Chapter 60: It Takes Two To Tango (Patreon)

***Breaker***

“Ugh,” Breaker groaned as the heavenly cold from the ice pack cooled off his throbbing head.

“Here you go, Rook.” Barrel of Monkeys asked, frowning as he slapped ten thousand in chits in Breaker’s hands.

“Where’s the rest?” Breaker asked.

“You get the rest when Monolith gets back. What’s up with the ice? I thought you kicked their asses? You look almost as bad as Snake.”

“It was closer than it looked.” Breaker said. “My power’s not meant to go up against two people at the same time. When I do that, I have to dance better than both of them put together, or I get roughed up pretty bad. It doesn’t matter how bad they are at dancing, it still adds up. If Paradox had been any better, or they had synchronized their movements, those backup hands woulda tipped the scales, and I would'a gotten wasted. Plus Paradox didn’t seem to take any damage from my first five moves. So if he’d started dancing earlier I might'a gone down just because he outlasted me.”

“Little head’s up rookie. That’s not the kind of stuff you wanna tell someone who’s not your wife or on your team.” Barrel of Monkeys said, his voice serious.

Breaker nodded, pocketing the cash.

“For ten thousand dollars I’ll forget all about your weakness, and give you some advice for the future.”

“Not a chance.” Breaker said.

BoM chortled, lighting up another cigar. “Well, at least you’re a quick learner. I’ll give you the advice free of charge, then. Get yourself some backup dancers.”

Breaker paused, jaw hanging slack.

“Could that work?” he asked.

“You said the extra hands the kid had had an effect. I don’t see why backup dancers wouldn’t. You could either get some dance-henchmen, or buy a holographic projector from a Tinker.”

“I don’t think I can afford that.”

“Give it another week or two, couple more high-profile takedowns like that and you’ll have the cash to burn.”

“Cool…” Breaker said, imagining himself at the front of a chevron of dancers.

“You’ll also have a target on your back, because a lot of the more powerful supers in the city don’t like being beaten by a nobody with a Wildcard gimmick. A few of the more…insensitive ones would rather kill you than learn how to dance.”

BoM poked Breaker in the track-suit. “Get yourself some real Hyperweave, and maybe a helmet, some Tinker or magical wound-care supplies wouldn’t go amiss. And some method to haul ass when shit goes down that you can’t beat by dancing. Jet boots or something.”

“But…that’ll cost all the money I have. Maybe more.”

“That’s the life you’re in now, Rook. You can’t out-dance a bullet. Sooner or later someone’s gonna take the easy way of getting rid of you.”

Breaker’s heart clenched in his chest.

“Is Monolith one of those supers who would kill me rather than learn how to dance?”

Barrel of Monkeys grinned around his cigar.

“He won’t kill you for at least a year. We respect the rules.”

“What rules?”

“the Rules,” BoM reiterated.

“The RULESSSS” Snake said, his elongated head dipping down from above them to join in the conversation.

“The rules,” Fish said, wobbling in his fishy orbit.

“Is anybody gonna tell me what they are?”

“Nope, you gotta figure them out from context.” BoM said, puffing on his cigar.

“You guys suck,” Breaker told his fellow minions.

***Paradox***

Perry stood in the doorway, peering into the magnificent void of space. He didn’t know exactly why, but he felt a draw, some kind of impetus to step through.

He did so, a pressure washing over him as he entered the emptiness. His foot landed on the emptiness and it held him up, like he was standing on a plane of invisible force. He could see space and stars below him.

Above him, some invisible thing drew his attention. Perry didn’t know if it was an astronomical distance away and hiding between the stars, or hovering right between his eyes. He had no concept of how far away it was, only that it radiated power and concepts that tickled at the back of his mind. These concepts had no basis in reality, the kind of ideas that fade once you wake and reality reasserts itself.

These ideas promised to assert themselves on reality instead.

Gurgle…

Perry’s stomach rumbled as part of him wondered what that impossibly vast, invisible alien entity would taste like fried up in butter. Something about the madness-inducing unknown made Perry hungry.

Perry was suddenly reeled back, the doorway slamming shut in front of him.

***

Perry peeled his eyes open with a groan.

“I missed my custody time because of you,” Tung-Stan’s rumbling voice was all the reminder that Perry needed.

