Chapter 26: The Storm (Pt. 2) (Patreon)

***Brett***

Brett was no stranger to a party.

He’d never been to a party with naked bird-women carrying trays of hors d’oeuvres, but still, you’ve been to one orgy where everyone’s wearing a big-bird mask, you’ve been to them all.

Amanda and Brett split apart like hunters herding their prey, splitting the meet-and-greets up for maximum effect. He went left and smiled and shook hands, bowed and waggled his neck at all the horrible feudal jokes, while Amanda took the right-hand side of the party, with the aim of meeting in the center.

Once they’d met up, they could team up to distract high-value targets. Normally Amanda would distract potential clients while he ran interference, but in this case, gender wasn’t really an issue, and aliens seemed to find breasts strange at least.

So Amanda was in charge of prying people away from important dignitaries, while Brett swept in from the side and engaged them in rousing tales of the Impossible Tutorial, their primary claim to fame.

Then he would subtly guide the conversation towards the advertising business, and how modern humans used mass communication to shape public opinion.

“Like those shows of yours!” The Kitri diplomat said, his neck waggling in amusement as he pointed at Brett. “You know up until recently, the mass communication system has always belonged to the government.

“I mean, I enjoy your show, but there’s no market for selling plays to the masses without even charging admission.” He said, taking a drink of his wine.

Brett smiled and began to regale him with tales of the power of ‘advertising’ and how a popular show could be funded purely through businesses if it featured their products. Hell, with the right support, Brett and Amanda could create an entire series that would entertain millions, all while spreading their sponsor’s name to the far reaches of the empire.

A local tried to horn in on Brett’s action and Amanda grabbed him by the elbow and steered him forcibly away, chatting amiably as the poor keegan struggled to extricate himself.

Thanks honey.

The party was going rather well, as the pair pitched the idea of television to anyone with the money to fund it. In a few years, they might be the proud owners of a global syndicate.

They’d rather be the people signing the checks, after all.

It was just something to do while they waited for Jeb to show up with his list. Oddly enough, the cripple hadn’t contacted them when they arrived, although the emperor reassured them that their friend would arrive on time.

I wonder when the shit’s gonna hit the fan? Brett wondered idly. During their brief, the emperor had basically told them to roll with whatever bizarre series of events happened in the throne room, and that it would all be over in a matter of minutes.

The last guest had just been announced when a strange vibration rocked the mansion, causing the chandeliers to swing above their heads.

Umm…what was that? Brett thought, glancing up at the wobbling lights.

Click, click, click! A retainer in the emperor’s colors sprinted along the side of the ballroom, dodging around one of the serving-girls, nearly colliding with her.

The keegan runner headed to the center of the ballroom, where the emperor was chatting with the governor of Solmnath. Not quite powerful enough to be a king, but still in charge of the oversized city. With the addition of L.A.’s infrastructure, the man was likely to become one of Pikaku’s vassal kings.

The emperor held out an oversized claw, motioning for silence while the runner whispered in his ear. The entire ballroom fell silent, and soon enough only quiet whispers spread through the hall. Brett thought he saw an instant of alarm in the emperor’s expression, but he couldn’t quite tell, being a human.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” The emperor said into the quiet, heading up to the raised throne in the far end of the hall and taking a seat, placing himself above all others.

I gotta admit…he does look a little like Big Bird, Brett thought idly.

“The Roil is coming here.”

The Emperor’s voice echoed through the stunned silence for a moment, before all hell broke loose around Amanda and Brett.

“The walls aren’t finished yet!”

“It was heading northeast, directly away from Solmnath!”

“Why would it –“

Brett caught Amanda’s gaze and shrugged. They’d heard the Roil used as a swear word plenty of times, but nobody’d ever said it could come after you.

The emperor held up a clawed hand, then pointed to one of his vassals, a Kitri in gold and white brocade.

“Calm yourselves, please. Tiyaku, if you would show us what we’re dealing with.”

The bird nodded and spread their arms, facing the northeast corner of the hall. A thick thread of Myst spooled out of the bird-person, and resolved into a huge image of the city of Solmnath, taken from a bird-eye view.

In the distance, the horizon wavered and scintillated as some invisible thing warped the light passing through it. A pale trail of stone was left in the wake of the invisible storm.

“Thank you, Tiyaku.” The emperor said, nodding to his vassal, who dropped the magic with a weary sag of their shoulders.

