Chapter 261: Australia Man (Patreon)

Bendigo was…fine.

It was nighttime on the west coast, so they stepped into mid-day on the other side of the Earth.

Perry stepped out onto the street and immediately felt the chill on his skin. It was currently transitioning to summer back home, so Bendigo was transitioning into winter. The trees were losing their leaves, littering the fields with bright orange.

Wait..fields? trees?

Perry did a mental reset as he watched a squirrel leap from branch to branch. Directly below them Sera and Gareth began diving into leaf piles.

“Why are there living things inside the city?” Perry asked. “Don’t they Trigger?”

“Yeah, sometimes.” Perfora said with a shrug. “I’ll show you to city hall, we can get you a Visitor’s pass.”

Perry didn’t think he’d be spending much time inside city limits, but that was fine. he had to read up on native Australian flora and fauna, might as well wait in line for something else while he did it.

About halfway through the line, Perry had gone through most of the native wildlife and realized that he needed a guide. One mistaken I.D. might get him or his kids killed. Not to mention, the information he had access to were primarily Pre-Tide animals and of limited usefulness.

The data for Tide-altered stuff that lived in the Outback was worryingly sparse.

They got through the line much quicker than Perry had expected. He didn’t even have enough time to finish the native flora.

The line in front of him evaporated, revealing a haggard looking blonde woman with crooked teeth and a slightly bulbous nose. She chewed on some unidentifiable substance and Perry could make out Oxygen vents above and behind her, heightening the O2 content of the room on the other side of the glass.

“Whaddya need?” She asked, her eyebrow twitching as she took in Perry’s ragtag group.

Perfora stepped forward. “We’ve got three visitors to Australia and their kids.”

In the blink of an eye, she flickered across the room and grabbed four sheets of paper, filling them out with a specialized pen designed not to catch fire or tear the paper.

Perry had never thought of it, but a Speedster in the DMV would be wildly popular for everyone…except for the Speedster working in the DMV.

“Name?”

“Paradox Zauberer.” Perry said.

A brow twitched, but she filled out all their info in a matter of seconds.

“Purpose for your visit?”

“Ecological,” Perry said.

“That’s not a category,” She said.

“There’s an invasive species wreaking havoc across the American continent, and I’m looking for a venom or species that can be leveraged to exterminate it.”

“I’ll put you down for business.” She said.

“Duration of your stay?”

“Two weeks, give or take.”

She made a note.

“Powers to declare?”

Perry glanced at Perfora, who nodded.

“You guys first.” Perry said, motioning to Heather and Annette.

“Empathic sensitivity and projection.” Annette said.

“Polymorphism, ghost summoning, and intangibility.” Heather said.

Zip!The pen blurred as she wrote it down before switching to Perry’s page.

“And you?”

Perry leveraged his inhuman Body and Nerve.

“Superspeed, super strength, super intelligence, Mage, Tinker, Dimensional vision, material manipulation…” Perry went on for a while, diving into the different spells that might typically be considered their own unique powers, such as healing and life-draining, reality warping, soul-altering, concept storing, DNA manipulation…etc.

Ziiiiiiiiip

The lady didn’t miss a beat, but her expression looked a bit incredulous.

“You an Outback hunter where you’re from?” she asked.

“Basically.” Perry said with a shrug.

Her eyes narrowed a moment before flicking her pen at his face at supersonic speeds.

Perry caught it and handed it back.

“Alright then, welcome to Australia, Mr. Zaburor.”

“Zauberer.” Perry said.

“That’s what I said. Anyway, if you’re not lying, you’re gonna want to visit The Lodge, It’s two blocks that way. I’ll have your Visitor Passes done before you get there.” She said, pointing down the street.

“Thank you very much.”

The speedster waved him off with a grunt and dashed into the back room, which began humming with activity.

They headed back outside and true to her word, the haggard speedster pressed a laminated pass into each of their hands before they got a full block away.

“Hah, she spelled your name wrong.” Heather said.

“And you know how to spell my name correctly. You just played yourself.” Perry said as he tucked the pass into his pocket.

“That was Terminal Velocity…” Perfora said with a somewhat worshipful voice.

“Eh?” Perry asked a moment before he realized that two heroes on opposite side of the world might have the same super name.

“She was an Outback Hunter before she retired. Cumulative damage, you know. Just couldn’t move like she used to.” Mend said.

To Perry’s understanding, Outback Hunters were somewhere in the range of Sweeper – Anchor, by Franklin city’s standard. Which meant that she’d been veryfast in her prime.

A minute later, they stood in front of The Lodge.

