Chapter 64: Jeff Bezos Is Still Rich (Patreon)

The next ‘meeting’ took a much different tone.

“In roughly two days, the food stored in the castle will be spent along with that raided by the warriors, and we will begin to starve. Three days later, our forces will begin to buckle from hunger and we will likely find ourselves slaughtered before starvation can truly kill us. It will simply be an enabler. I know it sounds cruel, but if we ration food to the women and children, the warriors defending them may last an extra month.” One of the Shamans, a middle aged fellow a bit younger than Frazir said.

“But they’ll starve to death long before then. We need a solution that involves getting more food, not grinning and bearing it.” Frazir responded.

“To feed our numbers we would need to hunt a behemoth a day, and then transport their carcasses past an army of Alia. If you can think of a way to make that happen, I’m all ears,”

“Divide the carcass up offsite and use warrior runners to get them past the line?”

“That would lose us far too many warriors. They’re our most valuable resource going into this war, and the risk is simply not worth it. A certain number would be captured or killed every day.” Bac’dan said, the Indian-looking shaman shaking his head slightly.

“Tunnel?” one of the shamans ventured.

“Maybe, but that would take weeks of carving through solid stone, and doesn’t entirely alleviate the problem of Kinzena ambushes while hunting. Not an ideal solution but a possible measure.” Frazir said.

“Unless they find your tunnel and collapse it, wasting weeks of work or worse, using the tunnel to enter the castle.” Another pointed out.

From there it began to devolve into a circular argument as they began to repeat themselves, louder and with more emphasis, as if that would somehow break the stalemate of none of the plans being particularly ideal.

Tom leaned back where he sat on the floor and let the arguments wash over him. They were speaking very fast, and Vith was his second language, which made it difficult to follow as the exchanges grew more heated and profanity laden.

It wasn’t until Frazir spoke Tom’s name that the blend of angry Vith words resolved back into something discernable.

“Tom Graves, we’ve heard little from you today. Is there any way you could hire your ‘demons’ to do the hunting for us?”

“I mean, they would have the same problems transporting the food as we would…” Tom’s jaw slowly hung open as a thought occurred to him.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, standing and hurrying out the door.

******

“Yes, we do allow people to buy food in bulk, although the price is often more than most are willing to pay, as there is a seventy soul pulse fee for opening a delivery portal.” Luz said, the operator’s hologram typing on her magical keyboard offscreen.

“The portal for the Keth’zar only cost fifty soul pulses.”

“The portal for Keth’zar is rather small, and the process is streamlined, as the demand for them is rather high. A similar portal cost was included in your familiar’s pricing too, by the way.”

“However,” She continued. “If you wish to purchase food in bulk, that requires a larger portal which is used less often, therefore the infrastructure is rarer and more costly.”

“Fine,” Tom said, scowling. “What are your prices?”

“One soul pulse will buy you four hundred and fifty metric tons of wheat, or alternatively six and a quarter tons of beef, as meat is much more expensive. Most other foods range between those prices.”

Tom stood there, his brain rebooting.

Give it a minute.

“WHAT!?”

Tom was thinking he might be able to buy enough to prevent starvation, not feed a developing nation with a handful of measly soul pulses.

“We could also get you a really good deal on beluga caviar, one hundred pounds to the soul pulse.”

“Wait, wait,” Tom said, rubbing his temple. “How is a soul-pulse worth that much?”

“Soul pulses are the most valuable currency in the multiverse,” Luz said, matter-of-factly “They can be used to literally alter reality. Why would they not be valuable?”

She glanced off to the side and typed for a moment.

“To help you visualize it, we’ve recently used information from your home planet to create a simple currency conversion. A single soul pulse is worth approximately one hundred and thirteen thousand U.S. dollars.”

Tom gaped.

“Are you saying that opening a portal –“

“Costs the equivalent of six to ten million U.S. dollars, yes.”

“And Jeff Bezos -”

“Is still insanely rich, yes.” Luz finished for him. “I’m sure once the use of soul pulses becomes more widespread on Earth, we will begin to hear from the elite who wish to keep their grasp on the reigns of power.”

“And I can just produce…half a million dollars worth of soul pulses inside myself every day?”

“Yes.”

Tom was currently able to actively create five soul pulses per day, up from three a couple months ago. Suddenly that number didn’t seem quite so small.

“You know, this would have been nice to know, like…six months ago! God-DAMNIT, Lily! You kept me in the dark for years, and now I find out I could have been taking care of my grandparents this entire time! Instead of working my ass off in a goddamn Fred Meyers, stocking MICROWAVES AND KITCHEN GADGETS!” Tom vented for a moment, while Luz waited impassively.

“Shall I go ahead and create an order for you?”

“Yeah, make sure there’s a certain variety of fresh fruits and vegetables. Wouldn’t want everyone getting scurvy.”

“Scurvy is a uniquely human condition, you and the Vith will be fine,” Luz said, “Although a variety in diet is never a bad thing and may ward off other conditions. I’ll make it happen.”

Tom frowned but let that statement implying he wasn’t human slide.

“And how much would it cost to add steel compound bows with a half-ton draw, steel arrows meant to be fired from them, and steel spears to that order?”

“It’s a custom order, and I’m assuming in bulk, so for a thousand units, I would guess…a hundred soul pulses? I can get back to you with more details after I contact our manufacturing department. Of course you would have to wait a few minutes for the order to be fabricated.”

