Generic System Apocalypse 3&4 (Patreon)

This is what we got this weekend. Tomorrow we're back to our regularly scheduled content.

 

Chapter 3:

***Jessica***

He’d done something.

She didn’t know what, but in that instant, she knew he’d done something.

George was scary, sure, but he was a definable threat. If he got mad, he’d cut you in half with his axes. It could be avoided by avoiding the axes… but what this man had just done…she couldn’t perceive it at all.

Myst. That trait no one focused on because those that did started seeing things, and no one wanted to be physically weaker than everyone else in exchange for going crazy.

The man’s found some way to use it.

She held her hand over her bleeding nose. The string had put a gash up the middle of it, emerging above her right eyebrow.

She could probably still take him… She was level twenty-two with the Assassin class, with twenty-five Body and thirty Nerve, and he was a cripple with baseline physical stats.

By all accounts she should be able to walk over and snap his neck…but she didn’t know what he could do in response, and that made her hesitate.

“Let me ask you something, miss…” The green-eyed cripple asked, leaning on his spear and watching her with an exhausted gaze.

“Jessica.”

“Jessica?” I knew a Jessica in middle school once, we didn’t get along.” He stared out into space, his jaw slack. No you can’t have one, you didn’t bring me anything! Fine, if you fix the trap you can have one. One!”

Jessica considered making a dash for it as the crazy man argued with the air, but a fraction of a second later, she heard a rustle behind her. When she peered over her shoulder, the sticks and leaves covering the pit trap were beginning to reassemble themselves, as if by magic. 

No, it’s definitely magic. This guy can move shit with his mind.

Jessica began weighing her choices.

“You were going to ask me something?” She prompted, and the haunted looking man refocused on her.

“Right.” He wiggled a finger at some of the bandages on the supply pile, and they shot through the air, landing in his hand. If she had any doubt about what he could do, they were assuaged. “Is there anyone else left?”

“Everyone else is dead.” Jessica said.

“So if you killed me, it would just be you,” he said, offering her the bandage with an outstretched hand.

“Yeah, I guess.” She took it and quickly wrapped some around the cut over her nose. She’d long since gotten over giving two shits about petty flesh wounds.

“So, wanna work together?” He asked, hope written plainly across his face, along with an undercurrent of desire. She’d been around long enough to spot it, even when men tried to act nonchalant. At this point it just meant they weren’t gay.

Still, after George…

“How do I know I can trust you?” she demanded.

The emaciated man frowned.

“Well, I suppose if at any point you’re not happy working together, you can just…” He tapped his gimp leg. “Walk away. A brisk walk would probably be enough.”

Despite all the horror she’d seen over the last week, that still managed to wring a laugh out of her. It was so funny she cried.

***Jeb***

Jeb knew he had her when she started laughing.

Get ‘em laughing, as grandpappy used to say.

Then she started sobbing, and Jeb was not so sure.

Then she started laughing again, and Jeb was pretty sure she wasn’t laughing at his joke, but rather the sheer horror and futility of it all. What else could they do but laugh when the world was going crazy?

That got a chuckle out of Jeb, and pretty soon he was cry-laughing too.

I haven’t spoken to anyone except Redbeard in a week and half. God, this is exactly what I needed.

In the blink of an eye – literal fucking blink of an eye – Jessica was on top of him, with a knife pressing into his throat. She moved many times faster than he could react.

“I’m not having sex with you.” she said, brilliant blue eyes narrowed.

“Unless I miss my guess,” Jeb said, looking down at the knife that had disappeared under his chin. He could still feel it, though. “You could probably rip me in half. So…coercing you seems like a bad idea.” Lots of squishy parts in tearing range.

Her eyes narrowed, and she held up her other hand.

“Twist my hand, hard as you can.”

Jeb did so, but it felt like trying to arm wrestle a bear made out of solid marble.

“Guess you’re right. You don’t have any freaky mind-powers, do you?”

“No ma’am. Your leg armor is pinching my skin, though, so if you could-“

“EEEEEE!” the sound of dozens of angry kruskers stampeding through the underbrush grabbed their attention.

“Shit,” Jeb cursed, scurrying to his feet – foot – as she stepped off of him, scanning the woods.

“What level did you say you were?” she asked with a frown.

“Including the six I got from that guy?” Jeb asked, pointing at the now-covered pit-trap.

“Yeah.”

Status

Jebediah Trapper

Unclassed, Level 6

Body 5 +

Myst 15 +

Nerve 8 +

6 Ability Points remaining.

“Six,” Jeb said with a shrug, hesitating a moment before dropping all six points into Myst

Jebediah Trapper

Unclassed, Level 6

Body 5 +

Myst - 21 +

Nerve 8 +

Confirm?

“Oh god, we’re gonna die.” Jessica said.

“Oh god, I hope this doesn’t hurt as much as the first time,” Jeb whispered before poking the Confirm button hanging in the air in front of him.

The good news was that it didn’t, in fact, hurt as much the second time around.

The bad news was that meant he didn’t pass out, instead having to sit through what amounted to an icepick headache worth writing home about.

It wasn’t helped by the squealing cries of dozens of kruskers falling into pit traps along the edges of the Safe Zone, filling the pits up in a matter of seconds.

You have gained a level!

You have gained a level!

You have gained a level!

You have gained a level!

“look at that, level ten already..” Jeb said between grunts as he jabbed the Finisher down into the pit, stabbing the writhing boars about the next and face as best he could.

It was tough work, but it was netting him levels at a tremendous pace by weaponizing the Safe Zone. Even after the Kruskers had filled up the pits, they were unable to push through the invisible barrier just on the other side, squealing like mad and pushing mindlessly forward in a berserker rage.

“You’re out of breath, and sweating like a pig.” Jessica noted.