“Sorry about that. Where are we?” Perry asked, sitting up with a wince. His body felt a bit wrung out. Like he’d just played some full contact rugby without protection.

He was wearing massive steel cuffs around his wrists that appeared to be designed to electrocute him.

Huh.

“Monolith’s lair. We’re in time-out while he goes around and breaks your toys. Then he’s gonna ransom me back to Locust.”

Perry glanced over at Tung-Stan, who was eating a sandwich, his hands and feet completely unbound.

Tung-Stan followed Perry’s gaze to his untethered arms. “Oh, I’ve been in this business long enough. This is the fifth time I’ve been sold back to Locust. You win some, you lose some.

“I thought there’d be more vitriol.”

“Eh,” Tung-Stan shrugged. “We took our shot, lost, and now I’m waiting for the board reset.”

“You really do treat this like a game,” Perry said, sliding off his cot and standing, scanning the featureless white room they found themselves in. it seemed to be made of solid steel, although Perry had no idea how deep it was.

New Quest: Escape Monolith’s lair!

Reward: (500XP), Reputation up with Locust, Monolith, Nexus, Parents, Natalie, Heather. No Ransom.

Failure: Reputation down with Nexus, parents, Locust, Monolith, Natalie, Heather. Ransom increased.

I guess I’m not one to talk.

“By the way, kid. Doesn’t matter how epic your rallying speech is, I’ve heard them all. Trying to escape after you’ve been caught is hella stupid, and I’m not gonna do it. Way more people die that way than not.”

“I wasn’t gonna.” Perry lied, trying not to smile. “How did they get me out of my armor, anyway?”

“Fish used the sizing holes on the sides of your suit to expand it until it was no longer airtight, then slipped some water in there and opened the latch.”

“Oh, interesting.” Perry said. He would have to narrow down the range of the resizing in the future to make sure none of them would lose protection.

Perry sat down criss-cross on the floor and started to think.

How did he get beat? How could he have done better? And most importantly, what were the flaws in Track-suit’s power that he could take advantage of next time?

“Did you get Track-suit’s name?” Perry asked as he reviewed some of his dad’s anecdotes about Wildcards. Most of it was cussing, but some of it was pretty informative. And it gave Perry an idea.

“Yeah, it’s Breaker. Kid did good for a debut, but he’s gonna piss some people off with that power.”

Breaker, huh? Perry stood and began stretching, limbering up his body, stretching the aches and pains out as best he could.

“What are you doing?” Tung-Stan asked, watching Perry curiously as the Tinker targeted each muscle group as best he could with his arms bound together.

“Limbering up.” Perry responded.

“…Why?”

“I’m gonna waltz out of here.” Perry responded.

Tung-Stan barked a laugh, a bit of unchewed sandwich speckling the table in front of him.

“Hah! If that happens, I’ll eat my shoe.”

“Why don’t we make it more interesting? Perry said. “How about if I waltz outta here, you work for me? I like your even temper.”

“Gonna have to do more than a fancy escape to get me to switch teams. Locust’s taken good care of me since before all this,” He motioned to himself. “Back when I was just a non-powered meat wall, she paid me good money. Hell, she even settled my custody issue, and mended bridges with my ex.

“Dang.” Perry said, brows raised.

“Yeah, leadership ain’t yellin and screamin, or standing heroically out in front. Not all of it anyway. Leadership, at its core, is doing your damnedest to bend over backwards to support and shelter the people working under you. They, in turn, throw their heart and soul into their jobs.”

“Idiots who have this idea of their subordinates fawning over them just because they work for them rarely have their expectations meet reality. Same goes for those who thing they can wring money out of employees like a dishrag. Bites ‘em in the ass more often than not.”

“Hum,” Perry nodded, filing away that nugget of wisdom for further review.

“So, what I’m saying is, if you get a reputation for being a generous boss and do the things the way I mentioned…and Locust retires or dies by something other than you, I’ll consider it.”

“What if I kill Locust?”

“I’ll visit you at your pretty little house on Honey Street and snap your pretty little neck,” Tung-Stan said, polishing off the rest of his sandwich.

Perry clicked his tongue.

“You just made me want you even more. That was such a smooth threat delivery. Mentioning the street I live on was just such a nice touch. I know sometime in the future I’m gonna need professional intimidation, and I just don’t have the age or scar tissue to pull it off convincingly.”

