Chapter 229: Saved by the Gavel (Patreon)

Nabeya was running a fever, feeling a little woozy, and her neck was hurting.

I haven’t gotten sick in living memory. Not since the Poison Lakes, She thought with a slight smile.

The smile went away.

Was the purple man right? Is there something eating away my insides?

No, that isn’t it. I’m sure I’ll feel better after a nap.

Nabeya was halfway to a simple cot in the corner of her office, when she froze.

That thought wasn’t hers.

Heal.

The wooziness didn’t go away.

Detoxify.

Still there. Matter of fact it was more clear than before. She almost missed a hand on the cot. She tried to stabilize herself, but her body did it on its own, more clumsily than she would have.

Nabeya’s hair stood up as she watched her arms lower herself into the bed, a spectator in her own body.

I’ve already got control of your spine. Just take a nap.

The creature might have control of her spine, but it didn’t have her mana. If she could make her flesh too difficult to damage she could buy enough time to figure something out.

Invulnerabi-

One of her own arms snaked up, middle finger turned long and wicked. Before she could react, the shiny black claw was plunging into her eye. There was a burst of pain, then white, then nothing.

***Dr.Daniels.***

A few minutes later, Garth sat up, wiped the blood off his face, regrew his eye, and cleaned the blood with magic.

Oh my, our friendly little tussle has led us to the Dan Ui guild, and I’ve already captured his queen. The endgame should be pretty fun.

“Hey Garth,” he said.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“You think Garth would be willing to drop asteroids on a Dan-ui controlled world? We both hate them for ruining our cushy gig in Hawaii.”

“L.A… it was L.A.”

“There too.”

“I think asteroid willingness depends on the percentage of innocents to Dan-ui guildmembers. It’s always more complicated in real life.”

“Well, I am an elder now.” Garth said, looking at his blue furred hands. The body hadn’t technically died, so he should be able to remain undetected for a short time. A vicious idea occurred to him, manifesting as the most gleeful smile Nabeya’s body had ever had. It wasn’t used to it.

“Maybe I can tip the scales on that one.”

***

“Elder meeting! Elder meeting! Urgent as fuck, go fetch all your geriatric masters! Slap the Ensure out of their hands, tighten their diapers and bring them to the council room! I got something to say!”

Garth stalked the halls of the temple, ringing a gong he’d found in the mess hall, presumably to tell the shitheels when they could eat, sleep and shit.

Acolytes fled in front of him like Bambi’s woodland creatures from a forest fire, running for any kind of cover they could find.

A middle-aged Rando approached Garth, brows furrowed.

“Elder Nabeya, what is –“

Garth clamped a hand over Rando’ mouth, muffling his scream as he slammed him up against the wall. Stone cracked behind him as he struggled ineffectually.

This core rocks! I should get more like this

Then he elongated his fingers into burrowing drills, jamming themselves straight into the man’s brain. Once the drills reached the grey matter, Garth detatched them to find their own fame and fortune, reforming his fingers.

Rando twitched violently for a good five seconds, then Garth was seeing himself through Rando’s eyes.

“Spread the word.” Garth said with a smile.

“Duh,” Rando Garth said, making a run for the Gate in the back of the temple, out to attract as many elders as possible before their doppleganger showed up with the big guns…

“Urgent, Urgent!” Garth returned to his clanging the gong. “A Calamity that threatens to end the Dan Ui Clan as a whole is about to happen, don’t miss it!

***Garth***

Garth blinked and they were in a different star system, orbiting a different planet. It was a blue planet, maybe twenty percent bigger than Earth. It’s defining feature was how well-ordered everything appeared. The mountains, forests and rivers all had a semblance of symmetry.

It was like a pretentious prick’s zen garden.

I guess we’re in the right place.

“Alright,” Garth said, glancing over to Bell. “With any luck she’s been able to fight off the assimilation long enough for us to pick her up.”

Bell flinched and Garth felt something light hit the back of his head.

“Too late, you already done been assimilated boiiii!” Dr. Daniels crowed as a grease pen clattered to the ground.

He started doing a field goal dance back and forth on the opposite side of the room, waggling his knees and throwing his hands in the air.

Garth spun in his chair, with his fingers steepled in perfect evil overlord style. He reached down and took the pen, dragging it across his palm.

“You might not have noticed…but grease pens don’t work in here.”

Dr. Daniels gasped.

“You’ve found a cure.”

“Indeed, even now, a universal magic that reverses the effects of your vicious grease pen spree is spreading through the ship. You’ve lost.”

