TGIF: Well That Didn't Go As Planned (Patreon)

Well, well, well, Patrons, I have had quite a day today. Lemme tell you. I currently write this post back at my desk in LA, however, I started this post earlier this morning while mid-air on a flight to Denver to visit friends for the weekend. Let me share with you what I had started to write about 6 hours ago....

Hello and happy Friday, Patrons! How is everyone doing this week? I’m currently on a flight with Elliott headed to visit a couple friends in Denver for the weekend. I forgot how vulnerable it feels to work openly on something on a flight with the feeling that everyone is looking over your shoulder. But maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’ve conditioned myself to be quietly intrusive to other people’s privacy. 😬 Maybe because my natural resting instinct has been sharpened to observe/listen to people around me for potential podcast material, I assume everyone else must surely be doing the same. Do you exist like that in the world? Hmmm. Maybe it’s a lil of my podcasting conditioning mixed with some general “I’m-out-in-the-world” anxiety. I type this as Elliott openly and shamelessly plays Zelda on his switch directly next to me 🙃. And oh man, the two of us are all elbows on this flight. Sitting next to each other we’re like two praying mantises (mantii?) awkwardly trying to keep their gangly, pointy limbs tucked away with with every tap and swipe.

Do you ever feel like you’re constantly in the way? That’s how my airport experience has been all morning. Going to the bathroom, getting coffee, waiting to board, somehow I felt like I was constantly in everyone’s way, and always a whisper away from knocking shit over. I felt like Godzilla trampling through Tokyo desperate for some bean juice. Did I actually knock anything over? No. (At least not to my mutant dinosaur knowledge) It was a minor distorted perspective that swelled into a thought blister in my head the more attention I gave it.

**record player scraaaaaaaatch**

OKAY NOW HOLD THIS THOUGHT. THERE HAVE BEEN A CHANGE OF PLANS. The pilot just announced that there's an issue with the plane and we're now heading BACK to Los Angeles. 

**slow dissolve to the present moment at my desk**

So, I was in the middle of developing a post where I intended to explore the idea of being a people pleaser and how I've more recently noticed the ways in which that shows up in my everyday life big and small. Hoooooowever, the unstable pressure from a broken door in our plane had a different plan for my day. Te he he. Our flight was already delayed an hour and a half this morning for maintenance, and about halfway into our flight our pilot announced "so, you know that door they were fixing earlier? Well, turns out it's not fixed. So we have to head back to LA." And he said it in such a nonchalant way. I'm talking borderline smug. If it weren't for him essentially saying he's saving our lives I would have been pissed. From what I understand, they were worried that the elevation change in flying over the Rockies was too great a risk for the potentially unstable pressure from the broken door... so rather than chance it, we needed to head back. I mean, how can you argue with that? Yes, we had plans to go to a really cheesy casino outside of Denver with our buds this weekend, but this was a whole different type of high pressure gambling. AMIRIGHT!? BA DUM BUMP. 

Anyways, with the shitty weather growing shittier at LAX the timeline of our already quick trip had been chipped away to the point where it just made more sense to cancel and postpone to a less ~dangerous~ weekend. Talk about the ultimate last minute cancellation of plans for our friends! Cue all the memes!

So now I'm back at my desk in rainy LA. Sipping on a weed drink and trying not to feel bad about the whole situation. Which, ironically, brings me back to my people pleasing exploration! Have you heard of Dr. Nicole LePera, The Holistic Psychologist? She's hugely popular online lately and focuses her psychological practice on the mind/body/soul connection, which is something very relevant to my interest these days. I also really enjoy the way she can break down complex ideas into easily digestible info graphics. I'm about 45 minutes away from finishing the audio version of her book, How To Do The Work, which I def recommend if you're in the market for a nice, easy self helpy/actual psychology read. It focuses on going both inward and into your past to investigate your patterns and help you understand the hows and whys around them and ultimately guide you to a space of healing yourself. It's especially a great read if you're interested in therapy but maybe don't have the means to do it on your own. This book is made for helping you understand you on your own. 

All that said, she posted this carousel about breaking free of people pleasing about a month ago and it really resonated with me. 

(Fawn, she explains, is when we appease others to avoid threats or danger. Some people learn to fawn bc if they didn't they would experience shame or abuse.) This post got me good because so many of these signs are familiar to me. Do you recognize any in yourself? With this flight cancellation I found myself immediately wanting to endlessly apologize to our friends even though I didn't cause the issue (middle slide to the right). So, in a hilarious twist, this post became even more important to revisit today! Her caption is where she gives the guidance on how to break free. I'm just gonna straight up copy and paste for you:

HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM PEOPLE PLEASING:

1. Understand people pleasing is a safety adaption. Something we do to self protect. And something that we can unlearn with practice.

2. Set clear boundaries: practice boundary setting. Boundaries are limits that allow us to teach people what behavior we will and won’t accept.

3. Get comfortable disappointing people: Adults are capable of being disappointed, and we will naturally disappoint people throughout life.

4. Notice your patterns of over-explaining or over-apologizing: This is a habit response that we use to help soothe our guilt. Ironically, it can bring up even more anxiety in ourselves and others.

5. Unlearn self sacrifice as a badge of honor: allowing bad treatment or neglecting ourselves as we meet the needs if others doesn’t make us a good person. In reality, if we don’t meet our own needs, we can’t meet the need of others.

6. Be kind or yourself: people pleasers ironically tend to be very tough in themselves. Creating a healthy relationship with yourself means speaking to yourself in kind ways, honoring that you have good intentions, and knowing it’s ok to *please yourself,* too #selfhealers

All of these are helpful lil reminders, and I hope maybe something in there speaks to you. The thing I'm experiencing more and more as it relates to getting to know yourself and grow yourself, is the necessity of gently noticing and tolerating the discomfort. Getting comfortable being slightly uncomfortable can teach you a fuck load about yourself. At least that's the lesson I'm witnessing as it unfolds around/in me. Like gas. You tolerate some discomfort and before you know it there's a sweet release and new found space. And my work here is done. I compared self growth to farts. Time to wrap it up!

Thanks for letting me explore some of that. I hope there was something in there that might be helpful for you. And I hope you all enjoy your weekends however they unfold! Thanks, as always, for being here! 💚G