Chapter 18: Jebediah ‘Best Effort’ Trapper (Patreon)

Chapter 18: Jebediah ‘Best Effort’ Trapper

Jeb felt the Deal lock onto his very soul. All of sudden he wanted nothing more than to put every resource at his disposal into finding and destroying the undead menace in the city.

Wow, I haven’t been this motivated to kill people since the late 2000’s, Jeb thought as his mouth bucked and began talking without him.

“Do you have any information on where to find them? I need to know what their behavior patterns and weaknesses are, if they have any. I don’t have any experience fighting undead, and I don’t know how they operate.”

The emperor’s neck waggled limply in a halfhearted kitri smile.

“You truly are bound by your word, aren’t you?” He asked.

“Every second we stand around talking about things other than killing my targets is a moment wasted,” Jeb said, inwardly cringing at how edgy it came off. “Please understand, I literally can’t help but put my best effort toward this.”

Jeb inwardly hoped that the undead didn’t pick up on this and use Casey the third as a hostage, because the compulsion he was suffering at the moment made her life seem far less important than it had a moment ago.

“Very well,” Pikaku said, pointing. “Head out that door, take the second left. There will be a one-eyed melas in an armory with a map of the city. He has the information you’ll need. You can’t miss it.”

“Thank you,” Jeb spun on his heel and turned toward the door before a thought occurred to him, prompting him to face the throne. “Does he have a key?” He asked, raising the udium mittens.

“Indeed he does.”

“Excellent.” Being wrapped up in Myst-suppressing manacles would make putting his best effort forward difficult.

Jeb turned back to the door and followed the directions, winding up in a room lit by an array of lamps spewing smoke onto the ceiling. They must have turned back to analogue lighting in case of emergency.

It smelled sooty.

There was indeed a one-eyed Melas man at a table which was surrounded by others, with a map of the city spread out in the center.

Facing away from him was a particularly peach-shaped bottom vacuum-sealed into shiny waterproofed leather.

Jeb would’ve stared longer, but that wouldn’t have been putting forward his best effort, so he strode forward and placed his udium mittens on the table beside Vresh, making eye contact with the one-eyed Melas.

“I have it on high authority that you have the key to this,” Jeb said.

“Oh, Jeb, good to see you’re alive,” Vresh said. Piwaki’s melas friend leaned over Vresh’s other shoulder and gave Jeb a jealous scowl.

“Likewise. I was worried she might’ve teleported you somewhere distinctly unpleasant.” Jeb said, rubbing his wrists as the metal fell away from his wrists and neck. He scanned the surrounding crowd. There were half a dozen enforcers and three people who absolutely didn’t belong there.

Across from him was a suit of wicked-looking black armor, presumably Jessica, chatting with Kolusk, of all people.

To the right was the snooty keegan Enforcer he’d met last year at the Vex Debacle. She glanced at Jeb’s restraints with a hint of amusement.

To the left was Vresh, and beyond that, her fangirl, trying desperately to act casual. There was a gecko-person Jeb didn’t recognize licking his eyeballs at the corner of the table.

Piwaki was sitting in the corner, clutching his temples.

Jeb considered telling the college students to go home, but his best effort wouldn’t allow him to pass up free red-shirts.

“For those of you who’ve just arrived, this is a map of the southwest side of the city, the Jikubei district. The undead have been using the sewer systems –

Called it.

“To hide from the daylight and spread their essence across the city.”

“Spread their essence?” Jeb interrupted.

“The miasma that animates the corpse and occasionally buds off to infect the dead or sickly? It dissolves in sunlight, and has been travelling through the sewers.”

…I don’t know as much as I should about undead.

“I’ll hold my questions,” Jeb said, motioning for the man to continue.

“These are the earliest reports of activity,” the melas said, pointing at dots on the map. “The activity was heaviest in the slums and homeless camps on the fourth and fifth night since…” He glanced at Jeb. “The event. At the palace.”

‘Best Effort’ Jeb didn’t bother to dignify that with a response. Too much time embroiled in recrimination and complaints, not enough time killing thirteen very specific undead.

I wonder If I should go nuclear on them? Jeb thought to himself. The only thing stopping him was the fact he had no idea where the bad guys were, and the idea that he might miss one and put himself out of the game.

That and an icy sliver of dread in the back of his mind that he should have defined ‘best effort’ a little better.

Jeb’s best was suicidally good.

Well, that’s neither here nor there. Jeb refocused in on the briefing where the Melas described the spread of the undead through the sewers and where their concentrations were most likely.

“Concentrations?” Jeb murmured quietly so as not to interrupt the meeting. I wonder if it’s like in I Am Legend where they sleep in huddles.