“Well, excuse me for having a normal Body,” Jeb said, leaning on his spear and plunking the four points straight into Myst. He was starting to be able to read the mood of the weather itself, which was cool. It was happy now, but it was going to rain sometime in the evening.

Jebediah Trapper

Unclassed, Level 10

Body 5

Myst 25 

Nerve 8 

The amount of discomfort seemed to be relative chance. Going from zero to fifteen had knocked him out, fifteen to twenty one was a major headach, while twenty one to twenty five was just uncomfortable.

The star burning in side him had grown larger as he had focused on breathing Myst in and burning it, circling the star’s corona of gas back into the ball of energy instead of siphoning it, growing its size as quickly as possible. 

“You’re going to need to get physically stronger, too, what’s the point if you get tired before you finish all of them off?” Jess said.

In response, Jeb siphoned out a bit of energy and infused the spear with it, similar to the way he moved dirt. He’d realized that telekinesis was more effective on a given object if the Myst was penetrating through it, rather than wrapped around it like a human hand.

Jeb let go of the spear, directing it to continue stabbing kruskers.

“Look ma, no hands.”

Jess watched the spear finish off a few squealers by itself, her eyebrows raised, objectively impressed, but then her brows lowered, and she looked back at Jeb.

“But can you outrun them?”

“Ummm..I could probably ride the spear like a broom?” Jeb said, holding onto the spear and lifting himself off the ground.

Physics be damned.

It wasn’t the fastest mode of transport. Lifting Jeb’s hundred and seventy pounds off the ground was a strain, and he lost a lot of speed as a result.

They both knew that it wasn’t a viable mode of transport, yet.

“If you’re going to keep dumping everything into Myst, you’re going to need Accolades and Rewards.”

“What?”

“Didn’t you hear the announcement when we started? Higher difficulty, higher rewards? George killed a miniboss in the north woods and he got a fruit that gave him a permanent plus ten to his Nerve.”

“That’s like ten levels!”

“Exactly. You’re way too physically weak to survive even a few seconds without your magic. The raptors to the west took people’s heads off without them even noticing. If you’re gonna survive for any length of time, I’ll have to…

Jess sighed and put a hand over her face.

“Power-level me?”

“Yeah, basically.”

“Acorn!” Jeb shouted, making Jess jump in place before scowling at him.

“You wish to barter, M&M-Lord?” Acorn said, flitting up to him.

“Yeah, why didn’t anyone tell me about accolades and rewards and such and stuff?”

“You didn’t ask, M&M-lord.”

“Who are you talking to? What are you talking to?” Jess asked with a frown.

“Shh.” Jeb said, not looking away from Acorn. He couldn’t afford to show weakness here. “I’ll give you twenty M&M’s to map out all the minibosses and rewards and such.” Jeb rattled his bag of candy.

“What?” Jess said, her eyes wide.

“We don’t like M&M’s any more,” Acorn said, crossing his arms. “Our pupae have already hatched, and we have no more need for your devilish sweets.”

“Oh really?” Jeb asked, pulling out an M&M and eating it in front of the fairy leader.

The little person stuck his nose up, seemingly uninterested.

“So, it’s come to this. Fine. I guess I’ll have to enjoy this Baby Ruth all to myself,” Jeb said, opening the wrapper on the candy-bar.

“Try all you like, tempter, we are no longer controlled by our sugar-lust. We must build nests and clothing for our young.” As he spoke, Acorn became gradually more and more fixated on Jessica’s brilliant orange-blonde hair.

He landed on her shoulder, unbeknownst to the assassin, fixated on the individual strands and running his tiny finger through them.

Hmmm….

“Two inches,” Jeb said.

“All of it.” Acorn fired back.

“Is there something on my shoulder?” Jessica asked.

“Not a chance. You wouldn’t get any without my help, two inches is plenty for you.”

“Not true,” Acorn said, bracing himself and yanking on a single strand.

“Ow!” Jess swatted her side, but Acorn was already out of the way, holding up an orange-gold strand in the air and cackling as he buzzed above them.

“We can get plenty without you, M&M-lord, but if we give you these secrets, you will no longer need us.

“Hey Jess,” Jeb said, glancing back down at the assassin. “What’s your rock bottom for the shortest hairstyle you’d be willing to have? In exchange for a map of the forest with notes on where to find rewards and minibosses?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jessica asked with a tone that seriously questioned Jeb’s priorities. “I don’t care about my hair. I’d go bald if it gave us a map with every possible way to boost our stats.”

“HAH! The pathetic female herself has agreed to the deal! We have an accord!” Acorn crowed victoriously.

“Map first.” Jeb said, eyeing him. “Every possible way to boost stats.”

“Shit.” Acorn cursed, deflating.

“I think I saw a razor in the supply cache,” Jeb said, glancing back to Jessica.

***

Naturally, the fairies didn’t know every possible way to raise stats, but they did their best, and the map was pretty darn comprehensive. 

With Jessica clearing the path of monsters in front of him, they were able to fin their first quarry: The Krusker Lord. The minibosses in the other cardinal directions were a bad fit for Jeb, so they’d decided to push for the Krusker Lord.

Stupid, slow and heavy was Jeb’s ideal target.

“There it is,” Jessica said, consulting the map, her newly shaved head pale white against her freckled face. In the distance, a massive Krusker was snuffling through a big green glowing bush, crunching on the roots. Crackling electricity flowed up it’s back as it ate.

If the other kruskers looked like pygmy rhinos, this thing looked like a rhino-rhino.

Like, walking tank that could flip a truck on its side, kind of rhino. The only difference was the shape of the face around the horn was flatter, wider, and more evil looking. 

“Hey, is that bush glowing for you?” Jeb whispered, pointing at the object of the krusker’s desire.

Jess glanced back at him with a frown.

“No.”

Huh. Maybe there’s something Myst-y about that plant.