“It’s time for you to fulfil the oaths of your office,” the emperor said to the assembled nobles, clicking his talons on the throne. “You are in luck, as my travelling guard has a fair number of Warders, and I’m pleased to offer them to defend the city. In light of that, you should need no more than a hundred of your number to keep the Roil at bay.”

Bret glanced around, noting that there were approximately a hundred and fifty nobles.

“I would be honored to serve!” The governor shouted valiantly, pounding his chest in a very non-keegan move.

“As would I!”

“My family expects nothing less from me!”

In short order, every single noble had volunteered, overeager to show off in front of the big cheese.

“Come now, you would leave me here to eat all the hors d’oeuvres alone? I might be powerful, but I’m physically incapable of housing that much food.

The emperor tapped his claw against his beak for a moment, head bobbing back and forth in thought. “I understand your honor and your willingness to serve, but that’s simply overkill. I would prefer to keep a few of you in reserve and preserve the ambiance of the night as much as possible.”

“I know.” The emperor said, raising a claw. “We’ll draw straws. The long sticks may go and fend off the hateful abomination, and the short sticks will remain here and keep me company.

“Servants, twenty of you go to the serving tables and grab eight chopsticks, then shorten two, then half of you discard a short one…that should just about do it.”

“Apologies for the rushed math,” the bird on the throne said. “We are in a bit of a hurry.”

As if to accentuate the man’s words, the entire building shuddered again.

Curious, Bret went to the window, where the crowd of aliens had begun to gather. The mansion had a great view of the walls of the city, perched atop a high hill in a manner that allowed them to overlook their lessers. In the distance, the walls of Solmnath began to glow and expand.

…What?

The walls glowed faintly teal, the layered stone pulling apart, resolving into smaller and smaller parts as it seemed to flow into a kind of cloud that expanded up and over the city proper…

It’s making a dome. Brett realized as he watched the unfinished edges of the walls billow outward, connecting with each other to form a curved surface of faintly glowing dust, perhaps five feet thick and perfectly smooth.

The dome was rising just in time to present a unified front to the wavering cloud of twisted light.

A servant politely tapped Brett’s shoulder, dragging him out of his gawking. The kitri held a fistful of chopsticks out to him.

Short stick…usually that’s a bad thing, but I think in this case…that might not be a bad thing. Brett glanced over his shoulder toward the stream of nobles running for the exit at superhuman speeds. When he looked down, he could already see the tiny figures heading for the walls, their fancy robes billowing behind them like capes.

Almost like superheroes,  He thought idly.

Amanda grabbed Brett’s shoulder and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I got a long straw, I’ll be back soon, babe!”

“Don’t die.” Brett called after her.

Brett glanced at the emperor. The bird met his gaze.

He winked.

Is this what he meant by rolling with the weirdness? Brett thought, frowning. Once the last of the long-straws had left the room, he watched the oversized double doors close with a strange sense of finality.

A sudden pulse of sideways gravity nearly plucked Brett off his feet, dragging his attention back to the window. The storm had just impacted against the pale dome of luminescing dust, and the defensive wall’s glow waned for a gut-wrenching second before the brightness stabilized.

“Come away from the windows, guests of mine, your peers have the situation well in hand. If more strength is needed, I will shoulder that responsibility with the rest of you. Be at ease.”

The nobles stepped away from the wall, but with only a couple dozen people left in the room, the conversation was greatly diminished. Honestly, it felt like trying to host a cocktail party in a foxhole, just waiting for a shell to drop in and turn them all to burger.

They could go through the motions, but their heart wasn’t in it.

“I see. It was immature of me to expect you to simply ignore death sniffing at your door. Perhaps you need some entertainment to bring back the mood.” The emperor said, rubbing his beak. He snapped his fingers together, the claws dimpling his palm. “I know! How about I Summon a guest to liven things up?”

The few remaining nobles looked confused, murmuring to each other under their breath.

“I don’t know who could possibly take our minds off-“

SKRRRR!

A circular saw popped through the ceiling with an ear-piercing whine, heading straight for the bird sitting on the throne at a speed that Brett could barely make out. It was little more than an afterimage in Brett’s vision by the time it made contact with the Emperor.

The kitri lazily raised a hand and caught the spinning blade between thumb and forefinger, inches away from his beak.

“Jebediah Trapper.”

The fancily dressed melas standing next to Brett paled, his goblet warping in his grip.

CRACK!

The ceiling in front of the throne gave way, and a dismembered body fell through the ceiling in a rain of blood, splattering the audience in gore as it hit the ground.