“Tell you what,” Vresh said, throwing an arm over his shoulder. “You have a freakishly good understanding of fae, I’ve smote my fair share of rot-bags, I’ll give you the lowdown on fighting them.”

‘Best effort’ Jeb ignored the way she pressed against him, the way Smartass quietly bared her teeth and bit Vresh’s finger to no avail, and the way Jeresh’s scowl deepened.

“Much appreciated,” Jeb said, glancing over at Vresh.

The melas finished his briefing and set everyone loose. Enforcers weren’t generally the kind who worked together. The assault on Vex was the exception that proved the rule. Normally, it was like herding cats. In fact, as soon as the melas stopped speaking, two of the Enforcers wandered off.

If they knew that it was Pikaku’s dad, would they group up and work together?

Probably, but Pikaku wanted it hush-hush, and Jeb couldn’t exactly break his word.

Jessica gave Jeb a lingering glance and a nod before leaving, while Kolusk returned to Piwaki in the corner of the room.

“Guess what, Piwaki?”

“What?”

“One of the enforcer’s has a similar power to mine! She said she was, and I quote, ‘impressed at the synergy between my Core and my Class’!”

“That’s nice,” Piwaki said, rubbing his temples with the pads of his finders. “Can we go back to the academy now?”

“Are you kidding?” Kolusk said. “Who would rather huddle in a tiny box waiting for the undead to drag them out, when they could be bringing the fight to their decomposing faces!?”

“A level twenty-two healer with no combat power, and a complete incompatability with the undead, maybe?”

“What!?”Kolusk exclaimed. “You got two levels in the last two weeks? Oh, we’re definitely going on the adventure.”

“It was three days,” Piwaki groaned, avian face sinking into his clawed hands. “The time dilation just made it longer for you.”

“You got two levels in three days!?”

“More like one fight,” Piwaki admitted.

The keegan Daredevil clenched his fist. “Oh, Void yeah,”

Meanwhile, Jeb’s mind was whirring. He couldn’t afford to spend days and days culling mindless undead infesting the city’s sewers while the emperor’s dad got away.

The chance that the former emperor was still in the city was vanishingly low.

If it were Jeb, he’d leave behind a smokescreen comprised of a rapidly spreading undead infection while he took the more powerful undead somewhere remote where he could stabilize his position, grow in strength, and recruit an army.

Somewhere out of the way, possibly somewhere rural. And definitely somewhere it would take a long time to receive word from that bad things were going down.

“How do you normally track undead?” Jeb asked.

“Sometimes, when you get lucky, you can use a family member.” Vresh said. “Sometimes they have dreams, visions, or a compulsion to go to them.”

Interesting.‘Best effort’ Jeb would have used the emperor to find his father, but he doubted the establishment would tolerate that. more effort than it was worth.

“Other times, you use rumors and signs. People disappearing, half-eaten corpses, that sort of thing. Then you put the foot-work in, search every abandoned house, every dried up well, every disgusting sewer, until you catch their tail.”

Vresh pointed to her nose. “When you get close enough, you can smell them. Rotting meat smells, but rotting meat that moves around is on an entirely different level.”

Hmmm…I might have a fix for that. I need to talk to Eddie. The science of what I’m considering is beyond me.

In the meantime, he needed to catch and kill some undead.

A flicker of golden light in the back of his eyeballs caught his attention for a moment, before the lanterns on the walls sputtered in sync, and two beams of light crossed on a specific section of the map, brightening it momentarily. Mab, still messing with me? Jeb thought, irritated. What was her goal? Was she trying to distract him? Irritate him? Well, it was working.

“What’s this district here?” Jeb said, pointing to the section of the city on the map that sported buildings with oversized lawns

“The Kalida estates. It’s where the moderately wealthy and minor nobility call home.” Vresh frowned and shook her head.”

“Places like that have good security and their individual levels are usually high as well. The odds of it being an undead hotspot are vanishingly slim. They don’t even have proper city sewers, so it would be difficult for the miasma to concentrate. Why do you ask?”

“Because I’m looking for fancy undead who are used to a life of ease, because it’s the last place we would look, because I’m getting hints to visit, and because and the other Enforcers have already taken the sewers around the slums.” Jeb said with a shrug. It was also because he was feeling a bit irritated and wanted to take it out on a pompous jerkwad who couldn’t defend themselves against him. That was just icing on the cake, though.

“I suppose,” Vresh said hesitantly. “But the vast majority of these families will be unwilling to allow an Enforcer on their property.”

“We’re private citizens,” Jeb said, reminding her of her current status.

“My, I’d nearly forgotten.” Vresh said, pursing her lips before smirking. “I suppose I don’t have to follow regulations anymore.”

