TGIF: A Trip Down Vidcon Memory Lane (Patreon)

Hello and happy Friday, Patrons! How is everyone doing on this day in space and time? I hope you’re doing as well as you can and if you don’t feel great today I’m hoping you’re gracefully letting yourself feel like shit. As we all probably know by now, because I’m constantly inserting this sentiment into these posts, turns out it’s best to feel all of our feelings without denying the harder, less fun ones. I’ve been working on being an equal opportunity feelings machine. A bit of an oxymoron, I know. Side note: Oxymoron is an INCREDIBLE name for a drag queen/king. If no one claims it I call dibs. Please welcome to the stage, Oxy Moron…she’s an absolutely elegant mess, a brilliant idiot, an overall dreamy nightmare.

Speaking of feeling all the feelings, I saw that it’s Vidcon weekend. Wow, what a marker that time is different than it used to be. For a few years there, Vidcon was THE THING. THE premiere weekend extravaganza where all of your nerdy, internety hopes and dreams could run wild in a little bubble in Anaheim, CA that felt like it’s own Marvel universe. Did any of you attend a Vidcon? Maybe some of you are there right now. I hear it’s a TikTok takeover of the former Youtube wonderland it once was. I think the last Vidcon I went to was about 4 or 5 years ago. Mamrie and I went for half a day, I remember we did a meet n greet together and then we met a pig (an actual pig) in front of the hotel, and then left to go to Gigi Gorgeous’ wedding weekend. I remember taking a picture with that pig as valet brought our car around and thinking yeah, this is a good way to go out.

We drove away and I had a sort of knowing that, that was the last Vidcon I’d attend. The landscape of content creation was evolving and my burnout was quietly taking me over. I felt almost like a tired adult at a loud kid's party. Maybe time to call it.

But a few years earlier, daaaamn, those were the golden years. I know I sound like a cringey old fart saying that, but those early Vidcons were some of the most fun weekends of my life. I remember in 2010ish my college roommate, Michelle, who was now my post grad Brooklyn roommate, agreed to go along with this crazy idea I had to fly ourselves out to LA to attend Vidcon. I had watched videos of keynote speakers and vlogs from the convention the previous year and realized, like Ariel, I wanna be where the people are. We had been making content under our channel GraceNMichelle, but were on an island by ourselves being creators in New York. Everyone was in LA. And everyone who wasn't in LA was going to be at VIDCON. So we bought plane tickets and booked a room to share in a shitty hotel in Koreatown. Vidcon was being held at a hotel in LA, it hadn't gotten big enough to move to Anaheim yet. And in our NYC brains Koreatown was a quick walk to the Vidcon hotel in Century City. Except when we got here we quickly learned it WAS NOT a close walk to the Vidcon hotel. It was about a $75 cab ride one way. Uber wasn't a thing yet. So we packed up all of our stuff for the day and took a cab to the Vidcon hotel and basically camped out in the lobby all day long.

I don't remember ever going to a panel or a keynote or anything convention-y (I have a vague memory that we didn't have enough money for another convention pass). I remember settling into a little nook in the lobby and meeting different creators as they passed through, fangirl whispering over seeing people like iJustine walk by, and then drinking amongst whoever found themselves in the hotel lobby bar at night. The lobby bar became the place for star sightings like Hannah Hart and Harley Morenstein. And I didn't even talk to them! I was too shy and nervous! Who was I among these internet giants? So I just drank my little rum and diet cokes and hoped maybe they'd talk to me. But that didn't happen. lol. These pictures are pulled from my FACEBOOK. That's how ancient this history is.

The whole experience was a dream. It was the first time I was in a space with other like minded creators. There was a passionate joy that washed over everyone. Creators were so excited to just to meet each other and talk for hours about this nerdy, undefined "thing" we were all trying to do in our own unique ways. I was part of an improv community in NYC at the time, but this community felt different. In my experience with a comedy community, even though there was an inherent foundation of support, there was still an underlining feeling of competition and a constant performative aspect. Everyone was doing bits all the time, or workshopping material, or trying hard to be the most interesting (which often meant loudest). It was difficult to have normal conversations. That gets exhausting. But with internet kids in 2010, everyone seemed authentically themselves. And it ran the gamut from people who liked comedy, to people who liked science, to people who liked to play with makeup, to people who liked to dance in Apple stores, to people that just liked to show their everyday lives. People were simply doing what they liked to do without pretense and without trying to push the person next to them out of the way. At that point in time, there was space for everyone in the growing Youtube community and anyone who was curious was welcome. How fucking refreshing.