It was a squat building made of reinforced concrete, decoratively painted to look like a log construction.

Perry expected another bureaucratic hall, filled with silent lines of people waiting for the government to address their issues. He was not expecting what he got, which was basically a rowdy restaurant.

“BAHAHAHAH!” a man at a table laughed uproariously, sloshing a beer in an oversized mug while colorful characters of every shape and size sat around him.

He had a really bad sunburn that cut off in the shape of a wide-brim hat around his shoulders. He had thinning, matted hair and a decent amount of muscle.

There were no less than half a dozen other tables, each of which were filled with supers talking animatedly.

In the back of the room were some fifteen young men and women (and spiders) hustling back and forth amongst each other behind a bar. They seemed to be desperately handling logistics on one side of the room, or desperately serving beers and food on the other side. There was a digital map of Australia in the background, with a big crater in it that Perry’s map didn’t have.

The interns seemed to consult the map and rush back and forth, taking orders from some tables and delivering orders to others.

Barely managed chaos.

Perry had enough time to differentiate the waiters from the logisticians by their badges before the room went silent.

Everyone was staring at him and Heather.

“COOL!” Sera said, rushing into the room and greeting a nearby man made of living vines. He accepted her interest with bemused gratitude.

“Wooow,” Perfora breathed into the temporary quiet.

“Eh?”

“I’ve never seen it this slow in here.” Perfora said.

Perry glanced around at Mend and Slick.

“It’s ‘cuz all the really nasty bugs are going into hibernation in the south,” Slick said with a shrug. “You got lucky.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky. Generally speaking.” Perry said, eyeing the swirling dimensional energies in the room. This was a cauldron of Fate, where little problems went to get big, and visa versa.

Lets hope we can swing it in the right direction.

“Hey, Perfora, weren’t you in America?” the sunburned guy asked with a confused expression. “And who’s that with you?”

“L.A. got too dangerous to stay.” Perfora said, blushing furiously. The hush resettled over the room.

“Wasn’t that supposed to be a vacation?” one of the supers asked aloud.

“We’ve got a magical mimic capable of impersonating people and inanimate objects spreading across the American continent at an incredible pace. One of your sapient spiders was able to detect their presence to a high degree. I’d like to commission an Outback Hunter to take me and my wife up north to collect some samples of venomous creatures, as well as any that might have extrasensory perception that could be useful for their detection purposes.” Perry said.

He was thinking of doing something along the lines of the ‘bomb detecting bees’. If he could find a germline of creatures that could reliably detect mimics with a high enough success rate, he could modify a new living creature out of their DNA and place them inside a device, similar to how Terry’s brain-cell microchips worked.

“Translation?” The sunburned man asked, turning his gaze back to Perfora.

“He wants to go up north and grab some biters.” Perfora said.

“BAHAHAHAH!”

The whole lodge burst into laughter, even the spiders signing their amusement.

Perry waited.

“…Seriously?”

“Yes. Seriously.” Perry said.

The sunburned fellow shrugged. “Well, none of my business how you wanna die. Talk to the kids in the back there.”

Perry repeated his request to the kids behind the desk, and while they didn’t contradict him, they didn’t look confident that any of their Outback Hunters would want to take it on.

In the time they spent waiting, Perry saw his job offer get passed around to the different tables, who generally turned it down, until the sunburned man and his crew of four other supers received it. The man downed the rest of the drink and grabbed the paper, the rest of his crew standing with him.

They approached Perry, taking a chevron formation behind their leader.

“You sure about this?” he asked, gesturing with the crumpled up piece of paper.

“Yes.”

“Well, me and my team are in our slow season right now, so we needed something to do. You good for this?” He asked, gesturing to the offer of Tinkered equipment that Perry had added to sweeten the deal.

“Of course. I’m a Tinker.” Perry said.

“You think you could make a hat that won’t catch fire if I move at the speed of Love?” he asked.

“I could make a hat that could pass through the core of the Earth.” Perry said.

“Alright, legend, you got yourself a deal,” he said, offering his hand.

Perry took it.

“My name’s Australia Man.” He said, squeezing a bit harder.

“Seriously?” Perry asked, squeezing back.

In retrospect, probably a bad idea.

CRACK!

“You’re a tough one, kid. I expected a Tinker to be a lot less durable.” Australia man said while Perry shook his metacarpals back into place.

Paradox’s Seraphine Ouchie Corrector.exe

In the space of a breath, Perry’s hand was back to normal.

Australia Man’s eyebrow rose, but he didn’t say anything more on the subject.

“This is Backdraft, Dust, Natura, and Bob.” He said, pointing to his four companions, who Perry shook hands with. None quite as hard as the first time.