One hundred for the weapons, seventy for the portal and maybe two for the food.

I only need to kill seventeen people to buy enough to turn the tide of the war. Oh my god, I spent twenty million dollars on Mr. Fluffybottom!

“I feel by looking at your face that I should remind you that our currency conversion Is a rough estimate based on certain simple commodities like grain, and some values are totally off. for example, a modern jet airplane is actually worth more to us than our currency converter would dictate, and the price of gold is criminally low on Earth. They use it for jewelry.

Luz scoffed.

“Could you take the time to make a pamphlet with some of your most common prices? Tom asked. “I’m still reeling from the fact that I blew a huge amount on hiring people to make steel in little bits and pieces when I could’ve just bought in bulk from you.”

“It’s what you asked for.” Luz said with a shrug. “You’ve also introduced the knowledge of how to make their own steel weapons to the Vith, rather than just handing it to them. That will have long-lasting ramifications. We estimate a good chance the Vith will conquer a large portion of the lower Denaan continent with this knowledge.”

“I know, teach a man to fish and all that,” Tom said, waving his hand before clutching his temple. “I’m just. It’s just…the sheer amount of money involved is blowing my freakin’ mind.”

“Would you like to breathe into a bag for a moment?”

Tom paused.

“How much would it cost to hire someone to steal my daughter back?”

“Mercenaries of the appropriate caliber to assure a one hundred percent success rate would cost you somewhere around two thousand soul pulses.”

Only two hundred people. That’s a drop in the freaking bucket compared to the army out there, Tom thought, biting his lip.

“If I might interject. While you may be able to pay a powerful Outsider to retrieve your child over the next few days, you would then need the power to keep them safe against the Alia who wish her and you harm. The chances of you surviving the backlash that occurs after a major outsider retrieves your daughter are slim.”

“So what do you suggest?” Tom asked.

“Continue as you have been,” Luz said. “Accumulate power and knowledge. When those are strong enough to fend off all comers, then retrieve your daughter.”

“Why would I needto fend off all comers?” Tom demanded. “I just want to take my daughter home.”

“You have a…highly unusual bloodline, Mr. Graves. There are those who would seek to take advantage of it. Your daughter is worth quite a lot to the right people. As are you.”

“Tell me about it,” Tom grumbled, thinking of Lily. Was she simply the first in a long line of people seeking to take advantage of him? And now his daughter was in tha hands of people who wanted to…what? Groom her into a broodmare? Strap her to a chair and use her to dupe things forever? Or just suck the soul-pulses straight out of her body?

Tom clenched his teeth.

She’s right. Only way I get to keep my daughter is if they’re too afraid of what happens if they piss me off.

“I’ll call you back when I have the soul pulses,” Tom said, “We can finalize the price then. A thousand bows, a hundred thousand arrows, a thousand steel spears, food for five thousand people for a week.

“Very well. I’ll work on your order, and throw in that pricing guide free of charge.” Luz said, the demon’s fingers moving furiously offscreen.

“You’re a peach,” Tom said, ending the connection.

“WARK?” Suzie asked, radiating curiosity.

“C’mon, Suzie, we gotta go make some dead people.”

******

“What?” Gunn asked, frowning as Tom interrupted his meeting with the assembled chiefs. Gunn, being the oldest, was the nominal leader.

“I need you to kill about thirty people,” Tom said with a straight face to the knot of chiefs discussing strategy.

“Any reason for that specific number?”

“It’ll pay for food and weapons from the Outsiders.” Plus repay most of my debt.

Gunn’s face soured.

“Last time I was here, we were forced from our homes by an endless horde of outsiders, led by one Kar’el, who came to be known as The Butcher of the Dinamore Stretch. Are you saying you want to work with those…demons?”

“Which side would you rather them be on?” Tom asked.

Gun scowled for a moment before his wrinkled face deformed into a sneer, and Tom assumed his ship was sunk.

“Nothing would bring me more joy than watching the weapons of the enemy turned against their former masters. This will solve the food situation?” Gunn asked, surprising everyone.

“Nearly indefinitely,” Tom said, nodding. Once they got the bows, the soul pulses would come rolling in.

“Alright, boy, You’ve got a deal. I’ll put together a team to go out and create havoc.”

“Gunn, the plan was to hold the walls and make them pay for every inch. Surely he can get the dead he needs when that happens. Going out against that army is a great way to be torn to shreds by their Alia.”

“They’re going to starve us out for weeks. We need the dead right now, or else they will be our own,” Tom said.

The chieftan cocked his head, looking at Tom before he raised a finger, pointing at Tom’s chest.

“I’ll agree to this endevor…If you go with them.”

“Uh…what?”

“You believe this plan will work?”

“Absolutely. I’m sure of it.” Tom said. he’d never had a problem with Outsider Customer Service. They delivered.

“Then prove it to me, by assaulting the enemy position with our warriors. Experience the cost yourself.”

Tom glanced to Gunn, who shrugged.

“I can’t think of a better way to convince the warriors whose lives you’re risking that this is truly a necessary task.” Gunn said, languidly scanning the room as the assembled chiefs nodded in agreement.

“All right. I’ll do it.” Tom said, against his better judgement and every logical reason not to risk himself. He was going to get his hands dirty and get his daughter back.