“Alright, begin operation silent but deadly,” Jeb whispered, using Myst to pull himself up into the branches of the nearby tree without making a sound. He crouched in the crook of the branch and got himself comfortable.

The assassin climbed up beside him, equally silently, and swift as a spider.

“You’re not naming any more operations,” She whispered, before leaping to the next branch.

We’ll see about that, Jeb thought, pulling his first spear out while they surrounded the hapless animal.

***Montero, lord of the Krusker range****

Montero was a simple Krusker. Good food, good mating, and extreme aggression towards anything that could possibly be a threat had served him well his entire life.

He didn’t even know his name. It wasn’t something he called himself, but rather the collective name the spirits of the forest, and awed natives of Pharos used to refer to the Krusker.

Glow-root, yummy. Belly full.

FILL BELLY MORE.

The satisfying crunch of the glow-root was music to the Krusker lord’s ears. He’d long since pushed any rivals out of his territory, and all sows were his to mount.

Rattle!

Montero’s head jerked up, scanning the woods.

There!

His little Krusker brain went through the order of operations it applied to everything in a matter of microseconds.

Eat? Moving, so maybe after kill.

Fuck? No. Not Sow.

Kill? KILL!

KIIIILLLL!

The bush continued shaking as Montero began charging, his burny-thingy bursting with power, sending lighting crashing across his entire body, strengthening his bristly skin and making his muscles swell.

Ever since the day he’d accidentally formed the Myst Core, he’d had an edge over the other kruskers, although he didn’t know enough to attribute it to the burning fire inside him, nor did he really know what it was, or how to use it, exactly. He just knew that he squeezed it when he charged, just like he squeezed all his other muscles, and it made things die.

It was the embodiment of power for him. He still remembered seeing a bolt of lightning strike a massive oak to this day, forming his ideal of power.

“EEEE!” Montero let out a ferocious squeal and charged the interloper shaking the bush, aiming to strike like lightning!

White Lightning arced out a fraction of a second ahead of him and exploded the bush, followed by his magnificent horn, and then his magnificent hooves as he trampled the bush and whatever it had been hiding.

Pain? Pain!

There was a splinter of some kind in Montero’s chest, grating against his tough bones.

Montero couldn’t quite see it, so he did what he always did when something attacked him from a point he couldn’t see:

He charged some more, squeezing the burny-thingy as hard as he could.

***Jeb***

Jesus, it’s a miracle this thing hasn’t killed itself already.

Jeb didn’t voice his disbelief out loud though. The damn thing weighed as much as a tank, and the unfortunate tree beside the bush was completely demolished as it began charging everything.

The broken spear dangling from its chest was the only casualty of their opening move.

Jeb had floated his first spear over to the opposite side of the board, along with two mot in other positions, before he’d made it start shaking the bush violently.

The krusker hadn’t even bothered to pause to identify the threat, it just charged right into the spear hidden in the bush, earning itself a deep stab wound in its chest.

That’s how a human hunts, dickwad.

Jeb reached out with his Myst and took control of one of the spears he’d secreted in another bush.

He started shaking it.

The Krusker squealed in surprise, its head jerking up again, locking eyes on the bush before committing to a wholehearted charge.

It got another blade in the chest for its efforts. Now there were two spearheads dangling from the boss-monster’s chest, the flow of blood roughly doubled.

It’s so much easier when I don’t have to hold the spear my own damn self, Jeb thought, thinking back on how stupid he’d been to try and spot even a small one from charging with just a spear.

If I had just known how to use Myst- Jeb shook his head. Intrusive self-recriminating thoughts about the loss of his foot were to be expected. He’d been on the wrong side of the couch long enough to know what to expect.

If I’d known about the subprime lending crisis, I’d be a millionaire instead of a retired grunt. Doesn’t matter.

He reached out and started shaking spear number three.

Shaka, shaka, shaka!

The Krusker’s head popped up again, and it snorted, pawing the ground like it was gonna charge again, but then…it didn’t.

Instead, it snorted again, then started snuffling, lifting its head higher as it sniffed the air.

Ah, crap.

It turned away from where Jeb was shaking the bush, following its nose in Jeb’s direction.

The two of them locked eyes. The krusker lord and the vet shared a special moment.

“Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? I’m a smart monkey in my goddamn tree!” Jeb said, flipping the bastard off.

“EEEEE!”

The Krusker charged him, lighting coating it’s body, causing it’s wounds to cauterize as the spearheads were flung free.

Damn.

Jeb had a choice here. Go for even more damage, or run away.

Let’s go for the biscuits.

Rather than grabbing onto his weapon and levitating himself away like a witch on a broom, he took his strongest spear, a short spear made of pure steel – possibly some fanboy’s attempt to recreate a gundam’s pile driver weapon – and braced it against the tree.

Crunch! Crash!

The entire tree bucked out from underneath him with far more force than he’d been expecting, throwing him flailing to the ground.

“EEE!” 

Jeb flipped over and got to his feet – foot –  with that kind of near-death adrenaline that makes you feel like Bolt Goddamn Usain, poky underbrush completely ignored.

There, only a few feet away, the krusker stumbled backward, iron spike embedded deep in it’s left eye.

The wailing creature bellowed with a force that made Jeb clap his hands over his ears and stagger backwards – hop backwards – , toppling over a nearby bush when his reflexive kick with his right foot caught nothing. damnit.

The krusker’s single remaining eye was bloodshot with rage as it focused on him. In the distance, he heard the hoofbeats of dozens more of the squat little bastards approaching, ready to trample him into a fine paste, and then eat him.

Maybe not even in that order.

Crap.

The big lug lowered its horn and charged.

With panicked speed, Jeb infused his last weapon – the trusty short sword – with a healthy dosage of Myst, yanking the weapon in his hand to the right, into the creature’s newly created blind spot.

Jeb awkwardly skated over the ground, pulled by his sword, the creature’s lightning aura singeing his hair and sending up the smell of ozone as it charged past.