“Why don’t you come take a seat and tell us more about what you’re trying to do?”

Perry sat them down and explained the situation in more detail about what was going on and why he thought he might find a solution in Australia.

“Pretty thin logic, there.” Bob pointed out Perry’s reasoning. “You sure it wasn’t just Ryan that had the spider-sense?”

“Won’t you need a sample of this mimic to work with?” Natura asked.

“Plus, there’s no way I’m letting you bring it into Australia. On principle.” Australia man said.

Perry tapped his fingers on the table, glad to finally be getting down to the nitty gritty.

“I can arrange transportation for all the samples to a neutral third location, where we don’t have to worry about invasives getting loose. Does that sound doable?” Perry asked.

“…Alright. let’s head out. Our gear and our plane is at the airport. We’ll meet your team there.” Australia Man said, motioning for the rest of his team to follow.

The five of them gathered near the entrance, discussing the minutia of their trip before leaving.

“Oh. My. God.” Perfora said, approaching from behind. “That was Australia Man. Australia Man is going to be with you. For two WEEKS!”

“And?” Perry asked.

“I mean. He – you know – He’s Australia Man!” Perfora said, her voice raising in pitch, seemingly giddy as teen girl with her first crush.

The sudden change in tone from the previously stoic leader of the diplomatic team was staggering, throwing Perry off for several seconds.

“…I assume he’s somewhat famous?” Perry asked. “Pretend I’m not from around here.”

This was also a mistake, as Perfora proceeded to explode on them with super-facts like it was trivia night at a bar. Not unlike what Perry would expect from a young woman who’d grown up idolizing Solaris, actually.

From the frankly outrageous tales of his exploits, Perry gleaned some pertinent information.

Australia Man seemed to fuel himself through hyperbole and national pride, and as long as he was beloved by his nation, he was unbeatable. Doubly so on his native soil.

He’d been a nobody fifty years ago, a skinny teen running around in a ski-mask and jeans, nearly getting killed over and over again, but the more famous he got, the bigger his fights got, and the bigger his muscles got. Somewhere in there, his body stopped aging, instead morphing and crystalizing into an idealized version of ‘Australia Man’.

To Perry’s eyes, he was probably a Wildcard who had reached the top of their game, rivalling Omni class supers like Solaris and Professor Replica.

Interesting thought. There were a million different paths to Omni-class, it seemed. Even being well-liked enough.

“Heather, can you follow them to the airport? I have to grab some samples.”

“Sure,” Heather nodded.

“Annette, find a nice place for the twins to play, take them out to eat, and meet us here around midnight.”

“You realize they’re probably going to pass out as soon as you leave?” Annette asked.

“Hotel, then,” Perry said before pausing. “Does the eternal Empire have a currency exchange in Bendigo?” Perry had some for his occasional visits to L.A.

Perfora shook her head.

“Is gold still valuable here?” Perry asked.

“You could probably get enough for a room at a hotel if you pawned it.” Perfora said.

Gretchen’s Idyllic Manifestation.exe

A heavy lump of gold settled in Perry’s hand and he tossed it to Annette in front of Perfora’s bulging gaze.

“There you go, don’t spend it all in one place. I’ll be right back.”

Portal.exe

***

Casey Jenkins screamed as her boyfriend split open, his chest unzipping to reveal a slavering maw with a tongue that slithered through the air, seeking her out.

“I’m sorry, Casey,” Ken’s head said, tears rolling down his cheeks as his head folded back.

Casey shrieked, blocking out the vision with her forearms, her pulse pounding in her ears. Every cell in her body told her to run, to fight, but she couldn’t muster the courage to do…anything.

“Umm..this is weird.”

Casey peeked from behind her forearms and spotted the tongue inches away from her face. She yelped and flinched backwards before realizing that it wasn’t mosing forward. in fact is seemed to be pressed up against a flat invisible surface. Like it’d struck a window.

More tendrils shot out from Ken in every direction, but they struck an invisible box that seemed to be closing around him.

In a matter of seconds, the monster that had been Ken was compressed down to a three-foot cube, thrashing against the solid wall of air compressing him.

When Casey thought Ken was going to be crushed to death, she spotted a shimmering field in midair.

The invisible box containing her monster-boyfriend floated through the shimmering light and disappeared.

Casey let out an involuntary yelp as a head popped through the shimmering light. It was…Paradox?

“Sorry for your loss,” The famous super’s head said, an instant before disappearing back through the shimmering veil.

“What…was that?” Casey muttered, her entire body numbed by shock.