere?” Perry asked.

“I can never be sure, but if that were the case, I don’t think they would’ve traded people for them.” Solaris said, taking a deep breath as his gaze wandered past Perry. “The line they fed me was that the Androids represented ‘identical economic output to a standard human without the cost of Trigger-risk’, and therefore a greater output on the whole…which is fairly true.”

“What do you need me for, then?” Perry asked.

“Because I’ve been hearing stories about you putting down several dozen violent incidents over the last few months primarily targeting Androids. Why?”

“Because they’re people?” Perry said. When Solaris continued watching him expectantly, Perry elaborated. “Manitians have been second-class citizens since they got here, and it was only by virtue of being born rich and famous that I’m treated like a person. I sympathize.”

“Mmm,” Solaris nodded, frowning thoughtfully. “Paradox, I need someone to go with the train to Washington and guard the Androids. Something that isn’t quite common knowledge right now is that it’s actually pretty damn safe between here and Washington right now. The Replicators pretty much wiped out all megafauna between us and them when they attacked, and the Prawns aren’t due for another four to six years.”

“Then why do you need guards?” Perry asked.

Solaris clicked a few icons on his datapad, then turned it over to Perry could see better. It was a picture of Perry facing off a bunch of headhunters in an alley, taken the day before by an Android.

“It isn’t common knowledge, but it is safe enough for people like this to set up an ambush on the train.”

“Why not get Matador to take care of them, then?” Perry asked.

“Because I don’t want to make them into martyrs, I want to make them a laughingstock. Matador is good at turning things into quivering meat-chunks. You are good at making people look stupid.”

“Thank you, sir,” Perry said, arms clasped behind his back.

Solaris chuckled.

“Your assignment will be to take your team and make sure the trade goes off without a hitch, settle the Androids in Washington, make sure Washington isn’t going to do anything absolutely reprehensible, and figure out the real reason why Washington wants the Androids…if there is one. Can you do that?”

Perry nodded. “Yessir.”

“You’ll get the details in your Nexus email. Remember, you’re not there at Washington’s request, you’re there at mine. They don’t have any control over what you do and where you go. I want you to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. Sniff out anything that reeks. Understood?”

“Yessir.”

“With all that aside…how’s Wraith?”

“Still pregnant. She’s taking some time off of getting shot at for a living, for obvious reasons. She should be good to rejoin the team in a year or two.”

“Tell her she can take all the time she needs. Hell, when my wife was pregnant…” Solaris frowned as his eyes grew distant. “Nevermind.”

Solaris’s haunted expression plucked Perry’s heartstrings, and he glanced around the room. They were alone.

“Is there any recording equipment in here?” Perry asked.

“No. This office might as well be a black hole.” Solaris said.

“About Professor Replica…”

“He’s still alive in a robot body somewhere?” Soalaris guessed.

“Uh, yeah. How did you know?”

“John’s been putting people into robot bodies for decades. Stands to reason he’d do it to himself when the chips are down. You know who it is?”

Perry pulled out his phone and pulled out a picture of Stacy Watt-Powers screaming into a megaphone.

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Solaris chuckled, handing the phone back to Perry. “Is he doing any of his old tricks?”

From the tension in Solaris’s shoulders, he knew Stacy Watt-Powers was moments away from being vaporized.

“I don’t think he can. His soul is busted all to hell, and his body is weak.” Perry said.

“Hmm…did I tell you that Professor Replica is our fault?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“John’s an egghead. A bow tie, thick glasses, pasty sonofabitch who spends all night staring at the stars. How does a guy like that become a world-ending supervillain?”

“He saw The Tide and-“

“That gave him his powers, why did he decide to destroy all humans?”

“Because he went crazy?” Perry asked.

Solaris shook his head.

“No. Well, not all of it. This was before the effect of The Tide’s cognitohazard on astronomers was understood. Just a month out of his seclusion in the Hayfield Observatory, the UN assembled the world leaders. Everyone, and I mean everyone, wanted to know what the hell was going on. It wasn’t just the world leaders listening to John’s speech. It was being beamed straight into the household of anyone who owned a TV.”

“Oh. Shit,” Perry muttered as he realized how bad the damage would’ve been. Worldwide chaos was an understatement.

“America, the world governments, they survived the first Tide. They really did. We were making progress…rebuilding. They did not survive John Stevens spilling The Truth. Tens of thousands of people Triggered that very night, and even more died. Nearly every world leader died bleeding from the eyes and nose.”

“And it wasn’t even his fault.” Perry muttered. The worst terrorist attack in world history was an accident. It had been spun as a deliberate act, because it would terrify people to know otherwise.

“Didn’t stop us from coming after him,” Solaris said. “John had a plan to replace people with robots, sure, but in a humane way. He wanted to invent a way to move terminal patients into a robot prosthesis that can reproduce, then gradually over time, Androids would outnumber natural born humans, without any bloodshed.”

“But people wanted blood.” Perry guessed.

“Lot of people lost family because of John, me included, so we came after him.”

“And he defended himself.” Perry said, understanding where Solaris was going.

“He surely fuckin’ did.” Solaris said with a sigh. “The military arm of the Replicators was a direct result of the world’s supers seeking revenge on a pencil-neck, who just so happened to have a nearly unstoppable superpower, an I.Q. in the one forties, a concrete goal, and a will strong enough to survive The Tide. So…”

“So…”

Perry put together the pieces.

“You already suspected Professor Replica was still out there. The reason you’re protecting the civilian Androids isn’t because you don’t wanna be a Nazi. It’s because you want to keep Professor Replica’s pet project alive, so he doesn’t have any reason to revert to military conquest.”

Solaris spread his arms and gave him a smile.

“Well reasoned, Paradox. I’ve learned a lot since I was a young, impulsive man of fifty who would accept no compromise. It’s better for everyone involved if Professor Replica stays ‘dead’. Understood?”

“Yessir.”