A fraction of a second later, Jebediah Trapper fell through the ceiling, naked and coated from head-to-toe in blood, a thick iron collar around his neck. The one-legged human had a death grip on the chain and when it jerked to a halt halfway to the floor, it tore itself out of his hand, applying the rest of Jeb’s momentum to his neck.

“Hurk!”

Jeb went still for a moment, looking like one of those Japanese weather dolls as he hung by the neck in front of the emperor.

Is he…dead? Brett thought, his heart sinking. Did Pikaku just kill him with his Summon? It’s a damn good thing Amanda isn’t here. If Amanda thought they’d gotten Jeb killed by telling the emperor about him, she’d be inconsolable for weeks.

After a moment of ominous silence, Jeb gave a choked gasp and reached behind his head, grabbing the chain to take the weight off his neck.

“How’s it hanging?” he groaned, eyeing the audience as he spun in place, suspended above them like a bloody, naked human chandelier.

***Jebediah Trapper***

Jeb didn’t know how long he was out: Being unconscious was like that. But when he woke up, he was hanging from the ceiling, his entire body was tingling from a bruised spine, and – I can’t breathe!

Jeb desperately reached up behind his neck and grabbed the chain, pulling up as hard as he could with the awkward angle.

With Jeb’s supernatural strength and resilience…it was enough to let him catch his breath and take a moment to get his bearings.

Beneath him, rather than an endless abyss like he had feared, there was a ballroom filled with ostentatiously dressed folk of every species, including the big-bird looking dude up on the throne casually setting aside Jeb’s buckler.

Must…be…sarcastic…

“How’s it hanging?” Jeb asked the crowd as he spun like a DIY disco ball, his voice hoarse from the damage to his neck.

The emperor honked. It sounded like a goose, except a two hundred pound one.

“Jebediah Trapper,” the creature nesting on the throne said, head wobbling slightly from side to side in what Jeb could only assume was mirth. “I believe you have a list of names for me?”

“Ummm…”

Above Jeb, the table with all his shit slipped a bit deeper into the hole, tilting sideways. Jeb’s foot rolled off and tumbled down into the gaping hole between the two floors. The fancy prosthetic spun and whirled down into the waiting palm of the emperor.

In the beaked creature’s claws, the hidden compartment simply popped open on its own, the unfaithful slattern.

“Oh, here it is,” The emperor said, pinching the tightly folded list out of the tiny compartment and idly tossing Jeb’s foot aside.

“Set up the transmitter.”

Jeb got a bird’s eye view as a dark knight swept out from behind the emperor’s throne, seemingly invisible until a second ago. They held one of the strange orbs that passed for a magical camera, and with a swift motion, set it up behind the emperor’s throne.

The bird-man deliberately unfolded the list of names taken from The Book of Honor, his eyes scanning the page.

“No!” Mr. Sophistication shouted, lunging forward.

“Kratz Velos”

The charging melas was tackled by a nearby human with short-cropped brown hair…

Is that Brett? Jeb wondered, frowning as his fingers searched for a weak spot on the chain.

“Adensus Parvey”

One of the keegan near the front of the room went stock still for an instant before he turned to run away, aiming for the oversized double doors.

The imperial guard, so seemingly lax in the hours leading up to this moment, had formed a wall of flesh and steel between the nobles and freedom.

The emperor kept reading names off the list, causing all the remaining thirty-some nobles to show reactions that ranged from outrage to sheer unbridled terror.

Are…Are these people all the ones on the list, and only the ones on the list? Jeb thought, frowning.

The emperor had just easily rounded up all the people Jeb had basically thrown up his hands and given up on. The question was…how the hell did he do it without spooking them?

“You might be wondering why I called you here.” The emperor said, setting the list aside. “The perceptive amongst you might have noticed that there is a common thread connecting the nobles of Solmnath that I have assembled before me.”

“And that is-“

“Pip three- Hurk!”

Jeb jerked in place as the cone of force speared up through the chain link, widening it just enough to release the collar. The spear of force shot up above his head and broke the damaged ceiling a little more while Jeb fell the last ten feet to the hard marble floor, slamming down on top of the legless brute.

From the perspective of millions of people living throughout the empire, a bloody, naked man fell flailing into frame, interrupting the emperor mid-reveal. The man covered his genitals, gave a sheepish wave, and hopped out of frame.

Cool as a cucumber, the emperor kept going.