Once Jeb was out of it’s way, he pulled up as hard as he could, dragging himself up and into the air, struggling against his own weight.

‘Standard’ speed and weight was about a hundred and sixty pounds at three feet per second. Right around walking speed. 

These numbers were going up every day, but that was approximately where he stood right now. To move Jeb and his gear, a total of about a hundred and ninety five pounds, he had to drop his speed drastically.

That meant he was about four feet into the air when the krusker turned, looking for where the human had disappeared to.

Jeb cursed and drew his legs up, barely out of range of the creature’s maddened thrust, the lightning arcing from its nose to his pants.

Jeb’s pants scorched, but didn’t catch fire, admirably protecting him against the creature’s lightning.

A couple seconds later, he was out of it, dangling from a sword above it.

The boss squealed in indignation, stamping it’s feet and trying to charge him, but the poor creature couldn’t fly.

“Yeah, tough luck,” Jeb said, glaring back down at it, at an impasse. 

In the distance, Jeb heard the clomping feet of more kruskers as they flooded into the clearing, their eyes mad with rage.

Behind the lead krusker, Jeb made out Jessica flicker past one of the thick-skinned creatures, her sword drawn, anime-style. A second later, she disappeared again, and a burst of blood erupted from the creature’s throat, similarly anime style.

She then continued to cull the herd by flickering between kruskers at a speed his eyes couldn’t even keep track of.

Well, I guess anything’s possible with magic.

“Here goes nothing,”

Nothing like a proof of concept while you’re in the shit.

Jeb siphoned a bit of Myst out, aiming for the broke spear-heads in the distance.

As soon as he did, his control over the shortword in his hand wobbled, then failed, and he began plummeting to the ground.

With desperate speed, he switched back to controlling the sword, wasting the Myst he’d spent on both the new object, and the original investment in his sword.

He felt the fledgling star in his chest flicker a little as he dipped into its reserves, like he promised he wouldn’t do.

Damnit. Probably set myself back a couple hours, there. And with only four days until the Safe Zones vanished, he didn’t really have a lot of time to spare.

Okay, two things at once feels like juggling babies. We’re not gonna be able to do that just yet.

Alright, think, what’s the safest, most boring way to kill this thing? I can’t afford to spend any more Myst, and I can’t afford to get hurt again.

Well, buddy, Jeb thought, looking down at the infuriated krusker, looks like we’re doing this the long and painful way.

He floated over to a nearby tree.

The krusker annihilated it.

He floated to the next one.

Same thing.

Gradually, he led the boss monster on a rampage through the forest, draining It’s stamina over time as it brained itself over and over on tree after tree. The iron spike stick out of it’s eye made it squeal in pain every time it rammed a new tree, but the stupid thing didn’t know the meaning of the word quit.

Eventually, when the lightning died on the Krusker’s back, and the damn thing was fighting for breath, Jeb struck.

He simply dropped out of the air, riding the shortsword straight down. In addition to the pull of ravity, Jeb assisted with Myst, allowing him to plummet fast enough to catch the creature off-guard.

He dropped on it’s head and sank the short-sword into the creature’s left eye, putting all his weight and telekinesis behind it.

It was barely enough strength to push through the creature’s frightfully strong skin. up until this point he’d let the damn thing impale itself, which had worked pretty well, but that was because the krusker was outrageously strong.

His telekinesis-assisted stab barely put out its eye, stopping shortly after penetrating the orb itself, not nearly as deep as the iron spike.

But it did what it needed to do:

The krusker was blind now.

It threw its head up in outrage, bucking violently. Jeb and his sword flew off into the woods, landing in a bush. 

The krusker squealed and thrashed, trying to kill every living thing within a twenty foot radius, shattering trees, and missing Jeb’s face with it’s dinner-plate sized hoofs by mere inches.

Jeb remained still and silent, pulling in Myst and burning it, rebuilding the corona of energy around his star.

The krusker went still, sniffing around for Jeb.

Jeb used the distraction to pull the shortsword out before he released control over his shortsword and reached out for the iron spike, yanking it forcibly out of the krusker’s skull.

The Krusker’s struggling redoubled at blood began to pour out of it’s face.

Whenever the creature stopped to smell for him again, Jeb directed the spike to stab it in the nose, using the noise of the resulting tantrum to hop further away, making sure to keep thick trees between himself and the monster to ward off stray hoof-kicks.

It wasn’t a fair fight. It wasn’t graceful. It was long, protracted, and ugly, but it got the job done.

Finally, after over an hour, the Krusker died of its wounds. Jeb knew because of the onslaught of levels.

You have gained a level!

You have gained a level!

You have gained a level!

You are now level 13!

Congratulations! You have Beaten the Krusker lord, Montero, in a one-on-one duel. Your Physical Might is beyond reproach!

“My physical-“ Jeb glanced up at Jessica, who was approaching from the side, inspecting her dinged and dented blade. It wasn’t going to put up with much more abuse at this rate.

“Is anyone actually watching these tutorials?”

Krusker’s Brawn Accolade Granted!

+5 Body

Jeb held his breath, waiting for the pain, but nothing came.

“Huh, maybe it’s –“

His jaw started to cramp. Jeb reached his hand up to massage it, and that started to cramp.

“Aw, shit,” he bit out the words through clenched teeth as his entire body tightened up in one massive, painful cramp.

It wouldn’t hurt so damn much if his muscles would just relax, but they were rolling up like a shade with the counterweight cut.

“Son of a bitch!”

“Yeah, first couple points made me pretty sore,” Jessica said, sitting down next to him. “It’s best to take some cooldown time between them.”

“Five,” Jeb panted through his lockjaw. “All at once.”

“Damn.” Jessica said, her eyebrows rising. “That’ll be interesting.”

