99: Come and get me, Bitches! (Patreon)

***Natalie AKA Hardcase***

Nat was having a weird dream.

She, Perry, Heather, and her mom were all fighting each other on top of a moving spaceship, however logically inconsistent that was. Mom was wearing all black leather, weird spikeys and wielding a shiny techno-sword.

It looked really weird on her dumpy frame.

Perry and Heather were wounded, unable to fight any longer. It was just her and mom, now. Nat screwed up her determination and grabbed her girlfriend and boyfriend and smushed them into a sword.

Mom waited patiently while she did.

That complete, Nat turned to face her adversary. “I’ll never be like you! You killed my mother!” She said, wildly waving her friend-sword between the two of them, almost like warding off a dracula with a cross. It seemed to work, but in the manner of bad dreams, her mom just walked right through it.

“No,” Her mom said. “I am your mother.”

Well yeah, I knew that, Nat thought.

“Join me, and together we will make tuna casserole as Mother and Daughter.” Mom said, her gloved hand stretching until it was right under Nat’s nose.

“NoOOoo!”

BOOOM!

Natalie was catapulted violently out of bed as the entire mattress bucked like an angry bull.

“AGRBLEFM!” Nat’s voice was muffled as she hit the rug face-first and tumbled over a couple times before hitting the radiator with her funnybone, sending pins and needles up and down her arm.

“OW!” Natalie groaned, dragging herself to her feet and bracing herself on the wall.

BOOM!

The wall shoved Nat to the side, sending her reeling. The mirror fell off the wall, but like everything else Perry built, it was nigh indestructible, not breaking.

Nat reeled over to the side, toppling over the mattress as the entire motel began rumbling, shaking violently.

Earth quake? Alien invasion? Mole men? Any of them were possible in this crazy mixed up world. A girl’s best friend in situations like this?

Giant robots.

Nat pressed down hard on the transmitter buried in the meat of her left palm, meeting her mechsuit at the door.

She practically dove into the cockpit waiting just outside her motel room door as the rumbling continued. Natalie shook the stinging tingles out of her arm as she controlled her suit’s flight with her feet, getting off the shaky ground. Just in case it was mole-men.

Perry’s disguised hangar in the back of the motel burst open, and several figures blasted off into the night at high speeds, disappearing before her mind had fully shaken off the torpor of sleep.

When it did, Natalie’s heart rose into her throat.

“Perry!”

The pedals shifted under Nat’s bare feet and she blasted forward, slamming down on into Perry’s lab.

“Perry!” Nat shouted, scanning the wreckage. His lab had been trashed. Half of his things were broken, splotches of blood and burn marks here and there, a massive hole in his ceiling, and even an outline of a human body imprinted in his wall.

“Present,” A hoarse voice said, and Natalie whipped her gaze around, spotting Perry against the wall, his legs crushed under a massive chunk of concrete torn from the wall.

Natalie’s mind went blank, and it was only thanks to years of study and practice that she was able to diagnose him in the midst of sheer internal panic.

My first and only boyfriend is gonna die!!! Oh my god, what happened!?

“What happened, Perry?” Nat asked, sounding a lot calmer than she felt as she hopped out of her mechsuit and began frantically checking all the way around the boulder for sign of uncontrolled bleeding.

Crushed legs, broken arms, concussion… She glanced into his eyes. Yep, concussion. External bleeding: not much. Internal bleeding: undoubtedly.

Perry lifted a rapidly purpling broken hand, his knuckles skinned. “Well…”

***Perry, two minutes ago****

“Fuck!”

The first fraction of a second was critical.

Perry jumped over his workbench while stretching out with his left hand and snagging a bottle of capsacin from the ether while flicking his finger towards Dream with his right.

Crowd-control needed to be removed from the equation if he was to have any chance at winning.

Dream was hit by the invisible arms of the LCC, propelled backward and slammed into the wall, his armor protecting him from the worst of the damage.

“Come on, kid, let’s not make this a long night,” Mass Driver said sourly, floating across the distance between them in the blink of an eye.

He got a faceful of capscacin...

Which never actually touched his eyes, instead seemingly hovering a micron away from his skin before launching itself straight into Perry’s eyes.

“Agh, goddamnit!” Perry said, backing off and flicking towards Mass-driver.

BOOOM!

The entire lab shuddered in place as the invisible arms smashed against Mass-Driver with their entire weight. Mass driver ignored them.

“Man, you suck!” Perry shouted.

“I’ve been told,” Mass Driver said, kicking Perry in the chest.

HP:5

HP:4

Perry lost one HP from the kick and the second from the impact against the far wall, since he’d been sent flying.

Sliding Stats

Stability 9 -> 5

Body 5 -> 9

Perry wanted a little extra damage-padding, as he was fairly certain his HP wasn’t going to last more than a couple seconds against Mass driver.

“Hold them off,” Perry croaked, waving his hand to indicate a wall.

LCC created a wall of invisible arms between him and his assailants.