“Each and every one of you has killed a human child under the age of twelve for no purpose other than to gain levels. In the common parlance, we call this ‘Reaping’.”

One of the keegan nobles stepped forward, shaking his fist.

“Those were Honor Duels! We were merely defending ourselves from upstart humans. Accusing us of Reaping is an overreach of power, even for you!”

“Yeah,” Another said. “The victors of Honor Duels are protected by law! You have no grounds to accuse us of anything!”

The emperor tapped a claw against the side of his beak, head waggling slightly.

“Indeed, I can’t punish you slaughtering human children under the guise of honor duels.”

“Hah!”

“I can punish you for funding immortality experiments. Kebos O’sut.”

Jeb frowned. He spotted some kind of grey Myst moving around the Emperor, but it was almost like an inverted ripple, as if the Myst moved inward toward the kitri the instant before he said the name, then rippled back outward after he said it.

That’s…weird.

Doors to the side of the throne burst open, and a battered keegan in chains was carried inside by imperial guards, his head drooping.

“This wanted criminal was driven back inside the walls of the city by the Roil. What should we do with him?”

“Put him right there,” the emperor said, pointing at the feet of his throne. The imperial guards tossed the keegan into the center of the room, then they seamlessly joined the wall of steel trapping the rest of the guests inside the ballroom.

“As you might know, research into any kind of immortality, and the deliberate engineering thereof, is punishable by death.

The emperor flipped the list around and showed it to Kebos O’sut. “Were these children biologically immortal?”

Kebos lifted a bruised eye, peering through the list of names.

“Yes.”

“This is preposterous! You can’t just-“

The black knight flickered across fifty feet in the blink of an eye and punched the keegan in the face hard enough to shatter his jaw and more importantly, shut him up.

“And did these people,” The emperor moved his hand to the other side of the list. “Provide the capital required to make these children immortal?”

“Yes.” O’sut said, blood dripping from his teeth.

“Well, there you have it,” the kitri said, leaning back in his throne and casually folding the list.

“In light of the nature of the crime and as a gesture toward the newest race to join the empire, I would like my human vassals to carry out the punishment. Mr. Courvar? Ms. Stile?”

The knight dressed head-to toe in spikey black armor flicked her wrist, a jagged blade manifesting in her hand an instant before it crunched through the broken-jawed keegan’s wrist, followed by his neck.

All hell broke loose.

The nobles, whose composure had been holding on by a thread, panicked, scattering every direction like scared rabbits.

The imperial guards were composed of aristocrats themselves, and they forced the panicked men and women back into the center of the room through sheer superhuman strength, forcing them into a narrow kill-box in the center of the hall, where the black knight went to town on their asses.

Brett was doing his own thing. He wasn’t able to move quite as quickly as the black knight, but he hit hard, and every once in a while Jeb caught a flash of light interspersed in the underwear model’s movements.

Seeing an opportunity to complete his Deal with Vresh, Jeb hopped out from the side of the room, aiming for Kebos, snatching up his errant foot as he did.

“Mr. O’sut!” Jeb said, aiming a finger.

The keegan glanced up, exposing his eye-holes.

“Pip four.”

O’sut threw up a manacled hand, interposing his hand between the spear and his eye.

The spear of force caught the restrained keegan’s hand and dragged him six feet across the hall, until it buried itself in the hard marble floor.

Gotta follow up, Jeb thought, hobbling forward as quickly as he could.

“You bastard! This is your fault!” O’sut said, flinging himself to his feet and charging Jeb. Jeb held out his palm, spread as wide as he could, and the telekinetic shield popped into being between them.

The keegan’s eyes widened as his fist was stopped by the invisible shield, giving Jeb enough time to get out of the way, catching the man’s wrist and wrenching it around the stationary shield. It drew an anguished cry out of O’sut’s lungs rather than breaking the keegan’s arm like Jeb had been hoping, due to his likely insane Body.

And that was about as far as Jeb’s plan got. The keegan killer adapted faster, whipping his body the rest of the way around the shield and grabbing Jeb’s throat, riding him to the ground.

From the expression on the man’s face, and the way he wrapped his oversized fingers around Jeb’s skull, he was planning on popping Jeb’s head like a grape. The keegan was even starting to drool a little, his eyes bloodshot.

As much as Jeb wanted to accuse him of throwing a tantrum, the man was about to crush his skull, so he was much more preoccupied with trying to alleviate the mounting pressure on his braincase.