Jeb laid there, in the middle of the chaos and dozens of dead Kruskers, waiting for his body to come to terms with its newfound power.

While he was waiting, he decided to assign the extra three points from his levels for killing the boss. If he was gonna be in pain, might as well get it all taken care of at once.

He put them in Myst, obviously.

Jebediah Trapper

Unclassed, Level 13

Body 10

Myst 28 

Nerve 8 

Once that was done, Jeb tried to distract himself by focusing on drawing in Myst to build his inner star.

Bigger and bigger, baby.

The ability to move things at about walking speed was cool…but…nowhere near exploding heads or mind-bullets.

Every confrontation always uncovered flaws in your thinking, unseen depths to your situation, and it was a wise man that stopped and took the time to stop and reflect on them at the end of the day.

1. Is it possible to control more than one object at a time?

2. Is it possible to move a floppy object, or one with joints?

So far he’d only moved stiff unyielding object, or chunks of dirt with no articulation. 

Gotta work on that.

After about fifteen minutes of agony, Jeb’s muscles slowly relaxed, allowing him to get to his feet. It was surprisingly easy, like his body had been turned into a beach ball or something, and the slightest push sent him reeling several feet in every direction.

“You get used to it,” Jessica said, looking amused as he toppled to the ground, his missing foot making adjusting harder than it had to be.

Ding!

Your party has cleared the western woods dungeon! Please take your rewards.

“I thought we got our rewards.” Jeb said, glancing at Jessica. “What rewards is it talking about?” 

“If I had to guess, there’s a separate reward for soloing the boss, and clearing the whole place.”

No sooner had she said that, than the Myst convulsed around them, condensing to form a massive ten foot wide sphincter beside the defeated boss which then proceeded to shit out a chest.

Jeb blinked.

“Ah, there it is,” Jessica said, approaching the Myst-turd, popping open the lid with a firm tug.

“You didn’t…see how that thing was made, did you?” Jeb asked.

“What? It just manifested out of twinkling light, like it was three-d printed or something.” Jessica said, glancing back at him. “Oh, what’s this?”

As she spoke, another sphincter appeared next to Jeb, causing him to flinch backwards as it…deposited…a chest next to him.

“Well,” Jeb said with a shrug, “When in Rome.” He opened the chest, ignoring it’s origins.

Inside was a slightly curved longsword made of blue steel, with jagged lines, thorny, as if it had been violently bent out of shape and then returned to form by a drunk, angry blacksmith.

He picked it up, and information flowed into his mind.

Longsword – Razorback.

+3 Body

This sword was made by a possessed smith who summoned demons specifically to hunt down the Krusker who killed his love. The sword survived, He did not. It’s reliability in battle is unquestionable, repairing itself over time with the blood of the vanquished.

The sword has a legacy of blood and violence that runs deep.

He glanced over at Jessica and spotted her looking at the sword longingly.

In her hand was something that could be described as a…ah hell, it’s a magical girl wand. It was bright pastel yellows and pinks with a star at the top. It might even be made of plastic.

Wordlessly, the two of them tossed the items in their hand to each other.

Wand of cleansing. 

+3 Myst

Inject Myst to remove filth and grime from any surface. Power is dependant on the amount of Myst.

Ever Popular with spellcasters and housewives across the globe, the wand of cleansing is a must have in any well-prepared sorceress’s arsenal. Cutting chore times in half and taming the unpleasant stains and odors of adventuring is as simple as a wave of the wand! 

Barbarian refuse to take a bath because water is unlucky? Cleansing! Did the party just fall into a bog? Cleansing! 

Choosy Witches Choose Cleansing! ™

Jeb finished reading the description on the item, then glanced over at Jessica.

“I feel kinda greasy, like I’ve just seen both sides of the gender advertising divide.”

“If it knew you were a guy,” Jessica said, putting the sword over her shoulder, “it would’ve been all about maintaining your ‘gear’ and keeping it in ‘peak condition’. She made air quotes as she spoke.

“Yeah, along with disinfecting wounds and preventing gangrene.” Jeb said with a chuckle, inspecting the wand. “If it had said that and looked like a black tactical flashlight I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about it.”

Upon closer inspection…it still looked like a cheap plastic toy. But there was writing on the side. 

The Cleansing wand emits a penetrating cone of Cleansing light that scours away grime*, removing it from existence.

To use, hold the wand in your dominant hand and inject Myst into the bottom of the wand while aiming at the objects or persons to be cleaned. The Cleansing Wand is not rated for more than 125 Nitsu of Myst per second, any more may break the wand and result in severe injury or death.

Do not use Cleansing wand in a manner other than for its intended purpose. Do not tamper with Cleansing Wand. Doing so voids all warranty and may result in serious injury or death. Life-aide is not liable for any damages caused by using the product other than for its intended purpose.

*grime is defined by the user’s subconscious, Life-aide is not responsible for aberrant users who view other people as grime.

At the bottom of the wand was a little rounded cap with the words ‘insert Myst here,’ stenciled onto it.

“huh.” Jeb grunted, re-reading the label, complete with warnings.

“What?”

“You know how you can turn hairspray into a flamethrower and a microwave into a gun that can cook people from a distance, and fertilizer into an I.E.D.?” Jeb asked.

“Uhh..Yeah?”

“I think the same concept applies, here.” he said, eyeing the seam of the cheap plastic wand.

If it said tampering with it could lead to severe injury or death, that meant careful tampering could lead to severe injury or death…for other people.

We’ll put that on the backburner. Jeb thought, slipping the wand in his belt. Even if it was pink and girly, and somewhat condescendingly marketed towards women, it was still his first piece of genuine magical equipment.

“Alright, where to next?” Jeb asked, pulling out the map.

Chapter 4: The worm stick

***3 days, 7 hours remaining***

“Okay, so there should be some kind of treasure in here,” Jeb said, as they crawled beneath the low-hanging branches of a bunch of weeping willows. Or at least they looked like weeping willows. I’m not a botanist.