I’d like to see Mass Driver shrug off Gor’s Disintigration. Perry thought rolling over onto his side and crawling towards the prototype under a table. It still had shot he could fire. Take out Mass driver and the other two would probably tuck tail and run. They were attacking him in his home so Perry was in the clear for lethal force.

BOOOM!

The entire lab bucked again as Mass driver punched the invisible wall. The invisible arm went flying, smashing through some of Perry’s experiments and burying itself in the wall.

Mass Driver stalked forward, but didn’t make it more than a couple inches before the arms rearranged themselves to cover the missing one.

“Annoying,” Mass Driver muttered.

Perry gave Mass Driver the finger as he crawled toward the disintegrate prototype. A leather boot landed on top of his hand, prompting Perry to peer up into the mummy-wrapped face that was Incognito.

“I forgot about you.” Perry muttered.

“I’m used to it.” Incognito said in his strange, buzzing voice, pulling his foot back for a kick to Perry’s face

Perry slammed his face into the kick and shattered the infiltrator’s foot.

HP:3

Offensive HP use for the win.

“OW, FUCK!” Incognito shouted, hopping away as Perry scrabbled forward.

“Let me get that for you,” Underwriter said, holding his hand up. The lights in the lab flickered for a moment before Perry heard the distinct pop of a short circuit from the direction of the LCC.

Oh, damn, Perry thought, grabbing the prototype and heaving it up. It was about the size of a generator and heavy as balls, but it had a shot left and it had it’s own power.

Perry watched as Mass Driver parted the limp arms of the LCC like a curtain and stepped through.

Then Perry shot him.

Mass Driver’s hand flickered in front of the shot as Perry pulled the trigger, catching the beam on his finger. The super mercenary’s hand halfway up to the elbow turned into ash.

“Really?” Mass Driver said, pointing at his missing hand.

The oversized prototype in Perry’s hand powered down.

“It was worth a shot,” Perry said with a shrug.

The next thing he remembered was a really big fist hitting him in the jaw, and then things got kinda hazy.

He’d kept fighting for a while after, but couldn’t remember exactly what he did.

***Perry, now***

“Actually, mid-beating, I vaguely remember them telling me to raise the price of my concrete to industry standard. They were really specific about it, actually.” Perry said, his entire body numb from endorphins.

A piece of his stationary was pinned to the massive chunk of concrete crushing the bones of his legs to paste.

A little reminder. Was written on it.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure they wanted me to raise the price of concrete, and possibly by extention, my other products.”

“Really? That’s it?” Nat said, frowning.

“Yup.” Perry said, leaning back against the wall. “Must be losing someone money. Say, could you do me a favor and grab one of those green glass cylinders with the blond hair floating in them from the cabinet over there? I don’t wanna still be wounded when my body runs out of painkiller.”

Nat tiptoed through the wreckage of Perry’s lab and began searching through the oversized drawers, practically forced to climb in in order to reach the back.

I must not be too wounded, because I can still appreciate a nice view, Perry thought idly. Nat must have come straight out of bed.

“Is this it?” She asked, pulling out one of the healing cartridges with the saint hair in it.

Obviously Perry had fixed the mistake, but he’d never had the opportunity to use it on himself since then.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Perry said, motioning her over and receiving the cartridge.

“Now, in case I pass out, the way to activate this is to twist the top until you hear a click, then scan it over the wounded parts like a security metal detector. About four inches away. Got it?” Perry asked.

“Got it,” Nat said with a nod.

“Alright, get this thing off my legs.” Perry said.

Natalie nodded and climbed back into her mechsuit, placed its robotic hands on either side of the massive rock and –

“Perry, stay with me, stay awake, okay?” Perry faintly heard Nat’s voice before a impact in his cheek rattled him back to full consciousness.

Natalie was running Astra’s Mending over his legs, and Perry was amazed to see the flattened and twisted legs straighten right out. It was almost like Nat was using the Undo tool in photoshop.

“Wow, that’s much better already, thank you.”

You’re welcome, Saint Natanya whispered in the back of his mind.

“Of course,” Nat said, wiping her eyes and leaving massive grease smudges behind. Digging around in his tool cabinet wasn’t a clean proposition.

Perry tried moving his legs, but a burst of pain told him to keep his ass still until he was fully baked.

Over the next five minutes, Perry pointed out spots that still hurt and Nat would wave the slowly fading light of the cannister over them until they stopped hurting.

Natalie insisted that she go over his skull and spine in triplicate just to make sure there was no lingering damage. Perry didn’t mind. It wasn’t like you could feel brain injuries the same way as other damage, and he’d rather be a little bored than disabled.

Once the glow of Astra’s Mending expired, Perry experimentally got to his feet.

He felt a little sore, but it wasn’t worse than some roughhousing or heavy exercise.

Not worth busting open another Astra’s Mending for.

“LCC, fix everything.”

The Lab Control Center didn’t respond.