“That’s what you think!” Dr. D said, diving to the side, pulling out a weird homemade weapon that looked a bit like a thermal detonator and tossing it at Garth.

Force Shield

In the brief flash before it exploded, Garth put a Force Shield in front of it, attempting to redirect the explosion’s energy.

He’d heard stories where dynamite didn’t break a plate as long as there was somewhere else for the energy to go.

That seems kind of stupid, but it’s still better than not putting up a wall.

The thermal detonator exploded, and Garth caught a flash of the Magenta Artificial Gravity Law gemstones that they kept growing in the walls between the north and south slice of land.

“Ah, son of a Bi-

Down suddenly became the thermal detonator, and Garth was drawn forward, along with Bell, who squeaked and flailed as she fell. The two of them slammed into Garth’s Force Shield, which was now their new floor.

Dr. D, who’d been ready for the change in direction, used the opportunity to launch himself up onto the side of the room, climbing around Garth’s wall and joining them standing on the invisible plane of force in the middle of the room.

“Stealing shit?” Garth asked, climbing to his feet. The Gravity was about eight G’s. within reason for him, but Bell wasn’t able to bring herself to her feet, her curvy figure unnaturally flattened against the invisible plane.

Garth couldn’t actually see it, since he was standing above her, but there had to be an interesting view of Bell smushed up against glass on the other side of the spell.

“Time out.” Garth said, making a T with his hands.

“M’kay.” Dr. D put his hands in his pockets and relaxed.

“I gotta see this.” Garth said, nodding toward Bell, who furrowed her brows. “You breathing okay? No pain?”

She nodded.

“Cool. One sec.”

Garth and Dr. D. used Fly and headed around to the other side of the plane of force and took a few seconds ogling Bell’s form flattened against the Force Shield.

“Nice. It looks like that scene from Kentucky Fried Movie.”

“I know, right?”

They fist bumped over Bell’s frustrated growl.

The ship rumbled around them in an ominous way, and Garth quickly remembered that Bell ultimately had complete control over their environment. They probably shouldn’t make fun of her. her control over the Laws that dictated reality on the ship could easily overwhelm his ability to command her.

“Anyway, back to the death fight.” Garth said as a chill spread down his spine.

“Right.”

They climbed back onto the plane of mana taking their stances.

“Where were we?” Garth asked.

“You were shit-talking me about stealing, and I was gonna say something about being resourceful, or that your security was pathetic, or something.”

“Right, right.”

Garth got back into the groove, assuming his stance.

“Stealing?” Garth demanded. “I guess you needed more help than I thought.”

“Maybe you need to improve your security, letting your enemies use your own resources against you is shameful.”

“Fool!” Garth created a Lantern in his fist, compressed the dead space around himself, then spun it wildly, creating a mana dead-zone around him.

He drew the fingers of his spool down through the invisible cloud of spores around him, infusing them with purpose.

Garth’s Fusillade

A hundred dart sized missiles of wood sprang forward as Dr. Daniels was scraping together his lantern.

He growled and tightened his fist, trying to suck the mana out of them, but only managed to activate their second stage. In the absence of mana, the little bastards sped up and jammed their needle points into Dr. Daniel’s flesh a fraction of a second before exploding, blowing massive holes in the abomination’s body.

“Oh yeah?” Dr D. asked, his torso partially torn open, revealing a strangely bloodless interior. “Check this shit out.”

He jammed his Lantern into his chest and closed around it, partially disembodied head giving Garth a grin.

“Crrrap.”

Garth dove just in time.

Dr. Daniels exploded. Tentacles covered in serrated fangs rebounding off the walls in confusing patterns, trying to close in around him.

Shrink.

Garth wove the space mana around himself as the deadly tentacles careened in toward him, and suddenly everything started looking bigger. The control room became the size of a football field, The fleshy extensions of his doppleganger as big as the limbs of ancient oak trees.

Everything was bigger now that Garth was smaller.

Including the gaps between the tentacles.

Haste.

Fly.

Greater invisibility.

Garth dumped mana into his buffs, turned invisible and sailed between the gaps in Dr. D’s slowly closing tentacle net.

Garth zoomed over to the other side of the room and reoriented on his opponent. Dr. D. didn’t leave very much space in the room unoccupied.

Illusion.

Garth made an illusion of himself on the opposite clear space, then funneled Shadow into it, giving the construct a real body.

Once that was done, Garth started working on his next move.

Dr. Daniels surged forward like a wall of flesh, carefully tiptoeing around Bell as he attacked the clone.

Shadow jumped out of the way of the first couple tentacles, but the third snagged his leg, slowing him down long enough for another three to bind him in place.