They were forced to squat and crabwalk through the area because of the lack of standing room.

“The map says, and I quote, a raw myst lens capable of creating an infinite cornucopia of food is preserved in the low-hanging forest.” Jessica said, glancing between the map and the nearby landmark, which in this case was a giant hominid skull.

Neither of them were particularly in dispute that starving to death was an outcome to be avoided. If there was an object that could convert Myst into food, they could move light and if one of them got injured, as long as Jeb had Myst, they could hunker down and avoid endangering themselves by hunting.

Why is it called a lens, though? Jeb wondered as they scanned the forest floor, searching for some kind of piece of glass, or a gem, or something. Jeb imagined a golden gem on the end of some kind of cornucopia horn.

He should’ve known by now that nothing with Myst was simple.

“I don’t think there’s anything here. if this lens was here, maybe another team already got it.” Jessica said.

There was no guarantee they were the only survivors, after all. They’d seen signs of humans every now and then, but after Redbeard’s group, Jeb was hesitant to actively seek them out.

Once bitten, twice shy, I suppose.

Given his ability to negotiate with fairies and move shit with his mind, Jeb could more than pull his weight, so to speak, but those traits weren’t visible to the naked eye, and if there was anything Jeb knew about human nature from the army, it was this:

If nobody saw you doing something, you didn’t do it.

The point being, if his prospective teammates couldn’t quantify or comprehend his contribution to their team, he’d most likely sink to the bottom of the group’s totem pole, being a cripple.

He’d get saddled with all the menial shit like skinning potatoes and cleaning gear in addition to fairy negotiations and using telekinesis to help fight monsters.

Being the ‘fairy bitch’ didn’t sound like a particularly good deal to him, so Jeb was…neutral about finding a larger group to work with. Jessica didn’t seem particularly eager to find another group either, for various reasons.

So they didn’t follow up on these traces, going their own way instead.

“You might be right. We can’t afford to spend all afternoon on this one thing. Twenty minutes.” Jeb said. Jessica nodded, scanning the ground and low hanging branches as they scuttled through the greenery.

It’s not up in the trees is it? Jeb thought, glancing up, but not spotting anything. He turned his gaze back to the ground, scanning the damp forest floor.

A bit of wiggling movement caught the corner of his eye, and he glanced over.

There was a stick lying in the grass, partially rotted, and covered with worms that seemed to be having a grand time wiggling all over it.

“weird,” Jeb muttered, crawling over to it and picking it up. It was about as thick as his wrist, and covered with dark spots of rot, a foot long and bearing a stub where a smaller branch was sheared away. It was just a stick, but the worms didn’t obediently fall off when he picked it up, either, clinging with uncharacteristic tenacity.

“What’s weird?” Jessica asked, glancing back at him.

Jeb held the stick up so she could see it.

“So? It’s a stick.”

“You don’t see the worms?”

“What worms?”

“Here,” Jeb said, crawling over to her and holding it up for her to inspect. She glanced down at the stick for a moment, then looked him in the eye.

“What worms?” she asked.

Jeb held the stick closer to his face, blinking and trying to clear his vision. There were definitely worms on the stick. Idly he tried to scrape them off, sloughing the worms off onto the ground, where they…faded away.

Worms emerged from the stick, once again clasping tight to the rotted wood.

“Oookaaay,” Jeb said, eyeing the ghost-worms.

“Okay, what?” 

“You should really raise your Myst,” Jeb said, glancing over at her.

“And start talking to myself?” She waggled her hand. “I’m good.”

Hmm. Myst lens… Maybe…

Jeb siphoned Myst out of his core, then pushed it through the rotten stick.

He watched as the Myst poured into the rotten stick, then refract outwards in a thousand different directions like motes of light.

Imagine this: A piece of polished glass shaped exactly like a rotted stick. You put light into it, and the bumpy and crooked nature of the stick causes the light to scatter in every direction.

That was exactly what happened to the Myst Jeb put into the worm-stick. It scattered in every direction like beams of light, peppering everything in the vicinity with tiny motes of Myst.

Everywhere one of these motes landed, a worm was created – a real goddamn earthworm – filling the clearing with thousands of the wriggling bastards.

Needless to say, tons of motes landed on Jeb and Jessica, as well as the tree branches above them.

Jess actually made the first girlish squeal Jeb had ever heard her make as dozens of worms rained down from the branches above, landing on her shaved scalp before wriggling around in irritation.

Jeb’s girlish squeal wasn’t far behind hers, honestly.

“Ack, son of a bitch!” Jeb shouted, scrambling out of the low-hanging canopy and brushing himself off violently, while Jessica did her own little ants-in-the-pants dance off to the side.

Once they were worm-free, Jeb looked at the stick more closely.

“You know, I think this is-“

“Don’t say it,” Jessica warned, pointing her sword at him threateningly.

“ – the fairy cornucopia,” Jeb said, inspecting it further. Finally, he felt something kick in behind his eyes, revealing the object’s identity to him.

Raw Worm-Summoning Myst Lens (gargantuan)

These finger-length sticks coalesce in areas of dim light and natural decay, and have been used by Fairy clans for generations to guarantee a source of food in even the leanest times.

The farmers of Pharos will often hire shamans with these lenses to bless their fields, as worms will greatly enhance the quality of the soil as they go through their life cycle underground. 

Jeb glanced back under the low-hanging branches.

He hadn’t noticed before, but one of the worms was a good two feet long, wiggling vigorously, as big around as his thumb, while some others were tiny and nearly hair-thin.

Did it depend on how big the mote was? He thought, looking back at the stick. The information said they were supposed to be the size of a finger, and that his was gargantuan.

I think I’ll hang onto this.

Jessica sighed. “I’m only eating worms if the alternative is violent death or starvation.”