“Oh, right,” Perry muttered, Natalie trailing behind him as he stalked over to the Security room, where his model of the motel and lab resided.

I wonder what the Underwriter’s powers do? Perry thought as he popped open the side panel. His naming theme doesn’t suggest electrical powers. Underwriter suggests risk management. Maybe a Murphy’s Law kinda wildcard.

Those ones were irritating to fight, but usually went down to a solid punch. Murphy’s law types generally couldn’t make your body misbehave. The problem was having the practically invincible Mass Driver between the two of them.

Practically invincible. Perry thought, remembering the ash of Mass Driver’s hand sloughing off his arm.

Heh.

It was going to cost him a pretty penny to get someone to regrow that. everyone knew Mass Driver was rich, and nobody liked him that much.

Perry pulled his cell phone out and dialed up Gramma while he tugged out the fried components of the LCC, heading over to his parts drawer.

“This is Marigold Zauberer, to whom am I speaking?” Grandma answered.

“This is your Grandson, Paradox Zauberer, son of Claudette and Darryl Zauberer, Grandson of Marigold Zauberer, who in turn is the mother of Claudette Zauber, who is in turn-“

“Just get to the point,” Grandma snapped.

“Yeah, I was wondering if you could scry out who had Mass Driver pay me a beating. It would take me longer than I would like, and timing is essential.”

Perry pulled out the undamaged parts from his box and walked back to the LCC, the phone tucked between his shoulder and ear.

“Hmmm…I could…but you’d owe me a favor.”

“Alright, fine, but I’m not getting married or breaking any hearts.” Perry said.

“Marriage is unnecessary.” Gramma said. “I will text you the details.”

Perry hung up and popped the replacement parts into the LCC.

“LCC, reset everything to time stamp…” Perry glanced at his phone. “thirty-seven minutes ago.”

Natalie watched in awe as the tiny metal arms righted all the tiny model furniture, gluing it back together where necessary, shoving the chunk of concrete back into the wall before sweeping up all the dust and putting all of Perry’s experiments back exactly the way they’d been before he’d been so rudely interrupted.

Natalie popped her head out into the main room, where the laboratory was rapidly putting itself back together.

“That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” She blurted, glancing back at him.

“Agree to disagree,” Perry said, glancing at her smudged face and oversized t-shirt that she’d obviously stolen from Perry.

Guns don’t kill supers.

I do.

“So what are you planning on doing now?” Nat asked.

“Well….”

New Quest!

Find out who is responsible for the attack and make them understand it was a mistake.

Reward: 2000XP, Respect up with offending party.

Failure: Reputation down with Nexus, parents, Girlfriends,

As this is a Quest with a penalty for failure, if you wish to, you may forfeit this quest anytime in the next 24 hours to give up both the reward and the penalty for failure. After 24 hours there is no quitting.

***Mass Driver***

“I, Paradox, will resell everything that comes through Oberon Scrapyard at cost! I’m practically giving this concrete away.” The tiny Paradox on the screen said exuberantly in front of a massive amount of balloons and tiny colorful flags flapping in the wind.

“Just look at this! Five tons of premium building supplies, twenty bucks!”

“Do you sell in bulk!?” a beautiful redheaded teen said, her eyes wide with surprise as the camera panned to her.

“You bet I do! I can process this stuff on an industrial scale, and I’ve got enough supply on hand to rebuild half the wall! There’s absolutely no shortage of supply. I use my powers to recycle rubble at next-to-no cost, and I’m happy to pass the savings directly onto Franklin City!

“Come one, come all!” Paradox said, the camera panning to follow him as he walked in front of a massive sign surrounded by balloons. “To my ‘Come and get me, bitches Sale! I’ll be here all week!”

The sign above him read ‘Come and get me, bitches!’ and as Paradox did jazz hands, sparkler fireworks above the sign began to spew brilliant lights.

“Welp,” Mass Driver muttered, clicking off the TV in front of his seat “That’s a trap.” Pretty fast too considering the kid had been absolutely wrecked an hour ago. Good for him.

“Do not fidget,” Re-Grow said, teasing a new hand out of Mass Drivers stump.

“I am literally using my power to keep my arms steady. You’re the fidgeter.” Mass Driver scoffed.

Mass driver’s phone went off and he put it to his ear. Underwriter come over the line.

“Seriously?” the wealthy super asked.

“Eh, some people respond to intimidation by going on the offensive. You never know until you beat them half to death,” Mass Driver said with a shrug. “Although I did think there was a good chance given his parentage.”

“Fidgeting,” Re-Grow said.

“How much do you want to pay him another visit? My employer is very unhappy.” Underwriter asked.

“What do you mean another visit? He obviously set a trap,” Mass Driver said.

“How much?”

Mass Driver scratched his chin, thinking.

“Fifty mil.”

“That’s preposterous!”

“Kid got my hand, which seriously dips into the profit from this job, and since it’s obviously a trap this time, the difficulty to pull off increases astronomically.”

Underwriter stayed silent for a moment.

“Fine.”