Jeb grunted, pulling on O’sut’s wrists, but it was like trying to stop a mac-truck with a wall made of cardboard boxes.

And it certainly isn’t helping this fucking headache! Jeb thought as he struggled in the noble’s grip.

He tried to think of an out.

Usually the solution is to shoot an eye out, Jeb thought, taking his hand away from the man’s wrist, allowing the pressure on his skull to redouble for an instant as he aimed his finger at the killer’s face.

The keegan lunged forward and bit Jeb’s finger off, spitting it aside.

“Pip five!” Jeb shouted before the pain even registered. “Gah!”

The spear flew out from the severed tip of Jeb’s finger and caught a random noble in the side, forcing him to drop his magical blade, skittering across the marble floor toward the two of them.

Jeb reached out and grabbed it, swinging with everything he had at the manic Keegan’s face. The blade didn’t penetrate more than an eighth of an inch into the bone. O’sut grabbed the blade barehanded and wrenched it away.

Okay, this isn’t looking good, Jeb thought. Time for the nuclear option.

“Room full of Cha-“ O’sut shoved bloody fingers into Jeb’s mouth and leaned forward.

Right there, at their most excellent moment together, they both saw exactly what was going to happen next: O’sut was going to rip Jeb’s jaw off.

Jeb started winking as fast as he could as, alternating between left and right, hoping he could go faster than O’sut could tear off his favorite jaw.

O’sut tensed for a moment before flinching and letting out a howl of pain, a bit of smoke emerging from over his shoulder.

Jeb finished the third wink on his left side, finishing the alternate trigger for the ‘Room Full of Charlies’ command.

Telekinetic spears flew out in every direction, dozens catching the child-killer in the chest and flinging him up into the high ceiling above them.

Several spears were absorbed by the reinforced shields of the surrounding nobles, and the emperor leaned out of the way of another one, where it drilled a hole in the throne behind his head.

Jeb scrambled to the side, snatching up the sword while his spears held O’sut stapled to the ceiling. Jeb’s grip almost slipped, his right hand covered in blood as it was. He wrapped his dry left hand around the handle too, making damn sure he had a good grip on the blade

A moment later, the spears ran their course and the keegan fell down from the ceiling, hitting the marble hard.

Jeb didn’t wait for him to get up, or even twitch. He heaved the blade down like he was trying to win a prize.

The blade sank into the rock-hard flesh and most of the way through the Keegan’s spine, killing him instantly. Jeb wrenched the blade out and kicked the keegan over before striking again, severing the neck the rest of the way.

Gotta be sure.

From the back of the corpse, he spotted a smoking hole in the madman’s shoulder, and glanced up at Brett, who winked.

“Lasers!?” Jeb demanded.

“Lasers are cool.” Brett shouted back across the room with a shrug before pouncing on his next victim.

Jeb hefted the sword, looking for the next threat, panting furiously, when his head began to pound.

Oh, shit, not now.

Jeb’s entire body began to cramp, his emotions running wild as he sank to his knees, clutching his head.

He’d just fulfilled his side of his Deal with Vresh.

The Deal favored her, didn’t it? Jeb thought. Why would I be getting Attribute Sickness from her not talking about me!?

Out of the corner of his eye, Jeb spotted Mr. Sophistication charging him, the melas literally breathing smoke he was so pissed.

Jeb tried to raise the sword in time to block, but his muscles refused to respond, too busy pulling themselves painfully apart.

Thankfully, the Black Knight flickered up beside Mr. Sophistication and lopped the melas’s head off with a casual swing. The horned head tumbled past Jeb while the body slid to a halt in front of him.

“Cripples should hide behind the throne,” a familiar voice said as the ominous black helmet faded into thick smoke before vanishing.

“You’ve got a ‘fro now,” Jeb said, looking up at Jess. Her hair was growing back in since the tutorial, but being curly, it made a silly looking poof around her head.

Jess’s eyes narrowed, and she clicked her tongue.

Jeb wasn’t going to make fun of her for it, though. His gaze flickered down to Razorback, the wicked looking blade caked in blood.

Nope, definitely not going to make fun of her.

Jeb looked past her and noticed that every single noble in the room not wearing the colors of the emperor’s personal guard was lying in a puddle of their own blood.

The room fell silent.

“Now,” the emperor said, leaning forward in his seat, his voice cutting through the emptiness. “We have to decide what to do with you, Jebediah Trapper.”