“Fair enough,” Jeb said, tucking the worm-stick in his belt, right next to his cleaning stick before consulting the map.

Newly alerted to the fact that the map was written from a fairy’s point of view, Jeb consulted their next location more judiciously, skipping things like ‘super amazing flying machine’ or ‘heavy artillery’. If the cornucopia summoned worms, chances were the flying machine could fit a couple fairies if they were lucky, and the heavy artillery probably fired nuts.

He focused on things they knew would benefit them: Bosses, stat-boosting treasure, and Myst lenses.

A few hundred meters away was a ‘dungeon’ of ‘giant’ flesh-devouring beetles. Chances were they weren’t actually that big.

The dungeon itself was a small, one room affair, and it was said to guard a human relic, some kind of circlet that increased Nerve.

If they could get that, his Nerve might be high enough to attempt the sirens to the south.

Defeat them, and then they could go north or west. Jeb hoped soloing the Siren boss would give award him the extra Nerve he needed to stay competitive, but if it didn’t, he’d reluctantly drop a few points from his levels into the trait.

Not being able to see Jessica move was a bit eye-opening, and the stealthy creatures to the North and West demanded a great deal of Nerve to spot before they ambushed.

Jeb didn’t wanna get diced up or poisoned before he knew what was going on. That meant he had to take the forest’s bosses in the appropriate order.

But first, we’re gonna see if we can’t get this crown-thing.

The dungeon itself wasn’t hard to find. It was a raised, barrow-like mound of dirt with a cavernous entrance leading into darkness.

When he shined a light into the dungeon, it revealed a short hallway followed by a room with a jewelry box inside of it.

Easy peasy.

“Let me go first,” Jessica said. “There could be traps. We were in one like this a while ago that had sawblades. It killed one of our guys.”

As tempted as Jeb was to man up and take the lead, he understood that without his foot, and having significantly lower physical attributes, he was probably dead weight in the heat of the moment.

He waved her ahead, and she ducked into the doorway, followed shortly by Jeb.

I wonder if the ceiling is stable? Jeb wondered to himself as he hopped down the hall, which was why he missed the glowing beam of light that appeared ahead of Jessica until it was too late.

“hold up,” Jeb said, trying to grab her shoulder, but her foot had already gone through the beam. 

“What?” Jess whispered, tensing.

Jeb didn’t answer, watching in amazement as a line of bright energy flashed along the hall, deeper into the room, where it rose into the ceiling. A fraction of a second later a thousand beams of Myst touched the floor, and a thousand scarabs were created in the blink of an eye. A fraction of a second later, the light pulsed again, and another thousand scarabs were birthed, nearly directly on top of the others.

And again, and again. Fifteen times, the light pulsed, forming a roiling mound of flesh-eating scarabs.

“Crap, we should –“ Jeb’s voice cut off when he heard the door closing behind them. he glanced over his shoulder and spotted a cleverly disguised wall of stone sliding into their way.

Damnit.

Jessica lunged past him and struck the wall of stone with her fist, creating a thunderclap that echoed through the one-room dungeon. The stone shrugged it off.

“Son of a bitch!” Jessica growled, slamming the wall again. In the distance, the swarm of scarabs was beginning to investigate the noises in the hallway, along with the interesting smells…

“We just need some time,” Jeb said, mind racing. “There’s probably a lever in the main room that opens the door.”

“What, past the death swarm?” She demanded. True to her words, the swarm was nearly three feet tall, ten feet wide, and approaching rapidly, leaving no room in the cramped hallway to skirt around or over them.

“Stay calm. We’re gonna wait them out,” Jeb said, pulling out his new toy.

“No way, you-“

“You’re gonna wanna cover your mouth,” Jeb said, drawing in as much Myst as he possibly could, burning it, then funneling his core’s corona through the stick in pulses, mimicking the trap’s summoning mechanism.

In moments, the hall was flooded with squirming worms.

Delicious, squirming worms.

Jeb formed the last of his free energy into a thin wall of Myst between them and the rest of the hallway, forming a telekinetic barrier.

Moments later, the swarm of hungry scarabs crashed over Jeb’s worms like a wave, consuming everything they could get their mandibles around.

They pressed up against the barrier, forming a flat wall of blue beetle carapaces, heedless of the two humans holding their breath on the other side, praying that it would hold.

Jeb could feel their weight pressing against the telekinetic wall, focusing all his might on keeping it steady and strong as possible.

After a good ten minutes, the feeding frenzy began to slow down as the scarabs ate their fill of worm. Stuffed and lethargic like thanksgiving day, the beetles gradually unswarmed, forming a thin coat of iridescent carapaces across the floor, walls and ceiling as they went into hibernation to sleep off their glorious meal.

The whole wait, Jeb was pulling in more Myst, getting ready to do it again if he had to.

“Can you make it to the next room?” he whispered, once things had settled down.

Jess glanced at the beetle studded walls and nodded.

“My class ability as an Assassin allows me to lower my mass to nearly zero,” She whispered back. “I can walk over these guys without them even feeling it.”

That explains how she did those anime style attacks.

“The bridge is yours,” Jeb said, disconnecting from the barrier and watching it diffuse into the environment.

True to her word, Jessica was able to walk across the beetles without them even noticing, using tiny finger-holds on either side of the wall to basically float past the beetles on the floor. She got into the main room, looked around a bit, and turned left, out of sight of the primary hall.

A second later, the door began rumbling open.

The beetles did not like that. their antennae twitched, and they seemed to rouse themselves as the walls shook.

Jessica landed feet first on the far wall like an astronaut in zero G and jumped down the hall, speeding down the short hall without touching anything except for Jeb.

Jessica slammed into him, and the two of them tumbled out of the dungeon, into the free air of the outside.

They got to their feet, making sure the swarm wasn’t closing in on them and getting ready to take some more distance if that was the case.