“Now, Mr. Bond, you die…” Dr. D. said, his strange form vibrating the walls as he spoke. “Damn. Time out.”

“’Kay.”

Garth dismissed Shadow and canceled his spells, reappearing.

“Dude, you were there?” The mass of tentacles asked as it compacted into the shape of a man, twisting to look at him. “Who was I about to eat?”

“Decoy.” Garth said with a shrug

“Neat.”

“So what was the time out for?”

“Just wanted to let you know I got Nabeya like, 20 minutes ago.”

Garth grunted in annoyance. Basically lost from turn one. Stupid Elders and their lack of pop culture knowledge.

“Next time you’re guarding the VIP.” Garth said with a scowl. At least I don’t have to pay her the ship now.

“Aaand.” Dr. D said, raising a finger. “I used her meat-puppet to summon a meeting of elders.” He looked down at Bell’s body, slowly sliding down the side of the shield of force now that the gravity surge was receding. “Bell, could you show us the southern continent? Your other south. Frigging directions in space, amiright?” He reached out and pointed at an island inside of a lake, with a palace seemingly built on top of it.

“Riiiight…there, a couple dozen of the Dan-Ui’s most influential members are congregating.”

Garth pinged his Status Band.

“Silly idea. What do you say you send them an asteroid like you did on Kurm?”

“Two steps ahead of you, man. Can you keep them busy for half an hour?”

“Sure dude.”

“Bell, can you spin up the Gate? I don’t wanna be here when the shit hits the fan. Pretty sure some of these old fogies can teleport through your hull.”

“Hah! Where were we?”

“I think you were monologuing to my decoy, and I was about to nail you with a nasty lightning bolt, roasting your body and securing victory.”

“Oh yeah.” Dr. D. unfolded into a tentacle monster. “I remember now.”

***

Far away, In the vacuum of space, several dozen Stanleys withered and died as they gave their lives to transport six asteroids across realities. A few of the Stanleys held on, and were carried along with the asteroid, spreading into the current layer.

***

“Why the fuck do I have to attend in person? On Earth?” Dragus said as he sat beside his lawyer, scowling at the elvish judge looking imperiously down on them.

“The judge felt that since you were the instigator of the breach in protocol, it would be best to hear your side of the story. In person.

“It’s a gods-damned waste of my time, is what it is, on a backwater mudball with nothing to contribute. My time is sure as hell worth a lot more than this planet.”

Dragus could not focus when he was interrupted. Everything was a distraction to him until he accomplished what he’d fixated on, and he’d fixated on prying Castavelle’s soul out of his core like a pearl out of one of his cousin’s Remsha oysters.

Dragus tapped his long fingernails on the desk as he waited.

His lawyer swallowed nervously “Ah, the good news is, if the other party doesn’t show, Grand judge Olsen will rule in your favor.”

“Grand judge Olsen can suck my cock.”

Grand jusge Olsen raised a brow, but didn’t otherwise say anything. Dragus already know this particular judge was above making decisions based on personal slights, which is why it was so much fun to try to get under his skin.

Dragus’s Status Band made illusiory light blink in the corner of his eye, and he tapped it to connect to the Ethernet.

“Elder Dragus, Nabeya is calling a council of Elders. She seems…upset. More than usual. Saying something about a calamity that will end the Dan Ui?”

Same shit, different day, Dragus thought with gradually tensing neck muscles. Then he reconsidered. Nothing like an excuse to get the hell out of here.

Dragus stood. “Grand judge, A matter of great importance requires my attention. A council of elders. I’m sure-“

“Sit.” Grand Judge Olsen said, and Dragus sat.

Damn.

“If the other party does not show in the next five minutes, you will be free to leave, after all.” He said.

Nothing’s ever that easy.

His lawyer was about to say something, when a thrumming filled the air.

There was a flicker of blue-green mana that traced the ceiling moments before the top of the entire room lifted up and away, revealing Earth’s blue sky above them.

Well, if you could look past the giant insect sitting on top of the now open-roofed building, looking down at them from a commanding position directly above them.

“I have arrived, bipeds, and may I assume by the size of his hat that the monkey at the center is Grand Judge Olsen?”

“Carnifax, Hunter of Dragons, I presume?” The elf judge asked, craning his neck to look at her. “Welcome. Let’s get started.”

“You can’t just let that insect destroy the courtroom.” Dragus’s lawyer sputtered.

“If the court rules in her favor, fining her for the destruction of her own property would be asinine. In any case, it has no bearing on today’s precedings.” Grand Judge Olsen said. “Let’s begin.”