TGIF: A Slightly Scattered Big Kid (Patreon)

Hello and happy Friday, patrons! How is everyone doing? I hope you're doing well and if you're not doing well I hope you're embracing being unwell and letting it wash all over you until the un is gone and the well remains. This is likely to be a bit of a scattered post today because, well, I feel scattered. I love the word scattered. It sounds like you dropped a bunch of sharp letters onto the floor and they fainted in different directions. How fun.

Speaking of scattered, I was just in line for self checkout at Target trying to hold too many things in my arms because I refused to get a basket and I dropped my phone and an older female employee came over and asked if I needed a basket and I said "no thank you I'm fine" and then immediately dropped the nasal spray I was balancing on a plastic container of cantaloup. She said "are you sure?" and I said "yes I'm fine" and then a register opened and I practically sprinted at it and did self check out SO FAST as if to over prove to this kind woman (who was no longer paying attention) that I, too, was a capable adult woman. Look at me fucking go I grunted in my head as I swiped my adult lunchable back and forth and back and forth and back and forth until the scanner read the barcode and I threw it into the bag like a 'roided out American Gladiator playing powerball. I had five items in total. Nasal spray, an adult lunchable, a container of canteloup, a bag of baked Cheddar and Sour Cream chips, and a bottle of gummy Airbornes. If that doesn't paint a picture of a thriving adult woman I don't know what does. Half of the items are just kid things in adult clothing or adult things wearing a kid mask. And that's exactly how I feel most of my waking life. This little shopping list paints the picture of a woman who just got Big'ed. Like the movie, Big. The adult lunchable and the gummy vitamins are desperate signs of an adult child just trying to get by (without a basket!). I acknowledge and embrace that quality about myself. I am, indeed, a big kid. I think most of us are. And I find it very funny that marketing has accepted and promoted that. You don't wanna take your vitamins? We'll turn them into candy! Don't know how to properly give yourself protein in the middle of the day? Here, buy this little plastic square with little meat and little cheese and little crackers all separated for your big little filthy fingers to smash together while you drive home because somehow somewhere someone has LET YOU DRIVE A CAR. How fun.

Anyway, that's how my Friday is going so far. I was up in LA this morning for a quick doctor's appointment and then drove back down to Palm Springs while they continue to work on our kitchen. And, you guys, the kitchen looks AMAZING. We finally got the green cabinets installed and they are stuuuuunning. I walked in the door last night and almost cried they're so pretty. I kept telling Elliott they look so mature. They look classy and sophisticated but playful and fun. All the adjectives. They made me so happy to look at I sat on the couch and just stared at them for a while. I can't wait to show you. And on a symbolic level, because we all know I love me some symbolism, they represent this renewal of the domestic hearth energy for me. It's like a rebirth of the central point of the home, which feels so grounding and exciting. I fucking love fresh starts, and I often get so caught up in the ideas of things versus the actual execution of those ideas that it's rare to see one come to fruition. So, this seemingly basic endeavor of getting new cabinets is actually an amazing accomplishment for me. And knowing I'll likely be spending more time at home over the next year (not like I don't already 🙃) it's so comforting to know this big kid gets to fuck around in a newly matured kitchen playplace. There's something about how the kitchen represents food and sustenance and how that connects to the overall body and health that's got my mental health overflowing with possibilities. I get horny for the potential of living a nourished, well balanced life blossoming from the foundation of a beautiful and functional kitchen. And those are the kinds of thoughts that remind me I am actually an adult and not a kid anymore. I'm all horned up for the idea of making some afternoon tea (because we can't have caffeine too late in the day now!) in pretty kitchen. That's some adult shit. Also I did a little kitchen shopping during Amazon Prime day so I'm all giddy to restock the place with some updated treasures that promise to make my life better both functionally and aesthetically. I really do get so hypnotized by lifestyle content creators constantly boasting and posting about all the new knickknacks and gadgets and gorgeous fuckery they buy that makes their lives so seemingly pleasing and effortlessly manageable. How do they do it? The pristine polish they have on the curated lens into their lives is intoxicating. I type this as baked Ruffles crumbs get crushed in between the keys of the laptop. How fun.

All that said, if you guys have any kitchen shit you swear by or that pleases you to an aesthetically exciting degree, let me know!

But for now we're back down in Palm Springs and it's currently 114 degrees outside. What the WHAT. What do you even do in weather like this but sloth around inside? That's it. The other day we actually ventured out to the movies to see the new Mission Impossible movie and here's my review: it had too much action. I said it. TOO MUCH action. I thought I was going to have a heart attack halfway through there was so much god damn action. I wore my Comfy to the movie theater and had my whole body curled up inside of it because I needed to calm my damn heart rate down. I get it, Tom, you love your big little stunts with your cars and your trains and your motorcycles and your parachutes but DAMN. Let me breathe. I know you're doing your own stunts WE CAN SEE IT. The camera stays on your face to make sure we know it's you doing your stunts. And I wanna be mad about it but I gotta say it was stupidly impressive. The whole movie was good and stupid and fun. It was an ACTION movie. It was like a parody of itself the action scenes went on for what seemed like hours. I was crying laughing by the time they got to the end with this whole train sequence. I won't spoil anything but HOLY SHIT THE TRAIN SEQUENCE NEVER ENDS. And when you think it's done IT'S NOT. Anyway, we saw that movie two days ago and I still feel tired. So we'll be having an elegant night of lazy nonsense this evening. How fun.

Straight up slothing. Slothing and lounging and melting into the furniture with little breaks to wander around the kitchen foraging for food and other treats until the cozy catacomb of what I call the 'womb room' down the hall screams its siren's song for us to retire this day away and flop our bodies onto the bed, piling the blankets onto our selves and metaphorically tearing 'July 14th' off the daily cosmic calendar, throwing it in the infinite celestial dumpster never to be experienced again. Shit like that. What do you guys have planned for tonight/the weekend? Anything fun? I'm about to go get a little high and see if Elliott wants to watch the newest episode of Alone. And when I say get a little high, I truly mean a little high. One fun thing I learned this week is that if I get too high I start to freak out about the port in my arm. lol. A couple nights ago I had finally taken the bandage off of my port to let it breathe and finish healing and then I got high and started to panic about the little nano pet buried under my arm skin. It's all okay, it just cracks me up that I truly am such a wuss about body stuff. I hate needles and blood and any sort of mutilation of the body so it's taking me a second to get used to this (other) lil lump under my skin. Elliott kept having to look me in the eyes and say "it looks really normal" over and over for me to calm down. Hahaha. But each day it's getting better and I'm getting used to it because I'm a CAPABLE, ALBEIT SCATTERED, ADULT WOMAN. Okay, I'm gonna wrap this thing up! I hope you have great weekends! And thanks, as always, for being here! 💚G