Note to self, figure out how to defend from causality magic. Jeb was half tempted to avoidgoing to the district he’d chosen in a minor fit of pique, but he had no clue which decision played into Mab’s designs. So he would save his energy and only struggle when he knew for a fact it would put mud in her eye.

Metaphorically.

Jeb didn’t need any more reason than because she was a crazy bitch who put a baby in a key and threatened an entire race with annihilation for upwards of a thousand years.

If even a tenthof the stories about her were true, Jeb had about a hundred more reasons to distrust every action she was involved in. but until he knew exactly what she wanted, he couldn’t afford to second guess everything.

So I guess we’re going to rich-people central, Jeb thought idly. Wonder what they have in store for me.

***Majenki Slivvens, level 3***

Majenki, or Maj to his friends, kept his breathing as quiet as he could as the monster passed by the panic room.

Get to the panic room! His father had shouted. That was the last thing time he’d heard his father’s voice. Awakened in the middle of the night to that one phrase, Maj had hopped out of bed like a startled hob and scampered into the panic room.

He’d waited, but his sister hadn’t shown up, he heard the sound of a struggle, breaking wood and his mother’s screams. Then all was quiet.

Then the sniffing.A rumbling breathing like a boar, but deeper. Like nothing he’d ever heard before. It made the stairs creak with its sheer weight.

It was seconds away from coming up above the stairs and seeing Maj when he did something he would regret for the rest of his life.

He shut the door.

The Myst-powered door sealed the room shut, just ahead of the stomping footsteps of his sister, who’d been flushed out of hiding.

There was some thumps against the door, and Maj heard the muffled sounds of his sisters screaming as he desperately tried to open the heavy vault door again, then the entire house shook as something slammed up against the panic room, hard enough to knock Maj onto his butt.

His sister didn’t make any more noise.

But the crunching noises that followed forced Maj to clap his hands over his ears.

That was… three days ago…maybe? He’d slept three times now, but it might have been longer. He was exhausted, there was no day oor night in the panic room, and he absolutely dreaded falling asleep.

Then the nightmares came.

Nightmares about his father, staring down at him disapprovingly. A compilation of all the times he’d failed his father, all the disapproval his parents had ever leveled at him.

As a new house, we Slivvens have to stick together. The first few generations will be critical to make our name something widely known, and that means you’ve got to dedicate yourself to that name. Everything you and your sister ever do will be to benefit the family. Everything you have is the families. You belong with us. You belong to us.

***

Maj started awake, his chest pounding painfully, eyes gummy with tears, and throat painful from screaming.

Sniff. Sniff.

The enormous…thing outside of the door was sniffing at the door of the panic room again, likely drawn by his screaming.

Maj held his breath.

It felt like it took hours before he felt the subtle weight of the house shift as the creature turned and moved away. Back down the hall, back down the stairs.

I’m so hungry,Maj thought, curling in around his empty stomach. There had been food and water in the panic room, but not more than a day’s worth. His father had said.

‘If we’re stuck in the panic room for longer than a few hours, we’ve got bigger problems than hunger.’

GROOOOAN.

Maj’s stomach gave a painful rumble as he tightened into a ball, just wishing he could eat one of his mother’s pastries.

Wait a moment. Maybe I can! Maj’s sense of danger was numbed by the gnawing sensation in his guts. His mother had made a batch just the day before…it happened.

Maybe there were still some in the freezer.

Frozen tarts were better than no tarts.

Maybe I can sneak around the thing and get to the kitchen! Maj thought, eyes widening as he uncurled, hope lending his limbs a bit of extra strength.

Whatever the thing was, it was fairly regular, moving back and forth like a man pacing in thought. It had just left, so maybe he could leave the panic room, go outside the house onto the roof from his sister’s bedroom, then wait for the creature to come upstairs again, then enter the kitchen window and sneak some food out of the freezer.

The plan was about as good as it was going to get.

It did not occur to Maj to simply leave his home through his sister’s window and run to the nearest guard-station and let someone else handle it. His home was his entire world, and some irrational part in the back of his mind held out hope that if he simply stayed put, his parents and sister would return.

Maj slowly and carefully opened the panic room door, listening for any indication that the creature below had heard the metal scraping that echoed like thunder in his own ears.

Nothing.

He waited there like that for who knew how long, lingering in the tentative safety of the doorway, ready to slam the door shut any second, his heartbeat drowning out his breathing. Finally, a pang of pain from his stomach reminded him of his purpose in leaving the safety of the panic room.

Maj crept forward, making a beeline for his sister’s room, where he would be able to get out onto the roof, and away from the main hall that the creature paced often.