The swarm seemed to have no interest in crossing the threshold into the outside world, clumping up near the entrance. They were still full, after all, and not interested in going outside their territory.

Still need that circlet. Damn, if only I could make fireballs or something. oh wait. Idea!

Jeb haggled with one of the local fairies to bring him the bottle of antiseptic alchohol in the first aid kit back at base camp, and a few minutes later, he was squeezing the clear fluid on the swarm, grinning like a backyard bar-b-que-r.

“And I cast…fireball.” Jeb said, dropping one of the survival matches on the swarm.

It went up in flames, and the two of them spent the next few minutes resting, listening to the the pop and hiss of scarab bodies ruptured by the heat of the flames.

You have gained a level!

You are now level 14!

Jebediah Trapper

Unclassed, Level 14

Body 10

Myst 29 

Nerve 8 

***Later***

***3 days 4 hours until the Safe Zones disappear***

“You sure you don’t wanna try one?” Jeb asked, holding out a cooked scarab. “Some butter and these things would taste just like crab.”

Jessica sighed and took the scarab out of his hand and popped its back off with her thumb before hesitantly scraping the meat out with her teeth, imitating him as best she could.

“Damn.” She said, looking down at the roasted insect in her palm with newfound respect.

“Right?”

The next time they went into the dungeon, Jeb took the lead, inching forward and carefully watching for any beams of light.

He spotted the beam right where it had been last time and drew a little circle around it with a piece of charcoal before continuing on.

Jessica dutifully hopped over the mark and followed after him.

The room was a simple set up, a square room with a lever on the left, a jewelry box on an altar at the far end, and an unlit candle nook on the right side.

Minus the trap, it was downright insultingly easy.

Jeb opened the jewelry box from a distance with telekinesis, wary of another trap, but nothing happened. The box contained the ‘circlet’ of Nerve.

As Jeb had feared, the circlet wasn’t big enough to put on his head. It was a tarnished silver ring just big enough to put on his pinkie finger.

It would be the right size for a fairy to wear on their head, though, He thought, holding the ring in his hand and staring intently at it. A moment later the item’s details showed up in front of him.

Silver adventurer’s ring.

+3 nerve

Commissioned by a noblewoman for her somewhat clumsy, somewhat dull-witted grandson, this ring subtly saved his life countless times before he made the dubious decision to trade it in for a shield with a stronger Body enchantment.

On paper, the trade was a numerical benefit, however, the young lad immediately set about testing his new shield in the poison-swamp, proving once again, that there is no permanent cure for stupidity.

“Not bad.” Jeb said, sliding it on his left pinkie. A moment later, he felt like he’d just woken up from a long sleep. He was alert, and aware, in a way he’d never really been before.

He felt like he’d been sleepwalking with his eyes closed. He could see where everything was, the light level in the room seemed to raise by several shades. Everything looked and sounded so vibrant, he could feel his blood pumping through his fingertips, his face, his cock.

Thinking about it made the problem worse.

“DID IT RAISE NERVE!?” Jessica shouted at him

“Stop shouting,” Jeb whispered, turning back to face her. He was immediately dumbstruck by the sheer beauty that stood in front of him.

“Wow, you’re pretty, even without the hair. In the sunlight it was just like orange fire, which was magnificent, but without it, you’ve got this sharp but luscious thing going on.”

She raised an eyebrow and glanced down at his crotch.

“THE EUPHORIA WILL FADE IN A COUPLE MINUTES. DON’T DO OR SAY ANYTHING YOU’LL REGRET!”

“Shouting!” Jeb said, clutching his ears.

Jessica smirked, but she didn’t say anything, just sitting her perfect body down, her pants tightening around her hips as she crossed her legs, watching him with amusement. He could see the way she filled out the armor, and he could imagine with perfect clarity how she was filling it up, her breasts squeezing against the plate as she breathed.

“I’m just gonna…face this direction for a minute,” Jeb said, turning away, taking deep, calming breaths. A minute or two later, his senses were no longer out of whack, and he was able to turn around without undressing his partner with his eyes.

Still pretty, but not intoxicatingly so.

“Out of all of the Attribute sicknesses,” Jeb said, glancing up at the ceiling, “I think that’s the most embarrassing one.”

“Really, what’s Myst sickness like?” Jessica asked, getting to her feet.

“It feels like someone’s tearing apart your skull, and you bleed from every hole on your face.”

“Yikes,” she said, throwing her sword over her shoulder.

The ceiling was made of tiled stone, but the center tile bore a picture of a blue scarab. A handful of scarabs crawled along the ceiling, content to stay on the tile.

More treasure? Why not? 

“Gimme a boost,” Jeb said, pulling out his pocket knife. A couple awkward minutes later, he’d managed to pry the business end of the trap off the ceiling, revealing a delicately carved bone with a thousand tiny indents carefully carved into the surface. Blue scarabs crawled along it’s surface, but none of them were real.

Processed Starving-Beetle Summoning Myst Lens. (Large)

These bone-shaped lenses coalesce in the dunes of the Bogash desert, where insects fight for every scrap of food they can find. They are a novelty in most parts of the world, although there are some wizards from those exotic parts who use these lenses as part of their spell-work.

This Myst Lens has been worked to create 1024 equal-sized Starving Beetles, as part of a trap.

Jeb worked his knife behind it and carefully pried the square of bone out of the wall, dropping it in his pocket.

If nothing else, he could use it to make more food. Crab was arguably better than worm.

“Got what you wanted?” Jessica asked as she set him down effortlessly.

“Yep,” Jeb said, patting his pocket. “Got the business end of the trap.”

“Good, let’s go.” She said, pointing toward the exit.

Jeb was about to take his last hop out the door when iron fingers grabbed the back of his brigandine and yanked him backwards.

A pair of gnashing jaws slammed shut in front of the entrance, a hair’s breadth from his face.