The following year the event was moved down to Anaheim and I was officially invited as a creator. I couldn't believe it. I was offered a hotel room IN the actual Vidcon hotel. Holy shit. I remember checking in and finding out that the Green brother's had given me one of the big rooms at the end of the hallway and I almost cried when I opened the door. I couldn't believe I was actually part of this community that I loved. The weeks leading up to that weekend I spent trying to put together the "coolest" outfits I could find from Forever21. This was my Cannes' Film Festival weekend after all. I put together an outfit I felt was effortlessly unique (read: overworked and confusing) and I did what I knew to do at a Vidcon. I went down to the lobby bar and had some drinks. And boy did I have some drinks. First, I had some whiskey in my room that a couple friends brought over before heading down. I have a vague but specific memory of Olga Kay hugging me as I got off the escalator saying "girl, you smell like whiskey". I was offended, but she was right. That's the moment I learned that whiskey had a lingering scent, and that lesson has stuck with me to this day. Thank you, Olga. "I probably do" I said and floated over to the bar. Drinks and merriment were flowing. Creators were pouring in and it was a fucking party. Creators I now knew, creators I hadn't met yet, and creators I had always wanted to meet. I remember the bar was in the middle of the open lobby, it was one of the first things you came across when you walked into the hotel. But even in a giant open space like a lobby, it got crowded real quick. And that's when you could feel that this year was different than last year.

The next day I woke up with a hangover, but nothing I hadn't gotten over before. It was like waking up after a long night of drinks after a comedy show. I knew how to do this. The only difference was this time I also woke up with a bunch of drunk pictures of myself with fans of all ages down at the lobby bar. I'm talking druuuuunk pics. The kind of red faced, sweaty, eyes half shut, mouth half open, in the middle of yelling something "important" drunk pics. Leaning on a bright eyed, bushy tailed 18 year old who looks like they were politely trying to get their newly divorced drunk aunt into a cab. Oof. Fortunately those pictures are nowhere to be found on my Facebook, I'm pretty sure I untagged every possible bit of proof that I let my excitement get the best of me that night. I'm almost certain my friend had to put me in an elevator because I was enjoying the drunken photoshoot a little too much. Double oof. I was double drunk that night. Intoxicated by the general excitement of the weekend, and wasted on a combo of whiskey and whatever else anyone wanted to buy me. I got too excited about this mystical, magical, absolutely surreal weekend too quickly. That embarrassment was worse than the hangover. On a positive note, that night I learned to use mouth wash after shooting whiskey and not to get eagerly hammered at the lobby bar of a convention before it's even begun. I hope you're taking notes, kids.

But the rest of the convention was a (consistently hungover) dream. I met SO many incredible people, had SO many exciting conversations, and had continued drunk revelry in slightly more private spaces. Win win win. I left with a sense of excited belonging and inspired calling. The next few years of internet growth made each annual convention more thrilling to attend. The pre-convention prep of picking out 'fits' and prepping lewks got more and more exciting. I remember one year I brought clothes from Rent-the-Runway and I thought, holy shit look at this professional bitch up in here. Meanwhile I'm still helping Mamrie glue on her false lashes in our bathroom while wearing eyeliner from the night before. The lineup of meet n greets, panels, and miscellaneous events became more and more trickster fun. Our Holy Trinity panels each year filled me with so much unbridled joy, I think I drank myself stupid afterwards just to numb the overwhelming GLEE I felt and didn't know how to process. And the nighttime shenanigans became almost parodies of themselves as companies began throwing lavish parties and outrageous celebrations all attended by hoards of internet kids parading as professionals. People got into some hilarious and ridiculous shenanigans. But somehow it all felt normal within the safety net of this Internet convention. The weekends themselves, to me, felt like personifications of the intoxicating (literally and metaphorically) paradox of Youtube itself at the time...silly and serious, a concentrated amount of something for everyone, an exciting space for unexpected connection and surprising expression. It was a meme of an event. An oxymoronic ecosystem of parody and professionalism. A place in which creators and audiences were fueled by their shared passions and inspired by uniquely advocating for their own sense of self. To me, it was such a beautiful mess.

Elliott and I were talking the other night about how distant those memories are and how much things feel like they've changed. And it's true. Those are memories. And things have changed. But I can't be mad at that. I guess I feel a little sad that those raw, joy-filled weekends couldn't last forever. But I'm also so thankful I got to be a (slightly drunk) part of them. Those early Vidcons are so pure and precious to me, even with all of their insanity and exhaustion. In a lot of ways they helped carve the course of my young professional life and I'll always cherish that. They were also abso-fucking-lutely outrageous and my burned out brain can't remember half of the debaucherous fun that was had. I'll cherish those blank spots too.

Well it's about time I wrap this sappy puppy up. We really got our steps in with this walk down memory lane. How unexpected and sweet. Thanks for taking this trip with me. And if you ever went to a Vidcon, let me know your experience. I bet we probably took a tipsy picture together. Enjoy your weekends, y'all! And thanks, as always, for being here! 💚G