As he was reaching Preska’s window, he glanced back. He didn’t know why exactly, just a terrified desire to watch his back even though the monster couldn’t possibly be behind him.

It was worse.

There was a sister-sized splatter of blood against the dented metal door, roughly the size and shape of one Preska Slivven.

No amount of childish naivette could convince him that his sister wasn’t dead.

Maj doubled over and retched. His stomach empty, but the contents came up nonetheless, a thin thread of acidic bile that he spat onto the ground between heaving gasps.

ROOOAAR!

Grief and self-recrimination took a backseat to sheer unbridled terror, and Maj bolted to his feet, sprinting for the panic room as the creature lumbered up the stairs to the cracking of wood.

It was deceptively fast. Maj spotted a shadow flickering on the hallway’s carpeting, where it was waiting for him just outside the door.

Maj hastily backpedaled as a gigantic malformed hand reached into the room, grasping for him. His breath caught in his chest as the hand emerged into the light of Preska’s window.

The hand wasPreska, somehow melted together with her mother’s torso, which seemed to undulate obscenely as the monster reached through the doorway, too large for it’s entire bulk to fit through.

Preska’s eyes were blank and staring as her entire body grasped for him, each limb a hideous finger of the amalgam. As the terrifying ‘fist’ clenched, it compressed the poor girl’s lungs, giving a gasping moan every time it snatched at Maj’s scrambling form.

The boy didn’t have time to think, dodging around, up and over the hand, quicker than he’d ever been in his life, quick as a mouse and twice as terrified. In a sudden burst of desperate inspiration, Maj threw himself toward the window with every fiber of muscle he could muster. He tumbled through the window in a shower of glass.

He thought he might have felt a ripping sensation in his clothes, and spotted a bit of blue, but he couldn’t feel a thing.

His body froze when he heard his sister’s voice moaning just above his ear, an instant before her arms and legs locked around him.

“Nooo!” Maj finally shrieked, turning animalistic and savage, scratching and clawing as he tried to free himself from her grip.

He felt her cold skin begin to soften against his as his mother’s distended torso began to retreat into the darkness of the Slivven manor. To add him to the rest of the family.

No no no no nononono!

“NOOOO! I don’t wanna die, let me go! Let me GO!”

Riiiiip.

A tearing sound echoed in Maj’s ears as his sister’s grip loosened on him.

Maj tumbled to the roof before falling awkwardly off, his fall completely out of control, the flagstone walkway under the eaves approaching his skull at a breakneck pace. If he’d gone feet first he might have simply rolled an ankle, but this was going to be bad.

Maj, don’t run around on the roof, you’ll break your neck!

His last thoughts were of his mother’s consternated warnings.

Maj tensed, awaiting the inevitable crack, and oblivion.

At least it was better than what was waiting for him back there.

A second went by.

Two.

Maj opened his eyes.

He was floating right side up, in front of what seemed to be a scraggly peasant human, with their odd yellow-brown to brown skin color and hair on their faces. This one was a yellow human and had a bit of hair growing around his mouth, and seemed to be missing a leg.

Beside him was a rather large melas woman, a slightly smaller one, a kitri and a keegan, all staring up at the roof of his home.

Maj had no idea what would cause such a diverse group to approach his family’s manor, but he said what he’d been trained to say to strangers on their property.

“If you’ve come to meet my pa, you best have an appointment. Solicitors should direct themselves to my father’s office rather than our home.”

“AHAHAH!” the human burst into their weird, hooting laughter.

“Ma and Preska tried to melt me into fingers.” Maj said, his scales tightening as he hyperventilated.

“Okay, now I feel bad for laughing,” the human muttered, and thrust his hand out.

Crack!

There was an echoing crack of wood as the creature lunged out of the window and into the light, pouncing on him like a…

Wait, it’s not pouncing at all. If anything it seemed to be…flailing, struggling against some unknown force keeping it in the air.

It was the first time Maj had been able to look at it, and he wished he hadn’t. father had been dealt a mortal blow, split from shoulder to ribcage. His arm had fused with his head, creating one of the five legs the creature strode on. His other arm made another, and his legs moved together, creating the third.

Gramma was the last two.

Ma was wound around Father like a serpent, penetrating his flesh to maintain her grip on him, almost woven together, connecting father and Preska in an unnatural embrace.

Maj felt like passing out.

He should pass out and save himself the pain.

But he pried his eyes open. He needed to see it. He needed to see how it ended.

The human reached up with another hand, squinted a bit, then surrounded his family with a tube of white hot fire. The tube shrank as the inhuman amalgam let out shrieking squeals that slowly faded to nothing, until the tub winked out of existence.

And his family was no more.

Maj passed out.