Tung-Stan paused, brows furrowed.

“Thank you. I am a professional intimidator.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Perry said, continuing his stretches. “Now, I just gotta see if I get lucky so you can get around to eating that shoe.”

***3 Hours later***

The door hissed open, revealing Monolith’s statuesque obsidian form.

“Tung-Stan, you got a cab waiting out front.” The seven-foot tall cowl thumbed over his shoulder.

“Well, that’s my exit.” Tung-Stan nodded to Perry and left the room. “I’ll kick your ass next time, you glass dildo.” He said as he passed Monolith.

“I don’t haveto ransom you back every time you take a dive, idiot. Frankly I’m surprised Locust still pays so much to get you back. She has to be losing money on you.”

“No surprise to me.” Tung-Stan shot back.

Hmm… Perry watched Tung-Stan head for the main entryway until he disappeared behind Monolith’s bulk. Perry’s gaze flickered up to the obsidian cowl’s face. He was giving Perry an evil grin that belonged on a cereal box.

“Hello there, Paradox.”

“Evenin’” Perry said.

“You’re gonna make me a lotta money, kid. One way or another.”

“Really?” Perry asked.

“Hexen’s loaded,” Monolith said with a shrug. “I could strip you naked, beat you a little, parade you around for a while, make sure your reputation never recovers, then flip you for a quick buck.”

Perry waited patiently.

“Or… We could come to an arrangement so mommy and daddy don’t have to bail you out after being humiliated on national television.”

“Go ahead,” Perry said, humoring him while he waited for his chance.

“Follow.” Monolith said, turning and leaving the featureless prison cell.

Perry stood and trotted to keep up with the oversized obsidian cowl marching through the hallway.

He was taken to a lab that was a fair bit bigger than his own, with fancier doodads.

Perry’s Mk. 4 was in the process of being disassembled, and Perry was proud to note several damaged blades, an empty cutting torch, and a tiny scratch in the armor.

“You made a deal with Locust for a thousand of those annoying power armors.”

“Yup.”

“Make a thousand of those for me.” Monolith said, pointing at the Mk.4. “You’ve obviously improved since you made Locust’s armors.”

“How much you payin’?” Perry asked.

His world exploded in stars as Monolith punched him in the nose.

“Does that answer your question?” Monolith asked as Perry tried to stem the bleeding, his eyes watering involuntarily.

Yeah, that was pretty succinct. Perry thought, blood dribbling out from between his fingers.

“And I want all those fancy magic doodads you’re known for, not that basic shit you gave Locust.”

Unacceptable.

“As tempting as that offer is, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to turn ya down.”

Monolith loomed over him.

“You telling me no?”

“I’m telling you…careful not to bite off more than you can chew,” Perry said, drawing a little heart on Monolith’s glassy chest with his own blood.

“You got some balls, kid.” Monolith said, looking down at Perry’s doodle. “Hard way it is.”

Monolith seized Perry by the back of the neck and began half-dragging him out of the lab, presumably towards a place that where the blood washed off quick and easy.

Well, it’s kinda looking like this is gonna be a shitty night for me, Perry thought, his heart hammering in his chest as the obsidian cowl’s grip pinched Perry’s spinal column, sending shooting pain and tingles throughout his entire body.

“I’m telling you I saw him come back, so where’s my money!?” Perry heard Breaker’s voice fade into the foreground as Monolith dragged him through a main room, where Breaker was yelling at a harried looking woman behind a desk.

Breaker’s eyes widened when he spotted Monolith. The Track-suit wearing dancer ran up to Monolith, standing directly in his way.

“Where’s the rest of the money? You said fifty thousand!”

“The deal was ten thousand.” Monolith rumbled.

Breaker spluttered in impotent fury for a moment. “You promised me fifty thousand for that job!”

Monolith leaned down until the two were face-to-face, Perry dangling from his right hand.

“Prove it.”

Breaker paled, glancing at Perry’s blood-soaked face.

I’ll probably have a black eye too.

“Umm…” Breaker started to back away.

Well, this is the only chance I’m gonna get, Perry realized.

“Breaker!” Perry said, getting his attention and pointing at him with both manacled hands.

“Eh?”

“I challenge you to a dance-off!”

“Wha?” Breaker stuttered.

