TGIF: The Empty Room (Patreon)

Hello and happy Friday, patrons! I hope you’re all doing okay this week. I just got back from getting my eyebrows touched up for the first time post treatment, so I’m currently sitting on my couch looking like Bert and Ernie’s step sister. Cute! But for real, they’re gonna look cUtE in a few days. And it was really nice to see the same woman that did them before treatment and be like “hiiiii I’m back, I did it! Now my eyebrow hairs are back can you help me?” She was incredibly sweet and said she prayed for me after I left last time and I damn near started bawling in her purple painted beauty room.

It was also wild to be in the same chair seven months later and remember how I felt seven months ago. I remember I was so nervous. I was nervous to get my eyebrows microbladed for the first time, but MOREOVER to explain that I had breast cancer and to make sure that if I did explain it (I thought about avoiding it all together) that I seemed strong and solid and positive and okay. I didn’t want to make things more awkward and I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Classic Helbig move. And she couldn’t have been sweeter about it, just like this time.

And this time I could feel the same initial nervousness when I first got there, but then I was actually able to relax. So much so that I relinquished the need to try and fill any empty space with small talk, which has always been my silent anxiety task in one-on-one settings like this. I truly didn’t mind sitting in silence while she did her work (meticulously, I might add). That’s a huge step for me. Somewhere throughout the treatment process I remember feeling a shift of releasing the pressure and responsibility to fill empty space with noise during appointments. And, though it’s not always perfectly comfortable, it’s been a nice shift.

Earlier this week I was having another classic Helbig head spiral about my world opening up again and feeling completely overwhelmed by the onslaught of possibilities and self induced pressure. The tension of wanting to do EVERYTHING and also sit in my house and do NOTHING. As you can see from last week’s post these spirals happen every few days, lol. Which, honestly, seems totally healthy and normal given the mayhem of the last year. But, in response to this week’s spiral, I whipped out my trusty The Wild Unknown Archetype Deck and pulled a card. I just needed something to get me out of my head. I pulled The Empty Room.

You, motherfucker, I said to the deck in the head, you got me again.

It stars with "The Empty Room haunts us all."

Well, shit. Here we go. 

It's about how we might try to fill uncomfortable empty spaces with "something, anything" which inevitably leaves us wanting more and feeling less. This card is a cry for patience. If we're patient and able to sit in the discomfort, we may be able to see that the empty room is actually full of potential, power, and knowledge. "If you can settle into the magic of emptiness, you will soon hear its whispers of wisdom."

Okay, two things. 

First of all, "the magic of emptiness" would have been a great name for our reality TV pod. And secondly, this card is EXACTLY what I needed to hear/see this week. Like, damn. That's it. Chill, Helbig. Sit in the empty space. You don't need to figure everything out right now. You don't need to fill up all of your time and energy just because you have some newfound time and energy. Be present in this empty moment. Savor this silence. 

I've talked a lot about wanting to be more present and trying to be more present. And truly I think I've made progress over the year. But this is another gentle reminder. In Rick Rubin's "The Creative Act" he talks about how important it is to be present and attuned to your experience and the world around you. About making yourself open to signs/symbols/clues/wisdom/guidance/answers/inspiration from the universe or "the Source" to guide your work and your creativity. Which really resonated with me as I've felt some clutter starting to creep back into my brain (i.e. last week's post) and I want to continue to keep my side of the street clean. I think decluttering the brain of it's old, unhelpful loops creates more room to be present. To be able to sit in that new, empty space. To sit "within the barren walls of not knowing." To "await true vision and purpose before attaching to what we 'should' do next to save our outward appearance." Sheesh. This (bull)shit is so woo woo. AND I LOVE IT. Nom nom nom, eat it right up. 

After I sat with The Empty Room card for a second I felt a permission to just be present in the emptiness for now. To really trust that, that's okay. And it's been nice to continue to come back to that. Even in small moments, like when a woman is scraping a needle through my eyebrows and I feel the pang of wondering if asking the dumbass question of HOW SHE HANDLED THE RAIN IN LA *gags* is even worth it. It's not. Just sit in the silence. You'll find it's actually really nice. 

So for anyone else struggling with a sense of lack, or a stress of wanting, I hope this empty room idea maybe connects with you. That there's wisdom to be found if you can settle into the discomfort you're trying to avoid. Or some bullshit like that. Anyway, that was a fun little playful thing the universe did this week over in the land of Helbig and I wanted to share. Now, me and my big ol brows are gonna eat some sushi, drink a weed bev, and settle into the empty corner of the couch for the night. TGIF, indeed. Have great weekends everybody and thanks, as always, for being here. 💚G