Poly in Pop Culture: Netflix's "Insatiable" (Patreon)

The following contains spoilers for Netflix's series Insatiable, season one.
_____

So, Insatiable is a deeply weird show. It's a Mean-Girls-esque high school dramedy about a beauty pageant, but also with exorcisms, vampires and a murder mystery...? Still, they manage to tackle non-monogamy in there, so let's look at that!

Quick overview of the characters:
    Bob A. (Dallas Roberts) is a pastor, married to Coralee (Alyssa Milano).
    Bob B. (Chris Gorham) is the frenemy-turned-lover of Bob A.
    That's actually all you really need to know.

     And yeah, the writers got cute with A / B / C names for them.

The poly thread starts when both Bobs kiss. Such an invigorating and satisfying moment, especially since A is a closeted pastor... It's also a nice detail that A's toupee falls off here, as he reveals his more honest self. 

But, they're lying to Coralee. It's an unethical affair, hidden from everyone in their lives. They craft elaborate lies to cover their tracks. A's marriage starts to fall apart, because that's what secrets do. It's a great reminder that cheating is never the easiest path. 

Writers hint at a threesome early on. This three-way champagne toast is a little on the nose, with A getting so nervous that he drops his glass. The tension doesn't last long, though.

A is publicly outed by the show's protagonist (a girl whose storyline I will happily skip). Coralee, understandably heartbroken, takes off. Many shows would stop the thread right there, lazily conflating polyamory with cheating. But Insatiable is not like other shows.

Coralee sees their love for what it is. During mediation, where the Bobs are supposed to end the affair, their goodbye kiss is so moving that Coralee changes her mind. 

Even though she's still hurt, she doesn't want to deprive them of each other. It's a touching way to show how jealousy and compersion aren't mutually exclusive.

Coralee wants in. Turned on by seeing B with her husband, she pulls a 180 and hops in the middle. All this happens in just one scene, though, which feels forced. I don't know anyone who could go from betrayal to threesome in under 10 minutes.

"What do we tell the kids?" Oh yeah, all of them have teenage kids. I absolutely love that they address this question. 

Newcomers to poly often struggle to explain the dynamic to themselves, let alone to their kids. For A / B / C, it's still not resolved, and that's also realistic. Life is messy, and radical adjustments take time.

Their throuple is not just about sex. THANK THE TV GODS. These writers are surprising me with a nuanced approach to emotional intimacy. Everyone feels raw, scared, thrilled, unstable. All of that happens simultaneously, and they have no idea what to do about it. They don't always handle it in a respectful way, but it's still an honest depiction of what can happen IRL. 

Their poly styles are incompatible. B wants hierarchy, but A and C want an egalitarian triad. It's a depressingly common scenario. Even when you've found a partner with great romantic and sexual chemistry, they still might want different things. 

Bob A. is forced to choose, not because one partner is monogamous, but because one is hierarchical. My heart breaks for all of them in this scene, and at the same time, it's SO nice to see myself represented. Being egalitarian myself, I've ended many a relationship because they wanted hierarchy. It sucks.

Side note (and something you won't hear me say often), I wish they talked more about religion. The first half of the season shows sexually repressed Bob-the-pastor. Then the writers just abandon that. It feels like a missed opportunity to explore how religious guilt still haunts many polyamorous people.
_____

TLDR: I give Insatiable a C+ for their portrayal of ethical non-monogamy. They start with deception and cheating, so for a few episodes I side-eye them real hard. But, once they become a throuple, everyone is pretty honest with each other, even and especially about hard topics. 

The end is more melodramatic than necessary, but overall I do appreciate what Insatiable achieves here. They really drive home how fulfilling, and fraught with anxiety, consensual polyamory can be.