Out of nowhere a swell of violins and flutes began to play.

Monolith’s grip on Perry slipped, dropping him to his feet just as the high-tech manacles fell away from his wrists.

Perry lunged forward and caught Breaker’s hand as the man flinched defensively.

He tugged him close.

“You know how to waltz?” Perry asked.

“Umm.” Breaker said.

“Excellent.” Perry said, and began to lead. Breaker struggled a bit, but Perry was way stronger than him, and wound up getting twirled through the hall as Perry made his way to his armor.

“No you don’t you little shit,” Monolith growled, sending a black blast of energy towards Perry.

The energy dispersed around the two of them.

Oh, thank god.

The waltz was ideal, because Perry wasn’t sure if both participants of the dance challenge were immune to foreign attack, or even if either of them were, but if Breaker was immune while dancing, Perry would be able to share his bubble of invincibility by staying close.

He also needed a dance he could steer.

The final reason for the waltz was because there was no way Perry could hope to beat him at breakdancing. The immediate solution was not to raise Perry’s level, but to drag Breaker’s level down to match him.

Perry vaguely remembered how to waltz from an incredibly annoying dance he’d been forced to attend in middle school. He wasn’t great, not even good, but neither was Breaker.

If they were both terrible, then it was a battle of attrition to see which of them could withstand the backlash of Breaker’s Power longer.

Perry was willing to bet that on an even playing field, Perry’s enhanced Body stat would carry the day.

Perry shot a bloody smile at the outraged Monolith as he pranced into the laboratory, Breaker stumbling along with him helplessly.

“Mark four go home!”

‘Acknowledged.’ Mk. 4 spoke, turning on it’s jets and blasting through the ceiling.

Perry grabbed Breaker’s hand at arms length and spun the two of them in a circle as he surveyed the lab and hallway, spotting a dozen or so gawking lab techs, along with Monolith and several other cowls racing down the hall, with Monolith in the lead, his eyes white all the way around his irises.

A bit bloodshot too.

“I’m gonna kill you, you little-“

“Okay, we’re going in tight,” Perry said as he led Breaker back toward the hall and the charging thousand pounds of muscle.

“Wait, no-“

Breaker tried to dig in his heels at the sight of the massive obsidian man leaned down arms wide, about to hit them with a wrestler’s tackle. Perry simply lifted him off the floor and continued on.

When Monolith jumped, Perry pulled Breaker in tight until the two men were tip to tip. Monolith’s flying tackle slipped around them, allowing Perry to continue waltzing down the hall.

BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM.

Automatic gunfire slipped around them, muffled by the waltz music as Barrel of Monkeys unloaded a magazine from what looked like a tommy gun from the main hall.

A moment later a howling pack of monkeys with fedoras and tommy guns began chasing after the two waltzers, unloading miniature tommy guns at Perry and Breaker.

The woman behind the desk shrieked as the monkeys flooded into the main hall of Monolith’s base. She ducked behind the desk as Snake dove in front of the receptionist, soaking up some of the small arms fire with his bullet resistant scales.

“Okay, now we’re heading for the front doors,” Perry said. “Then we’re dancing to the cab.”

“But-“

“You wanna hang around after this?” Perry said, doing a slow turn to show the absolute chaos of Monolith’s bullet-riddled main office.

“I guess not,” Breaker said, and began to work with him to waltz towards the front door, howling monkeys spraying bullets in every direction and yet missing every shot due to Breaker’s power.

***Tung-Stan***

“C’mon, man, where’s it gonna be?” The cabby asked. “This thing guzzles fuel.”

It was a special cab designed to transport oversized supers and mutants, so it was big, bulletproof, and had a ton of horsepower. A specialist Tinker made them.

“Hold on a sec,” Tung-Stan said.

“And auntie Locust said she would watch me until you got back from work,” Millie said cheerfully “We watched Dancing in the Rain!

“That’s great!” Tung-Stan said, “So you guys are at the tower?”

“Yep!” his daughter said.

“Alright, head for…-“

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Paradox literally waltzing out of the front door of Monolith’s lair with Breaker, a devastating hail of bullets sliding around them harmlessly.

A booming soundtrack of violins, cellos and flutes followed them as they approached the cab.

“Fuck me.”

“That’s a bad word, Daddy.”